[ S w e e T L a d i i ' ]

:: 2005 20 March :: 12.11am
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: action adventure - andrew bird

failure by design
you know this war on humanity thats going on?
i finally figured out what the fuck it is.

evolution.

its survival of the fittest.
good luck, rest of the planet.

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

lovethehibiscus

:: 2005 12 March :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: do you remember? - jack johnson

well what else is there to do? i wondered before i nodded yes to go with them to the shops. i changed out of my uniform and cleats that still gleamed in the victory and happiness. amazing how lately my happiness has been in bursts. short but full of vigor when they come. i piled into the truck with the others. i remember how i used to prop my elbow up against the door and dream as i watched the town roll past. now i noticed myself just blankly looking ahead. not looking into the future or into the past but just staring into the vast emptiness that lays before me. we arrived in the parking lot and i slowly leapt out from the high seat of the truck as the others were already huddled in a group at the end of the truck bed. i walked ahead of everyone else and made it to the median. i crossed the street and stood on the double parallel bright yellow lines lookin for the perfect opportunity to cross to the sidewalk. a cherokee came close to not stopping at all. i walked past the chattering folk as they dined and drank out at their posh restauraunt. i have a growing dislike for those with money to throw around. maybe its just the jealousy in me coming out. i walked past the people sitting on benches, sipping coffee, and idling past the cleverly set up store windows as the group followed behind. we made it to the toy store and i blankly as a robot walked around the store. i played a small tune on the mini harp and sighed wondering when we would be leaving. we leave there but then end up at another store. here we are in this shop reeking of delicious smells in every direction. i picked up a bottle and smelled the cap. cherry blossom sent me back to 1995. suddenly i remembered being up in new york for my uncle's wedding. i was sitting on a curb outside of a tuxedo shop with my cousin and uncle. amazing how smells can bring back such memories. i know of a certain boy i will remember when i smell the roaring spray of the ocean, the sweet scent of the summer night, and pink popsicles. the lights on in this shop are blinding. i can feel it's uplifting atmosphere clashing with the dark stormy cloud above my head. everyone in the store is cheery as my younger cousin holds up a soap bottle and stands insanely still infront of the window. they all laugh as customers and window shoppers notice him and laugh, remarking what a wonderful mannequin he is. i crack a smile but that is it. i now know how a jack o lantern feels after we scrape its guts and seeds out...hollow. we leave, the people working in the store cheerfully telling my cousin he did a great job being a mannequin. they all want ice cream but i want solitude. i get the key to the truck and make my way, by myself, to the parking lot. i pass a large fountain and look up at the round old fashioned lightbulbs that are strung across it. how crazy that those lightbulbs make me want to dance. how i'd love for someone to take me by the hand under those lightbulbs. beforehand, turning on a boombox sitting on a nearby bench. pushin the play button so that my funny valentine by frank sinatra comes pouring out of the speakers like wine pouring out of a chilled bottle. we then slow dance around the great fountain under the bulbs and stars. not even noticing the people staring as we glided over the bricks. blinking that daydream was gone and i was still solo walking past the fountain and those lights. i made it to the parking lot and sighed as i found the truck. i crept up into it, cranked the engine on and tinkered with the radio. not one good song came on as i watched the people leave and enter the nearby spots. none of them even noticing me but what's new. my peace is broken when everyone comes banging on the windows. they all get in and we head out of the parking lot. finding myself still staring at the desolate wasteland ahead of me.

thoughtskill

:: 2005 23 February :: 7.37am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: my chemical romance . && mr . sadds country music playing lol

wow its been fooorever !!

wow i havnt updated since OCTOBER! no one reads woohu anymore but oh well im bored in computer class . well alot has happened since my last update, far far too much to explain . this journal brings back so many memories of last year . i have grown up so much since then .. =\

49 hours and 46 minutes ago
but whose counting
i just thought, I'd let you know
I filled my head with your voice.
And now I'm drowning

6 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 19 February :: 12.23am
:: Music: untouchable face - ani difranco

who am i, somebody tell me that much
writers block is so ridiculous.
i know exactly what should happen next in finding new york, but.. BLAH.

i cant wait to finish off my b&w film from the nikon. i want to develop them like mad.

i should just bring it to school and take random pictures of people.

i've been having many odd dreams as of late. on consisted of my nine year old brother crashing a car, while i was in it as well as my sister, and when the police came he started laughing. and saying it was just like need for speed. or burnout III takedown.

i was panicking, and they were excited.

odd, yes? yes.

