losttt
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2003 25 March :: 10.24pm
when you live. you leave nothing but broken hearts.
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see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 24 March :: 11.19pm
time runs through our veins. (it starts and stops and starts and stops again)
thinking corrupts life. im sorry i dont care anymore. but you arent worth it. (this isnt about you). our lives are trench warfare. venturing out now and then to engage in a fight. but in the end we always return to the trenches. afraid of exposure to the outside world. afraid of being hit by anything. the funny thing is. these words will fall on a blank mind. idontknowwhyiwritethese. just a dead letter marked return to sender.
and with my head submerged, everything fell silent. i shuddered because i thought you had left my mind. but i'd never allow that.
1 paid close attention |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 22 March :: 5.46pm
here's something to think about. (blank space)
getthe picture? no one does. it all just a series of repeating cycles. on your death bed you will see what i have long before. it does not matter however. traversing the untimely walls of this world amounts to nothing anyhoo. i'm losing my grip as i trip on anomilies. i'm sick of painting in black and white. i had a crazy dream this afternoon. and i guarentee it is the result of things to come if the course remains unwavering. this trip has taught me something. and that is if someday i have a kid of my own, he will believe in some religion. he will be the typical societal product, rooted in his beliefs and on a set course, so when he dies he can die feeling he has lived for a purpose. yes. he will have a "good" life. he will be my contrast. he will be my purpose. something "good" that i have accomplished. humans are nice beings. and i no longer know what i am talking about. adieu.
1 paid close attention |
see beyond what is
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whenthesunsets
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2003 20 March :: 9.24pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: jimmy eat world
I've just intercepted an untuned station
If you've fooled others, then considered yourself fooled as well. Human nature has become too smart to let instinct come in the way. But I see still some cant hold strong. The temptation and urge takes control.
To take control, you must first find control. Other wise consider yourself a mess.
You have now become your own victim.
2 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 18 March :: 7.29pm
:: Mood: fucking gay
damn this sucks. denver and the area where i am supposed to be got anywhere between 3-8 ft of snow today. worst snow theve ever gotten in one day. and it all had to happen the day i go there. dah. so now im stuck in st louis. we try to leave here tomorrow at 930 but even by then the airport may still be closed. most likely i wont even get to breckenridge til thursday or friday, and friday is the earliest ill be able to ski most likely. fucking worthless. hey guys thanks for calling me like you said you would. it was cool hanging out. fuck this shit goddamn dahh. how fin. <3. do a dance for me.
5 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 17 March :: 11.22am
a singular needle inflicts a prick. needles amassed can inflict fatalites. keep this in mind when passing glances. it is often the overlooked pebble that topples giants.
last day in florida. ill miss all the queers. get all the dunyans out of your systems. i wojnder which word will have replaced dunyan when im back. <3
1 paid close attention |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 11 March :: 8.22pm
we all are just drowing in an empty ocean. rehearsing for a nonexistant play. holding on to a rope of water. somehow i find comfort in nothingness. i bathe in a vat of existentialism, bound to nothing, by nothing. i have grown into a shadow of my former self. floating on a pillar of air. dreaming of how all the lies came to be.
10 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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whenthesunsets
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2003 9 March :: 10.09pm
:: Mood: weird
you wouldn't believe
he was a king 'til she laid waste. now he can not fill up the space. and i just see him drifting while he's drifting. on bourbon alley feeling low. just because she let him go. i don't think he even knows. he'll ever be fine. and he's got a head full of ideas. let me tell ya. that you wouldn't believe. and he's got a heart made of pure gold. and something else so many tricks up his sleeve.
8 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 6 March :: 8.48am
:: Music: fuel- jesus or a gun
{blank}
so tell me know. who's my saving one? jesus or a gunnnnn?
i'm sure on paper, life appeared to be a sound creation. as does everything else. is this temporal existance leading anyone anywhere? or is it just an orgy of chemical reactions here to carry us out to death? who knows.
3 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 2 March :: 12.30pm
life is wearing me down. draining me of energy. depression wears a strange face. last night this dead end sign stuck in my fucking mind. repeating over and over again. everything is a dead end. reality is such a bitch.
2 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 1 March :: 1.29am
the pitter patter of life
why. the fuck. does this life have to be so goddamn inconsequential. so alone. so raging homosexual. a fucking monkey could put on a sean suit and the probability of the switch being noticed is....0/1? idk im not in AP stats.
we need another world war. people are too fucking jaded and oblivious. society needs a reality check.
4 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 24 February :: 9.48pm
life is but a dream. created for your comfort. conformed for your viewing pleasure. life = death. things die. things are created. get used to it.
2 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 19 February :: 10.07pm
release a bird from its cage. good luck to you getting it back. release a man from his prison cell and you can bet he'll give you hell before being subjected to further assrapings. point in tact, freed organisms do not relinquish their freedoms once more with ease. carbon based lifeforms cherish what freedoms they posess with upmost priority; for example, some straight guys would suck cock to avoid prison time. anyways its good to know i have some friends. hopefully i always will. goodnight.
5 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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losttt
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2003 15 February :: 12.10am
here's my updated theory on how my life came to be: one day a bull took a shit. and named it my life. and there it is folks.
typically a storm announces it's forthcoming. i guess i must be deaf. or blind.
i'm at a loss for words. life's in your hands.
2 paid close attention... |
see beyond what is
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