It's official now. I had the dream! I don't know if it will turn into a good or bad thing, though.

But for now, I do know that it feels so nice to have someone something to look forward to everyday again!

I think, the goals for my birthday this year are:

New Camera
PSP X (I will get an older version too should I not like X)
(Possibly) Start saving for Sebby
Have a really fun party with all my friends

I hope that's not too much to ask ):

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver,
And the other's gold.

This was a good day. Um, we went shopping, i got 4 shirts, and some socks. Some of the most comfortable socks on the entire planet *foot-gasm* as well as others. AND

Z finally came today!

Omg he's the smex .__.

His hair is so soft *pets* and all the stuff snaps off his jacket and so you know what i'm going to do eventually. Strip him of all his clothes and put the jacket straps and stuff back on him XD Mwahaha. He seems to be getting along well with Spike, too.

Mum's going out with David's mom xD I was talking to him in school about how our moms are like this *crosses fingers* now XD

K so today was a bad day. I think the allergy pill I took the night before was screwing with me, my mouth was (and still is) dry all day and my apetite has been nonexistant. I've been driven almost to tears at least four times during the course of the day, but the thing is, it was because of things that shouldn't have bothered me that much. But I'm on my period so I think it's probably hormonal shit mixed with caffeine and bad medicine.

Oh. So get this. My dad's scanner doesn't work with his new computer. So then I thought I'd just hook up ours here and see how it works with OUR new computer (well not new any more) but like, it's gone. So. nothing hand-drawn from me for a while .____.

Last.fm Recomendations
this is here just so when I'm at my dad's with his hi speed intr0-net i can sample all my Last.fm recomendations to find the ones I like. that's all ):

Pheonix
Jack Off Jill
Poe
INXS
Lit
Tiger Army
Voilent Femmes
The Kinks
The Kills
Dilinger Four
Squeeze
Melody Club
Sugarplum Fairy
Mand Diao
Kings of Leon
The Ark
Heavy Vegetable
Tegan and Sara
The Killers
Three Mile Pilot
Explosions in the Sky
The Unicorns
Sahara Hotnights
Built to Spill
Blur
Jack Johnson
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Spoon
The Lawrence Arms
By Heart
R.E.M.
Sportfreunde Stiller
Wir sind Helden
Oasis
Less Than Jake
Leftöver Crack
Iron & Wine
The Aquabats
The American Analog Set
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
The Appleseed Cast
The Thermals
Lifehouse
OK Go
Collective Soul
Better than Ezra
Nine days
Five for Fighting
Tonic
Frou Frou
Rock Votolato

I don't know why I like this picture so much. I makes me feel good. But I guess the reason doesn't really matter too much, does it?

My self esteem is very low right now. And I guess reading Shojobeat doesn't help. All is does is remind me of what I'll never have, who I'll never be, what I'll never be able to expirience... It's not very good for me ): I think, a lot of times, I, well, not just myself but everyone-we'd be much happier not knowing. Ignorance is bliss, they say. I'd be much bertter off not knowing what i'm missing, but I think curiosty would have something to say about that. It's like an addictive psychological masichism! :/ It's just really depressing. I felt that way in Japan, too. But since we're talking cliches here, I should probably mention that the grass is always greener, but sometimes I feel like all mine died. I'll probably feel better in the morning though.

I hate gym class. I just can't do it. I just. can't. do. it. I get the shakes as I head for the class. When she said we were on the track today I could feel my heart speed up. I could feel the panic. Not to mention I'm terribly weak, in the twelve minutes I couldn't even make 4 laps. Twelve minutes is the kindergarten requirement. My legs are wasting away (: Even when I go down stairs, they feel weak, like they're going to buckly under me. I just want to sleep. All the time. I wish I could just lay in my bed and rot away forever. ):

K, so, I hate acne. I'v been washing my face daily and what effect? I broke out! Christ, now I have to go to school looking like I've been smearing BACON on my face everyday. .____. My only conclusion that I've come to is that since this has just happened over the past few days, it have something to do with how at my dad's I sleep with the fan going full blast right in my face ^^; Which, apparently, isn't such a good idea. I'm surprised I haven't caught a cold or gotten an ear infection from it yet. And not only this but now I have a huge fucking MOUNT FUJI on my chin that'll take forever to go away.

$#@%!

What'cha painting?
It's well worth saving
It's so much like the things I like about you

It's so bright
It's so pretty
Please do one thing for me

Don't mix the colors,
I like them that way
Don't mix the colors,
Please let them stay

What'cha painting?
It's work for framing
It reminds so much about you

It's so bright
It's so pretty
Please do one thing for me

Don't mix the colors,
I like them that way
Don't mix the colors,
Just let them stay

All the colors you can name
All the colors make me feel the same
About you

About you

Schedule in the hizzay!
1. Biology Adv
2. German II
3. Computer III
4. English Adv 10
5. Am Cult II Adv 10
6. Geometry Acc
7. Adv. Art Studio
8. Phys. Ed. 9-10 /
Speech/PT

k so.. Biology for homeroom .___. hmm...