:: 2005 6 February :: 5.17pm
:: Mood: woo.
:: Music: where is my mind - the pixies

finding new york II
of course he wasnt from california. he was from new york. from brooklyn. he knew the taste of real pizza, and could accurately depict the big apple and its millions of inhabitants on a routine monday morning.

and it figured that after meeting this kid, brian, and talking for maybe 15 minutes, that my cellphone would ring with its what's my age again ringtone.

i sighed. hold on a minute, i said, and grabbed my nokia from my back pocket. brian just nodded.

hello? i asked the phone.
"alice, we're coming to pick you up, your brother made reservations for a new restaurant," replies the voice.
why do i have to go?
"because its a family thing," my mother says.
whatever. i'll be waiting, i reply.

i pushed the end button on my phone and shoved it back into my jeans. brian looked at me with his blue, blue, pale sky blue eyes.
"leaving?" he asked quietly.
yeah, i said. i guess we have some reservations at this new restaurant somewhere. happen to know about it?
"nah," he said. "but i have to leave for work soon, anyways."
oh. well, i guess i'll see you around?
"yeah," he said in that same quiet tone.

i saw my mother's green jeep wrangler start to pull up. i remember seeing it in the parking lot when i came out of the airport, and asking her what the hell she was thinking. first, she said not to use that language, and then said that it was the "thing" to have jeeps in california. i realized later that it was so not the thing to have. everyone had convertibles here, and i could understand that. despite the dumb beaches, california had really nice weather.

i didnt want to go to another restaurant. the one last night was awful, the waiters couldn't take a joke. my mother said in the car afterwards that asking if the opera singer was a dying cat wasnt funny, and that i shouldnt try to taunt the host. she was mistaken though, because the timing was perfect for it. it was hilarious; some of my best work.

i realized i had around two minutes.

do you have a computer? i asked brian.
"yeah," he said.
fantastic. do you have a pen?
brian wore a confused look on his face as he reached in his jean pockets and dug out a black pen.
give me your hand, i said urgently.
the look deepened as he stuck out his right hand.

i grabbed it and scribbled my screen name on it. if he didnt have aol, i was going to cry. he had to have aol.

he smiled at the word on his palm and said, as my mother honked the horn in the parking lot, "hope you manage to find your way out of the rabbit hole."
i half-heartedly rolled my eyes.
i've had it since i was twelve, i said.
he just smiled. my mother honked the horn again. "don't be late," he said.
yeah, yeah, its an important date, i got it, i said as i walked towards the parking lot.

3 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 1 February :: 7.13pm
:: Music: shh - frou frou

finding new york
i was at that theatre where all the highschoolers went to hang out and look cool at night. it was annoyingly boring, listening to the gossip of a group of girls scattered around in short skirts and tanks with flip flops. i looked down at my own feet, stared at my right converse shoe covered with writing and little drawings from my real friends back home.

because i wasnt home. this theatre was foreign to me. i was out of place; i knew it, and they were obviously too dense to notice it. the girls around me, i mean. you could hit them with a brick and they probably wouldnt respond. there was nothing i could do about it though, mom had insisted i get a social life.

i had a social life, it just wasnt here. i wanted to be back in seattle, not here in california. i don't even like the beach. its wet and hot and you get sand in all the wrong place. what a hassle.

i glanced toward said beach, it was right by the theatre. it had wooden steps flooded with sand winding its way to the cement pathway that led to the parking lot.

and thats when i saw him. he was standing apart from the little groups, leaning over a rail that lined the walkway and faced the parking lot. he had a black t-shirt on, a band name i didnt recognize scribbled across the front. he had faded-looking jeans on, and converses, i noticed.

he had converses. not sandals or flip flops or wet shoes or rocket dogs or whatever. converses.

it was simple relief, that not all of the people here had never heard of the sex pistols or ridden the subway. i mean jeez. this is the first person i had seen who looked remotely like me. clothes-wise.

because appearance-wise, he had darkish brown hair, short, with little ringlets covering his ears. he turned his head slightly and i saw really really great cheekbones.

i usually dont notice something as dumb as that, mind you. but i did. and i couldnt resist walking up to him.

i tried to be casual, but the thought of actually having a conversation that did not include fashion made me excited, so i looked like i was extremely happy to see him.

he didnt notice me coming over toward him though, and i nonchalantly leaned against the rail next to him. i glanced over at him.

hey, i said.

he looked surprised when he turned his head toward me. like he couldnt imagine anyone striking up a conversation with him. he looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "hey."

and oh man, let me pause here. his eyes. they were the exact color of the sky. exact. except they seemed lost in thought, as if i disrupted his thinking. that didnt bother me though because man! his eyes!

i didnt respond right away, so he stood up carefully and turned so he could see me face to face. sort of. he was a bit taller than me.

i held out my hand.
"i'm alice," i said after a moment.
"brian," he replied, his hand meeting mine and shaking it.

he noticed my favorite shirt, and said, "sex pistols fan?"
totally, i said. you?
"yeah."

to be continued?

