I'm going to tell you a story
*sigh* I need to talk to you guys.
I don't know what to do, so I guess I'm going to.. ramble.
I want to move from Cedar. If I had the opportunity to go, I would take it right now. Hell.. if I had the opportunity to determine if the ceiling caved in and killed me right now, I would let it happen. I fucked myself over so badly..
Sometimes I wonder if I had the chance to go back and stop myself from ever meeting Jake Mol at that all-nighter, thus introducing me to this whole group, if I would. No, I suppose I wouldn't. I would stop myself from dating in the group though.
I went out with Jake. I don't remember what happened with that, but I don't think we really went anywhere, so ended up breaking up.
I had a crush on James after that, but nothing happened.
Then Justin and I started talking a lot and decided to go out. Justin was a good boyfriend. What I mainly remember about our relationship was how much fun we had. I have good summer memories because of it. We broke up by fault of mine. I'm not going to deny that Joe wasn't part of the reason I broke up with Justin, but I do know I didn't leave him for Joe.
So Joe comes in. Can't say it wasn't my best relationship. I got in deeper than I have before, or will again for who knows how long, and.. I don't even know what to say about it. I was happy, and, frankly.. I was in love. Towards the end, however, Joe played a lot of video games, and I felt neglected. Maybe I overreacted. *shrugs* We broke up, due to.. uncertain feelings. During that end, I talked to Jay about Joe and I, about how I felt and all. I confided in him. But I never cheated. I know there's apparently proof that I did, because there's emails I sent him, but I will show every one of those emails to anyone, and none of them are of me cheating. And if you think I altered them, ask Joe, I'm sure he's got a copy of them.
Anyway.. 3 weeks later, I started going out with Jay. This made Joe angry.. causing him to hate me, and Jay. One month later, or last Thursday, I break up with Jay. Because.. we don't go as well as I thought we would. Not because we didn't try, especially Jay, I just.. couldn't do it. And I can't say some of the reason wasn't because I still thought about Joe. I still miss all of what I had. I still regret giving it up. And now Jay says he's leaving the group so people won't hate me, and as much as he explains to me how that makes sense, I don't get it at all. Seems like they'd hate me more if he left. I don't know..
I got into the relationship with Jay way too early. I wasn't ready, and I should've waited. We might've lasted longer if I had.
That leaves me where I am now. I never lied to or cheated on any one of them, but I suppose if you think I did lie, you wouldn't believe that statement. If I didn't mean any of it, why would I do it in the first place? If I didn't mean any of it, why would I risk so much, and end up where I am now; with the man I used to dearly love loathing me, with people I didn't even know didn't like me, with Jay leaving his friends, with 2 close friends to confide in, but one believing deep down that I'm a terrible girlfriend. With, *sigh* so much lost.
I know I can't do anything to fix a single of my mistakes. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. If I knew what to do, I would certainly do it. I wish I could make this all better even a little bit, but I just can't. I fucked up so so badly.. I can't make it up to anyone. I'm not asking anyone to care, or expecting them to, I just figure this is my last shot at trying to clear up misconceptions.
I did like Justin.
I did love Joe.
I did like Jay.
I never meant to hurt them, or do anything purely for the benefit of me. I mean, heh, how could it've been to benefit myself when I'm completely fucked right now?
So that's my side of it. I'm lost. I want to fix it, but my efforts seem to make things worse. Since I can't move away and let everyone forget about me, as I'm sure a few of you would like, I need help..
Does anyone have any advice?
Does anyone believe me?

I'm sorry. I wish with everything in me, that I could make things right.

Okay, I've got a knife and a rubber band. What to do..
I miss parties a lot. I'm glad it's going to be warmer soon and people can have more. I miss my friends. I guess over let's say, 4 months, I distanced myself quite a bit. I'm back.. and I'm.. happy. Play practice is fun. Driving is done and I've got my permit. Grades are good. Relationships are improving. I suppose things are picking up. I dwell on the past, and I dwell on my parents, but heh, it happens, eh?

