<marquee>Yah...</marquee>

Yah...

:: 2005 10 March :: 10.31am

The Ramblings
I'm so f-ing tired, so supposedly it looks like I'm high. Riiiight. *rolls eyes

Well, no soccer this year. *thumbs down. To many health problems and not enough time. I get to find out those results of that heart monitor today. They wouldn't give the info to my mom, so I'm going to have ta call from work. I didn't work yesterday on the account that I was up at 3:30 a.m., went back to bed at 5:00 and then just stayed home and waited for my mom to arrive from Clare. This whole week is going to be the greatest, I love my mom to pieces. The whole situation has changed us both a lot, mostly for the better. Justin got to come over last night after the basketball game, the poor kid was really upset. I felt bad for him.

Well, the pressure of prom is still on. I have no idea how I'm gonna pull it off. The dress, the hair, the shoes, the nails. Everything just looks so qrim right now. The future does not look bright at all. Well, there may be one or two things.:) Well, it's off ta lunch!

~Amy

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just_peachie

:: 2005 8 March :: 6.30am

Last night...was rough. Probably one of the worst. I just sat there, thinking, and realizing, and stressing.

I'm trying to learn from all of my mistakes, and I'm trying to make up for lost time I so foolishly wasted. I never knew how rapidly a person could unravel when trying to live so much of their life in the past, present, and future all at once. I can feel the effects taking toll on my me, tearing me thought from thought, leaving me more lifeless and helpless than the day before.

Here I stand in wide open spaces, all by myself, needing to run in a hundred directions, but I don't know where to start. I'd need a miracle to pull this off. No one to lean on, no one to ask for help. They just up and abandoned me when I needed them the most. I don't blame my mom so much, she can't help she has a liver disease. But my dad is another story. His faineant disposition; his hipocrisy. The way he pretends to not hear me cry at night. It's all washing down the drain in front of me, but I can't even find a parent long enough to help me catch it.

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just_peachie

:: 2005 4 March :: 10.43am

All I wanna do is just bust out crying. I'm so lost, and I feel so helpless. I'm trying to do everything I can, but it's just not matching up to what I still have to do. I don't want this much responsibility at this age, and I don't know who in their right mind would. Here I am, trying to work as many hours as I can, to get as much money as I can, while still having time to make up 2 and a half credits, do all my cleaning, go through my stuff from Ferris BY MYSELF. I mean honestly...I'm so tired by the end of the night that right when my head hits the pillow, I'm out. I used to have trouble falling asleep at night, but now, I go to bed and I wake up and there's no inbetween. It feels like seconds, not hours. And I'm so lost on where to go with this Ferris thing. I sent in the $150 to go there, and now I have to come up with $200 more for my housing thingy ma jig. Then there's the $100 for the Senior All Nighter, and the other how much it's going to cost for cap and gown. Yeah, thats right, I still haven't ordered that yet because my dad just can't seem to find the time and the money to do it. Which I find quite hillarious; I've seen his savings account. And it's in the 10 thousands. Why can't he invest in my education instead of his video game collection?? WHY AM I STUCK DOING THIS ALL ALONE! Then, we've got prom. I didn't get to go last year, and this is my senior year. All I want to do is be a part of this. I was supposed to get a check for $2,000 this month from my moms disability, but she got denied, and now she's getting an attorney. Great. I just need to know how. I need help.

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just_peachie

:: 2005 23 February :: 7.48pm

So now I guess my dad thinks it's cool to set a time limit of 3 hours (6pm-9pm) that I can use the internet and the phone. Wow. Talk about the most retarted thing ever. Whatever dad. And heaven forbid he actually talk to me. Email is like his default communication. We talk maybe once or twice a day. He's never interested in anything I do, except grades. I think that he thinks he's a good father because he checks PowerSchool twice a day. Ooooh! The only time he ever talks to me is to bitch about grades or to yell at me for something.

