Kandy

All about me... what's left anyways...

home | profile | guestbook

Kandy

recent entries | past entries

:: 2006 8 May :: 1.08pm

well i just finished my first week at a tattoo shop working with chris and whatnot. i made some pretty good money to. if anyone is intrested in a tattoo party get ahold of me threw hear or if ramiro is still having it get ahold of him. me and chris are going to open our own shop very very soon and if anyone wants to make donations..(like anyone is that nice) it would be awsome.
everyone have a good day.

6 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 7 May :: 10.09pm

pretty fun weekend I guess you could say...

hopefully next weekend has just a tid bit more excitement...

:: 2006 7 May :: 5.44pm

Watching 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen'. Noticed again the character named "Dorian Gray" Which clicked in my memory the James Blunt song "Tears and Rain". Sample of the lyrics below. I remember hearing that song, and thinking I had heard the name before, but couldn't think of where or what it was. So I looked it up. Good ol' Wikipedia. Dorian Gray is a character in a novel written by Oscar Wilde The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's a really interesting story actually. =)

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

Now I feel like looking up the other Characters

:: 2006 7 May :: 3.10pm

Eddy's creature-nemesis:

The Dreaded JACK BAUER

QuizGalaxy!

'What creature will become your nemesis?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Interesting.....

2 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 7 May :: 2.33am

Well, work tonight was interesting again. I had to close by myself for the first time. I don't recommend it. I was getting peeved at people. One guy came up and asked for a whole pizza and I just told him that we ran out of dough, because I did not want to make it. I had not the time nor energy. During closing time I was mopping the floor and Wayne was playing Eminen's "shake that ass" song really loud in the bar. This one guy, with a group of people walks by and says "shake that ass for me" And me, thinking, (more like hoping) he wasn't talking to me, just kept mopping, not even looking up. Then of course, my fear was confirmed when he says "or just keep mopping" To which a girl in the group begins to laugh at hysterically, all the way until they got out of the door. Probably even longer than that, but thank God I couldn't hear her anymore. It really wasn't that funny. I think they might have been drunk, the guy at least, the girl looked like she was only 17 or so. Got a check today that I didn't know I had. That's super cool. My legs and feet are gonna fall off I think. They hurt real bad.

I stink.

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.49pm
:: Mood: cold and lonely
:: Music: Catholic School Girls Rule - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Brr...
It's cold in my house.

And lonely...

I'm pretty cold and lonely right about now...

I think I'll go heat up my room and watch Wayne's World with my doggies...that sounds good to me! *thumbs up*=)

:: 2006 5 May :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: *contemplative*
:: Music: *leave the pieces - the wreckers*

*just one of those days*
The one time I need my mom, she doesnt answer her phone.
I need the strength to give up. To quit fighting this.
But in a way I do have the strength because I'm admitting that I need to give up.
I've never tried this hard for anything.
I've never wanted anything more than this.
I've never loved anyone as much as I love him.
But maybe I needed to find that one thing I had to give up, because I've never had it before.
Or maybe I'm just scared that he'll never love me as much as I love him.
That I'm not good enough for him. No matter how much I try to make myself be.
I'm the most insecure person that is completely sure of how she feels.
Or maybe its the fact that things are going so great that I can't stand it. That it feels like something is wrong. I used to run away from a good relationship after a month. But this one has lasted 6 months. I've never fought for something this much.
I need someone to tell me its okay to be with him. I need someone to be on my side. I need something or someone to help me through this.

I told Jay tonight that he's lucky because he has alcohol to help him excape reality when things get tough. I have nothing. I don't do drugs. I gave up drinking. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't drink again. I don't want to turn out like my mother. I want/need more self control.

I need a hobby, because I do too much thinking when I just sit around. When Mike is at work and I'm up at the wee hours of the morning, I sit and think. I wonder about all the insane possibilites. I think up things that it shouldn't even be possible to think about. And I feel crazy. I feel like I should be locked up somewhere for scientific research.