1 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 27 January :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: in that writing mood

shoebox
i could tell by your face that it was different this time around.

i knew you'd be taking back that promise that i hid away in my shoebox full of knick knacks.
that shoebox covered with pictures and words and a lot of amazing memories. that held the little oath safe between my shell necklace and the small elephant figurine you always made fun of.

the one that said we'd go to california one day, laying on the beach for hours on end, letting the sun melt the time together.
i would walk in my thin flip flops to you, the sand whooshing over my feet as i padded through with my two ice creams.
and i would make a mess of myself eating that ice cream cone, and you would say i was silly and brush the hair from my eyes.

but i guess i knew that it would have to go.
you're always somewhere else. sometime else.
because its so hard
oh, its so hard
to be in love with a ghost.

:: 2005 22 January :: 12.01am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: run - snow patrol

such sweet symphony
so, its been a while.

i am really looking forward to doing some major art this weekend, i cant wait. and i feel like such a nerd for being excited about painting, but i guess thats just how i am.

i want to do a portrait of one of my friends. it would be like the ultimate gift.

i think so, at least.

i dont know whats going on with me this week, but ive been procrastinating out the ass.

i really hope i can be better friends with lauren and mark, they seem incredibly awesome. and heather is so hilarious, i love her.

ive noticed that ive been comparing myself with other, which is so awful, because i hate doing that.

ugh, this is such a worthless entry, but its midnight, who gives a damn?

8 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 14 January :: 9.47pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: deja entendu is on repeat

i thought i was safe from your gaze
so today i felt like absolute fuck. i woke up at 2 in the morning and i felt like screaming bloody murder. instead, i snuck into my mom's bathroom and took some aleve and tried to go back to bed.

my alarm clock, my R E A L L Y obnoxious alarm clock, failed to wake me up, and my mom came in about three times.

and then i said i wasnt going to school and that i would call her when i did finally wake up. she told me to feel better. i miraculously fell asleep.

and then i woke up at 10.00 but could not move. it felt like someone was playing twister with my insides, and after an hour, i had to force myself to get up and eat breakfast before i fainted or vomited.

i vomited anyways after breakfast, wasnt that great.

and then i just layed in different parts of my house, because the thought of moving somewhere else made me want to cry, and i only did it when the place i was in became too hot.

i turned on the tv, and didnt pay much attention, but at least it was distracting.

i took more medication throughout the day and started feeling a little better around 3.30, which is when i remembered that nahs inductions were tonight.

and i did NOT want to miss that.

so i started getting ready and by 4.20, when my mom came home to take me to the highschool for the inductions, i had accomplished to put on clothes, brush my hair, and put very little make up on.

so, now i'm a member of nahs. and im happier than i should be about it. but come on. when i came up to accept my certificate, ms roeder said to ms thimler "she is a very good artist" and ms thimler says "is she?" and ms roeder replies "yes."

that made me feel good.

the gallery and reception afterwards was great.

and i saw some of james' work. that kid is amazing. ahaha, but his hair is ridiculous. he congratulated me though, as i walked into the gallery.

i managed to plaster a smile on my face, even though i felt like hurling.

i came home and wanted to pass out, but refrained, and instead talked to chrissie online.

that girl is freaking incredible. i mean, jesus, she is just awesome. i burst out laughing quite a few times during our conversation. and im already feeling much better.

so tomorrow i am going to teach her math, and then we're going to eat ice cream, and win things from friday's.

i cant wait. :)

:: 2005 13 January :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: spidey suite - danny elfman

crescendos and lulls
i really want to go to the phantom of the opera, and i think im going, too.

also, score, i am going to scotland and/or italy. definitely scotland though. i think over the summer, and we might go to italy over spring break, im so excited!

and my sister says the next time we're in sweden, we'll go drinking in london, because i'll be 18 by then!

i think i'll be a lot more different then i was last year. im not sure if its a good or a bad thing.

