i don't know if i have had someone feel this strongly about me since jeremiah. mexicans are very passionate people. sometimes i feel like i'm too cynical to fully enjoy how wonderful love can really be. i'm not afraid to get hurt, i think it's more my ability to feel deeply has been somewhat diminished.

i've missed my passion for a long time. i've always wanted to find it again. i used to think that maybe having kids would fill that, but now that having kids is more of a real possibility than ever before, i feel myself getting cold feet. the whole idea terrifies me. it changes things in a very real way and once you have them you can't unhave them. is that really what i want? what do i even want. i haven't really given it much thought. i mean definitely a house, a car, a career, but never more than that. and now i find myself even questioning if these are things i want or just what i feel i should want.

but now i'm almost out of my 20's and things are speeding up. my life is 100% controlled by my work schedule. would having kids be a welcome change of pace? i already just stay at home all the time anyway. what would it really make worse? what would it really make better?

bjorne is snoring. he's so adorable. i love him so much, even if he's a wretched pizza junkie. fatty mcfatteraon. takes after his ma. hahaha

but seriously my look was on point today. i am in love with my urban decay naked basics 2 palette. the matte neutrals just make such a soft and elegant look. understated glamour. i've been wearing this really cool lipstick from portland black lipstick company that i didn't really like at first, but with this palette i feel like i really get this sweet look going. kinda edgy at work but not too in your face. i've really toned down my whole look. i'm not sure how i feel about it. is it because i'm getting older and feel compelled to "act my age" or is it because my tastes are changing.

hard to tell anymore. fuck it. i don't even fuckin care.

4 tulips | bloom