Oh and I've decided that I want pictures of all of you so I can make one huge collage to put up in my apartment. The walls are too bare and I can't paint them. So start sending.

Stacy, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to take some pictures for me. I've seen some of your stuff, and its amazing.

Same with you Carley. I envy your talent.

4 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 5 May :: 7.52pm

Hey guess what everyone?!?! That's right! You got it! More StacySydneyJessicaAmanda movies!!! YAY!!!!!!!

We Hate This Fucking Bitch
The Tape
Whatcha Gon' Do Wit All Dat Ass?

Sorry no updates on the date yet. I know you're all dying to see the next in that series. It's coming soon, I promise!

12 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 5 May :: 3.02pm

errg...my mom is a meany weany sometimes. I can't go to the movies because she's homosexual...::mad face:: grr..!

:: 2006 4 May :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: eh...confused in some way..
:: Music: Fire, Water, Burn - The Bloodhound Gang

So I got my hair colored today and cut. I kinda dont like it now. I liked it at first but when I got home and looked in the mirror...It's just very very...red! =|oh well...it's just hair I guess...what can ya do?

After gettin' mah hair did...Kelly, Mindy, Eddy, Kevin and I all went to buffolo wild wings or whatever. I wasn't too hungry because Ash and I ate ourselves silly at McDonalds so yeah...Kevin ate and payed for my food...haha!

I skipped golf again today. She's going to be mad at me. Oh well...golf sucks..

I think Gravid, Kelly, Mindy, and I are all going to the movies tomorrow night but I dont know if I can or not. My mama is a bitch every now and then. I have a fucking family reunion on Saturday. Mindy you should go with me! lol! That would be awesome.

hmm...yeah. I don't know. Things are weird sometimes I guess but all you can really do is shrug it off and forget about them...*shrugs and forgets*

:: 2006 4 May :: 7.20pm

I got my new phone today, because I kick ass.
No, my other one was broken.
My brother got a new phone today too.
The same one I got.
It came out today. I was the first person to buy it!
Well I wish. But probably not.
I am having a great day already.
Started at like 7:30 this morning.
When my boyfriend got out of work.
And came over to cuddle with me.
I love him.
Just thought you kids should know that.
In case you didn't already.
I'm going to go play with my new phone.

:: 2006 4 May :: 9.37am

All I have to say is wow.
Not what I expected.

:: 2006 4 May :: 12.29am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Ballad of Curtis Lowe" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Being tired
I don't know what it is anymore. This week I have ben so extremely tired. It may be recovering from Saturday night still, but I doubt it.

It was nice to let loose on Saturday night. It had been awhile. It's nice to go out, have some fun with some friends and not have to worry about anything. To know that everything is going to be taken care of and what tomorrow brings will just have to wait. That's part of what I feel that I will miss this summer that I had last summer. I discovered a different part of me last summer. The part that was mulled in a three month stretch of depression, but also someone who would show his pain, and wasn't afraid to act out. Someone who didn't have to be absolutely perfect all the time.

I guess that's the way I feel now. That I have to be perfect all the time. I didn't last summer. I didn't have all these concerns that I have now. All I had to worry about was trying to keep my mind off of what was giong on with Kim, what time I was playing that weekend, and making it to softball practice on time. I had class too, but it wasn't until after much of the summer had passed. Now, I feel like I have to be perfect, and that is going to lead to the inevitable crash that I experience because I don't feel like I'm doing anything good enough.

I've gotten much better about those times. They happen every so often and Ijust feel like it's coming. It's going to be one of those days that I just breakdown, cry myself to sleep, and then feel better afterwards. But the it just feels like the balance isn't there anymore. I had to miss a softball game today, for the first time in two years. I'm having serious doubts about my ability to go back to school after taking a semester off. Last summer, school was such a big part of redifining who I was. It was something that I drew confidence from. I hope it is now too. I just worry aobut it because there are other things I have to support me now. I guess I'll figure it all out and ina few days it won't be confusing anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be confusing in the first place.

