:: 2005 26 May :: 3.31 pm

Today sucked, tonight better be better, or else I'm going to cry, I really will. I NEVER have bad days, what's going on? and why does everyone have to yell at me all the time? I think I'm going to lay on my bed, I dont know what else to do, I couldn't even get anyone to the mall with me....do you know how boring it is to0 wander around a mall by yourself? and then when i get back to Cedar.......I get yelled at again by the yearbook advisor...how wonderful.....it's not like I didn't have anything else to do today.


Why, what did I do to you, what makes you think that you can act like that to me? I was only trying to be nice, and I get yelled at and made out to feel like a complete loser that nobody wanted around. I didn't realize that I was THAT horrible. I'm sorry, you can bet your sorry ass that I won't make that mistake again. I guess I won't try.


ugh! Somebody save me from this!!!!!!!!!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 24 May :: 5.08 pm

I bought a new skirt today. It made me feel better, and it's cute. I don't know what's wrong with me, I need to stop being such a bitch to everyone though. And I need to go into yearbook, it's necessary. BUT I don't wanna!! yes I'm whining! lol No, really, I think I'll go in the tomorrow. I was completely planning on going today, but shopping sounded much more appealing. woo! Ok, so I guess we have this awards thing tonight, that I didn't know anything about, but yea, another excuse to dress up...bleh! not really, I'm just gonna wear pants and a nice shirt, not jeans, but just dress pants I guess, no skirts tonight. I don't even wanna go, I keep planning on finishing that damn bathroom, but these things that I have to do keep coming up.
I went to Brianna's last night, for no reason, just to say hi I guess, and it was fun, I laughed a bunch, which is a good thing that I haven't done a lot of lately, thanks Brie! I love you! I'm too lazy to straighten my hair anymore, curly is so much easier and because it's hot out now, I can't keep it straight anyway, so it's a waste of time, it curls on me anyway, only normally I don't carry gel with me so it's more like a poof ball of frizzz!!!!! and I HATE it! ugh! *frustration*

but anyways, I am mad at you. Not really that mad, but seriously, that wasn't nice. and it hurt my feelings. I thought you knew me better than that. I guess there's a lot that we don't know about each other. I don't know how to change things tho, since we're all leaving. I won't say oh well tho, like I don't care, because I completely Do! and you better not think any different either. But I love you, and I'm pretty sure you feel the same! *wink* oh yea, remember that time I said I was gonna be straight to the point form now on, well ok...fine....Jon that was to you.






that's all I guess...even tho most of it wasn't all that important anyways.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 20 May :: 10.16 pm
:: Mood: moody

It's completely killing me inside. It wasn't even a kiss. But that DOESN'T EVEN MATTER! Why must I care?

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 20 May :: 11.13 am
:: Mood: contemplative

This is NOT fair. I loved him first, and now it seems like it's the last thing that I could ever have. I hate having feelings. It makes everything so wonderful and amazing when you're happy, but when you're not, it makes everything ten times worse. I LOVED HIM FIRST! He was my first love.

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 16 May :: 3.52 pm

seriously, if people thought about what they were doing a little bit more, SO many things could be prevented that might not have ever happened, things that didn't EVER need to happen. UGH! It really pisses me off! gosh! I'm SOOOO MADDDDDDDD I can't even express it!!! UGH!!!!!!!!



I REALLY need you right now, why arn't you here?

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 14 May :: 10.30 am

ummm....ok...well last night was.........surprisingly..........alright. I did alright. It amazes me how fast my plans can change. I wasn't in a million years ever going to do that, but I did and lived through it. It actually wasn't that bad. I could even call it fun I guess. But whatever, it can't happen a whole bunch.




as for you, I just don't understand anymore, I thought I could, but I completely CAN'T! This is never going to go anywhere, and I need to change. For everyone's sake, this can't happen. Sorry.





if things can get better, it's about time that they start.

