::
2003 3 May :: 10.45 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Moe Loughran- Anymore
i dont want to hold you anymore...
it was just so strange to see him, and to know he was there looking for me..
its like, i still find him attractive, and i still enjoy his personality...but its nothing like the longing i had before. maybe its true that you want what you cant have....only right now i want what i have and only what i have, who i have...
my brain flips back over the memories that i had with him, and i feel like they were with someone totally different...he's not the guy that i liked...i look at his face, and i never kissed him, even though my brain knows that its a thousand times a lie.
and i wonder if he dressed up to impress me. i could tell he was trying to make me jealous. but i really dont think it worked. i really didnt think i'd be secure enough to handle it like this. i was afraid i would fall.
4 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 3 May :: 1.06 am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Counting Crows- Anna Begins
And every time she sneezes, I believe it's love, and...oh lord...I'm not ready for this sort of thing...
so I wonder, how much of this is getting what I wanted?
Its almost reassuring to know I'm not just in this for the hot breath, sticky lips, saliva on my skin..
I see things like the concentration in the eyes or the steadiness of the hands instead. Confident. Assured. And that I should be the same.
The same old debate...fate or conscious choice....comes to dwell upon my brain again for a time.
I wonder how much control I have over my life....and how much I would really want.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 30 April :: 1.06 pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Cursive- Gentleman Caller
You bad, girl....does it feel good, being bad...
Report Card Time!
I've been a bad girl this semester....
Social Psychology......A
Sociological Theory....A
Macro Economics.......BA
Intro to Computing....W (I dropped it, the W is for Wisdom that I wouldnt have finished the course anyhow.)
Trigonometry/Precalculus.....C
woo! I'm going to school next year!
5 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 28 April :: 5.13 pm
I FEEL TOO DAMN OLD AND RESPONSIBLE.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 27 April :: 11.37 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Evanescence- Bring Me To Life
Wake me up inside....call my name and save me from the dark...
maybe this new immense boredom will prompt me to write something everyday... Quickly running out of things to say but once I get to doing "stuff" i'll have "stuff" to talk about.
i sit around the house and think about what things i can do to keep myself occupied. unfortunatly, I find that most of these things require spending money....not that I dont have money, but this is supposed to generally be a summer of saving, not spending (so I can actually get some furniture for my apartment), and blowing large quantities of cash three days after I move home really doesnt seem like the best way to stick to that plan.
Thinking about cutting my hair. Possibly short again. For a change. I don't really know if I want to do it though. Any opinions?
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 27 April :: 1.08 am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: The White Stripes- Hotel Yorba
I wonder how long it will take till we're alone...sitting on the front porch of that home...stomping our feet on the wooden boards...never gonna worry about locking the door...
Being home is so boring.. I spent five hours driving around the greater Grand Rapids area and essentially accomplishing nothing. I'm actually looking forward to starting at work. Scary thought for me.
Had a cute date today..the lazer light show. Darlin, I really did enjoy it a lot. Thank you. Even though the spinning stars made me sick to my stomach and the talking skull scared the shit out of me. It was still a lot of fun.
Ugh. I'm cold. And I want some lovin. And my keychain back. Also need to sleep. Sigh.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 25 April :: 9.49 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: Barenaked Ladies- Some Fantastic
Some day I will find the secret to your social chemistry...then I'll print it on a T-shirt...
So, um....real entry....yeah...
This is hard.
Anyway, I'm HOME now. Like, the one with the parents and stuff. I didnt realize how much shit I acquired this year until I tried to shove it back in my (shared) room.
Along with the new house, I got a new job... I transferred back to Menards as planned, and went in to get my hours, and....surprise... I got moved to the electrical department. So that could be cool, I hope it will be but I'm scared because I don't know all that much about the products and stuff. And I have to go buy some damn belts because I need to carry a knife for boxes, maybe a tape measure, but how often do you need a tape measure with circuit breakers, I dont really know. I think I need to go review my employee manuals because I'm like, freaking out. So I'll start tuesday, its crazy because there's only like 6 people in the whole department... I'm mad nervous, but I think it'll be a change for the better.
Sold back my books and got mad cash, I think I may have actually MADE money this semester (well I know I did because my scholarship paid for the books anyhow) because I bought them on Half. Its a good feeling to have a couple hundred bucks in my wallet.
