:: 2003 16 October :: 12.13 pm
:: Mood: icky icky icky putangey ha

Blah
I dont know exactly what I'm going to say here. I'm thinking about the Thursday talk. I dont know how long it will be and I'm starting to think that I would rather not talk. I'd rather just wait until Friday to do the talking. I just dont think that there can be any good that would come out of talking tonight. Its one thing to be online and talking about it because I can always distract myself by doing other things and then I dont focus on everything. I think that if I ever truely focused on it then the hurt would just be so much... just like the first time I found out. And I dont want to go through that again. So I think I will talk to John about either talking online or a very short phone call. I dont know... too much to deal with and I have 3 quizzes today.

1 message | gimmie a ring

:: 2003 15 October :: 3.31 pm
:: Mood: eh

taked
well i dont know again. and i'm typing all lower case today because i'm eating an apple.so i dont know anymore what to dothere were talks of sheep and it made me relize things i before hadnt thought of. some of it was good and some of it was bad. how do you keep a wolf from eating your sheep? build a fence! but what good does a fence do anyone. then sheep are not free to roam about and nothing ever gets in. who knows. i'm all confused again. DAH!

gimmie a ring

:: 2003 15 October :: 11.20 am
:: Mood: fuzzy

Almost there
I think that I am alomost to my decision. Although, Friday will play the biggest and final role in my decision making process. And now looking at my schedule I think that this decision must be post-poned. Even if John left directly from school he'd only get here by 4:30 and I work from 5-8. So I think it might just be smarter for him to aim to get here by 8. Although I dont know if his parents would let him leave that late... I dont know. And from 8 it would be at least another 15 or 20 minutes for us to get to Rockford. I've decided that I dont want to talk to him about it until we get to the dam. It will either be our last visit there or the first of a new series. OH the decisions.
Yesterday I went to dance and had a WONDERFUL time. There is something about dancing, full out, that makes everything clear. Not totally clear... more of a fuzzy. But fuzzy is a step up from being in the dark. From then on I've been able to find little blocks of time that I can avoid thinking of the pain. Mal and I were up all night last night getting free samples of things just so that we can get some mail. It was a nice break from the hell that has been this week.

2 messages | gimmie a ring

:: 2003 14 October :: 8.06 pm

Gone
Everything that I've written this week is gone. Dad came to fix my computer... which is good. But all the things that I've written this week are now gone. I posted one on here but the others I kept in a file. They were all the things that I didnt want on my journal because they were too private but I wanted to be able to go back and read them.... now they are gone.

gimmie a ring

:: 2003 14 October :: 11.40 am
:: Mood: irascible

Oye ve
Changed colors today... isnt it all fall-ish

If everything in my life wasnt confusing before it sure as hell is now. I dont know exactly what to do about anything. Somethings I have an idea but I would perfer not to do anything untill everything is figured out, which I'm hoping to have done by Friday. But I dont know if everything can be doneby Friday like I would like it to be. Maybe John and I need to talk face to face before I can decide what to do. Then Saturday he is going home so maybe I could decide by Sunday. I dont know.
So anyway I've decided this has been the most stressful week of my life. John and I are the obvious stresser. Then there was a Randy incident (Everyone stop freaking, nothing happened) and today brings about a Buck incident.
I dont know what to do about any of them. I just dont know. So as of right now I am deciding to do nothing. All things must be straighted out with John first, I think, maybe, I dunno. But that seems like a good idea to me. I dont know. I have the day off of work so I will use it for some good thinking time.

2 messages | gimmie a ring