Friday morning I have to go to Greenville hospital and get hooked up with a heart monitor thingy and wear it for 24 hours because my heart has been acting weird lately. When I was little I had a heart murmur and I have an irregular heart beat. Ick. Supposedly it's from too much stress. Hmm, go figure right? This has only been the most stressful year ever. Maybe if I wasn't the only one in the house that thought about housework I wouldn't have this problem. Added with school, a job, my moms and my diseases, family problems, and dealing with Cedar Springs, thats one stressful combination.

Whatever, my time is almost up.

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just_peachie

:: 2005 21 February :: 9.27am
:: Mood: Content

Today, me, Josh, and Sam are goin to Fredrick Meijer Gardens to get our extra credit for Art. It should be fun. But then it's off to work, and I'm not really looking forward to that. :(

P.S. I love my Rosie the Riveter. True inspiration!

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just_peachie

:: 2005 19 February :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: hurt, angry, mad, sad...but hopeful and headstrong

EVERYONE SERIOUSLY NEEDS TO READ THIS
It's definitely one of the worst feelings knowing that no matter how hard you try to escape your past and become someone new, your past will always follow you, and be the first thing to step into the lime light, overshaddowing the new and improved you.

And it makes it even worse knowing that there's only a special few that will take the time to look at the person you are now, and the person who you've become. Justin, Jimi, Bruce, and Jenna, thats you. I'm so thankful for the second chance you have given me, and I promise you, this is who I am and will always be, no matter how dark the shaddow of my past wants to drown me out. The sad part is that the darker the shaddow the person see's in me, or someone else who wants/has changed, is only seen darker by the most credulous and most ignorant of people. The people who see for themselves, through their own eyes, and through actually KNOWING the person, are the only ones who should judge that person.

This is where the biggest problem arises: just because you THINK you know me, doesn't mean you do. A good example of this is the rumor going around about me. ANYONE who ACTUALLY KNOWS ME would never EVER believe something like that, or pass the rumor along. Just so we're all clear, I'm actually going to say it: The rumor thats been going on lately, is that I have herpes. Herpes. And the only reason this is believed: because I hung out with Steve Norvell, and supposedly he has it. What the hell!? And yet again, this is another tricky part! Look closely, people! **I was only hanging out with him!** There's the key point! Marisa and Scott were dating, and everyone knows that at the time me and Marisa were best friends, and Scott and Steve were best friends. So now a lot of people sadly believe that just because I was around him, then I have herpes. Well, shit, that must mean that so do Marisa, Scott, and a whole heap of others have herpes too, if thats what you're basing it on, hangin out with the person. Because I know theres a shit load of you ignorant fucks that haven't asked me, and just gossiped and passed the rumor along. I'm sorry if you think that just because I was hanging out with Steve, that that means i did stuff with him, cuz if thats true then there we go with another problem. Contrary to popular belief, I don't just do stuff with guys. As a matter of fact, some of the biggest culprits in this rumor spreading are guys that thought they could just get a piece of ass, and I told them otherwise.

-----So here I am, making my statement of the year: I have changed. I know that I've made some dumb mistakes in the past, everyone does. But I'm telling you, I've learned. I was sick of that life, and along with that, I really had no choice. With the past events of this year, I've had to grow up and get my shit together, just to survive. Living with my dad has made me become not just a student, but a housewife (well daughter), a working person in our society, and still trying to complete myself to the new person I wanted to be. A typical day goes like this for me: I get up and 5:30, get in the shower, do my hair, eat breakfast, get dressed, and make it out of the house by 7:00. The drive from my house to school is 20 minutes on a good day, but when its crappy out, about 35-40. After school, I go strait to work from 2:45 till 5:30-6:00 (that is if everything goes right), come home, pick up the house, start laundry, eat dinner, clean up, start homework around 8 ish, and go to bed at about 10:30-11:00. And on Saturdays when everyone's sleeping in, I get up and do the sweeping, mopping, dusting, cleaning toilets and sinks. I'm not asking for sympathy, or for pity parties. Just for understanding. And a second chance. People change. It's just the way life is. Even though to some of you my past may preceed me, and you have your mind all made up, don't judge me until you truly know me. And if you don't want to take the time to get to know me, just be mature enough to not talk about shit you have no idea about. I don't expect everyone to believe me, or to even like me for that matter. Thats unrealistic.

