godessalthena
|
::
2014 12 December :: 1.12pm
:: Music: the bravery
I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 9 December :: 7.26pm
I want to know what you're thinkin
<3
|
labyrinth
|
::
2014 6 December :: 11.09am
This year is coming to an end so quick! I'm glad. I feel like an intern working at Novotel. I'm just waiting until I work here for a year and get a work certificate then resign. This work place isn't terrible, but some of my co-workers are a bit hostile towards me or am I just imagining it? Somehow I don't seem to do things right in front of this one guy. He always has something to say. I wish I was somewhere where all of co-workers are more friendly and approachable. The end of this year, I'll be complete with 4 months working at Novotel. Then I would know if I will pass the probation period or not.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 4 December :: 11.28pm
this week has been pretty dang fun!!
went out with lala!! gotta see Alexz and help her pick out an awesome fish!! met an online friend I've known for a year and jammed out!!
definitely decided jam session are for me. fuck yeah. my fingers hurt.
1 love |
<3
|
|
labyrinth
|
::
2014 1 December :: 5.52pm
Grandpa's funeral
I attend my grandpa's funeral on Saturday and Sunday. It was a buddhist ceremony, but I'm not buddhist though. Last day was Sunday. Before they put him into the oven, they open up his coffin and my relatives and I saw his corpse. Before they took him out, they put him in the coffin freezer. I touched his dead body and it felt hard and cold. I don't know him as much as my cousins, but he's still my grandpa. Most of the ceremony was a drag and was slow. The weather was hot with no wind or breeze. The house felt different without him. He was 90 years old when he died, which was like 3 days ago. My grandma is pretty old too about 86 years old.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 29 November :: 1.27pm
I wish I was an extrovert
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 28 November :: 7.41am
:: Mood: enraged
what is it about thanksgiving that makes every ass hole I ever slept with and admitted feeling for feel the need to try and contact me again?
please, call me a cunt for not sleeping with you. I really, really love that. especially when you choose to do this at 2 AM after calling me while I'm still drunk from my family celebration. that is the quickest way into my pooter don't ya know?
now, this aside, I reeeeeeally want revenge. I really want to inflict some pain somehow. but I'm not sure how I would accomplish it. I'm just a fat warm hole for which pleasure can be derived, just like a million other stupid girls out there. I have no real power in the situation, and unfortunately I'm not entirely sure how to generate power at this stage in the game.
what I really need is a mentor. a man eater who is accomplished and has her skills honed to a fine and deadly point.
but where do you find them?
2 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 27 November :: 9.54am
I dreamt about my grandpa last night...
i miss him so much..
<3
|
|
labyrinth
|
::
2014 27 November :: 3.36pm
Funeral on Saturday and Sunday
My grandfather passed away this morning. My dad received the phone call from my mom. I was sleeping and had to wake up. I'm going to attend his funeral on Saturday and Sunday. I work on Friday and get off at 4pm. I'm going right after I get off from work. I like to take off from work when I get the chance because work has been boring and unfulfilling.
Today is my day off. I feel that it's too short. My day is almost coming to an end. I didn't get enough rest. *Sigh* I don't enjoy my job at all. I used to look forward to going to work all the time back when I was at Phuket. I loved my job and could stay there for over 10 hours. But here, when it's 4, I quickly leave and change off of my uniform right away.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 24 November :: 4.53pm
you start a band and suddenly everyone wants to join!
auditioning zoe and myself as lead singer (zoe will probably win hahaha)
i am up to 3 chords now! D A and E!! I'm feeling pretty awesome! My fingers are getting tougher. Soon I will be LORD OF THE AX!!
I'm just psyched that this is really happening. it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. and to not smoke so much when i get home.
i am so jazzed.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 20 November :: 5.29am
Does it make you nervous
When you hear my bones
Animate my body
Without my soul?
I swear every time I listen to silversun pick ups I fall even more in love with them.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 19 November :: 5.01pm
I bet I could teach jackie chan a thing or two.....
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 18 November :: 9.12pm
today has been quite a roller coaster
2 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 16 November :: 10.57am
GWAR has been hands down my favorite concert I've ever been to.
and now the fire in me to start a band has grown to a raging inferno.
TOTAL DOMINATION
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 13 November :: 9.29am
my growing pains are always from growing apart.
I don't even know what to do. should I do anything? when is it right to fight for something and when isn't it?
I suppose these answers are all inside me. I just need to try and find them.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 12 November :: 7.33am
sometimes you just need a reminder that there are still racist fucks in the world.
damn that guy was fucking creepy.
1 love |
<3
|
|
labyrinth
|
::
2014 9 November :: 6.41pm
I'm working at Novotel. I first started as a cook, now I switched in being a waitress. I didn't keep track of how many days I've been working in this section, but I'll count about 10 days or so. It's a boring position but I can't move now. I move so many times. This is my last stop.
