For those who are either A) bored enough to read this, or B) Just have some time and feel like reading it. Both are essentialy the same thing, one is just said nicer :)

 

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From the depths of... Me.

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duckie

:: 2009 30 May :: 11.47pm

I got accepted into GRCC.. well, I only have to take their admissions test, that is. I might as well go for it, although I'm not sure I'll be able to qualify for financial aid [I'm defaulted on past student loans due to not having a job..] even though I don't have a job, and "technically I'm homeless" [lol thank you Pj... my name isn't on the lease. I'm just listed as an occupant]

It's kind of exciting.

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duckie

:: 2009 14 April :: 2.27pm

I just watched Fight Club for the first time.
What.

The.

Fuck.


Kelly made me watch it, and then demanded that I write a review and send it to him.

That was my review.

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duckie

:: 2009 3 April :: 10.44am

I'm feeling particularly sappy/lovey today :]
I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you


He's probably the only thing that is keeping me from completely falling apart and sinking below the water. MC is still being fuck faces, and I'm STILL not working. I never got some letter that they supposedly certified and sent out [how convenient], so I finally called and was all like, "um do I have a job or what?" Then I found out that I had to have my doctor fill out some form stating what my restrictions are or aren't, and I ended up having to go back in and waste another $20 that I don't have all because MC's quack of a doctor claimed my lower back strain wasn't work related nor was it a back strain even though my regular physician said it was..

So that form got faxed yesterday morning, and here I am still waiting for the cunts in HR to get their heads out of their asses and either tell me I can go back to work, or tell me that they aren't hiring.

I am SO sick of being thrown around and jumping through hoops.

In the mean time, I've been stalking careerbuilder.com and monster.com, and I've reached a high level of desperation that has lead me to applying to restaurants as a waitress :[ I have yet to hear back from anyone. Not even temp places call back :[[

I feel like a grade A failure.

I put down a $100 down payment to my best friend in CT on his Canon Rebel XT because that, the lenses, and everything else that is being sent with it was only $550 and WAYYY too good of a deal to pass up. That finally got sent out yesterday after almost a week of being told "I'll send it out this day," and then something randomly coming up that prevented it from happening. 2-3 days, so either Saturday or Monday I'll have it.

I heard from GRCC, but it was only to tell me that they needed my HS transcripts and ACT score. I sent in a written request + money to my HS last week, and hopefully they [GRCC] got everything this week.

My car is completely unsafe to drive, yay. Pj's is slowly imploding, so we are going to Waukesha [where I'm from in WI] tonight and giving a $50 down payment to my parents on my mom's Escort that she can't drive anymore. 2001, ~50k miles, and no problems to speak of. It's a Ford. It's automatic, but it's SOMETHING, and right now something is better than nothing :\

My anxiety meds were upped and then dropped back down to the lowest dosage not too long ago, and currently it seems as though they are working.

Kelly leaves next weekend which makes my heart ache every time I think about it. I hate when I get separated from my best friends, but you would think that after how many times it has happened, I would be used to it or good at it by now. Not so much, unfortunately. I'm proud of him though. REALLY proud.

And that's my life.

Woo.

Rah rah.

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duckie

:: 2009 17 March :: 1.41pm

So I finally sucked it up and applied at GRCC for their associates nursing degree program.

I'm terrified.
Of not getting accepted.
Of failing.
Of not being able to hold the GPA that is required.

In other news... I got fucked over by my job, so I'm currently job hunting like it's cool. It sounds like I'll be getting an interview with National City Bank, but I haven't heard anything for sure yet. Hopefully though I will get a phone call this week.

I finally got all of my taxes back though, so that should hold me over bill-wise at least for the next two months. I pray to god I'll have a job by then.

My car is all sorts of fucked up, and I was going to get it fixed with my tax return, but obviously that won't be happening. I also wanted to get my digital SLR, and that isn't working out either :[

I'm basically feeling rather discouraged about life in general. At least things with my love, friends, and family are wonderful. Aside from Kelly leaving in less than a month [sad face].

Idk.

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duckie

:: 2009 24 February :: 11.22am

Today... could quite possibly be my "moment of truth."

10 years after the fact.
7 years after the first step to my beginning of the end.
One week after finally making the decision to end this once and for all.

I'm nervous. Anxious. Shaking. Nauseas.
I really want a hug, and I don't want to cry.

Wish me luck.

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duckie

:: 2009 22 February :: 8.37pm

He's hard to take a picture of because he moves around so much :[ Cute regardless though :]]

Floppers!

Oneee
Twoo
Threee
Fourrr
Fivee

Cute, isn't he? :]

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duckie

:: 2009 21 February :: 3.00pm

I bought a bunny today. His name is Floppers, and if he ever decides to sit still so I can take a decent picture, I will and then post.

I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday so I can try to figure out what kind of anxiety/depression issue I might have going on. It was the scariest and hardest thing I've had to do in awhile, but hopefully they can fix whatever my issue is. I can't even explain how irritating it is getting upset over small things that a normal person wouldn't get upset over under regular circumstances.

I messed up my back at work, and I've been to the doc twice in the last week, and I go again on Monday. I hate my job, and it stresses me out like it's no bodies business.