Of course, I have to spend a good chunk of that on the books for my summer classes, three of them. Ugh. But at least I'll have it done, only a few classes from finishing my Sociology major. I tend to forget that this was supposed to be my first year of school.
I'm glad I'm not living in the dorms. No offense guys. Most of you I'm gonna miss super major a whole big lot. And some others, I won't. But they ought to know who they are and if they don't you all know who I'm talking about anyhow. I'm quite surprised that the semester ended without it coming to blows.
I've met a lot of interesting types of people this year. Unfortunatly, I don't think I can really say that I changed (other than the fact that I've learned to stick to ONE guy). I realized at the end of the year, that its really hard to actually change yourself. You really just end up changing your perspectives on yourself, or on your life. (In other words, I've come to the conclusion that I will always be a nerd. No matter how cool I think I am.)
Keep in touch, ya'all. Sorry that my "goodbye" entry wasnt as personalized or as mushy, touching, heartfelt, as Jason's. I guess I'm just too masculine for that. :)
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 24 April :: 4.55 pm
i realize that things never really get any better. its all a matter of perception.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 18 April :: 11.53 am
[ series 1 - your ]
-- Name : Stefanie Anne Wilde
-- Birthday :Auguat 17th 1984
-- Birthplace : Grand Rapids, Michigan
-- Current Location : Kalamazoo, Michigan
-- Eye Color : Blue
-- Hair Color : umm....i'm a redheaded blonde
-- Righty or Lefty : Righty
-- Zodiac Sign : Leo
-- Font : Bookmans Old Style
[ series 2 - your favorite ]
-- Music : Ben Kweller, Modest Mouse, i'm hooked on the White Stripes right now
-- Cartoon : dexters laboratory
-- Color : olive green
-- Slushy Flavor : lemonade
-- Magazine : .....maxim.....
-- TV Show : i still really cant claim one
-- Song at the Moment: There's No Home For You Here- the White Stripes
-- Language : english
-- Spice Girl : Scary Spice
-- Food & Beverage : pizza and alcohol of any form....har har har
Subject in School : sociology
-- Weekend Activity : sleeping
-- Ice Cream Flavor : moosetracks
-- Roller Coaster : i dont have a favorite
[ series 3 - what is ]
-- Your most overused phrase on aol : so...
-- The last image/thought you go to sleep with : usually staring at the darkness...
The first feature you notice in the opposite sex : i notice hair and eyes.
The Best Name for a Butler : Leonard
-- The wussiest sport : curling
-- Your best feature : my hot ass.
-- Your bedtime : somewhere between 1:30 and 2:30am
-- Your greatest fear : that someones hiding behind my shower curtain
-- Your greatest accomplishment : well i guess i'm gonna be lame and say my scholarship, because it changed a lot of things for me, even though there was a lot that I DID to accomplish it.
[ series 4 - you prefer ]
-- Pepsi or coke : diet coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King : McDonalds if i have to pick one
-- Single or group dates : it really depends on who the group is.
-- Adidas or Nike : either
-- Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers : either
-- Dogs or cats : kitty
-- Rugrats or Doug : rugrats
-- Single or taken : totally taken (can you believe it?)
-- Monica or Brandy : eh?
-- Tupac or Jay-Z : I’m white
-- Shania Twain or LeAnn Rhymes : Shania
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : yuck
-- One pillow or two : no pillows, just my blanket
-- Chocolate or vanilla : chocolate
-- Hot chocolate or hot cocoa : Hot chocolate
-- Cappucino or coffee : neither
-- Boxers or briefs : doesnt matter too much
[ series 5 - do you ]
-- Take a shower everyday? : yes
-- Have a(any) crush(es)? : i suppose you could call it that
-- do you think you've been in love? : yep
-- Want to go to college? : well lets see here...i hope to come BACK next year...
-- Like high school? : likeD
-- Want to get married : yeah sometime
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys? : kindof
-- Believe in yourself? : sometimes
-- Have any tattoos/where? : nope
-- Have any piercings/where? : yeah….one in each earlobe, two in the left cartilage, one in the right
-- Get motion sickness? : not usually
-- Think you're a health freak? : no, not at all
-- Get along with your parents? : I don’t live with my parents. So it works out pretty well.