I love all of you.. don't ever forget me.

- Kateness

I got accepted into Yearbook, as well as Stacy. Go us. I wonder how many other freshmen got it.

Hey: Attention.
I've already told a few of you, but well.. listen again. I guess we're getting the tickets to sell for the play at the end of this week or sometime next week. Regardless of when I get them, if you want to go to the play, buy from me. Only meeeee. Because whoever sells the most tickets, gets to go to Stratford for free, and I really want to go. Very very badly. Tell your family to buy from me. Tell your friends to. Heck, buy a couple extra tickets and throw them away, I don't care, just buy 'em. They're only $7.
So, pleeeeaaaase?

Fucking animals
A cat's continuous meow entering your dreams is exactly like an alarm clock.
7:54am, I hear, "meow.... meow... meow.. meow, meow, meow, meow," etc. I get up, give him a small smack. Lay back down.
"meow, meow, meow."
I sit up, give him a warning look.
"meow."
I throw a pillow at him. Lay back down.
*scratch*
Look up, he's scratching at the door. So I get up and let him out. Lay back down. A few minutes later..
*whine, whine, whine*
Get up, let dog in. Lay back down. Fail to fall back to sleep. And now I'm up at 8:30 doing nothing.

Moral of the story: ..rip out your pet's vocal chords.

Guns N' Roses - Don't Cry [Lyrics: Click + to display]

+-

Talk to me softly There's something in your eyes Don't hang your head in sorrow And please don't cry I know how you feel inside I've I've been there before Somethin's changin' inside you And don't you know Don't you cry tonight I still love you baby Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry tonight Give me a whisper And give me a sigh Give me a kiss before you Tell me goodbye Don't you take it so hard now And please don't take it so bad I'll still be thinkin' of you And the times we had... baby And don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry tonight And please remember that I never lied And please remember How I felt inside now honey You gotta make it your own way But you'll be alright now sugar You'll feel better tomorrow Come the morning light now baby And don't you cry tonight An don't you cry tonight An don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry Don't you ever cry Don't you cry tonight Baby maybe someday Don't you cry Don't you ever cry Don't you cry Tonight

Loyalty, betrayal, passion, trust, lost love, pain, companionship, devotion, blood.

I can live it.

After Swirl Party
Will someone please have a party after swirl? I miss my friends and I haven't been to a party in a good awhile. Pleeease? Neilee? James? Somebody?

Conversation with Stephy
BBrandie7: is woohu down?
thiscuthurts: probably. It's down a lot lately.
BBrandie7: well thats a crack whore.
thiscuthurts: sho iz
BBrandie7: fo shizzle my nizzle
BBrandie7: Werd my...bird....
thiscuthurts: straight up my.. bait cup
BBrandie7: HA
BBrandie7: wtf is a bait cup?
BBrandie7: lol
thiscuthurts: lol, I have no idea
BBrandie7: Yo dogg my bull frog.
thiscuthurts: Werd G, my honey bee
BBrandie7: lol
thiscuthurts: so whatcha doin?
BBrandie7: gah, i cant think of anymore.
BBrandie7: web surfing
BBrandie7: u?
thiscuthurts: Sittin' here, with a can o' beer.
BBrandie7: word.
thiscuthurts: lol
BBrandie7: lookin up jokes, with a can o' coke
thiscuthurts: This really sucks, I'm talking to some stupid fucks.
BBrandie7: Ha, who?
thiscuthurts: what should I do? I'm really bored too.
BBrandie7: Im not so sure. Go out side and say Brrrr
BBrandie7: lol
thiscuthurts: lol, Actually I'm only talking to you. It's hard to think of a rhyme that's new..
BBrandie7: Ha Ha, funny girl.
thiscuthurts: Yes, I'm a funny girl. Will you pleease go to Swirl?

Then my computer messed up so we couldn't finish the conversation.

