Dear Die-ary,
ich bin ein Huhn. Ich hab' zu ihm nie gesprochen. Ich bin ein Huhn...

Ok now ladies and gents, it seems that some have been confused about my last entry titled "john"
Ya see, he ain't gonna hang w/ uns anymore, and i dunno why. So i was wondering aboot that yesserday and couldn't help meself but put down "why?" and call it an entry...

Today was another nonfeely day, i hate those days...and it was much harder to get outta it this time, plus i was havin' a little bit 'o a nonfeely day yesserday as well, on Ostern fer cryin' out loud!!!!!!!! Good moo!!!!! I hope i'm feely fer the rest o' the woche!!! Good moo!!!!!!!

elr peh aeh Rirh...elr ryp' wi ers hea kacbnulrah...elr peh aeh Rirh...fynis?

John
why?

Dear Die-ary,
i just came back from bein' out w/ me family...we saw Holes, it's a good movie. If you've ever read the book, it stays pretty much in tune w/ it, w/ a coupla extraness, if you haven't read the book, suxorz to be j00 ^_~
Then i was forced to go to Meijer and get sandles for my easter dress/skirt dealy (yes, if you went to my church you'd be able to see me in a *cusses sommat fierce* dress)
i was falling asleep while i stood in line, and am barely awake right now...not to mention i've felt better, i've got a wonderful *coughs* headache...oh well, that's what i get fer...i dunno...sommat...
Well...back to the fanfic i was reading, or to dinner...whichever comes first...

Dear Die-ary,
today me mum and i went shopping at the mall in grandville (i can never remember its name)...after much torture tryin' on too many clothings i didn't like, i got 2 skirts (don' kill me! they're fer easter and nyc!) and shirt, plus mum made me get some new bras...tmi? too bad fer you...let's just say, ladies and gentlemen, that i now know my bra size, but i ain't tellin'!!!!
i also went to barnes and noble and bought 5 mangas. Real bout high school #5, Love Hina #1, Rebirth #1, Spirited Away #2, and Spirited Away #3...they didn't have Bride of Deimos #2 or Chobits #3 *scowls*
I went to hot topic and added more stuff to my wish list, poor mum looked like she had a headache from the wonderful musik or sommat, the expression on her face was "take me outta here!"...at suncoast i tried to find either a kuro neko, vash, or wolfwood keychain, but all they had were meyrl and millie...and i saw that they had Ein plushies!!!!!!!!!!!!! mum wouldn't let me get him tho, because i need to save some $$ fer nyc *scowls and grumbles*
Oh well, hope everybody's fridayses were good ^_^
Ed liebt euch!

Dear Die-ary,
i felt numb today...but got better, thankfully. Thanx to the mood i had been in, i was able to write a coupla new poems down.
And now i'm watchin the Trigun i taped last night, and hehehe...Wolfwood's in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_^
W00t!!!!!! Vash shot rubber bullets!!!!!! I love Trigun...

Rotkäppchen

Look into my eyes
What do you see?

A beast
A wolf
Staring back at you?

There is no other way
For I cannot go back
And become a human
As easily as I became
A wolf.

Can you see the hardships
I've already been through?
All the tears I wanted
To shed
Shining in my eyes.

Don't look away
My little red riding hood
Because I
Am you.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wish upon a star

Little star I wish upon
Please hear me out
It won't take long.

When he walked into class today
I saw his face
And wished there was a way

You see, my loyal quiet friend
My friend is gay
And I wish it would end.

Because he has such a caring heart
A smiling face
Which from my mind won't depart.

I wish he was free
From what he is
Partially because of me
Because I'm attracted to him.

He is so kind and caring
Listening to my hopes in dreams
Things that I always thought daring.

I care about him, My shiny little friend,
For he is my companion
With me until the end.

But I wish
I wish he wasn't gay
I wish I might
I wish I may
Have this wish
Come true someday.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
ugh...kristy didn't read rachel's journal so she didn't know what was on my arm when she asked me aboot it today...i'm rather dreading it when she finds out what it is...