-- Like thunderstorms? : I love em
[ series 6 - the future ]
-- Age you hope to be married : when I’m good and ready
-- Number and Names of Children : I’ll probably end up with like 6 kids, at least 4 though…a boy named Donavin and a girl named Sera Alizabeth
-- Where do you see yourself at age 20? : hell, I’m just about there
-- Describe your Dream Wedding : I don’t have dreams like that
-- How do you want to die? : driving a really fast car off a really high bridge
-- What do you want to be when you grow up? : still not there yet
-- What country would you most like to visit? : spain
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
-- Best eye color? : I’m a fan of blue
-- Best hair color? : I don’t really care
-- Short or long hair? : not too long
-- Best height? : taller than me
-- Best weight? : if it fits their body
-- Best articles of clothing? : eh?
-- Best first date location? : something simple
-- Best first kiss location? : doorsteps are fun.
-- What facial feature do you find the most attractive? lips
[ series 8 - other ]
-- When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? : last night
-- How many rings until you answer the phone? : my answering machine picks up at 2
-- What's on your mouse pad? : cedar springs red hawks
-- How many houses have you lived in? : 4
-- How many schools have you gone to? : 2, if you count colleges then 5
-- What color is your bedroom carpet? : cream
-- Would you shave your head for $5,000 dollars? : totally
-- What was the best time of your life so far? : I don’t know for sure…some concert sometime
-- Would you vote for a woman candidate for president? yup
-- Would you marry for money? : no
-- Have you had braces? : yeah
-- Do you pluck your eyebrows? : sometimes, I AM a girl after all
-- Do you ever cut or hurt yourself? : no
-- When was the last time you had a hickey? : I don’t think I’ve ever really had a hickey. I have a birthmark that looks like one…
-- Would you live without a computer? : it would be difficult
-- Do you drink enough water? : not normally, but lately yes
-- Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off?: take em off
-- What is your favorite fruit? : kiwis and strawberries
--Do you eat wheat bread or white bread? : White
-- What is the last movie you saw? : umm I watched the last three minutes of GO in video hits
-- Do you kiss on the first date? : usually
-- Are you photogenic? : I don’t really know
-- Do you dream in colour or black and white? : both
-- Are you wearing fingernail polish? : not anymore, just took it off
-- Do you have any dimples? : yeah
-- Do you like sunrises or sunsets the most? : sunsets
-- Do you want to live to be 100?: I wont. Lets just say no.
-- Do you think women should be expected to shave their body hair? : I think women AND men should be expected to shave their body hair.
-- Do you like salty food or sugary food the most? : depends
-- Is a flat stomach important to you? : oh god, lets not go there
-- Do you or have you played with a ouija board? : yes
-- Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs? : yeah, unless they believe in not tolerating others beliefs
-- When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? : off
-- Do you believe in magic? : nah
-- Do you have nightmares frequently? : sometimes
-- Do you like your nose?: Its ok.
-- Do you think you can draw well? : No
-- Do you listen to music daily? : just about every second that I’m not in class
-- Do you like to watch cartoons? : sure
-- How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet? : at home, somewhere between….50 and 75. At school right now I have cut down to 7, I took most of them home for moveout.
-- Do you like your friends? : occasionally. Some of them suck.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 14 April :: 4.41 pm
You are Carolyn Burnham --- everyone hates you. no
one appreciates you. doesn't it suck? yeah, you
know the world isn't beautiful but you try to
fake it with flowers anyways. Your flowers
suck. and quit selling houses. you suck at it.
after awhile you get sick of giving and giving
and giving and getting nothing in return and
you will go screw your rival and fire some guns
because YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM!
Which American Beauty Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 11 April :: 10.50 am
:: Mood: annoyed
nothing more annoying than when you make an appointment, and arrive on time (five minutes early no less!) and the person still makes you wait because they are preoccipied with insignificant personal matters...grr....