Another one of my dreams
I was at a store with my parents, and I was walking around on my own, because I was bored. For some reason I was wearing Stephanie's bathing suit. I turned this corner and saw Joe standing in the check out. I went up to him and he said, "Kate!" and smiled. Then he looked down at me and saw I was in a bathing suit. He asked, "Why are you wearing that?"
I said, "I dunno," and hugged him. Then we went out to his car, because apparently he had a car now. We sat in there, and then he started to drive away. I told him to stop. He wouldn't and kept getting farther from the store. I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "DEBs, then a movie."
I said, "No, we can't do that. I'll be gone too long. My parents will notice." He wouldn't turn around though. I started to panic a little and kept telling him to turn around, but he still wouldn't. Eventually I knew it was doing no good and I knew I'd already get in a lot of trouble, so I just said fuck it and decided to stay out late with him and have fun. I remember we did go to see a movie. After that we drove around some more. I sang part of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song too. "To finger paint is not a sin, I stick my middle finger in." I have no idea why.
Eventually we stopped somewhere, and somehow it was on top of a roof of an old building. There were two men on the roof with us and they were talking angerly and one was wearing an orange jumpsuit thing. They were both murderers. Joe and I knew they were, so he tried to start the car and leave, but it wouldn't start. He tried several times, but none worked, so we finally decided that we'd have to try to sneak away on foot without them noticing.
As we were walking away, one man said, "hey! Their car won't start! You get the motor, I'll take this part," and then they started toward us, so we went around this tarp and under it was water, so we jumped in the water. We swam down to the very bottom and it was a big pool. We didn't go to the surface for a long time because we didn't want the murderers to see us. We could talk underwater too.
"I can't hold my breath much longer," I said. Then we saw the legs of someone standing in the pool.
Joe said, "we'll have to try to get out without this guy seeing us." When we broke the surface, we were right next to the person, on either side of them. It was a girl and she was beautiful. She had long wavy brown hair. She smiled at me and said something about how good pinpoints are. I looked down at her chest and there were tons and tons of little balls of blood, where she had taken a small pin and pricked herself, all over. She washed herself off and said she'd help us. All I can remember is that she helped us get back home, somehow. And that my parents were really angry.
My dad said, "you're grounded for 6th months!"
I said, "What?! 6th months?!"
He said, "Okay, you're grounded for 1 month!"

Then I woke up to my mom tipping my water all over my desk.

Quotes from the second Marking Period
10/27
"You're a crackhead." - Peter (last name unknown)

"*sings* I could wear my sunglasses at night." - Ron Wheaton

"What does the phrase 'big juicy scoop' remind you of?" - Jake Watson

10/28
"Someone told me I looked like their grandma's couch." - Amanda (last name unknown)

"Jennifer Lopez is so hot." - Emily Rowe

10/29
"What's a homo?" - Mr. Reed

"I was spooning with my dog before I came to school." - Stephanie Lewis

10/30
"I wanna steal your lip." - Neilee Metzger

"I wanna poke your cleavage." - Kate

"Nice to know I have gopher qualities." - Kate

"Oh shit, I shot Marvin in the face." - Jay Ruster

"Now I can drink fluids out of things without putting my mouth on... things." - Ron Wheaton

"When you least expect it, I'll be there, sniffing your hair." - Emily Rowe

"They don't play gore anymore, do they?" - Mrs. Olsen
"Yeah." - Tyler Metzger
"Oh they do? Good." - Mrs. Olsen

"The world burns around us, not in us." - Joe Castine

10/31
"Shh, I'm sharin' my life here." - Mrs. Olsen

11/1
"My grandma has butterballs." - Stephanie Lewis

"Kate, I just got spanked." - Stephanie Lewis

11/3
"I'm such a sweaty mop." - Justine Gunneson

11/4
"Ya wanna dance old man?" - Emily Rowe

"I have muscle, it's just covered." - Ron Wheaton

11/5
"It's like when you stick your finger in your belly button for like, an hour, and it smells really bad." - Emily Rowe