Dear Die-ary,
I'm feelin' in a rather nice mood today, partially cuz i haven't felt numb yet today *w00t!* and i'm watchin' the cowboy bebop dvd that i rented from the bibliotech today. Sadly, it needs ta be cleaned, so i can't watch a coupla the episodes. I'm particularily pissed that i can't watch all of one 'l me favourites, ballad of fallen angels...hehehe, it has Viscious in it ^_^
I think i prefer Faye's japanese voice to her stupid english one...i hate dubbing...
There's this one piccy of spike, he has blood streamin' down his face...it's so sad, yet it just looks so cool...not to mention the rose in a puddle of water...i love cowboy bebop...

Trigun and such!!!

You are...Nicholas D. Wolfwood! An atypical priest
who carries around an arsenal in the shape of a
cross. You have some problems with Vash's
pacificism, but you admire him.


What Trigun Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
*coughs and points* And THIS is the guy i call from Trigun ^_^


You Are: Wolfwood!


Who Are You In Trigun?
brought to you by Quizilla
hehehe...i love wolfwood...


NICHOLAS D. WOLFWOOD! Good job getting everyone's
favorite tainted priest! You might get sick of
all the cigarette smoke, but rest asured he
most likely will never stick that portable
confessional of his on your head!


Trigun Bishonen Matchmaker Thingy
brought to you by Quizilla
i'm lovin' it!!!

hehehehe...revenge is so sweet...

Only I
I am sorry for what i've done
and tho the feelings i've not yet won
may come back...

i must thank everyone for standing by meh
helping meh and comforting meh
but i have one request to make...

Only i can have this burden
tho others may try to carry it as well
only i can make this trial
disappear...

I know some who will help meh
thru my time of pain
and no feeling
but i ask
that those who are willing to stand with meh
and give up thier emotions
as well
and become what i am
a beast...
please...

please don't...
once you've given up your feelings
it's hard to get them back...

just stay by my side
don't follow meh
into the depths of
oblivioan...
but lead meh out of them
into the light...

so that i can feel
again...

My thoughts (abridged)
I wrote this early this morning (1 a.m. mebbe)...i left some stuff out cuz these were my private thoughts at the time...i'll write some stuff aboot Jin Roh in here, so if j00 don't wanna have it spoiled, then don't read...

Kristy told Ben to find a quiet place and write down his thoughts. I'll do sommat like that, except in the presence of Jessie and to the tune of my new favourite anime movie, Jin Roh.

I've been feeling...cold lately, ever since i hurt myself. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. I don't know why...to many i appear distant...always thinking and daydreaming.

Sometimes i feel like the "little red riding hood", kurz Haar, Nanami Agawa...distant and mysterious to others...it seems that i'll thaw up a little at church and w/ friends...but not that much....i seem sad lately, not like myself...

I don't cry often, i've always thought that beneath meh...but i'm afraid that i'll become a rock, hard...unmovable...unable to show any emotion. I've been hiding my emotions and feelings lately...

I look at the wound that i inflicted upon myself...i hope it'll scar. I want somethiing to remind meh why self mutilation is bad...and the promise i kept...

My heart is a stone, i don't even care anymore when the members of the Sect are blown to bits by the Special Unit, or when Fuse kills his friend. But i begin to feel something when Fuse (or the other man) kills Kei...

The ending of Jin Roh is one only the viewer can decide...did Fuse kill Kei, or did the man in the old building? I believe Fuse keilled Kei, showing that in his heart he was a beast, a wolf...and that the other man was going to kill her if Fuse didn't...kinda depressing...

Why? Why do i feel this way? I can't really stand physical contact right now, like hugs and whatnot. I can kiss mum and dad goodnight and hug people good bye, but that's about all i can do...i mean, yeah i was able to hug and such after...after that night...but it's gotten harder...like i'm afraid i'll hurt someone again.

When i die, where will my bones go? In a grave or a mausoleom? Will i be cremated or buried? Will i be known only as a number? Or a name on a gravestone? Why have i been having these sad and gloomy thoughts lately? My heart aches from having no use, no warmth...

Poor Fuse, he still hasn't gotten over the death of Nanami Agawa...he's trying to find an answer that no one can give him...
Tales of beast getting involved w/ humans always end on a bad note...