But something everyone should do, is realize that we've all got choices and we've all got voices, and it's how we use them and what we do with them that truly matters. So next time you hear some juicy gossip or some hot rumor, think first. What if it was you? Do you honestly know this person? What do I accomplish by spreading this rumor? And I hope those who see the shaddow before the figure honestly look at themselves and put themselves in the other's shoes. Think if all you wanted to do was change your past, and start over and do it right, and everyone around you just laughed in your face. How do you think you would feel? I can tell you that I feel hurt, angry, mad, sad...but hopeful and headstrong despite it all. I hope that people can remember a time when they were in desperate need of a second chance, and realize that's where I am standing now. Try. Just try and understand.

----Edit----
Add Liz, Rob, and Sarah to that list!

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just_peachie

:: 2005 7 February :: 9.33pm
:: Mood: elated
:: Music: Daniels Window

SpringHill
All I can say is...Wow. This past weekend was probably one of the greatest and most life changing experiences of my entire life. It was such an awesome thing to look around and see everyone jumping and singing in the name of the Lord. It was like there was this rippling effect of energy and joy that a lot of us were unfamiliar with. It was one of the greatest feelings in the world.

And it was awesome to be experiencing everything with all the people I did. I made new friends and became closer with some.

There's too much to say, and I'm really tired, so maybe I'll write more about it tomorrow.

<3 Amy

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just_peachie

:: 2005 22 January :: 10.30pm

May the Lord watch over you. Rest in peace Adam. We'll all miss you very much.
It's so awful to see such a talented individual, do something like that. It's so saddening, heartbreaking, and makes me want to cry.

What is the world becomming?

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just_peachie

:: 2005 15 January :: 11.54pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Godsmack

Yesterday, the OFFICIAL shittiest day of the semester!
Yes yes yes boys and girls, I stand corrected. It turns out that YESTERDAY was the shittiest day of the semester. And of course, why not?! It was the last day, lets go out with a fuckin BANG! Wooooooooh!

So here is my day as follows:

5:17 Get out of bed-Ok, so thats a given, but hey it was still a pain in my ass.

7:10- Run out to car in a rushed state, try to start said vehicle, and of course, it doesn't start, or roll over for that matter. Hmm..

7:23- I pop the hood and realize that battery cable isn't completely secured. After a few twists I slam the hood and am ready to roll! Or so I thought.

8:00- Arrive at school waaaay late, and walk into attendence office to contact my dad and tell him about my car and how it stalled three times on the way to school. Grr. Please note, I'm very aggrivated at this time.

8:05- Upon contacting my father and giving him the excellent news that, even after he's sunk almost $3500 into that p.o.s. sunfire, there's still problems with it, and Mrs. Wilde begins a really shitty convo with me, that went something like this:
"So is your dad calling in for you?"
"Yah, he said he would right after we hung up. Do I have to wait for him to call for you to give me a pass, or can I just head up now?"
"Well, actually, you can have a seat over there and wait to talk to Mr. A about your pending suspension, while I tell your dad whats going on."
"Wait-what? Suspension? Uhh..What's going on?"
"You have too many unserved detentions, and you are probably going to be suspended."
"Well, maybe if I received notices of these detentions, then I would have served them!"
"Well, you're just going to have to talk to Mr. A."

8:10-I enter Mr. A's office, after which he begins actually being mean to me, which I'm really not used to. Immediately, I start bawling, and try to explain my situation.

8:13- After being sentenced with two lunch time detentions, and writing a paper about "Why it's important to stay in school and come on time", I rush upstairs to first hour to try and start my exam, knowing Stark is going to be furious with me.

8:30-Leave first hour with exam unfinished, plans to come back during third hour and commence.

8:40-9:35- Didn't have to take exam in Spanish because I went and saw Motorcycle Diaries. Yay. Me, Sam, and Kevin went and chilled in Dufty's room and I helped Sischo with his project. About the only time I got to breathe today.

