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2005 10 July :: 2.29am
:: Mood: Good.
:: Music: Kelly Clarkson- Behind These Hazel Eyes
AN UPDATE!!
Well, things have been pretty good in the life of Dana recently. I'm slowly fixing the little problems...
My cousin, Katy has been staying with us for the past week, and I have enjoyed it a lot. She is so crazy and just so much fun to be around... :]
I got to see Bethany the other day! We went to go hang out with Drew, and he had Blaine with him. (I've known Blaine for a few years, and we hadn't talked since last summer.) So, it was pretty fun. We also saw Derek for a while.
Also, Matt came to see me for a while. So it was fun. :) I've missed him.
Hung out with Aisha and Keely. Straightened my hair. :o
Lucas and Nick have been here twice to hang out with Carly and Katy, but it was pretty fun. Last night they were here, and my uncle and dad were extremely drunk... So we set off fireworks and stuff... Throughout the night my dad came out with a gun and a sword (the cockroach killer), so yeah. Needless to say, it was very amusing.
I talked to Randy a lot last night. I told him my life story. XD I loff him. =D
Also got a very awkward, but well needed conversation over with.
And it's raining now, so I think I'll go play in it for a while. ^_^
Chaotically yours,
♥Dana♥
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Curiousity screams
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2005 7 July :: 6.58pm
:: Music: something off bourne identity or w/e thats what im watching
Max came over yesterday. He slept over. We went to the mall and Goodwill, got back at like 10 maybe. At 11 we went to The Mesto. Awsome, awsome fun. I love that place. We got back at midnight and went swimming till 1:30 then we made like Kim Chi or w/e. It was good. We went to bed at around 3. So today, omg omg NO RENTS hahaha so rad. We basically did (nothing). Ahhh so much fun.
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2005 2 July :: 8.03pm
:: Music: corvette bummer(beck)
nothing
I'll give you a story. The other parts are secrets. Alright, starting on Wednesday till now. On Wednesday we(Me, Gabe, Max, Mary) got 2 large pizzas at Gumby's. Then later we went to Krispy Kreme and got some hot ones. Then to Guitar Center. Max played Van Halen's "Eruption", and a Metallica song on a Worlock and "Stairway to Heaven" on an all-black electric acoustic Martin. Then we went and saw War of the Worlds. That was a really good movie. On Thursday we ate the Sweet Shop. That place is awsome. If you ever see a place that looks like crap, go in it, because it's probably gonna be the best place you've ever been to. I can't remember what day it was, but anyways, I got this Beck Loser single and REM reveal for like 3 bucs each.
On Friday we ate at this tofu place called Charcoal Grill. None of us had ever eaten there before, because it's another one of those "crappy-on-the-outside rad-on-the-inside" places. It was really hot out after that and we kinda got lost. When we finally found what we were looking for, I jumped fully-clothed in the fountain again. People walked by and shook their heads. Max wouldn't swim with me, so I just hugged him and he got all wet. We went for "Darkroom Adventures"(as called by Ryan). I was still dripping wet and I leaned on the drywall and it came off all over my shirt. haha oh well. We chilled in The Darkroom for like 55 minutes and Sergio comes in "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?!" and basically grabs us and drags us to some concert. This one was like Apocalyptica or w/e. They played Metallica "Fade to Black" and it was craSEE cool. I left my purse in the bathroom and they wouldn't let me out, so I couldn't tape it.
My house has no aircon until Tuesday and it sucks. It's hotter in here than it is outside.
Curiousity screams
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2005 30 June :: 6.35pm
:: Music: ive been high(rem)
reveal
I have stories to tell. Oooh boy!
Saw War of the Worlds last night. It was really good.
Curiousity screams
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2005 25 June :: 11.42pm
:: Music: disarm(smashing pumpkins)
duh-nuh-nuh
This past week has been pretty awsome. Not like last year, but then again it wouldn't be, would it? Jessie's pappi wouldn't pay(wanker), so...w/e. Screw that. Hung out with Matt, Galen, and Kendell. Random facts about them: Matt-16, has the sexiest beard I've ever seen; Galen-17, bassist, also has a beard, looks like John Lennon; Kendell-16, really tall, black, eats alot of chicken. And I call him Marvin.