My mouth can't even twitch when the laughing little boy trips and falls, losing his balloon...why? I don't want to be an emotionless shell...it's just not...me...that's when i revert to my alterego, Ed. Ed's always happy, and she's fun too...

...and let slip the dogs of war...that's what i think when i see Fuse's dream, when the wolves run out through the door and rip up Kei...let slip the dogs of war...

I don't know what to do, i'm not too happy w/ Rachel right now. She told everyone who read her journal what i did w/o asking meh or realizing taht that was sommat i didn't want told, or that i myself wanted to tell when i was ready. She's abandoned us lately fer Ray...she's really changed eversince she has gotten Ray...

We are not men disguised as mere dogs, we are wolves disguised as men...

Only in the tales humans tell do the hunters kill the wolves in the end...

You are Dillandau from "Escaflowne"!
You are PSYCHOTIC evil.


ANIME QUIZ - Which Evil Anime Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*grins evily* i'm amused muchly by that ^_^

You are a Fighter!


What is your anime personality? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
...i never knew i had it in meh...


You are the Evil Angel- You are the perfect
example of society's fears, and you love to
torture and bring people pain. Congradulations,
you are evil!


What Type of Angel Anime Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
well well well...hehehe!!! *smirks*


You are SAYA from "Blood : The Last
Vampire"!


ANIME QUIZ - Which Anime Vampire Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
hmmm...thaz a good movie by the way...


You are Lain Iwakura from Serial Experiments Lain!
Quiet. Brave. Alone.


What Anime Character Do You Best Resemble?
brought to you by Quizilla
i'd like to see that series...


YOU ARE ... COLD BLOODED KILLER! (Kamuro from
Kamikaze)


What Kind of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Inuyasha, you're mostly out for yourself,
but underneath it all you're just a loveable
little puppy. Start showing how much you care
damnit!


What Anime Fighter are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i'm just like my fiance...sw33t!!!

moo!!!!!
Dear Die-ary,
Ed feels like walkin' downtown w/ her friend miwako-chan taday...even tho it IS bloody evil weather *grins evily*
Anybody that'd like to meet uns, weza be first in Open Mind, then all aroud...and we'll be bloody cold aftah awhile...
Weza be leavin' soonsoon, so tschüs ^_^
Oh and fer miwako-chan:
ta get üm ä, and ö...
first press down alt-key, then press on number pad m0-2-5-2 fer ü
1-3-2 fer ä
and 0-2-4-6 fer ö
Tschüs und bis später!!!!! Ed liebt euch!!!!

Ed's thoughts and contemplations
It was dark and stormy when i looked outside the car's window on the way to my grandmother's house. The trees peered out of a gloom of night. I thought back about 8 or 10 years, when the trees were monsters and i expected giants and bears to come crashing out of them. I always have ahad a bit of a wild imagination, even before i could read.
As i stared thoughtfully into the darkness, System singing in my ears, i noticed that it was still mid-sunset. Half of the sky was blue-black while the other half was a beautiful blood red. Suddenly lightening flashed, cutting through both of them. I thought to my self, there's as fine line between hope and despair...and cutting it would bring disaster...
Rain continued to fall, i was thinking how much rain always reminds me of tears. THat sort of weather always seemed to make people sad, while i enjoyed rain and storms...about as much as sunlight and blue skys. What i seem to enjoy the most is the calm before the storm, so i can enjoy twirling around and dancing in the rain that i'd been waiting for.
Lightening flashed, filling the night's sky with unwanted light. I sat upright in my seat, eyes growing wide. The lightening had caught me by suprise, and i'm sure i gave a bit of a squeak when i saw it.
I sat back again, contemplating what CD to listen to next, daydreaming all the stuff i daydream about (i'm sure you'd want to know, but that's fer me to know and you to find out *sticks out tongue*), thinking...wondering...
Then i recognized a familiar path, a familiar river, we were almost there. I closed my eyes, then opened them as we drove down the road, past the houses that sat there, inhabitants inside catching up on sleep or their lives. My eyes fixed on my grandmother's house, glowing warmly in the rain.
I saw a figure move from the kitchen to the front door and grinned, i was there.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As we drove home i looked out the window, we'd left after it was dark and mom was driving so i couldn't read or write anything. All i could do was listen to my music(thought not too loud) and look outside.
The car glowed with the light of my dad's laptop in the front seat, and his phone which Andy and i passed to each other so we could play solitaire. During on long wait i glanced out the window and saw a sliver of the moon lighting up the sky. It was a waxing crescent, one of my favourite moon phases. I wondered how much my life would change or be different if i had a boyfriend(i've always been a dreamer). I'd never really thought about it except for when one of my best friends got a boyfriend, and when (recently) i thought about *cough cough* someone...
For one i 'd pity the guy, i'd forget our anniversaries and would be busy on the days we wanted to be together, talk far too much about anime and manga, plus he'd have to listen to me hum the main theme of Jin Roh every other day.
But still, what would it be like to tell someone your biggest secrets...greatest fears...? To be hugged and loved for who i am...and be kissed all i wanted...to play "hard to get" and give into my childlikeness...when i want to run around the school building, kicking something, anything, as i run around school...play hide-and-go-seek...and have fun and laugh, making clues along the way to let hijm know where i am...
But i don't NEED a boyfriend, i'm perfectly peachy with what i have...though i don't know what that is yet...
I have so many things i want to do in my life...get married, have kids, rule the world (hehehe!), live in many different countries, travel EVERYWHERE, learn as many languages that i can, become an animator, be a manga-ka, have a lot of pets, call my husband Inu Yasha and expect to be called one of my many names in return (i can't name 'em all)...