Anyways, I wonder what life after death is like. When I was hospitalized and was recovering from being poisoned with drugs, I thought I slept in bed for a year, was rotting to death, was dying, a demon was messing with me and was on my way to hell. I don't remember clearly what really happened. Was it drugs or did I experienced going into the afterlife? I had my blanket covered my face and head. I was ready to die, but my mom pulled the blanket down from my face. It was really weird. I thought I was going to hell. I was hearing voices even when I was taking a shower like someone was speaking to me. It's likely that it's meth. I can't die and come back to life. It's impossible.
Eversince I moved to Rayong, I don't hear voices anymore. I'm still on medication and it's really helping me. The pills I took are for people with bipolar disorder, but somehow it works on me. I'm not bipolar.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 7 November :: 9.57pm
God I'm fucking lame.
2 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 6 November :: 6.31am
we got processing the Sus saga.
I wear a lot of my emotions on my sleeve, but the feelings that Sus envokes are much more private. I'm not sure why I can only cry about it when I'm alone. I'm not sure why I need to put on a brave face.
the final section we will process is me, 24 to current. not a whole lot in the past two years. hopefully we'll be done soon :) haha yea right
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 4 November :: 11.09am
i cannot wait until i'm done with college.
these fuck faces are trying to say i plagiarized a paper. i would never do something like that. EVER.
so i call my academic adviser and he says that it's probably that i didn't cite something properly. i have been writing papers and turning them into these stupid fucking robots for two years and have never once had an issue with this. i know how fucking APA guidelines work. I know how to properly cite my sources.
fuck you, ashford university. fuck you constellation. fuck you turn it in. fuck you grand canyon university. fuck online schools. fuck plagiarizing assfucks that made this all possible.
fuck "higher" education. what a fucking joke.
2 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 3 November :: 2.33pm
I'd have to say the party was a success, most people canceled, but the ones who came were the most important anyway <3 and I didn't even want a big party, so I got my wish without having to cancel.
i wanna say more, but I don't really want to type right meow, so.. more to come later!
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 30 October :: 9.38pm
I just want to be held and told it'll all be okay.
I feel so alone. and disgusting.
2 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 28 October :: 8.02pm
sometimes everything just feels so blah, you find yourself in bed at 730, texting people who are not on the same page as you, feeling bleh about them.
it's just so much bleh, blah, meh, eh... who cares?
19 credits left at school. work is slowing down (I'm almost catch up). ospe time is soon. so not into that this year.
this weekend needs to be over right stay now
1 love |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 25 October :: 6.34pm
I really miss drugs
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 23 October :: 10.37am
canceled my hair cut yesterday since it was it was my last opportunity to be alone before Mike gets here. I'm already exhausted just thinking about all the social interaction I'll be having while he's here.
then I think about the rest of my life, and wonder if maybe I should try to be more social or risk regretting these years as wasted since I'm young and free currently.
and then I think "fuck it" and remain antisocial, because a lot of the time being alone is just so fantastic. I think the part I love the most is nobody expects me to talk. it's just so nice, not feeling pressured to participate in a conversation. not needing to think of something interesting or relevant to say. not worrying whether I'm being boring or sounding stupid or something. I really hate talking. I like listening. hate talking.
I'm not even sure why I hate it so much. I haven't had a negative experience involving me talking in quite a while, so what makes me dread it so much? no clue. but here's to hoping someday it goes away!
3 loves |
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 20 October :: 11.43am
I don't think its really as bad as all that.
when it rains it pours though.
and right now I feel like I might get caught in the undertow
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 16 October :: 8.13pm
ALEXZ FIXED MY COMCAST!!!
she is magic I fucking swear. I am so fucking jazzed I could dance
fuck this is awesome
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 16 October :: 9.54am
after my appointment I went home and started to sketch the drawing she asked me to make a month ago. needless to say I hated everything I drew.
I need to update my style. I don't even watch anime anymore, and I feel like my drawings are so childish now.
I am really excited for after work. I might leave early for mental health reasons but I seem to be managing the sad pretty well.
we went thru 18-21 last night. those were probably some of the worst years of my life. I had successfully forgotten about a lot of the things that surfaced in the session. I honestly don't know how I survived. those were dark days.
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 14 October :: 11.57am
"just because you're small doesn't mean you aren't important"
<3
|
|
godessalthena
|
::
2014 14 October :: 11.01am
this job is an endless fountain of misery for me. I hate the system, I hate the bureaucracy, the fake asinine entitled fuck heads in the department. I hate all the stupid fucking meetings.
I am so bad at what I do. and by bad I mean I'm extremely average. and that destroys my self esteem but I also can't find enough fucks to give to actually try to do better.
everyone gets kudos, except me. because I don't really fucking try. cuz what will it do? I don't have new revolutionary ideas, I don't see the problems in the machine, so no matter how hard I work, I'll still get a shitty review. so what's the point?
no one gives two shits about me here. I'm just a number. a warm body.
fuck LEAN methodology. fuck lms. I'm fucking done
<3
|
|