"I grope everyone equally." - Kate

"My pee's gonna flow in a minute." - Stephanie Lewis

"I love corn. Especially when it's on my ass." - Joe Castine

"Look at that beaner juice." - Joe Castine

"They start out swearing, then get naked, then they're killing people." - Mrs. Olsen

"If you all pass out, I'm not giving you mouth-to-mouth." - Mrs. Olsen

11/6
"Good ol' pornography." - Zach Ebenstein

11/10
"A turkey-human! With squirral hands!" - Neilee Metzger

"What's mellophobia a fear of?" - Mr. Reed
"...melons?" - Kate

"Phyllis has milky hair." - Stephanie Lewis

"What's with the stupid 'A' on his shirt?" - Kate
"It's his shirt, dear. You said her." - Neilee Metzger
"Nuhuh. He said she." - Ron Wheaton

11/13
"We can dance, we can dance, everyone can look at your pants." - Emily Rowe

11/14
"Every word she says I want to slap back in her face and make her choke on it." - Stephanie Lewis

"You may be slick, but I'm quick." - Jacqui DeFouw

11/18
"If it has a penis and he's hot, I like him." - Neilee Metzger

11/19
"Mr. Carr's a fruit loop." - Stephanie Lewis

"I can't get my shirt off, I think Mike's gonna have to do it." - Stephanie Lewis

11/20
"Why are you dating tall guys with small penises? Nobody likes sex until they have it. It seems all bad till you do it. See this is my thoery on sex. If everybody was makin' love everyone would be happy. See this is why all those kids come to school with guns and shit, they're not getting laid! If they were gettin' some they'd be happy, they'd be good. Look at the 60's: everybody was making love and smoking weed. Everybody was happy living in their vans with 15 people. Everyone was good. Cause everyone was getting laid." - Emily Rowe

"I think it's stupid when boys call girls gay. Guys love watchin' girls make-out, so how is calling some girl gay a bad comment to her? I think being gay is beautiful." - Emily Rowe

"Toucan Sam, the fruit loop man." - Emily Rowe

"If you're ever in my house, you can't lick the walls." - Fournier

"He told me to go lick a dead deer before." - Jake Shain

"It tasted like runny eggs with chunks in it." - Bill Korb

"I've seen old people porn." - Stephanie Lewis

"See, like Emily said, if we were all gettin' laid, we'd be good." - Kate
"Yeah, that's why Ashley's so angry all the time." - Stephanie Lewis
"Who do I wanna get laid by, huh?" - Ashley
"Me. I'm the love master, yo. Just like Kate; Kate's a beast." - Stephanie Lewis

"Cripples make the best lovers." - Stephanie Lewis

"Morons need more-Ron." - Ron Wheaton

11/21
"Hand him some chicken and be like, 'wanna get married?'" - Emily Rowe

11/24
"Silly Kate, trix are for kids." - Emily Rowe

"Pink will never be in." - Joe Castine

"It has no flavor, no taste. Oh wait... that's the same thing." - Jacqui DeFouw

"I don't know too many people who have been fucked up the ear." - Rob Shively

11/25
"If you give me candy, you can seduce me. It's what you really want in the end." - Emily Rowe

"They're kinda hard to eat because they're so furry." - Mrs. Crowley

"Take their dildo, set it on fire, and make 'em eat it." - Amanda Covey

"She looks great and she's good with a gun; what more do you want?" - Mrs. Olsen

11/30
"When I get to heaven, I won't have to sit on toilet seats that people peed on." - Lorrie Shelton

12/1
"I didn't ask what species you are, I asked who you were." - Emily Rowe

12/2
"Think of a volcano as the anus of the Earth." - Fournier

"She was trying to do this lesbian religious belly dance for Courtney." - Stephanie Lewis

"Do you go ass diving for Joyce's ass potatoes?" - Stephanie Lewis

"I think Ashley should get hit by a car." - Stephanie Lewis
"Thanks." - Ashley
"I'll be driving the car." - Kate