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 8 May :: 12.46 pm
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Weezer~Beverly Hills

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 2 May :: 10.41 pm
:: Mood: okay

wow, I don't know what to say or think anymore, I like having everything figured out, and then I always get so screwed up! I HATE it! I wish everyone would just be terrible blunt with me, and always say what they're thinking, so I never have to wonder or question what I thought that they meant, and I wish that I wouldn't ever get my hopes up, that's so disappointing, because things never work out the way you hope, I don't know, too much on my mind.

I can't talk about it, I'll get in trouble.


oh and because I'm trying not to hold anything back anymore, Dani, you really pissed me off today, in english.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 30 April :: 2.59 pm
:: Mood: drained

Prom was...in a word.....PERFECT!! wait no...WONDERFUL......nno.....beautiful!! I loved every minute of it! It was so awesome! I am really sad though that that was our last dance, it was perfect. And then after wards we came to my house and changed, and then went over to Dani's and ate chocolate and fruit and stuff, and I got my birthday present from Dani, which I LOVE, and then we went hottubbin with Gilly and Becky and Josh, and then later Micah, Brandee, Keegan and Erika came over, and we all ended up eating some more, and then watching Beauty and the Beast in Dani's basement, on the pull out couch and tons of blankets, and ended up all falling asleep and stayin the night there! Micah's my snuggle buddy! and even if we were REALLY close, it was all so innocent and cute! I loved every minute of it. And Erika and Keegan are so freakin cute! and Josh and Becky are OFFICIAL now......ahaha yeah!!!! and Dani's hot tub tried to kill us all!! ahahahah!!! no but it was really awesome! I have always secretly wanted to have a slumber party with guys, and now I have, and I even slept with em too! ahahah, anyways, I better go..I think I'm gonna take a nap, because we went to bed so late, and got up waaayyyy to early! I LOVE YOU ALL!



I love you Jon, thanks for last night........and everything! You are the best friend anyone could ask for! EVER!

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 27 April :: 12.52 pm
:: Mood: excited

I had so much fun today doing senior interviews, it was SO much fun. I can't wait to do it for real. I'm so excited for prom too! It's gonna be perfect!! especially if Alice goes with us too! I'm so excited that I can't think straight! ahahah, ok, I'm gonna get back to class and the real world now. I suppose!! OH YEAH! I got my nails done today and they are beautiful. YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 23 April :: 8.02 pm
:: Mood: cheerful

today at work it was SOOO SLLLOOOWWWW!! boring! but we got everything SUPER clean!!


Brianna!!! that other entry had nothing to do with you hunny!! Don't worry, you're fine, I'll tell you anything. It was some other people. Don't think anything of it please! You are too sweet to worry about that. Everything is alright. I love you too!






but anyways, I'm going to the movies tonight at 9:50 to see "A Lot Like Love" with my sister's, it's going to be so much fun! I love ahnging out with them, and then shopping and church with Dani tomorrow, I don't have to work at all tomorrow, since I work at a ice cream shop and it's snowing!! We arn't busy at all! So I got the day off!!! They're still open tho in case you want ice cream tomorrow! I am gonna have some fun!! If anybody wants to join me let me know!! I'm not scared!! ahahah!!

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 22 April :: 10.45 pm
:: Mood: crappy

awwwwwww, I've had the worst week ever. I've cried too much and ached too much and worried too much and done too much, and UGH! I don't even know, everything just went DOWN. I wanna cry, and I have to work tomorrow, but for the first time in 3 weeks I have the night off so I really wanna go see that movie "A Lot Like Love, " and I wanna see it with Dani, but now she has to work , and I think we're gonna go after but that's so late, and I don't know what I'm going to do all night until that time. I just wanna pack everything into tomorrow, because it's my only time to do anything, and I still haven't made my hair appt. for prom, how pathetic is that? I don't know....I just don't know....I need to not be so hard on myself. I want a relationship, "there is a point in your life where your parents love just isn't enough anymore." (Dani Lauer) Seriously how true is that?


I don't know, I think that this was a bad week for most everybody. I don't know why I am being so hard on myself about everything, but I can't seem to shake it that everything is getting so messed up. And SO many people are getting involved in my life all over where they shouldn't be. And are messing everything up! Ugh! I hate it, you really can't trust anyone anymore, except your parents and your best friends. That's all I have left.

