:: 2004 22 June :: 10.12 pm

I wish I could apologize, but I cna'r especially since in my eyes I didn't do anything wrong. I wish that you would see that I care. I don't want you to be mad at me, it hurts. I think you freaked me out when you said what you did, I'm not sure if that was intentional or not but you said things weren't always what they seemed. I hope that that is true.When I think about it, I see that I was stupid in believing everything that I heard, you were right about that. I should have come to you and asked you if it was true. Or just forgot about it because it shouldn't bother me, right? I mean we arn't anything but friends, why should it bug me? I can't help it though that it does. I sometimes wish I didn't feel this way, and I tried to forget that I did and it was getting easier not being with you but then all you had to do was show up on my doorstep(which is exactly what you did) and I was gone again. What am I supposed to do. I don't hate you or anything even close to the word. You have always been the nicest guy to me. Except for today, but anyway........I just wanted you to know that I won't let this mess anything up, you arn't going to get rid of me that easy....I'm stuck now. And it's totally your fault!!! Why on earth do you have to be so awesome? Even when your mad at me? I'm sure you won't feel the same but I can dream can't I? I'll know next time who to talk to about this stuff, you and only you. It really isn't anyone else's business anyway, especially if I know it won't do any good anyway. I hope I get to talk to you soon because I won't be here Thursday and Friday(the yearbook thing). I wish you were going. We could have so much fun!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 22 June :: 1.48 pm

What happened?

Everything fell apart in less than 24 hours.

We need to talk and get this figured out.
I'm not letting it end up like this, honestly, I don't want it to end at all, but you can't be mad at me when I expressed myself, and you also can't be mad when people tell me things but then you don't have the time to tell me the truth, or whatever you want to tell me when I "shouldn't believe everything that I hear."When I hear these things and then you don't tell me anything different what am I supposed to do?

I don't know what to do. Help.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 21 June :: 11.52 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Britney Spears~Everytime

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 21 June :: 8.18 pm

If I could be a little bit more confused I think I would be happier.Then I wouldn't try so hard to make sense out of what you said to me. Why do you have to say such things and then not give me a reason? Then do you know what I do?.....I sit around wondering if you meant something more than what you did, or if I am just looking too far into things, or if I should even care...or if I should be the least bit excited about this? I honestly don't know and I really don't think I should have to wonder. I'm a senior in high school and I don't know if it's just me or what but I never thought it would be this confusing and hard to figure all of this stuff out, or even if I'm supposed to figure it out. But I would like to know, I was trying so hard to forget and not like you, then you go and mess it all up with 6 stupid little words that you wouldn't explain. I don't know what to do now. I knew we wouldn't talk about it again. That never happens, once you get over the urge, it's hard to bring it up again. I guess I'll just let it go unless you say something, I'm not one to bring up such topics, or be the one to make the first move, if there even is a move to be made.....................................................................................................................................................................but why would you say that if you didn't mean anything by it? There has to be some deeper laying something that I'm just not getting and you aren't letting me get it.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLESE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..........................STOP THIS CRAZY THING BEFORE I GO NUTS!!!!




*ANGRY FACE IS ON*

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 21 June :: 4.39 pm

We really need to finish talking because I want to know what is going through your head! You seriously drive me crazy!!!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 21 June :: 12.27 am

I think you should talk to me, NOW!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 20 June :: 1.17 pm

You drive me CRAZY sometimes!!



but I can't help but like it.

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 18 June :: 4.08 pm

I guess I'm going swimming at the neighbors. See Ya Later!! BASH TOMORROW!!!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 18 June :: 11.33 am

nothin to do today, maybe I'll go out to lunch with my cousins, that would be fun. I better go get ready then. GAY

