So let me make something perfectly clear for all of you.

· I AM NOT ON DRUGS *

I have never once in my entire 15 years of existnce smoked the reefer, or taken pills to get high. OR ANY kind of drugs.

So to my brother’s firlfriend. Rachel whom I’m sure will read this. I don’t know where the hell that idea got in your heard. If you were in my room , or what the fuck you did to get the idea in your head to tell my brother, or people from MY school, not yours. WHOM MIGHT I ADD IM NOT EVEN FRIENDS WITH!!! To not only speard your rumor to other people, but to have your stupid fucking friends ask my best friend, and have my brother tell my parents. You went way over board.

First of all. I DON’T even know you! Just because you’re my brothers firlfriend, doesn’t make us friends, because we are most certainly not! You DO NOT know me at all! We don’t talk, and we ARENT FRIENDS. So what in the hell makes you think that you have any fight to attempt to bud your big nose in MY life and run your mouth? WHAT?!?!Tell me, because I just don’t seem to fucking understand.

I don’t even want to hear your obserd ramblings. Listening to your pathetic exsuses as to why you feel any passage to assume you are in any way, shape, or form involved in my life will make me dumber just for listening to you. So how about you just save it. “Because I was worried about you” It’s pure bullshit. WE ARENT FRIENDS, OR FAMILY, OR ANYTHING!! SO YOU DON’T WORRY!! So don’t use the playing ground that your just some nice girl who worries about everyone, YOU JUST DON’T bud into complete strangers lifes and cause ciaos. Ughhhhhh!

I really wouldn’t be so fucking pissed off and wanting to literally rip your head off just because you are either so insecure, or have no life of your own to create drama in and sterr up lies and trouble. That I could have gotten over becaue it’s kind of funny because me and jess kid around about that kinda stuff, everyone does. And anyone who knows me, knows I am nothingl ike that. Unless you are dumb such as yourself, and DON’T know me. I am a nice, sweet, funny, crazy, smart girl. If you aren’t stupid. I’m not dumb though. Dumb enough to put myself in the postions you’re outing yourself in.

It’s the fact that I’m going through one of the hardest time in my life. I am totally stressed out. I’m emotionally and physically drained, and I’m on my breaking point about to have a break down any second because I just want two fucking seconds to catch my breath and actually deal with my life because it not going how I had hoped and the more that happens the more I don’t have time to actually deal with each other. Pushing everything aside to deal with the next thing. I haven’t actually just dealt with how I feel about anything. So how dare you even rile up more crap that I have to deal with. For no reason.
Just because you play tonsil hockey with my stupid brother doesn’t mean anything to me at all.

Maybe I’m being a blunt, frigid bitch but you know what? I don’t care. I’ve had just about all I cant’take withs tupid people. I’ve had it. So you better start watching what you say and who it’s about, and espically your reasoning for it. Because this is crap.

Oh, and it continues to further angering mer that first you starts with the whole “Nick you really should read your sisters journal and tell your mom to read it” Then this. The nerve of some people. All I can say is you better not be hanging out at my house a lot because I swear if I’m not working, or with friends, or shopping, if I’m home you’r going to be wailed on. I wont hesitate to say anything. I don’t need your bull shit and you wont ever hear the end of it, because I don’t like you. I don’t’ know how anyone can be so stupid, and “gossipy” and a complete bitch. I mean really what did you think would happen? I would love you and become your best friend because you told a bunch of random people to ask me if im on drugs, and my best friend? Then have my brother tell my parents and have them accuse me of something that I would never do. Are you kidding me??

And Nick ugh! I wouldn’t mind ripping his head off too. You disgust me. You look down upon so many people because they aren’t like you. Really, you aren’t that great anyway. We both aren’t perfect, no one is, but you are one of the most selish, whiney, conceided, FAKE, and an asshole. Just because I don’t go to church every Sunday, give me a break. I’m not nearly as active in Church as you USE to be. You’re not worthy of me giving a damn about what you think OR how you feel. About anything. Because you never have.

I don’t regularly attend church, and that has absolutely NO effect to take away my faith, or more importantly love for God! You don’t have to go to church EVERY Sunday and youth group every Tuesday to have a relationship with God! Hell you don’t even have to go to a Church to have a real relationship with him. That is the most bogus thing I have EVER heard! What am I doing??I don’t have to explain ANY of this to you!

I got mocked because I use the computer, a lot. I fight with mom and dad, like any sane teenager does. Like how you fight and whine CONSTANTLY about using one of their vechiles because you are too lazy , almost 18 years old and you can’t save up 500 dollars for your car, because your dumb and blow it on food, or crap for your x-box. Which you sit in front of till the wee hours, which is worst than me on a computer. At least I get some educational value from the computer, SEEING AS HOW THAT IS THE FIELD I WANT MY JOB TO BE IN! You igonart, selfish, asshole.

I’m always being accused for this and that, always aked about this and that. Which you constantly include yourself in, mostly because of you. To take any light off you. You NEVER admit when you’re wrong! EVER! And you think it’s fine when you get away with anything but no one else! That’s terriable. God is never going to fogive you. BLAH BLAH BLAH! How dare you ever use God against me in your head, or out loud. You should be ashamed of yourself. Because as much wrong as I do, with everything you will never let go, and you always use against me because you’re no better than that, you’re JUST as bad. You lie constantly about the dumbest things. Which makes you NO better than me. I hate that your family because family shouldn’t feel the way I feel about you, or vice versa. You’ve never given me the easy hand, you’ve never been just nice to be nice, you either need something, want something, or someone’s around. You and Katti always have ganged up against me just because I’m not into anything your into doesn’t mean I’m as stupid as you make me out to be. The only reason I think your stupid, is for acting the way you do and not being the brother I had hoped for. For being a brother , a loving brother period.

And I don’t feel bad about being a total bitch this very second because you deserve so much worse than the truth. You deserve nothing at all.

People need to just learn to not make crap up, and just stop being so fucking stupid! I just can’t take any more. So a heads up don’t piss me off today because I just might piss you off right back. And just a bit of advice to everyone. PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AFTER WAKING UP! The outcome is much better!

SO FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Sigh I feel much better now. I wrote that the other night, but still felt the need to put it in my journal. It was defiantly needed.

Anyway me and my mom are going shopping today yay J So today should be good. Then I’m going to see the exorsicst. However it’s spelled. So toodle loo.

~jess

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