I really really hate... people.

Oh, and Kelly is coming over soon to see my bunny which is taking his place when he leaves for boot. I hope he approves :]

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duckie

:: 2009 14 January :: 8.31pm

I really REALLY like being a dirty kraut [*coughGermancough*]

That's all.

Well, maybe not. Today sucked a lot, and then I got really REALLY sassy and had a super fun night with Pj :]

Tomorrow is Thursday which is almost exciting, except for that it will be more exciting once it's over and then it's FRIDAY.

Lizzy, *hug*
CJesss*HUG!*
Kelly, happy birthday ILY!
Pj, M :]

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duckie

:: 2009 9 January :: 11.59pm

I need to figure out photoshop so I can water mark all of my pictures.

Who wants to help? :]

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duckie

:: 2009 4 January :: 8.43pm

It was a good day today as far as the wild card games go. Colts and Vikings can EAT IT. YEA!

Fuckers :]

I also single handedly banned our entire airsoft team from that fuck off field in Muskegon. I would probably feel really fucking proud if I wasn't concerned with certain members of the team being upset with me.

Yea for having some big ass fuckin testicles and not worrying about what other people think :] Apparently there are people out there that have a seriously hard time listening to things that they don't want to hear or accept.

FAILURES.

GG.

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duckie

:: 2009 3 January :: 12.37am

"I'm not that kind of girl" = I'm not allowed to be that kind of girl.


My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today

I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say
This is my one and only voice
So listen close, it's only for today

I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere"

[Chorus]
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Here is my chance
This is my chance

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance [x2]


It's a good song; I promise.

I'm pissed off and irritated. Console each other in private, imo. Not in front of my face.

Oh, and Kelly is the best ever. Seriously, no joke. Thank you for being you; for being honest, for being my friend, for everything. See you tomorrow, and thanks for not being mad at me <3

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duckie

:: 2008 22 December :: 9.56am

So we're leaving for Wisconsin today instead of tomorrow to avoid the 3-5 inches of snow that's expected here and in Waukesha tomorrow :] I'm really REALLY excited. I just hope that it doesn't turn out to be that after 3 days I'm ready to GTFO and come back home like it was last time :x

Anwayyy. Time to go pack for a week and continue waiting for my best half to get home :]] I love him. So much :D

Happy holidays to everyone!! Have a great and safe one *hugs*

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duckie

:: 2008 18 December :: 8.37pm

It was seriously a good day today, and I am going to go to sleep soon content and with a smile on my pretty little face.

Pj is AMAZING and fixed CoD5 for me, so it finally runs without playing like complete trash which has in turn sparked my love/lust for it once again <3 I have missed CoD. A lot. Now I just need to learn all the maps and guns so I don't play like complete ass. I might even slave away to get through the prestige ranks too! Just to be a bad ass.

Wisconsin in... 4 days! [not counting Friday because... well, once I go to bed, it will be Friday for me]. I'm pretty GD excited!

Also... some good news that I completely forgot to post!! It's in regards to a previous entry of mine that I made a couple of months ago: http://www.woohu.com/readcomment.php?id=610155

Amanda, one of the girls I had mentioned, actually wrote me back on FB a few days ago! It was pretty amazing, and I'm really really excited because she wants to hang out when I'm back "home." It's hard when you lose a BFF that you've known since you were 9 :\ Here's to catching up on old times and rekindling the best friendships ever.

Maybe there's still hope for the female species ;]

I also talked to Shawn's lawyer today, and after I get some papers faxed to me, I will have everything signed that needs to be signed. Once it gets closer to our 120 day mark when the real court hearing is that finalizes the divorce, there will be serious face papers to sign that just states what will be split between the two of us as far as debt goes, and lucky for me [no sarcasm] Shawn and I will get to be on a conference call while that is all sorted out. I'm EXTREMELY glad that I'll have a say in all of this and that we'll be able to talk it out calmly and with a mediator if it's needed :] 120 days is a REALLY long time though, and JFC. I want to have some kind of celebration when all is finally said and done. I also feel like I'll finally be able to get on with my life and plan... real life *cough*things*cough* that actually MATTER to me.

I just want to say thanks to the people who have given me words of support and comfort over the last week or so. It's been the roughest ones I've had in quite awhile, and even though we're just woohu friends, it still means a lot. I'm hoping there will be better days to come.

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duckie

:: 2008 17 December :: 6.34pm

Here's to fighting back tears for the next two and a half hours and praying that I don't end up crying myself to sleep.

This needs to end. It all needs to end, and every day things seem to get worse.

How did this happen, and why does everything suddenly feel like it's crumbling at my feet? No one did anything wrong. I don't understand.

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duckie

:: 2008 17 December :: 11.48am

I've been stalking WebMD a lot of the afternoon with the hopes of maybe finding that I'm not just this fucked up on my own. Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD are fitting in a disgustingly accurate and pretty horrifying way. It's a slight comfort knowing that it might not actually be my fault that I'm a GD wreck all the damn time.

I'm fairly certain that my thought processes aren't what everyone else thinks, and when the holidays are over, I think that I'm going to schedule a doctor's appointment to see what can be determined, if anything.

I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

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