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 17 June :: 10.40 pm

Want to know about my really boring but somehow interesting night?
Of course you do!!
It started with me laying in my parents bed on the phone with Stephanie, when a really ugly car pulls into my driveway and Hans gets out. I was confused because he never comes over...anyway Steph wants to talk to him, so then we all make plans to have Steph come to my house, then we would pick up Hans at Ed's, and take Hans to his house to get all his stuff out...but then his mom was there so we couldn't...so then we drove around to Ritchie, deciding that we were going to go and get something to eat but that we were going to get Josh first so we turn around and go to Josh's where he isn't home but we rape his sheep and jump on his trampoline before we leave...then we figure that he is at Dave's house so we go there, where nobody is home...so then we really do go to get something to eat, where Hans molest's the server and then proceed's to practically get us kicked out after the manager reapetedly tells us to be quiet. So, then, we go down the road, where I decide that i have to get gas or we won't make it home...Hans said that he would pump..nice kid...anyway, then we go by Hans's house again and his mom isn't there, so he breaks inot his own house and gets all of his clothes, and tons of tools to fix a car that's at Ed's, then his phone rings and it's Andrew saying that he was going to Ed's and that Josh was meeting him there. So we start to leave Han's house and he is still on the phone but then me and Steph decide to peel out, which turned out nicely!! I might add...and we head back to Ed's to drop Hans off, where we end up waiting fo Josh, so then the mosquito's we eating us alive, so all 4 of us pile into the front seat of my truck, very cozy!! Then Steph said that she was going to throw up and that she had to go home....so obviously..we left..but this time Josh came with us and he was closet to the driver's seat so he drove but only till the end of my driveway then we switched because I didn't want to get in trouble.. we went to my house again...where he proceed's to talk to my dad and offer's his help for hayin', which my dad gladly accepts. So then they leave because Steph is getting sick and she had to take Josh back to Ed's still, which is only down the hill, but still...

any way that was rather pointless and it prolly won't happen again, anyway who needs a detailed event of what my adventurous night brought my way?

Not you.

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 17 June :: 4.29 pm
:: Music: Burn

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 16 June :: 2.53 pm

I'm seriously debating weather or not to not show my parents my report card until after Birthday Bash, otherwise they prolly won't let me go. I'm seriously dreading what my punishment is going to be. Stacey was grounded for a maring period when she got a bad report card like mine,, it isn't even that bad, except my parents have very high expectations and this time I didn't quite reach them. I HATE ALGEBRA!

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 16 June :: 12.20 pm

I don't think my day can get any worse, oh, wait, let's wait till mom gets home.

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 15 June :: 11.09 pm

I hate you!! I hate you!! I HATE you!!! WHY??!?! Why? Just tell me that is all I need to know! I you would just get some fuckin balls and tell me why the fuck you are acting like this!!! I can't stand it anymore! I wish I had never become your friend!!! Then I wouldn't have to deal with this fucking shit!!! All the fucking time!! It is all I can think about and I hate it!!!!

oh, and you...I won't let you stand me up again, you can just go screw yourself if you think I'm going to ask you to do anything anymore, and then have you say you are coming, just to have you not show up!!!! Screw you ALL!! Some fuckin "friends" you turned out to be, just live you your fucking boyfriend, do whatever he says, we wopuldn't want him to not get his way now would we?? Can't have that!!! I can't stand it! I won't ask you anymore and you just don't ask me, oh wait, you don't anyway!!! I guess it won't matter then, will it? Screw all of you dumb asses!!

3 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 15 June :: 10.46 am

ok, I just had a very bad morning. My mom made me go into town and help her load a bunch of plywood into the back of the truck then bring it home, but on the way they fell out, TWICE, and I had to load them back up bu myself. It was really embarassing, me lugging wood across the road, and tons of cars driving by and staring!! Ugh! Then my mom yells at me for prolly driving too fast. This sucks, she should have done it herself if she wanted the wood so bad!!!

But today at noon, I'm going baby-sitting and we have big plans of putting the sprinkler under the trampoline, and then later tonight were going rollar-skating.

Things should get better, shouldn't they?

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 14 June :: 10.13 am

I wish that I believed.
I wish that I had someone.
I wish that I knew what you thought.
But most of all, I wish I was happy.