"If nut had a taste, it'd taste like rye bread." - Jay Ruster

"Don't make me spit sandwich all over your face." - Joe Castine

12/3
"Her cock is bruised." - Stephanie Lewis

"They've been talking to hobos." - Mrs. Olsen

12/4
"In 50 years, you'll just be a name on a tombstone somewhere." - Mrs. Olsen

"They're throwing seeds, how is that risque?" - Amanda Bigney
"You'd be surprised where risque can happen." - Mrs. Olsen

"All those black people doin' their thing out there." - Mrs. Olsen

12/5
"My goal in life is to have sex on a moving roller coaster." - Courtney Rae

12/10
"That means 'I lick myself.'" - Mrs. Crowley

"I was president of the geek club. I was proud." - Fournier

"She'll rip a little ass for ya, if you want. You can bite a piece o' that out of the air." - Stephanie Lewis

"We don't beat people, we whip them." - Ron Wheaton

"Most of the streetwalkers I've seen wear jeans. I see 'em down on division. My husband has a lot of rentals in the ghetto." - Mrs. Olsen

"Somehow we got off on hookers." - Mrs. Olsen

12/11
"Fat cats are pleasing to me." - Mrs. Crowley

"I hate democracy." - Corey Chase

"I like to think of it as 'love makes the world go 'round.'" - Fournier

12/12
"That was diet pepsi and trail mix; my recipe for vomit." - Stephanie Lewis

"I'm a pig fucker." - Jay Ruster

"How do you knock yourself up?" - Ron Wheaton

12/15
"I didn't just draw it, it's real corn. I stole it from the field by the Cedar View. I'm a rebel." - Allyn Longcore

12/16
"Love makes death brief." - Mrs. Crowley (quoting a movie)

12/17
"I had to take my butt ball out." - Ron Wheaton

"Have you ever seen my PE shirt?" - Neilee Metzger
"The slutty one with the holes in the nipples?" - Ron Wheaton
"...no." - Neilee
"Oh yeah, that's mine." - Ron

12/18
"You kissed me on the boob." - Stephanie Lewis

12/20
"I think it's all in your plan to try to get me to die." - Lorrie Shelton

12/22
"God, if I cut my wrist open, she'd yell at me for bleeding on the floor." - Jay Ruster
"I shit you not." - Jay

1/5
"What's the plural word for penis?" - Stephanie Lewis
"Penises?" - Kate
"Penai." - Stephanie Lewis

1/6
"I'm gonna suck on some boobs." - Alex Grecheski

"I'm gonna slap Kate with my stick." - Stephanie Lewis

"Just remember, I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." - Mrs. Olsen

"Yeah, I have radioactive spit." - Ron Wheaton

1/9
"Lick my ass. god." - Courtney Rae

"She's gonna make us rape her." - Courtney Rae

"They're pressing charges because it's not the first time he brought body parts to show-and-tell." - Mrs. Crowley

"Two of them go down on all fours, then the others jump on their butt." - Sam Hamilton

"Look at that pus-sack." - Stephanie Lewis

"I was hoping I'd fall on the floor so she'd start tearing my clothes off." - Some kid in the hallway

"No, I wanna eat your boob." - Joe Castine

"I realized yesterday I have a phobia of getting shot by a black guy." - Jay Ruster

1/13
"I'm about to crap my pants up here." - Mrs. Crowley

"What if the only way to get rid of chronic bronchitis was by pulling their tube out by their mouth and sucking out the mucus?"
- Stephanie Lewis

"I just stabbed myself in the milk bubble." - Stephanie Lewis

1/14
"I dreamt that Mike gave me head last night." - Stephanie Lewis

"Thirsty? Do you want to suckle my zipple?" - Joe Castine

1/16
"Sneak out, open the gates, and kill the city!" - Mrs. Olsen

"I doubt my husband could kill me. Though he says he could." - Mrs. Olsen

"Where do aids come from?" - Tyler Metzger
"Monkeys." - Mrs. Olsen
"Where do we get them?" - Tyler
"Sex. Sex with monkeys." - Mrs. Olsen
"See! They were having sex with their monkey buddies down in Africa and that's where aids came from." - Tyler