9:35-Art with Dufty, and I explain sitch so I can go finish my exam...

9:40-10:00- Try desperately to find Mr. Stark. Apparently it's his prep hour and he doesn't give a damn if I have to make up my exam.

10:00-10:45-Leave Stark's room yet again with my exam unfinished. Make plans to return 6th hour.

10:50-11:50-Suffer through the last day of listening to Mr. McD ramble on pointless stories that somehow tie into Anatomy. Freeze to death and read book Dufty lent to me.

11:55-12:20- Served lunch detention! Wooo hoo! But not without first going to the attendence office like Mr. A instructed me to, only to find out by the stuffy remarks made by Mrs. Wilde that I was to report to Mrs. Tanis' room. Yay. I then get escorted by Mr. A to her room.

12:25-1:25-Had to fill out this gay ass paper for Mrs. Hansen about how I did in class and blah diddy blah blah and a bunch of b.s. whatever. I'm in accounting. All the questions were for the computer specialist group. The thing made no sense at all. Whatever. Then i hung around with craig, james, katie, ramiro, and joe. The last day of the "Fab Five" (hehe) being together. Sadness. Recieved a detention slip that was dated for it to be served by the 12th...my point exactly. But attatched was a note from the guidance office saying that I had to "report to the guidance center immediately after 5th hour". Yippy fuckin skippy.

1:25-1:35- First I rush to London's room, and give him the low down, and he says it's all cool. Then, I run to the guidance center, to see what the hassel is about. Turns out they never recieved my Official ACT scores, and that Ferris and Olivet cannot process my application unless Mrs. Gust sends them. So, I find out what I have to do to get the scores, and I'm off running to Starks room because I have to finish that damn essay part of the english exam.

1:35-2:10-I finish the test...finally. Back to London's to catch the end of the Simpsons.

2:30-I go to my locker, talk to Tyler, and then press on to my final exam of the day: US History...the one I missed from last year. Gulp.

2:55-I'm out the door and off to work.

3:00-5:30- I punch in and immediately I'm swamped. I'm paying customers, handing over their keys, processing invoices, filling, updating sales records, swiping credit cards, both lines on the phone are ringing off the hook. Complete and total mayhem.

5:30- Run to get some food to eat before me, Ray, and Ron look at my car.

6:00-9:30- Begin tearing car apart to fix side dents. Then attatch new for me but used originally passenger mirror. After which, we fix the idle problem and take for test drive, where Ron finds my other problem: my pan bushing. :) My car, when the brake is applied, likes to pull to the left into oncoming traffic, and the steering likes to go to the right. So, we arrive back at the shop and put the best in the air. Sure enough, the pan bushing is looser than Monica Lewinski. Greeeeeeeeeat. While we were under the car, we also noticed the obvious oil leak. Mind you, I put a BRAND NEW engine into it in march of 2004, and just had it rebuilt yet again, and haven't had the thing back for a week yet. Goody!

9:30-10:00 Drive home. Good news is, it didn't stall and I made it alive...a true accomplishment.

10:45-Needless to say, it was a shittly day and I pass out when I hit the pillow.

That was my day on Friday. Oh wait, I forgot to add the part about where my ex avoids me like I'm the plague. Seriously, I'm soo lost. I'm not bitter at all, it's just that he told me that he wanted to be friends after, and he hasn't said a thing to me since we broke up. Even when we just happened to see eachother in the hallway and we were the only ones out during class...just walks on the other side, like nothing.

Oh yah, and on the way home tonight, my check engine light suddenly appeared, and my traction system wont turn off.

Well it's been great, but I'm sleepy...no more tonight. Sleep now. More later.

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just_peachie

:: 2005 13 January :: 7.42pm
:: Music: Nirvana-Smells like teen spirit

I'm frustrated, drained, stressed, emotional, pissed...the works. the whole kit and caboodle, the whole nine yards.
Bah it's been a shitty day, just to say the least.