I can't count an anyone, and all of you wonder why I don't tell anyone anything!?! It's because when I do break down and give my true personal opinion's about anything, it's gets thrown back in my face and I get in trouble, or somebody get's hurt, and I'm the dirty culprit that caused it all. I don't know what to do or say anymore, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Seriously, I don't go around looking for ways to cause trouble. That isn't me at all, I don't go around looking for any way to cause conflict, I used to be this scared timid girl who wouldn't stand up for herself and wouldn't let things bother her because she was scared of conflict, but not any more.....if people are going to piss me off, one way or another they are going to know that I'm pissed, I'm not gonna be nice to their faces and then talk about them behind their backs. I'm not two-faced, and since I call people two-faced sometimes, I'm not going to be a hypocrit and do that, so if I'm mad at you, you'll know. I won't act like I don't care and everything is ok. It's not gonna be that way anymore, I need to learn to stand up for myself sometime before I venture out into the big bad real world. I don't know, I have let people, especially my sister's and friends walk all over me for as long as I can remember, but it's not gonna happen anymore, I'm not as freaken nice as you all think. I was just too scared to ever tell anyone anything that might hurt their feelings. UGH! I am so freakin frustrated! I don't even know what to do, and I can't once AGAIN talk to anyone about it, my one best friend is too close to all of this and the other one has way too much stuff going on to even worry about any of this. I wouln't want to add to her stress. AND THEN! my two best friends in the whole wide world don't like each other! I always feel like I have to play the middle man. and I can't go between them and choose. It's way too hard, and I hear it from both and it seriously breaks my heart, I think everything is getting so screwed up, and my senior year was going so well too. Everything was SO perfect, why does anything have to change, oh yeah! I remember, it's because I chose to be brutally honest for once, because we were going to be, and then it all changed, and then third parties had to get involved and add their two cents where it wasn't needed on top of everything else. UGH!!! Sometimes I wish I wasn't around anymore. Then none of this would be going on with anyone. And everyone could have their crushes and clicks and everything else and I wouldn't have to mediate any of it. I mean I love doing it for random people that I don't really know, I mean I am going into psycology as a career, I just hate it when it directly involves me. I don't know what to say or do to make anyone feel better in these situations, I feel like I am just defending myself and it's all so pointless because everything I say gets taken the wrong way, and nobody seems to understand what I'm trying to get across, and the only time that we're able to talk about it is on the freakin internet, which you can't ever make anyone truly get what you're trying to say, or hear the tone of your voice change, or anything that matters. GOSH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 22 April :: 2.28 pm

Hi everyone!!!!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 22 April :: 2.21 pm

Hellooooo Everyone!!!!! hahhahahhahahha i dont feel good but i really do love my dear sister Kourtney, she is such a sweetheart!!! Prom is in exactly a week, im soooooo excited hehehehhe opps i just let one slip i hate when that happens i love you too jonboy so dont you go thinking otherwise and to all those ppl that really need a life i think your annoying because you dwell on matters that didnt even happen and you are making something a really big deal when nothing even went on to make it a big deal. but yeah i have to go try to control my gas love you all JP!!!! xoxo



by the way......this is Kourtney

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 20 April :: 1.52 pm
:: Mood: crappy

ok, well.....I don't wanna go to golf tonight, but not for any other reason than the fact that I feel really BAD, I mean, if I wake up one more morning with my throat practically closed...i won't come to school, and I'll tell my mom and hopefully get a doctor's appointment. I mean for real, I haven't been myself lately. It's not fun at all, I don't even wanna smile. It's so sad.