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 7 April :: 10.11 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
oooohh....my headache is getting worse....
funny that when all the stress is over i feel worse than i did when it was in full swing.
i think getting through that little incident brought us closer, made us stronger, all that jazz. there were rewards hidden there. sometimes i think that maybe i do believe in fate, maybe things happen for a reason.
so i got a role in a production at school...its community health theater, a production about "healthy sexual choices". i'm going to be a sexual health peer educator...har har har. it sounds naughty. anyway, i get to do it for credit...its a helluva lot of work but i hope it will be worth it, plus all the changes i had to make to my schedule....blaahhh...
wednesday is my audition tape to get a shift at the station...i'm wondering how it will go. but if you are ever in k-zoo (or on WIDR.org) listening to 89.1 FM and hear a dj who goes by "Bunny Foo-Foo", you'll know that I got in...
i think i'm supposed to go tanning tonite. i love places that are open 24 hours. they allow me to get the most out of life.
big test tomorrow in social psychology. last real test before the final.
i work a lot this weekend. and i think my parents are coming up to move out some of my furniture, and take down the loft.
i have a paper due in a week and two days for sociological theory.
jason and i are at three months in two weeks.
i have a 'C' in math. Pretty much no matter what. My grade is set right there unless i totally bomb the final, the last one that i have in finals week.
two weeks and 4 days until i move back home...sheesh.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 6 April :: 5.10 pm
And so ends a night full of adventures. I suppose that right now it is 5:00 the next day.... but right now is about when I feel that yesterday has ended.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 1 April :: 9.36 pm
You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 30 March :: 9.11 am
my point is not to protest. my point is that people need to think a little harder before they jump into things. i'm not against the war. i'm against killing. i'm against people who think because Bush is president, he is always right. we need a generation of critical thinkers, and too many of us are simply mindless sheep.
i dont appreciate the harassment I've received from the floor on this issue. i would like to think that you were all intelligent and mature enough to respect someone else's opinion. unfortunately, with all the jeering, the anti-american comments, and the signs mocking protesters, I can't resepct any of you anymore. I can't ever look at you guys in the same way again. Next time think about how YOUR actions impact others.
5 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 27 March :: 11.17 am
i dont believe in killing, whatever the reason. -john lennon
You can bomb the world into pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace!
If you kill one person, you are a murderer. If you kill ten people, you are a monster. If you kill ten thousand people, you are a national hero.
THINK BEFORE YOU BOMB
War doesn't prove whos right, only whos left
America is a leader- lead with nonviolence
Bomb Texas - they have oil, too
Bombs leave a return address
Bombs kill too many children and too few dictators
God does not bless only America
How many lives per gallon?
I dissent
Let's try preemptive peace
Read between the pipelines
Save the humans
The United States military spends $65,573,200,000 per month. Why?
War is not a video game
11 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 27 March :: 12.18 am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: once again, mel is sleeping...
Getting closer. I've got:
- One math exam
- One social psych exam
- A sociological theory paper
- Three finals
And then I'm done. If you count this week as over (which as of tomorrow, it is for me), I have three real weeks of classes left, and then exam week. And then I move back home, I'm scared to death of it. I'm scared of dealing with my parents, of the changes at work, of how much freedom i will have, of facing all my friends back home, of leaving the friends i have here. I also wonder how Jason and I's relationship will fare, knowing how busy I usually am, how strict my parents can be, and how far apart we live. I think...scratch that...I KNOW that it can be done, its just a matter of doing it and not giving in when things get rough. I've never been especially good at it, but I'm gonna give it a good shot.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 24 March :: 11.11 pm
:: Mood: sore
sometimes i think i love you so much that i feel emptied out inside.
i don't think that's how its supposed to feel.
i'm in so, so much pain right now.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 19 March :: 2.39 pm
:: Mood: drunk
This is college life.
Lets make a comparison...
3 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 19 March :: 2.26 pm
:: Mood: productive
:: Music: Gorillaz- Clint Eastwood
I'm useless, but not for long...the future is coming on...
So yesterday was this phenomenally good day, I got a lot of work and studying done, did the homework I needed to do, finally figured out how to go to the library (yeah I know).. and cleaned my room like mad...every drawer in my desk has been organized and cleaned out. I guess I'm in the mood to get out of here, I'm ready to move out of the dorms. I don't really want to go home, but I think I need out.
My friends are all jerks and I can't stand the way they think that their lives center the universe. But really I'm just ignoring it and living my life away from them. Which has ups and downs.
I really want to go camping. I'm not sure exactly why, but that's the mood I've been in lately. I think a lot of people are feeling the same way. I need a break from life.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 13 March :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: The White Stripes- Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
...and every little breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me...
all i do is take, i don't know how to give.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2003 13 March :: 10.35 pm
:: Mood: sad
sometimes i think i don't like anyone. and no one likes me either.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
|