I'm really hopin they call school off tomorrow *knocks on wood*

So much stress lately...too much...I'm kinda glad its over, but I miss it all at the same time...the times when we would just sit and talk, and when we would just laugh for hours. Or the times when we would get harassed by the police, "Are you both here on your free will?" :D And I have this feeling that you're ignoring me. Which sucks major butt, because I thought we weren't going to have it be all awkward and such. But if it makes you happy, then i guess I'm happy too.

In other news, Craig is coming to look at my car tomorrow night, and hopefully buying it. But that poses the problem of me not having a vehicle...I still have my moms car down here, but she doesn't want me driving it. No particular reason, just doesn't want me to. She's got another one up north that she's using. And I'm so glad that I was standing there to hear them discussing me driving the Saturn, which is a stick. Yah, sorry, I'm not going to attempt at learning to drive the Saturn on icy ass roads. Sorry, I'd like to live on my way to school or work...and they know that I've almost been in like, three accidents already, they should know better. So they couldn't refuse me my moms car when I made that point. And, I get to have it for 1 and a half weeks, and if it's anything after that, then i have to make the car payment and pay the insurance. Yah, thats cool. I'm sooo going to be able to do that working two and a half hours a day 7 days a week making 7 bucks and hour...riiiiiiiiight. I swear.

And one of the things that pisses me off to the max when dealing with them, is that no matter what, they seem to find it necessary to bring up subjects that are totally irrelevant to the one at hand, and start complaining about all my mistakes. Well, Christ, I didn't know that it was illegal to be HUMAN. I think its the most disgusting thing in the world that they can point out all my mistakes and neglect to notice their own. They need to realize that I'm not going to be what they want me to, I'm going to be what is comfortable to me, what makes sense to ME. And I'm sorry, but living in ignorance isn't my style.

Something else that just taps my ass is that they like to play like I'm their little marienette in between them; I'm the middle man. I have to do what they don't, be blamed for their mistakes, and take care of them. Prime example: the situation with my moms car. Before I knew I was selling my car, my parents told me that I had to be the one that had to find the gas money and the way to get the car up to Clare. Of course my dad wont go with me, because that would mean he would have to be within a hundred feet of my moms husband, and that just wouldn't do...oh no. And same goes for my mom's husband, he wont drive down here with my mom to pick it up, because that would mean that he would have to be within a hundred feet of my dad, and that's just absured. Ya know it's just too far above them to actually suck it up and be adults. The whole lot of 'em. I swear, it's like dealing with freshmen.

Now when it comes to communicating with them...I might as well be talking to fucking baboons. "Sorry I just wanted to actually talk with you mom, sorry I just wanted you to focus on me for two seconds and find out how I feel and whats going on in my life...or actually remember that I exsist." "Oh and sorry dad that I actually wanted you to talk to me, and not just sit there like a fucking mind blank retard, cheeks plastered to the big screen, death grip on your controller, playing countless games on your PS2. But I guess it's ok that when you talk to me you condescend me, and make me feel shitty because I'm just 'not strong enough'." Whatever.

OK, end rant.

So, I'm kinda curious what he meant by, "I know, we didn't even get to hang out before you started dating Mike" It was kind of suggestive, that he likes me, but I don't think I can handle that. Not now. I've got so much on my mind. And I'm still kinda hung up on him...pointless, but true.

And now I will pull from one of my past entries:

"Running Blind"

Can�t find the answers
I�ve been crawling on my knees
Looking for anything
To keep me from drowning
Promises have been turned to lies
Can�t even be honest inside
Now I�m running backward
Watching my life wave me goodbye

Running blind
I�m running blind
Somebody help me see I�m running blind

Searching for nothing
Wondering if I�ll change
I�m trying everything
But everything still stays the same
I thought if I showed you I could fly
Wouldn�t need anyone by my side
Now I�m running backward
With broken wings I know I�ll die

Running blind.

Yep! Thats me! *smiles a big fake smile, as tears well in her eyes*

I think I'm going to go to bed at like, 9 tonight. I need sleep.
*crawls under blanket and disappears*

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just_peachie

:: 2005 12 January :: 8.28pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Alanis Morrisette-Ironic

Extra work today...yay...