rina	:: 2005 10 January :: 3.16pm :: Music: sic transit gloria i am such a fuck up. start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 9 January :: 10.32am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: jude law and a semester abroad - brand new

wtf mate?
oh my god, most fucked up dream ever. i have to write this down, because im already forgetting it.

it was like a movie.

i was at emma watson's house, and we were eating dinner or something. then tom felton (as draco malfoy) had wrote a book about quidditch or some nonsense.

and after dinner (?) we all had to go in emma's room, but somehow my head identified it as ginny's room. anyways, i couldnt find it at first, and i only found it because there was light coming from the crack of the door.

there are other people besides me in there, but i dont remember who they are. but, there is someone in her bed, and everyone (which has narrowed down to two people, wtf) and this kid jared is under the covers once someone pulls them off.

and he's lying in the bed, but it's way too small for him. the footboard for the bed is against the wall, but his feet somehow manage to slip between the space between the wall and footboard to get under the bed. almost like his feet were made of paper.

and we go "what are you doing in here, we're supposed to be doing something." (i dont remember what we were supposed to be doing.)

and he mumbles, because he's half asleep, and says "hermione said i could."

then i somehow end up in this gigantic parking structure. just one floor of it. and i dont know what to do, but something tells me i have to crash into something.then a little red car goes by and i "lock on" to it. because now it feels like there is a ps2 controller in my hand. there really isnt. but still, i lock on using the R1 key which is totally wrong.

as i locked on, a little yellow "1" appeared on the side of the car, and i thought it was too small of a number. so i really quickly locked on to another car which was going fast and i tried driving into it, because i somehow am a car, but also myself. its confusing just thinking about it.

i could never crash a car and i was getting frustrated. and then there are no more cars driving around, but james marsters kind of walks in between the parked cars, with his signature black duster, his platinum hair, and a cigarette in one hand. he stopped by me and told me something, then took a drag of his cigarette. i dont remember what he told me.

i end up in the back of this van with two other children. and there is a small bird-cage like cage that is black and is seperated into four different parts from a seperator inside. and i know that there is a red, a blue, a green, and a yellow fairy inside.

let me say: what. the. fuck.

moving on. one of the children is a little girl and she is really scared, so to make herself feel better, she says out loud that she doesnt believe in magic.

and i look at her sadly and say "you know, everytime you saw that, a fairy dies." i hold up the cage, and the green fairy is lying on her side. i think in my head 'poor earth fairy.'

then i am observing the front of the van (it is white, by the way). but it's in motion, so its kind of like watching a movie. cut to the inside of the van, and sarah michelle gellar is in the passenger seat. smoke is coming from the back of the fan and somehow filtering into the front.

she says "what's that smoke from?"

and michelle trachtenberg, who is behind her says "i dont think you should worry about it."

that's all i remember.

rina	:: 2005 9 January :: 2.29am :: Mood: still awake. :: Music: run - snow patrol your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! haha forgot to mention the new layout. i = such a dork. 2 dr0p everything \| start it all 0ver...

:: 2005 9 January :: 1.23am
:: Mood: very awake.
:: Music: guernica - brand new

is she an airhead? HAHAHA oh god yes.
hahaha i went out with sabrina and tiffany tonight.

tiffany has her own vehicle. not the greatest, haha. they picked me up around 9 and we went and had dinner at macaroni grill. i had chicken parmigiano. mmm.

but when our waiter, doug, was putting the pepper and the oil on the plate for you to dip your bread in, tiffany was looking at him like he was insane.

and as soon as he left she goes "what is that for?!!?"

we laughed. and said it was for bread.

and then sabrina said the cheese on my chicken was mold, and tiffany believed her. holy christ.

but here is something priceless:
when sabrina was at her house, they finished watching a movie, and she says "just put the dvd back in the case."
and tiffany says "how do i rewind it?"

good times. anyways, we hit up barnes and noble afterwards, and get coffee and some sort of dessert. none of us finished them.

it was such great fun. and sabrina is getting a mustang convertible!!! ahh! we are totally cruising in that mother.

and since i had coffee i am very very very awake. fuck.

lovethehibiscus

:: 2005 5 January :: 4.14pm
:: Mood: crushed and creative
:: Music: dear jamie...sincerly me - HELLOGOODBYE :D

wind gushed through the hefty old wooden doors as i stumbled in to the resturaunt.
as i wiped my wet hair out of my face i let out a sigh as i saw how busy it was.
i should of known better to come on lunch hour but perhaps it was the brutal storm or the growling in my stomach that had led me to the mad hatter cafe.