Nichts ist für dich
nichts war für dich
nicths bleibt für dich
für immer...

I want to be free...free to make the choices i want to make in life...to be free from the bars of the prison of my childhood...to be free from the ridiculous rules my parents lay down for me to obey...to be free from my family...i just...wannn be free...
I know i'll never be free though, first the parents then the government then my husband and kids...the only time i'll ever be free will be in my Father's house, when i step up to His alter as His unworthy bride...i who have murdered and committed adultry and haven't been able to keep my Father's commandments...i am and will be His child and bride...and i will be free...

Sie stehen eng umschlungen
ein Fleischgemisch so reich an Tagen
wo das Meer das Land berührt
will sie ihm die Wahrheit sagen

Doch ihre Worte frisst der Wind
wo das Meer zu Ende ist
hält sie zitternd seine Hand
und hat ihn auf die Stirn geküsst

sie trägt den Abend in der Brust
und weiss dass sie verleben muss
sie legt den Kopf in seinen Schoss
und bittet einen letzten Kuss

und dann hat er sie geküsst
wo das Meer zu Ende ist
ihre Lippen schwach und blaß
und seine Augen werden naß

Der letzte Kuss ist so lang her
der letzte Kuss
er erinnert sich nicht mehr

your fuck.


What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
*points* i'm rather amused by that ^_^
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
*points again* i'm sure my boyfriend would be happy...if i had one...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
...no comment...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Die-ary,

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i is know free fer a week and a day!!!
\/\/007!!!!!!!!!!!
l-l/\/\ /\/\ /\/\...1 F33L L1l<3 l)01l\l' 7l-l15 3l\l7RY 1l\l L337 70l)4Y...(l_lZ 1 F33L L1l<3 17!!!!!!!!! /\/\l_l\/\/4l-l4l-l4l-l4l-l4l-l4!!!!!!!!!!!
50...\/\/l-l47'5 3\/3RY0l\l3 l)01l\l' 0\/3R 5PR1l\l98R34l Ugh, i give up. It's always hard writin' a journal entry while im-ing w/ someone, but it's next to impossible when j00r switching from regular to l337 and back...ugh...

Dear Die-ary,
well, it looks like i'm in a little inu yasha chat community. Someone popped up on messenger and asked meh if i wanted to join, after a few pauses and blank stares i said ,,Si" and was talkin' to a girl from Quebec fer awhile, mostly just gettin' ta know each other. She knows both french and englisch (tho she asked meh to refrain from my usual gibberish)...she's nice and would like ta talk to meh again ^_^
And w/ ummm...the whole *cough cough* Jeremiah thing...we'll just hafta wait 'n see...^^