Walked around yesterday and ate at Quizno's. Those people sucked at making the subs. And they wouldn't stamp my card. Then Starbuck's. They wouldn't take my gift card. It was really hot out by then, so I decided to swim fully clothed in a fountain. People stared. And it was awsome. Then I decided to skip masterclass and just go somewhere. That was pretty fun. This car right in the parking lot blew up. I saw it. It was AWSOME. Actually, it started out as a little fire, then some people went out and tried to extinguish it, and it exploded. Then the fire department came.
Made new friend yesterday. Elliot-drummer. That's all I know so far. Probably hang out with him on Monday. We also went go-karting yesterday. And bumper-boats. I got soaking wet. Good times.
P O N A
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2005 29 June :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: Crushed.
:: Music: P!NK- Hazard to Myself
Woo.
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Curiousity screams
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2005 16 June :: 8.48pm
as we speak im going down
I talked to him last night. I told him how I hate change. He told me that's something everyone has to deal with. I told him I can't. He said I'll probably think about suicide. And that I'm too weak to defend myself. That I'm just a helpless child who can't do anything on her own. He went on to tell me about Eddie and his reptiles. How he has a heart. He compared me to him. He told me not to do it for him, but for myself. I probably would have listened if he didn't end by calling me a heartless waste of time.
Curiousity screams
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imugly
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2005 15 June :: 8.46pm
:: Music: think twice(eve 6)
life is an annoying, nagging little emo bitch
today was really surreal. and its still continuing. ive found the meaning of life. twice in a row. no, not jackpot. because ive figured out everything ive been doing wrong, why my feelings have gone numb and i cant do anything but mope around feeling sorry for myself.
i couldnt smile. i tried. i tried so hard. i was so angry at myself. my heart and mind were fighting. who won? whats the difference.
[edit]
i think that, other than just being called a heartless waste of time, i had a good day.
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2005 13 June :: 9.26pm
I think I won't be updating this so much...
I'm sorting things out in my life.
Feel free to comment anyways.
I'll be back to read them.
<333
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2005 13 June :: 4.32pm
:: Music: bike scene(tbs)
some things do change, however
im changing my journal. nothing's final because so far im completely dis-satisfied. i dont want to change too much. i like the table background, text, link, and subject colors. also my icon. i just dont like the journal background cuz you cant see the words, and i dont know how to get the *hugs* and flooble chatterbox centered. you can see im not a very big woohu whore. if you have any suggestions, say them. cuz i dont have any ideas so far.
also, i read the worst, most inacurate horroscope ever. i hated it alot.
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2005 12 June :: 1.29pm
:: Music: don't panic(coldplay)
it will all be better....someday
i feel like ive been totally cast out by everyone i know. its like i cant connect. i cant even begin to...w/e. forget it. this is about so many things. ive been thinking about things normally my mind would never even begin to touch. and it really hurts me. no, im not stressing about tuesday. im not scared. im not nervous. i just cant...
should i stop running away? will giving up make everything better?
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2005 8 June :: 11.26am
:: Music: cabron(rhcp)
whenever im at home...
yesterday worked. everything worked out. but there's something i cant seem to get my mind off. and no, i dont care to talk about it.
about yesterday: 4.00 people showed up. rad. chilled, ate, chilled, jumped, swam, jumped, it rained. we went inside. chilled, ate, chilled. 9.00 people started to leave. dyed aaron's hair. jumped again. 10.45 last(non-overnight) person leaves. 11.07 took a walk. 11.37 got back watched malcom. then italian job. skip w.e. 3.sumthin went to sleep. we all fell asleep w/a bottle of jack daniel's in our hands haha.
everyones still asleep. i dont feel good though. i mean, i feel fine. its just about something.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 7 June :: 11.20am
I was reminded this morning,
That it wasn't a dream.
