spacietraci
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2005 16 August :: 1.39pm
so i have fucked up in the last three weeks, i hate the way we dont talk, the fact we dont hang out, and really the fact that i was so stupid to lose my bestfriend, the one who has stood by me for the last 5 years.
im sorry that i took advantage over you, i really didnt think that is what i was doing, but yes looking back at the times i understand what your saying. i was frustrated and overwelmed and do say some things that i dont think about before i say them, i just felt that you really didnt care about me or wanted to go to silver lake or anything it just kinda seemed like it wasnt good enough for you, i was throwing a fit about something that was stupid,i should of just kept my mouth shut and just hoped that nothing would of came up on labor day so u would still want to go, but from my dumb ass i have ruined everything about you going not just to silver lake but everything that you and i have had over the last five years. and it truely sucks . i know you cant go back in time and all u have to work with is the future but that is up to u if u want to spend the time to try to start over, i know it wont be the same and it might not ever be the same but its just the fact of having each other around. Im SORRY AND I MISS YOU TONS
so over all things have just been going one day at a time nothing really to exciting, just have been thinkin alot about how careless i am when it comes to people i really care lot about, and would do anything for them. sometimes it might not show, but really its just a call kane and nick i miss you guys soo much ........
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spacietraci
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2005 9 August :: 1.28pm
so in the last coupld of days i have expressed myself to w hat i have been thinking or at least feeling. it hasnt been the easiest of things to do but every day they slowly come out. i dont know if that is a good thing or if really its just making everything worse. so it makes me wonder even more. especially since it seems like i have been fighting with my bestfriend about really nothing other than the fact of two different pages...
i shoulds be happy with life, the fact that josh and i just got a house that sits on 3 acres, but it almost like i have no one to share that feeling with,
I called nicholas yesterday to talk to, he is doing alright out in chicago, i miss him sooo much though, he says hes goin to come home sometimes soon though well once we get all moved in and everything so he can come and see it, so im reallly excited about that. but i will just wait for that .
well i gotta get going have to llook some things about about school, so take care everyone,
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bacardi
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2005 3 August :: 9.30am
:: Music: white devil - alexisonfire
nads
wow haven't written in a while... guess everything is going good same old stuff but im sorta talking to this girl, even though i am unsure what i really want... taking it slow and daily... not really thinking about tomorrow to much just today.
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spacietraci
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2005 28 July :: 10.33am
so nick ended up hanging out with us last night and sending sam home, so of course we managed to get in drunk, It was a good night rather than the consited agrueing with mike, everything that got said some how u were wrong and he was right, well after mike, trae, megan, josh all left we decided that we were going to go up to Friends to spend time with nick's mom, and what not, we stayed up there till like 2:20, Vicki was very upset that we didnt come to dinner with them that night because everyone, i mean everyone went to chili's but then again we werent invited and vicki said we are always invited no matter what.... AWWW s he loves us!!! i just feel bad that nick's leaving i really dont want him too though but i guess he has to do what is best for him and right now that is what it would be...
Sam i guess thinks we all hate her, but i dont think that its the fact that we hate her, but its the fact that she always has to be with nick. and its like he cant hang out with me, like were really going to do an ything.... He"s my brother, i care the world for him. just because he has been with u for a year, he has been my everything for the last 5. i think i have the right to hang out with him one night with out you. but i guess thats just my theory. and i guess he felt the same about it as well.
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spacietraci
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2005 27 July :: 1.24pm
"Behind Blue Eyes"
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies
[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free
No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through
[Chorus]
Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies
[Chorus]
No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.
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spacietraci
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2005 25 July :: 11.02pm
blah blah blah, so it seems as everyone is upset wtih me, but then again i have been getting used to that, Talked to ron yesterday it was his 21st birthday so he wasnt feeling that great but he was doing alright, i miss him that is for sure, he is doing very well though and thats all that matters to me, Nick is leaving here soon to move to chicago, like he's leaving thursday and i really do NOT want him to leave, He's my bestest bestest friend he has been here with me with every situation for the last 4 years hes the one i run to he knowits alll and hes just goin to pack up and leave.... So, do i really truely mean somthing to him, or ccould he give two shits about me???
I think i should just pack up and move someplace rather than here in Battle creek,
I wasnt able to see the boys this weekend, i had to work alll damn weekend but i needed the money, and it was sooo damn hot, that it was just too hott to be out side so all in all it worked out just fine...
Josh is home so im goin to spend some tiem with him :)
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bacardi
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2005 20 July :: 2.04pm
penis
okay so if you get a girls number, from normal conversation like we were talking and she could have walked away because i was done with the transaction (at work) yet we started talking about other stuff.... then i got her number .... okay so if that happens doesn't that mean she was interested? i mean at least a little? i called her the next day after work, and left a voice mail and she never called back so im pretty much done with that one... but yah why would you give out a number if you didnt wanna be called?
3 Bridges burned.#FFFFFF |
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