P.s. I heard a rumor about a certain ex-girlfriend of mind trying out at a certain place's amateur night. Not sure if it's entirely true, but I definitely wouldn't doubt it.

1 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 3 May :: 3.19pm
:: Mood: pissed with a passion

AGH!!!
So I just got my first speeding ticket no more than 30 minutes ago...! I was doing 69 in a 55 zone but he only marked me for doing 60. Probably because he saw the look on my face when he told me that my licence plate number didn't go to my car..it went to my mom's old car. And to top it off, my mom never put the new proof of insurance in the car it's still on the refridgerator. I'm so mad. I told my mom that I would pay for the speeding ticket and that was fucking it! I was almost in tears when the cop told me that. I thought right away that he was going to assume that we stole the car and then tow it away...I'm so fucking pissed. I cannot believe how ignorant my parents can be. And they will sit there and tell me for hours at a time how irresponsible I am and how I'll never make it on my own and whatnot. Then shit like this happens that completely shows they can't take care of themselves let alone their 16 year old daughter and they just kind of shrug it off and blame it on someone else. God do I hate that...So now I can't drive until my mom goes to the secretary of state and the court house and gets everything cleared up, IF she's grown up enough to do that on her own....!

:: 2006 2 May :: 9.07pm

okay, I lied...one more thing to say...
Do you ever just wish very very bad things upon people you don't even know? Like, you've never even met them, but they have something that drives you crazy or something that you wish you had so much that you just wish they would die so it would be yours...yeah, I'm crazy...BIG DEAL!

5 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 2 May :: 8.40pm
:: Mood: Emo-licious

Hmm...I just don't know what to really say anymore. It's not like things are terrible right now, I just keep expecting things to get better soon and they don't so it brings me down and I don't really like the feeling of being down all the time.

I really cannot wait until summer! School is stressing me out so bad..I absolutely hate it. Everything about it makes me not want to go more and more everyday. I find myself getting irritated with everyone that I see. The teachers, the people, and even some of my friends. I can't stand it. I'm on the verge of quitting golf. Noone ever wants to go to the meets or to practice and when I don't want to go to a meet, everyone freaks out on me. It really annoys me when I get yelled at for really gay shit.

I find myself missing people awhole lot lately. Like Brixon. I haven't seen him in forever it seems like. And granted I did get sick of him towards the end, now I miss him so much I don't know how I was able to say goodbye. I never realized how good of a friend he was to me. One of the best friends I'll probably ever have...and I highly doubt I'll ever see him again..and that makes me sad.

I've been missing Sona alot too. Like, it kinda feels like it just hit me that she left though she's been gone a year. It's weird when those things happen to you.

I just don't really know what to do with my emotions anymore. People have told me I don't express them very much and that I should more often but then again, I don't want anyone to not want to talk to me either. I just want everything to get over with so I can just have some time to myself to think about things. I feel so messed up lately. I find myself wanting to beg for former people to come back into my life. And that's just not fair to my feelings or theirs because I know even though that's what I think I want now, it's not going to be what I want for much longer. I just wish I didn't make things so complicated all the time. I frustrate myself. *shrugs* oh well, what can ya do?

I have a hair appointment on thursday. Mindy and I are hanging out and we're getting our hair done. Granted she's scheduled for 3:15 and I am scheduled for 6 lol. But I'm going to get it layered and dyed. I am excited. I need some change around here...

*emo sigh* Well kiddies...that's about all the bitchin' and moanin' I have left in me for tonight sooo...TATA!

:: 2006 2 May :: 5.33pm

This guy on myspace sent me a message the other day, asking if i own a yellow cavalier and if mike and i are still together.. And that he wants to see us again real soon. Mike and I don't know this guy, at all. We don't know a guy named Matt that lives in greenville..

