friends | profile | guestbook


Just a Journal

recent entries | past entries


:: 2004 29 January :: 11.23 am

Who Am I?
You know I have spent so much time trying to figure out who I am that I forgot to think who am I suppose to be. I started to think, and as I was looking for something for a friend that I was trying encourage them with i came across this scripture:

Matthew 20:26
It's not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.

Matthew 23:11
"Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant.


Mark 9:35
He sat down and summoned the Twelve. "So you want first place? Then take the last place. Be the servant of all."

Matthew 23:11
The greatest among you will be your servant.

Who am I? I am a servant. Nothing more. I may never be the best at anything, or be the most popular, but maybe I can help that one that is meant to get there. I am a servant.

Who are you?

2 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 22 January :: 5.42 pm

WAN Ethernet
Cable/xDSL: Active
WAN IP address:
24.247.105.74
DNS Server:
24.247.15.53
Gateway IP :
24.247.105.1

2 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 17 January :: 4.58 pm

The Oregon Trail
April 1, 1848
We started down the trail with:
6 oxen
50 sets of clothing
2000 bullets
2 wagon wheels
1 wagon axle
1 wagon tongue
1700 pounds of food
We will now travel at a more strenuous pace.

April 2, 1848
An ox is sick.

April 6, 1848
We lost the trail for 4 days.

April 9, 1848
We shot 92 pounds of meat.
A fire in our wagon destroyed:
1512 bullets
1 wagon wheel
1 wagon axle
1 wagon tongue
1466 pounds of food
A thief stole 49 pounds of food.

April 12, 1848
We decided to ration the food in meager portions.

April 13, 1848
We shot 356 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We have arrived at the Kansas River Crossing.

April 14, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across.
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.

April 16, 1848
We have arrived at the Big Blue River Crossing.
The river is too deep to ford. We lost:
408 bullets

April 18, 1848
We have reached Fort Kearney.

April 19, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day.

April 22, 1848
We will now travel at a less strenuous pace.

April 23, 1848
We shot 936 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.

April 24, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
We decided to ration the food in filling portions.
Ben has cholera.

April 25, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day.

April 27, 1848
We have reached Chimney Rock.
We decided to ration the food in bare-bones portions.
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.
We decided to ration the food in filling portions.
We will now travel at a less strenuous pace.

April 29, 1848
We have reached Fort Laramie.

April 30, 1848
An ox died.

May 2, 1848
A severe storm caused a delay of 1 day.

May 3, 1848
Ben is well again.

May 5, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

May 6, 1848
Broken wagon wheel.
We fixed the broken wagon wheel.
Molly has a fever.

May 8, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
We decided to ration the food in meager portions.
Rachel has dysentery.

May 10, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

May 11, 1848
We shot 20 pounds of meat.

May 12, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

May 13, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

May 16, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
We lost 3 pounds of food due to spoilage.
We have reached Independence Rock.
We traded 1 ox for 100 pounds of food.

May 17, 1848
Molly is well again.

May 18, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
Molly is sick with typhoid fever.

May 19, 1848
We shot 45 pounds of meat.

May 20, 1848
Rachel is well again.

May 21, 1848
We found some wild fruit.

May 23, 1848
We shot 302 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.

May 24, 1848
We shot 315 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We decided to ration the food in filling portions.

May 25, 1848
We have arrived at the South Pass.

May 27, 1848
Broken wagon tongue.
We fixed the broken wagon tongue.

May 29, 1848
Molly is well again.

May 30, 1848
Ben has a broken arm.
We decided to rest for 2 days.

May 31, 1848
We lost 32 pounds of food due to spoilage.

June 2, 1848
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.

June 3, 1848
No grass for the oxen.

June 4, 1848
Bad water.

June 5, 1848
We will now travel at a less strenuous pace.
We have arrived at the Green River Crossing.

June 6, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across.
Bad water.
Molly is suffering from exhaustion.

June 7, 1848
No water.
We decided to rest for a day.

June 9, 1848
We shot 315 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.
We lost 36 pounds of food due to spoilage.

June 10, 1848
No water.

June 11, 1848
Bad water.

June 12, 1848
No water.

June 13, 1848
We lost 27 pounds of food due to spoilage.

June 16, 1848
Molly is well again.

June 18, 1848
Heavy fog. Lost 1 day.

June 19, 1848
Ray is suffering from exhaustion.
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.
We decided to ration the food in meager portions.

June 20, 1848
We have reached Soda Springs.

June 21, 1848
We lost 14 pounds of food due to spoilage.

June 22, 1848
We have reached Fort Hall.

June 24, 1848
We shot 114 pounds of meat.

June 26, 1848
No grass for the oxen.

June 27, 1848
The trail is impassable. Lost 2 days.