I actually ripped someone's heart out...
Sheerly because I was unhappy.
I suppose it's for the best-
It'll make both of us happier in the long run.
But it hurts so fucking bad.
*sigh* What have I gotten myself into?
I'm so selfish and weak.
I can't believe myself sometimes.
John was the first guy to treat me like his everything,
And I just destroyed that,
Because I felt insecure...
With him being so far away,
And us not having means of communication at the time.
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Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 6 June :: 8.58pm
It's one of those times.
I'm so down...
I won't be myself for a while.
And I'll go ahead and apologize in advance.
I've reached the lowest of lows.
I can't stop crying.
I guess I do love him.
And I just threw it all away.
I should've realized...
I'm not old enough to handle something like this.
I realize now.
And it hurts so bad.
Curiousity screams
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2005 5 June :: 10.18am
:: Mood: Tired and depressed.
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- Again I Go Unnoticed
Another sleepless night.
I don't know how I can deal with this.
It hurts so bad...
Why can't I just...
Know what I want.
For once in my life?
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Curiousity screams
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imugly
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2005 4 June :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: jittery, anxious
:: Music: ten minutes(the get up kids)
maybe im being selfish
basically everyone i want to come is coming to my party. but i still feel like everythings gonna go wrong. pockets empty, how can you tell me everything will work out? there's one person i really really want to be there. maybe things are getting better. maybe things arent so bad. if i had to explain it, i wouldnt know where to start.
sometimes i miss you. ive been here all the time. and ill always be here. i cant wait till this is all over.
Curiousity screams
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2005 3 June :: 5.11pm
Revelations-
They're beautiful.
And they hurt so much.
I've realized, that this is not working,
For either of us.
And it hurts like hell, but I know it's not going to last.
We're both too young
To be so serious about this.
I do still love him.
But sometimes loving someone,
Isn't just being a couple.
It's doing what's best for the person,
No matter what.
Ever since he left, it's like...
There's this big, empty gap in my chest-
Gay, I know.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this,
Or what I'm going to do...
I feel nauseated.
It happens when I get really upset.
Curiousity screams
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2005 3 June :: 11.57am
:: Music: lip gloss and black, bleeding mascara, this flesh a tomb
arent you tired of being weak?
i havent listened to atreyu since early january, maybe late december. it brings back good memories. i dont know why i havent listened to my favorite band in such a long time. i think certain things have been scaring me. not about atreyu, but certain other things i choose not to discuss. not thats there's anything so secret about it.
anyways, if i un-invited you to my party last time, you're re-invited. soo...go ahead and show up if you want.
im going to the gainesville mall today to get a dress for my solo recital in a week and a half. we did a full rehearsal yesterday, and it turns out i hardly know half the words for vittoria, so i cut out the second verse and third chorus.
on wednesday i caught 20 frogs and called every pet store in ocala. none of them even thought about buying from me. well...except for pet safari. i was like 'do you buy frogs' and they asked what kind. i said "2 cane toads, 12 african dwarf, 4 muller, and..." something else i cant remember right now. then they said 'probably not cuz we could probably get em cheaper from out suppliers'. i didnt ask how much their suppliers sell them for and make an offer. i didnt feel like it. oh well.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 2 June :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: Crushed.
:: Music: My Chemical Romance- Helena
*sigh*
Sadly, once again...
I succeeded in being the faggot,
Who sat in the corner.
Not talking.
I apologize for everything wrong I've done.
To any and all of you.
And I apologize for being so desolate and quiet.
I just haven't really been myself lately.
Or maybe I've just been my old self.
The Dana I used to be.
The Dana I hated.
The Dana that everyone hated.
I'm not very fond of change,
And I'm afraid that things may never be the same again.
I miss everyone.
I miss having more than three real friends;
Friends I actually spend time with and see regularly.
Who knows...
Maybe this is just me being an angsty teen.
This time, I doubt it.