I think the weather and atmosphere has a lot to do with the current funk everyone is in...it's a lot of new, and a lot of different. Everyone kinda feels outta place, or different in some way. It's strange.

I didn't sleep that good last night. A lot of stuff on my mind.

I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not a good feeling.

I feel like I can't help you, and thats all I want to do, is help you. You know how I am, I'm a giver. And I feel like I'm failing you. I want to be here to comfort and support you and tell you it will all be ok. And when it comes down to it, I'm only happy if you are...your happiness means a lot to me. You're one of the greatest people I've ever met, and I'm boggled by how when it's us hangin out, its us. It's who we are, not something fake. It's real. I know what it is you're going through, I did a lot of thinking about it, and I have a lot to tell you. I think I might have figured out the problem. But i guess it doesn't really matter what I tell you, because in the end, it's what you do and how you handle it that matters. I can only help you and guide you with my thoughts and reasoning. I just hope we figure it all out soon, because I want things to get balanced and straitened out just as bad as you do. I just don't want to throw something away that we know has such an awesome potential to be so great, because we can't figure out what the problem is. When there's a will, there's a way.

They usually say no news is good news, but for some reason I don't think its good that you haven't called me.

Only time will tell, only time will tell...

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just_peachie

:: 2005 6 January :: 1.00pm
:: Mood: weird
:: Music: Rob Zombie- Living Dead Girl

Today is just a bad day. I don't know if it's just because I'm so stressed that I feel this way, but it's starting to irritate me. I have a real bad headache, and my body aches. But my stomach doesn't feel icky. Just my bones. Weird.

I'm not going to say what everyone else has about the snowday, it's becoming monotonous. Just know that I totally agree.

Work tonight...I wonder if I'll make it home alive.

I wonder if I'm going to graduate...at the rate I'm going, prolly not.

I need to stop bein such a little bitch and just do it.

Yeah, I'm going to shut up now, I'm in too bad of a mood.

I think you should come over tonight cuz you're the only one that can make me feel better. :) And smile. :) :)

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just_peachie

:: 2005 5 January :: 1.46pm

sporty
You're a sporty tom boy. That's not a bad thing.
You're friendly, competitive, athletic, and you
love to have fun. You attract a lot of guy
friends and make many girls jealous. Don't pay
attention to them. A lot of boys might think
you are aggressive and might be intimidated.
Don't worry, show them the other side of you
that makes people so attracted to your fun
personality. You also are a profectionist. You
have to be good at everything. But please don't
stress yourself out. You're just fine the way
you are.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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dreamer
you represent the dreams in life. you are laid back
and also dream alot.

What part of life do you represent? ( AWESOME anime pics ^_^)
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Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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kiss my ass2
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
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HASH(0x88ddf30)

Your Hidden Power Is Fire

You have a strong and courageou soul. You show
no fear when it comes to protecting the ones
you love. You know when choosing between right
and wrong. You also are quite the rebel.

Gem Stone:Ruby, Eye
Color:Red,Hair Color:Red with Blonde
streaks that is just below your arm pits pulled
back into a pony tail.

Quote:If you're lost I'll keep you warm
and if your low just hold on..cause I will be
your safety.....don't leave home.....

What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8872e14)

You're a very mellow, care-free person. Your
exactly what calm, cool, and collected mean.
You never overreact or panic in a bad situation
and you always know what to do. Everyone goes
to you for advice because you never lose your
head so your very reliable. You tend to take
everything in stride, like in school your moto
is just sit back and relax not to say you dont
pay attention and work, but you dont overexert
yourself. Even though people come to you for
counciling(sp?) you can still be very quite,
your not good with making new friends, but your
extremely close to the ones you have. Remember
its ok to put your emotions out there even
though there is a chance they might get hurt.
Also in school sometimes its good to stress out
a little, just because you think you dont need
to study doesnt mean you should'nt, and also
try to push yourself more even though you might
be good where you are doesnt mean you can,t be
better. Also Please Send Pics!!!

Whats Your Personality(with PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah, I was in sixth hour and extremely bored :)

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