June 28, 1848
Ray is well again.

June 30, 1848
Bad water.
No grass for the oxen.
We took the wrong trail and lost 2 days.

July 2, 1848
Ben is well again.

July 4, 1848
We have arrived at the Snake River Crossing.

July 7, 1848
We had no trouble floating the wagon across.
We found some wild fruit.
No water.

July 8, 1848
No grass for the oxen.
We lost 11 pounds of food due to spoilage.

July 9, 1848
No grass for the oxen.

July 10, 1848
Bad water.

July 11, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.

July 12, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
We will now travel at a less strenuous pace.
We will now travel at a steady pace.
We decided to ration the food in filling portions.
We decided to rest for 2 days.
Ray has the measles.

July 15, 1848
We shot 601 pounds of meat but were able to carry back only 200 pounds of meat.

July 16, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
Bad water.
The trail is impassable. Lost 3 days.

July 18, 1848
Ray was near death, but the doctor was able to help.

July 21, 1848
Ray is well again.
No grass for the oxen.

July 22, 1848
We have reached Fort Boise.
We traded 7 pounds of food for 10 bullets.
We traded 72 pounds of food for 100 bullets.
No grass for the oxen.

July 23, 1848
We shot 90 pounds of meat.
Rough trail.
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.

July 24, 1848
No water.

July 25, 1848
Bad water.

July 26, 1848
No water.

July 27, 1848
We shot 144 pounds of meat.

July 28, 1848
We didn't have any luck on this hunting trip! We returned to the wagon empty-handed.
Bad water.
No grass for the oxen.
Rachel has a fever.

July 29, 1848
Bad water.
We will now travel at a steady pace.
We decided to rest for 9 days.

August 1, 1848
Ben has dysentery.

August 6, 1848
We shot 78 pounds of meat.

August 7, 1848
Rachel is well again.

August 10, 1848
Rachel has a broken arm.
We lost 9 pounds of food due to spoilage.

August 11, 1848
Broken wagon axle.
We couldn't fix the broken wagon axle. We will have to trade for one.

August 12, 1848
We shot 22 pounds of meat.

August 13, 1848
We shot 194 pounds of meat.
We decided to rest for 2 days.
We traded 1 wagon wheel for 1 wagon axle.

August 14, 1848
Ben is well again.

August 16, 1848
Ben has the measles.

August 17, 1848
We have arrived at the Grande Ronde in the Blue Mountains.

August 19, 1848
Rachel got sick and died.

August 21, 1848
We lost 15 pounds of food due to spoilage.
Ray has the measles.

August 22, 1848
We will now travel at a more grueling pace.
We decided to ration the food in meager portions.

August 25, 1848
We shot 141 pounds of meat.
Ray was near death, but the doctor was able to help.

August 26, 1848
We have reached The Dalles.

6 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 16 January :: 10.37 pm

Words can't really describe it.
The closest i can get is Pain, Angry, Frustration, Depression.

Why God?

Can somebody tell me please?

2 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 16 January :: 1.05 pm
:: Music: Sky Harbo

Silence

The akward silence bugs you, but what is there to talk about? I don't know anything that is going on with you because you haven't told. I let it all go because you wanted to know even though I didn't want to and here I sit in the dark with no idea where you are at, yet you know what's going on with me. You don't call, I ditch each time I want to hang out, you look at me like an alien and I have no idea what is up, it would be so much more simple if I could just change the way i felt, it doesn't seem to affect anyone but me, and then everyone would just be happy. God must really have a sense of humor cause I'm missing it somewere along the line...

1 Comment | Leave Comment


:: 2004 15 January :: 11.33 am
:: Mood: Firery
:: Music: Revolution

Confessions

Alright I must start out this entry by admitting that I have let my life go to hell lately. I've blown off some of my good friends, and I have been a jerk. I've been a fake lately. I've done one thing and said another. I preach the things that I had trouble with and just made myself a hypocritt.
First let me say, I love you all and I am sorry to you all. Ben, Molly, Rachel, Jackie, Ray, Jess, everyone. I am sorry I have really been an @$$ lately.
Well it's time that that all changes. Let me give you a little explanation of where I'm at. I have felt empty inside for some while now, I have put my bodie in the same room with my friends, but I left my heart at the door. Partailly because I've been stressed with my heart. Yes it has become aparent to everyone that I like somebody. You all already know who and if you don't we will leave you in suspense. But this Girl is awesome. I love her to death, the hard part is that she doesn't feel the same way. I have put some much time and energy into that fact, that I forgot to be a freind to her firstm a promise I made myself along time ago, a friend first anything else second. Well I still love this girl but me sitting her moping about it and acting like an idiot won't do anything about that. well I give it to God whatever happens there he is completely in control of, he knows more that I do. Besides I should be happy that she is even my friend. I'm lucky that any of you are my friends, I have been a jerk, and I must say that my friends have really made me who I am.
Well it's time for all of us to get up of our butts and get to work. Let me ask you this, What are you doing in your life that means anything in the long run, a day, a year, a decade from now? How many of you have something that you complain about on a regualar basis, or that bugs you alot, it's time to stop the complaining or tolerance and change things up. I'm not going to sit here and let the day go by in a melodic repitition anymore, I'm going to make a difference, i don't know how you guy feel, but I'm not going down with the sounds of me crying or snoring, I'm going out with a explosion, and sounds of praise.