Everything has just fallen apart so fast.
I hate not being able to change things.
I really do.
Cameron, thank you for trying to talk to me.
I appreciate it so much. It really means a lot to me.
I hope maybe some day,
Things can go back to how they used to be.
Curiousity screams
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2005 31 May :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: Mediocre.
:: Music: Flogging Molly- Drunken Lullabyes
Slurp.
Well, last night/today was pretty good.
I spent the night with Aisha and Keely...
It was pretty fun.
Then I slept on the floor. Ha.
We got up, and Aisha made me breakfast. =)
Then, we came to my house for a while.
After a while, we went and got Andrew, and went to the mall.
Where we found Derrek, who was just getting off work.
So we hung out with him.
He's crazy. Heh. It's so funny.
Well, the mall got boring after a while.
So we all piled in the car, and went to my house.
Where we hung out for a while.
And then Andrew had to leave. ='(
So we're sitting here, listening to music.
And everyone's about to leave.
I'm starting to get used to summer.
--- Oh yeah. And, uh, about my last post... Still comment on it. I'll make a post on it like tomorrow or something. =)
I take it back.
Summer sucks.
Because I'm just a shitty friend
Who never does anything right.
I knew it'd happen like this...
I'd lose touch with people,
And someone's feelings would get hurt.
And now I'm a bad guy.
*sigh*
♥
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Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 29 May :: 4.48pm
:: Mood: angry, confused, scared, melancholic, morose
you gave and took it all
its hardly 5 and it already been the worst day in my entire life. i lost one of my best friends, and two people told me to fuck off and never talk to them again. "understanding" yea right. STFU. dont come to my party. im not having it anymore. i give up. all you people are so selfish. you dont care about anyone but yourselves. ive tried so hard to get along. so hard, and what do you give back? you wouldnt give anyone the steam off your own piss. so piss off.
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2005 28 May :: 10.17pm
:: Music: photobooth(death cab for cutie)
sakaparap
know what sucks? well a couple of things. my pool is empty and will be until the day before my party cuz it has to be dry for 5 days, then we're painting it, then dry for 5 days after that. also, i tried to build a house out of bamboo today. but it didnt work. also, only 4 people have given me straight, set answers about my party. half of those who havent are like "wellll...i dunno...it depends...on who else is going" which i cant really tell them who's coming cuz NO ONE HAS RSVP-ED YET! so get an answer and freaking tell me if or if not youre going, dont you dare leave me hanging. and i think my little minnow friend Little Gookie got eaten by a koi.
i caught Little Gookie today guess how. i put the pool net in the pond across the street and the i walked off. the i ran out of the woods yelling "GOO! GOO!" ahahaha. great fun. the pond is in my neighbor's back yard(somehow. i guess cuz their house is backwards right haha). that mustve been amazingly funny watching me. man, today was such a good day.
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2005 27 May :: 8.55pm
300th Journal Entry!
Heh. Woo. Everyone celebrate.
So, tonight, I did what I just bitched about doing.
I (kind of) ditched people...
But I mean, only for a couple of minutes.
Because I showed up, and everything felt... Weird.
And Derrek called, so I went to go visit him.
When I came back, I guess people were either:
A.)Mad that I left, or
B.)Upset that I came back?
Because, no one talked to me.
Except for a few small comments from Tony. And Ryan.
But mostly just Tony telling me to go to sleep.
Because I "looked dead."
I guess I can't complain.
I didn't exactly try to strike up a conversation.
It was just... weird;
Sitting there. Staring out the window.
I always feel so out of place these days.
And I'm not sure why.
I must've really fucked up this time.
So. Happy 300th entry to me.
I've gone back and read over entries before--
I was so much happier.
Regardless, I was still a bi-polar, angsty teen.
I guess I'll just have to get used to feeling like this. =/
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Curiousity screams
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2005 27 May :: 4.17pm
Think of one moment you can call the happiest moment of your life... it's gone for me. the thought that keeps playing over...over and over is the day that I realized you were gone.
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