What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 13 June :: 8.53 pm

I wish I was strong enough to stand up for myself and say what I really feel. I don't know why I can't though, maybe I'm too scared to be shut down and rejected, so I don't let myself feel, or let the other person know...that must be what it is. It's not soo bad I guess, I'm not that sad. Actually I am. I can't fool myself into thinking I don't care. I do. I guess it's the fact that I have always tried to be better than my sister, in one way or another, and then she goes and gets what I want and it is absolutly perfect, but I don't have that, and now she is achieving so many things at school, that I'm going to have to live up to, and my parents are going to be expecting from me. It doesn't matter anymore about NHS, she made the Dean's list, twice, and that is obviously so much better, even though she didn't even get into NHS, either did my dad, and he was really smart in school, I think I'm just trying to make myself feel better though.

These past few entries have been very depressing to me, sorry to those of you that actually read them.

Why the heck does he have to go to Illonois?
That is sooooo far away! I don't know what I will do! He said that we will hang out this summer though so that really helps, but then he won't be back for EIGHTEEN months!!! I would like someone older who just happens to be going away when I realize that I like him. That sucks, I can't ever have what I want.

If it was a perfect world, I don't think I would have of ever been single. EVER! It SUCKS!

ugh!!!ugh!!ugh!! That's what I think about a perfect world, it will never happen.

I always mess everything up with everyone.
Does everyone have this much trouble, or is it just me? Most likely it is just me or everyone else wouldn't have boyfriends.

Anyway this sucks!!! Fuck it all!!! I WISH I didn't care.

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 13 June :: 11.11 am

Last night was so much fun!! Thanks for going with me Kyni-Rae! I love you hun! Anyway after the party, I didn't end up getting home till 1:30 and I was extremely tired, so I went to bed but then this morning, at like 8:30, one of my sister's friends started calling, one right after the other, and nobody was answering it, duh, we were all sleeping! So then my sister finally comes in MY room to get my phone, and I had unplugged it, so then she leaves and leaves my door open, so all I can hear is the frickin phone ringing non-stop because Kourtney decides that she doesn't want to answer it! Oh my GOSH! So I'm fully awake now, and still tired, but I can't go back to sleep now because I'm already awake, and once I'm awake I notice how truly hot it is in my room, so I have to come downstairs. Ugh!! I hate her little stupid ass friends! They need to learn when they should call! Like NEVER!! Now I'm in a bad mood because I'm still tired, there is nothing like waking up HAPPY! Ugh!

I still want you! heheh no, not gonna happen!

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 12 June :: 4.09 pm

I thought about it and talk to some special sources, and I have come to the conclusion that I don't like you in that way I was only trying to make myself like you, because I want a boyfriend and I just don't like anyone that way right now. ( well one person does have that place)Wereallydon't have anything in common and we never really have anything to talk about either, except for the occasional topic about making out. (but we cantalkabout that anytime, it could happen). I also think it was everyone telling me that we would be cute together, but what the hell does that mean anyway? I don't know, but when I was thinking I was like, what do they know, not you, they don't know if we would be "cute together," I just don't get it. They never see us around each other, all they know is a few brief glimpses that they may have caught in the halls or something, or maybe they just got that opinion by something that I might have said, about what we did or something that you might have said or something. I don't know, but "they" really don't have any right to say who I would be "cute" with, because they don't know! I think I'm getting all pissed off about this because I don't want it to be really true, I want to like someone. I want to have them like me back though, and have it go somewhere. I have this huge fairytale in my head about how everything is supposed to happen for me and it just isn't working out. I want it to be as perfect as Stacey and Dan are, maybe that is why I wanted this soo bad, because I see all the time how happy that they truly are with each other and I want that for myself. I don't think it's going to happen though, all of the guys here know me too well, obviously, and just want to be friends with me. Or the thing is, they think that my sister's are hot, which doesn't make me want to like them all that much. I don't want to hear about that. It's not fair that everything works out so well for Stacey, it always has, prolly always will. She gets what she wants, but I just let people walk all over me. I think I'm going to end up like some of my cousins are and not ever get married, be a bachelorette.That's prolly what will happen, and do you know why? Because it's my biggest fear. that's why. I'm gonna shut up now, I'm making myself fell bad.

2 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!

:: 2004 12 June :: 1.29 pm

I can't believe you. Why can't you just die?!?! I hate this bullshit!

1 Hit it! | What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?!