I love you all,
give me a way to prove

3 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 12 January :: 6.53 pm

new comp with dual monitors, Score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2004 8 January :: 3.02 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Gone- SwitchFoot

Is it Wrong
So I took a "Personal Day" today. It's wierd, I wasn't tired or anything I just woke up and didn't feel like dealing with crap at school, or anything, I needed time to think.

So then I started to think, Is it wrong to care so much about somebody that your day can be made or broke by what she says? The fact that the fear of being replaced overcomes all the courage you have and your mind seems to shut down, frozen on that one thought, and your legs can't run you fast enough to get you away from this place. And Like a willing prisoner you sit there in love with the bars that seems to creep a little closer each day, untill the pressure seems to build up and your lungs can't even find the will to pull in another breath, and you can't do anything because your stuck here, your heart won't move, it's trapped in this place and no matter what I do you still mean everything to me, even if I don't want you to... I can't help but love you. Then I look back at all the stress and pain that happens each day and it makes it all worth it to see that smile one more time.

I propose a question to you that are my friends, Is it wrong to feel this way for somebody, and two how do i make it stop?

I hurt so much when i remember that the feeling isn't mutual.

I geuss you were right Ben, a person with three first names is going to be the end of me.

1 Comment | Leave Comment


:: 2003 29 December :: 2.40 am

Halo Party!!!!!!!!!

Everybody call Ben and I. We are setting up a halo party! I have my Halo, A tv or 2, 2 controllers, and an xbox, and I know of places to get more. Call us we are needing much cooperation. Maybe we will even do it up a bit and have everone toss in a dollar or two and make it a prize. Rachel and Katie I believe have means of "aqquiring" needed components and maybe Kristi. Just call or e-mail me.

4 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2003 13 December :: 1.45 pm

Nobody ever buy anything from Radio Shack that SUCK!!!

1 Comment | Leave Comment


:: 2003 28 November :: 10.13 pm
:: Music: Hero's are made when you make a choice

Ben please give me a call when you get home

1 Comment | Leave Comment


:: 2003 9 November :: 2.59 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Jonah 3:3 -Too much of me

Photex

*sigh* Women!!!

6 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2003 28 October :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: Thousand Foot Crutch- Lift it

Life in general... I geuss

so yeah I am trying something new. i started after school today at play practice. You know how people kind of segregate themselves in a way. They hide themselfs behind a mask of apathy and indifference. Well i'm going to just be completely random and not care what it takes to break through that. i just walk up to somebody that I met at play practice and looked them in the eye and smiled. I ended up getting a hug and goofing around and everything. I don't care if I have to slown dance randomly in the hall or sing a song but I will get it!!!

Oh speaking of getting it, i really want to get into Mr.Harnden's musical, or atleast be student director. I will make a complete goofball out of myself if that is what it will take. Well i rally don't have to much to talk about.

Never forget that I love YOU!!!

3 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2003 27 October :: 7.26 pm


Disclaimer: Please don't get me wrong I am not wallowing in self pity or anything I'm just thinking out loud

Hogging her to myself.... As Ryan put it. I guess I am. I never thought of it that way and I am seriously sorry for hogging her. She is a beautiful awesome girl and I'm sorry for hogging her. AS a wise man once said leave the cage open so that maybe someday it can come back. Blah, World sorry for hogging her, I really am glad that I got to spend sometime with here but I will not cage her. Good-Bye MO-JO :)

4 Comments | Leave Comment


:: 2003 26 October :: 8.01 pm

So yeah you are all going to think that I'm crazy if I say this, but the other night I woke up in the middle of the night after I had the wierdest dream ever, I won't even try to describe it but anyway, i woke up with a bible verse stuck in my head, and it was so strange. The verse was Numbers 12:6 it was so strange. I looked it up and freak out because it was just wierd. I have never read Numbers before but i looked it up and this is what it said:

He said, "Listen to my words:

"When a prophet of the LORD is among you,
I reveal myself to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.

yeah it just freaked me out, i've probably read that verse somewhere before and just dreamt of it for some reason but it's wierd isn't it?

3 Comments | Leave Comment

Woohu.com | Random Journal