So, the UP sides of having PE, it's last period so I don't have to worry about messing up my hair, or being tired and sweaty/wet for the rest of the day. Plust since it's first semester, after it's over, IT'S OVER BABY! (my anxiety in the class is just getting worse by the year, if i got help it wouldn't be so bad, but i downplay it a lot. ^^;)

The DOWN side since it's first semester i can't dye my hair until after pool class... cuz of the chlorine... damn... and.. it's first semester.

Only one class with Als, but it might just make us in A lunch again. That was coo' xD

i think you like to be the victim, i think you like to be in pain
Would you be disappointed in me if I were to say I wanted these?

:[

Super cool Japan postage!
FINALLY. HA, I figured the best way to do this is to just post what I have written in my journal. But since the journal was like homework, the writing was just to get by, and since the leaders read it, the GOOD stuff won't be in there. They gave us a tab to put in our journals that they can't read past for our personal things, but who wants to do more writing when you're in fucking JAPAN?!?!. Not me. Ho ho ho. So I'll just add anything important about that day after the journal entry.

Here we go.

Day 1:
It hadn't really hit me that I was leaving until the night before and then it got me hard. I started to feel really sad. But when it came time to leave, I felt very anxious. The parents said a tearful last goodbye and then we boarded the bus. The bus was okay. Everything was fine in the Buffalo airport and the flight to Detroit was very short. I was a little nervous about flying but it was okay (I've seen too many airplane crash movies.) The Detroit airport was very big and it felt like a mall. We got into some problems when we went to exchange currency and we ended up on the other side of security, but it we handled it like ambassadors and we got back in. The flight to Japan wasn't as bad as I thought. It was long and cramped but somehow I thought it was going to be a lot worse. It was the longest flight I've ever been on. The leaky wing made me nervous, though. The Japanese airport was better than the others. We got to see some of Japan on our bus ride to Tokyo, and we saw Tokyo Disney. Everything's lit up like Las Vegas and the buildings are tall because they don't have the space to make them wide. We ate at a restaurant in Tokyo, and the city was very busy and it looks beautiful at night. The food was western but prepared with a little Japanese twist. We checked into our hotel where we are now. I'm to bed. Oyasuminasai!

Okay so yeah, the first day, when we were in the aiport Nick, Chris, Clarissa, Amber, Trevor and I went to exchange money. (Nick led this little expedition.) We just looked at the map and followed it, but like, they should have a warning on those doors that once you pass there you can't get back in. Well we ended up having to through security again but they wouldn't let us in because our leaders had our boarding passes. So then this boss guy comes and helps us get new boarding passes and then we sucessfully got through security and got back in with time to spare. xD that was scary. We told the first leader that came around, which was Doug, and he didn't really care but then when Eria saw that we had our own boarding passes she was like "O__O where did you get those?" but then I was like "We already explained it to Doug" then she was like "Okay." end of that XD. The hotel we stayed at that night, the Prince, I believe, was NICE. Four or five star. We had fun exploring and then we found the convience store where I bought some Pinky candy <3 and I tried green tea ice cream and it was okay, but it wasn't all that good either. Really icky but tolerable XD. Their green tea is a lot stronger than ours, but I prefer American green tea. I don't think anything else is worth pointing out for that day.

Day 2:
I slept pretty well and in the morning we ate breakfast and we boarded the bus to the government building. We got to see the conference rooms and the view of the city was astonishing, everything is so packed together. It's nothing like . Eating lunch at the cafeteria there was interesting because thre were displays of food with a number and then you insert your money, pick your number, and get a ticket that you take to the chefs to get your meal. We visited the sumo museum that learned that sumo was based on religious rituals. The museum was interesting but there were no guides and the descriptions were in Japanese, so I couldn't take much information from it. We briefly went shopping in the electronics district. The stores were packed togethr and most of them didn't have doors. There are lots of TV's advertising things and escalators. The outdoors merges with the indoors. We visited the animation studio and we got to voice a cartoon. The guide was very humorous and even though there was a language barried we all had a great time. We ate shabu shabu which is raw beef you boil yourself in a pot. We don't have much food like that in the states because raw food is taboo in our culture. But it was very tastey and fun to eat.

Okay, so, the Tokyo metro building was pretty cool, the view man, the VIEW. XD And the guide was very cool, at the end she took a picture of use with her phone LOL. At the cafeteria I was eating with Nick and Trevor, and like, the tables are connected with a barrier between different 'tables' and while we were eating this old Japanese guy starts peaking over it, and then he disappears again, and a moment later he peaked over again and asked us what country we were from xD It was pretty cool lol. The sumo museum was... BORING XD it was like one room with nothing that we could read. We only learned what our manager for the trip, Keiko, told us. There was a tv playing short matches and we all crowded around there and were betting on which guy would win xD. Akihabara, the electronics district was super cool~ It was all like manga, anime, games, gundams, cameras, ipods, and PORN! Lawlz XD Nick and I were in the back of this one store gawking at all the porn and one of the mags was (i think) boys in leatha and drag and stuf XD It was cool. But we think that the store guy was trying to tell us to get out XD Haha. So we were all "Zomg oh snap!" In one of the stores this tall pretty french lady was talking to us, she was trying to find a kimono that fit her, with no luck. She spoke english, german AND spanish as well as of course French >.< But she was super nice.

Anyway, i'm getting bored already. I guess this thing will be in installments XP