I love you.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 17 April :: 10.48 pm
:: Mood: drained

I think I'm ok now, I don't know if it was ever true in the first place, I don't see now how it could have been. I think it was just everyone talking about it all the time, it put ideas in my head. I mean, tonight, I had absolutley no problem what-so-ever. I could care less. I mean, I do care but not like a jealous care. I wish I had a big enough vocabulary to actually express myself the way that I want to so this would all make such perfect sense that nobody would be confused, but I don't. I guess it's only important for me and one other person to know what I'm talking about. and that's all that matters. I'm so glad I know what's going on, even if I can't explain it perfectly, I'm sure you get what I mean. Everybody says that it isn't possible for guys and girls to be "just friends" for an extended period of time...but I assure you all, that it is VERY possible, and actually it happens all the time. I don't know where that idea came from, but I hate it. Maybe it's true for some people, but to group us all into that stereotypical group is completely unfair. Sometimes, I feel like there is nobody that I can talk to about anything, but then I realize that that is all MY fault because when given the opportunity I don't talk. I clam up and don't say anything. And what I do say, generally isn't what I really mean, or it doesn't come out how I wanted it to, so it doesn't make the sense that it should. I don't know what's wrong, I guess it's ok, but I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve, and unless it's really bad, you won't know what's going on. I'm so good at not letting anyone know, and I REALLY hate it when I get questioned. I don't wanna talk about it unless I bring it up. It is nobody else's business until I decide to talk about it. If something needs to be said then I will say it, but I don't stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, so I hate it when people do that to me, and I'm not talking about anyone in particular, it was just in my head, I don't know, this has no point. I just have a lot to say I guess. ahha, how ironic. but anyways..I really should go to bed, I don't get in sharing moods very often so I thought that I should get this down, maybe another time I'll go off again. I don't know...good night everyone.



I love you.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 17 April :: 3.18 pm
:: Mood: discontent

I should have never said anything. This sucks, the one person that should have known, but at the same time shouldn't have known more than anyone in the world, knows. And I can't go back now. I'm tearing myself apart about this. Oh well, I guess you have to do something that scares you everyday, and that was enough for the week. I wish you would set me straight though, it's hard enough to convince myself, I need a little extra help.



p.s.I love you.

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 16 April :: 11.05 pm

ok...Jon came in to work tonight to see me...and that's important enough to update about! I love you my Jonboy!

also....Jess and Jess came to see me...and I don't know..Jake Moerdyke...and Steph Karns and omg...what's his name.........her boyfriend....oops! ahahahah!! and a bunch of other people...but I can't remember..it was so busy I didn't have time to think!



but anyways.........I STILL love you.





and today I did so good at golf!!! I was so happy, it made the day so much better, this season is going to be my best ever!!! YEA!! beat both of my lowest scores! and it's gonna keep on going down!!! YEEEHAWWWWWWW!!!hahaahahahahah! night all!

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 15 April :: 11.04 pm
:: Mood: confused

I wish I knew what to say...if the moment ever came..I would probably lie and say that it was nothing....and nothin was ever going to change...but it already has...and no matter how hard I try to go back...it's not working and it's putting me in a really bad mood. So sorry to everyone that I'm being a brat to, it's not on purpose..I just have too much crap going on in my personal life, and no one to talk it over with. And I know I could talk it over with any of you, but the truth is that I don't want to talk about it, I know that talking helps but I wanna keep it private. So I don't want help. Dani or Jon....sorry I can't let either of you know...maybe later...after I get everything back under control.....I will be ok. Nothing is going to happen.




Anyways....I have a golf tournament tomorrow morning and we have to be at school and ready to leave by 7 a.m. so I really have to go to bed. I HOPE *crosses fingers* that I do good tomorrow! Wish me luck!



I LOVE YOU! yes you! *winks

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2005 14 April :: 5.45 pm

I wanna make out in a car. That would be fun...actually...it IS really fun! ahaha! I wanna do it again! I'm such a hussy!

hmmm...maybe go parking...or at a drive in! That would be awesome! hahaha...I hate having to baby-sit after the kids go to bed...I think too much and am so bored!







oh yeah....how do I love thee...let me count the ways. hahaha true story. Damn it! You can't EVER know that! It would ruin everything. I mean EVERYTHING...I'm walking on the most dangerous ground ever...and I really need to step off as soon as possible. I can't do this.....it would totally mess up everything..............aahhhhhhhhh! STOP JENNA!

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!