"I'm bored and horny... and hungry. These things are close to unbearable when only one is happening, but all three... it's a trio of terror."
- Ron Wheaton

Quotes
I wish you would read a little poetry sometimes.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
- Anthony Hope

Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.
- David Hume

A pleasure so exquisite as almost to amount to pain.
- Leigh Hunt

The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a
beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.
- T. H. Huxley

I am always at a loss to know how much
to believe of my own stories.
- Washinton Irving

There is no excellent beauty that hath not some
strangeness in the proportion.
- Francis Bacon

Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and
take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to
weigh and consider.
- Francis Bacon

There is a certain relief in change, even
though it be from bad to worse; as I have
found in travelling in a stage-coach, that it
is often a comfort to shift one's position
and be bruised in a new place.
- Washinton Irving

Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not
obliged to find you an understanding.
- Samuel Johnson

What is written without effort is in general read
without pleasure
- Samuel Johnson

Truth is the cry of all, but the game of the few.
- Bishop Berkeley

Children of the future age,
Reading this indignant page,
Know that in a former time,
Love, sweet love, was thought a crime.
- William Blake

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

Journeys end in lovers meeting.
- William Shakespeare

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but usually
manages to pick himself up, walk over or around it, and carry on.
- Winston Churchill

The moment you have in your heart this
extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth,
the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that
for you the world is transformed.
- J. Krishnamurti

Lookin back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.
- Daving Grayson

A speech is like a love affair. Any fool
can start it, but to end it requires considerable skill.
- Lord Mancroft

No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.
- Voltaire

So sweet love seemed that April morn.
When first we kissed beside the thorn,
So strangely sweet, it was not strange
We thought that love could never change.
- Robert Seymour

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies,
When love is done.
- Francis Bourdillon

Leave me alone.
You think women are confusing and you're just trying to figure them out. Well I'm not like other women. Don't use whatever you've "figured out" on me. Just treat me like another person. I'm not going to get mad at you for a stupid reason. I'm not going to stop you from hanging out with other girls. I'm not going to do anything unreasonable. I'm straightforward about those things to everyone. I don't hint around or whatever. I'm just really annoyed when people think I'm like other girls.
Don't assume anything about me.

I don't ask for much, and what I do ask for, is simple. Here's a few basic guidelines.

- Never call me Katie.
- Trust me.
- If I talk about a problem, really listen to me, or tell me you don't want to hear. There's no middle ground.
- I don't ask for respect from you, but I ask that you let me earn it.

The last and most important...
- Don't assume you know anything about me.

Seriously. I can't stress that enough.

Oh and, nobody comment saying, "I feel just like that!" because I doubt anyone can feel exactly as another does.

Oh, come on. Read mine too.

FAIRY TALE

nce upon a time there has a young PIRATE named JAMES. He was SUPER CHEWING in the DISEASED forest when he met CLEAR JAY, a run-away SALT LICKER from the IMMORTAL Queen COURTNEY.

JAMES could see that CLEAR JAY was hungry so he reached into his CEREAL BOX and give him his RAINBOW GUMBALLS. CLEAR JAY was thankful for JAMES's GUMBALLS, so he told JAMES a very METALLIC story about Queen COURTNEY's daughter STACY. How her mother, the IMMORTAL Queen COURTNEY, kept her locked away in a THEATRE protected by a gigantic MOOSE, because STACY was so GRAINY.

JAMES ROLLED OVER. He vowed to CLEAR JAY the SALT LICKER that he would save the GRAINY STACY. He would USE the MOOSE, and take STACY far away from her evil mother, the IMMORTAL Queen COURTNEY, and TWITCH her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a MORBIDLY OBESE TORNADO and CLEAR JAY the SALT LICKER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic MOOSE from his story. IMMORTAL Queen COURTNEY SUCKED out from behind a HAIR DRYER and struck JAMES dead. In the far off THEATRE you could hear a "FUCK!".

THE END.

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