Today he sent me a message that said he was hopnig him and i could have conversation other than on the computer and that if im interested to let him know and he'll let me know how to get ahold of him..

Talk about a creep.

4 No way... | Tell me...

:: 2006 1 May :: 10.49pm

So everything is back to normal.
We are incredibly happy.
I love it.
I love him.
We had a long discussion today.
Which we will finish tomorrow.
And I truly love him.

There was a reason for this entry, but now I do not remember its purpose. Ah well.

:: 2006 1 May :: 4.11pm
:: Music: Possum Kingdom - Toadies

I realized today that I daydream alot. And alot of it is about things that I want to happen but I know they wont. I need to grow up soon. Just let things go. I hate thinking, but it seems to keep happening and I dont know what to do about that...geesh...

I'm hungry, I love food. I love food almost as much as I love Mindy...lol!

:: 2006 1 May :: 1.15pm

So after a night of sleeping on my bathroom floor, and fighting through text messages, I wake up with the worst back ache.
How could he possibly think that I don't love him.
Ugh.

:: 2006 30 April :: 10.09pm

I managed to sleep my day away, and wake up still tired.
Go me.
Still no kitten.

:: 2006 30 April :: 7.33pm
:: Music: Emily - From First to Last

I just slept for two hours. I feel exhausted now but happy that I did that. I want to go back to sleep but if I do I'll miss Desperate Housewives...and I just cannot let that happen to me. *emo sigh* I woke up, and my pillow was soked...I guess you just shouldn't always sleep with your mouth open or something...lol.

:: 2006 30 April :: 1.45pm
:: Music: Saints and Sailors - Dashboard Confessional

Well, prom was fun...both of them. The after parties were fun. Friday night was a little too much for me though I guess...lol. John explained to me though, you're stomach is like a dance club. When you get all these clowns, russians, and mexicans in there, it's not a pretty sight. Because they start dancing crazy and fighting and then the bouncer comes in and says "Okay, everybody out..!" lol. I love John...

Welp, that's my weekend in a nut shell I suppose...

eddy	:: 2006 30 April :: 1.09pm :: Music: The Killers - Jenny Was a Friend of Mine And post-euphoric depression sets in... You wouldn't care if you ever saw me again, would you. 10 No way... \| Tell me...

:: 2006 29 April :: 12.44am
:: Mood: *in the you can kiss my ass kind of mood*
:: Music: *If you leave me now - Chicago*

*a continuation to my endless rant, call my life*
I don't know what it is, but songs by Chicago, make me want to sing. Extremely loud.

It's hard for me to say I'm sorry, and If you leave me now.

A lot like love is one of my favorite movies. I've seen it like 42 times in the last 3 weeks.

I finally caved in and went to the grocery store and bought some food. Of course I just had to get some Orange Hi-C. It's the best beverage ever. And I was in the aisle that has soup, and I was getting chicken noodle.. And there is like 8 different kinds. Theres superhero shaped noodles, dora the explorer, alphabet, circles, and like 3 other kinds.. besides the regular noodles.. Crazy.

I don't understand it. My boobs are shrinking, yet my stomach is getting bigger. I eat too much fast food (Taco Bell).

I went to Belding, Cedar Springs, and Sheridan today.

I really really really really really really really really really really want a kitten. So that I can name it Otis. Even if it's a girl. Just kidding. Otis is the name of my shark.

Will someone find me a kitten? Please?

I hate Alltel. They are stupid crack whore bitches. It's going to cost like 165 bucks to get my phone fixed. But my phone is still under warranty. For 165 bucks, I might as well get a newer and better phone. However, they tell me that I cannot purchase a new/different phone until 90 days before my 2 year contract is up. And being that I got my phone in July 2005, I am no-where near that. I am getting a new phone damnit. They can kiss my ass for all I fucking care. I will get a new phone..

And if that is Mike that just buzzed me, he's retarded because he has my spare keys.. fuck tart..

Woohu.com | Random Journal