there was a 20 minute wait which led me to sit in the old beanbags that they had scattered next to this bookshelf full of books on how to make a bicycle out of cereal boxes to the history of the three stooges.
now i remembered why i came into this cafe; because i loved it. it was so laid back and everything was unique. to the odd abstract paintings on the wall or the funky colorful zigzag lights that adorned the ceiling.
finally my name was called and i was led to my table.

the worst table in the house to be exact. it was right by the kitchen and pretty much all you could hear was the simmering of food being cooked, the clang of dishes, and the cooks talking about last nights baseball game. it wasnt the best table in the place but i knew the food would compensate for it. the table itself was beaufiful; a mosaic of glass and glamorous movie stars from the 30s. i tried listenin to the funky blues music that they were playin and i caught a couple verses between the noise behind me then it was interrupted by my waiter.

boy, was i interrupted by my waiter. he was tall and had dark short messy hair and blue eyes that could break down walls. when he handed me the menu i dropped it and knocked down the salt and pepper ceramic shakers that were shaped like palm trees. he told me that i might want to throw some of the salt over my shoulder just incase. i smiled and looked down at my rained on self and told him that i must of spilled some salt this morning and must not of known it. he laughed and disappeared in to the kitchen for my drink. it may have been storming like there was no tomorrow outside but i was feeling like it had just become a bit more sunnier.

he brought out my tea and started to take my order. the thing is though that we just didnt talk about what i was ordering. in the minutes between him saying what will you be having today to him leavin to take other customer's orders; i had found out that he was working here part time when he wasnt in class learning how to be an architect, he lives in a few streets away from me, he is originally from oregon, and that he drives a 88 bronco with foglights on it. i told him how i was also in college learning about health and medicine instead of measures and angles and that i am a native in this rather quaint city. i was in the middle of telling him that i drove an ol 74 vw thing when i was interrupted by lady is a tramp by frank sinatra. i told him how i loved sinatra music and how my funny valentine was my absolute favorite. i blushed and he smiled then left the table to his other tables he had to tend to. i didnt want him to take my order; i wanted him to take my heart.

my lunch was brought out and we talked a bit more. i wished he wasnt working and was the one at the cafe who was sitting on the other side of the table having lunch with me. he left and left me wanting this lunch to never end. i ate my delicious lunch and thought about nothing but him. it was odd how i only knew him for a short time and already loved everything about him and felt like i knew him for eons. as i was eating, i noticed him smile at me as he walked to and from the kitchen. he came over and took my plates, handed me my bill while slightly frowning as he did so. at the mad hatter cafe, as a tradition a hersheys kiss is given always with the bills. i put it in the wet pocket of my pea green jacket as we talked after i payed the bill. he told me it was nice meeting you and to have a safe drive home. i left a tip and gathered up my still soaked purse. as i was walking to the front of the cafe i turned around and he cracked a smile. his intense blue eyes lighting a path to the door.

i pushed open the heavy woden doors to a still stormy world. i barely noticed rain coming down in buckets or the thunder and lightening. then i stepped out from under the awning. rain seeped through my still damp clothing from before and i started to run to my car. since it was so busy when i first arrived, i had to park all the way in the back so i had quite a long way to run. finally i arrived at my car and hopped in. rain soaked the seats as i fished around in my purse for my keys. i put the key in the ignition and thunder crashed when i realized that the car wouldnt start.

5 dr0p everything | start it all 0ver...

lala91

:: 2005 4 January :: 11.41am
:: Mood: w0o0o0ot w0ot
:: Music: slow motion -->

havnt updated in forever
kinda miss woohu.
it was good to me
lol
new years is here..
w0o0o0ohuuu!!
20o5*-->
i l o v e y o u
tha technique'll make y0oh sweat , but dont sweat the technique

:: 2004 28 December :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: screamy-ish.
:: Music: somewhere only we know - keane

teenage angst? oh no!
i am not having such a good day. blah.

i think my mother is going to kill me soon though. i ordered some my chemical romance patches online. with my debit card. without asking permission.

oh dear.

ugh. all day ive had this constant need to just scream. or pass out or something.

and the moment of zen for the day is:

What one-liner are you? by shinikami
Name
Line A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

.. wtf?

rina	:: 2004 25 December :: 10.51am :: Mood: blank :: Music: geek stink breath - green day yay something corporate Take the test, by Emily. start it all 0ver...