Leeder

:: 2004 21 July :: 11.59pm

Jason's Top 10 Songs of the Moment:

(in no particular order)
1) Jessica Simpson - Angels
2) Franz Ferdinand - Dark of the Matinee
3) Maroon 5 - This Love
4) Modest Mouse - Black Cadillacs
5) Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
6) Evanescence - My Immortal (still)
7) Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Theme Song
8) Train - Ordinary

Err, I got nothing for the last two...

Goodnight, folks!

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:: 2004 19 July :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Modest Mouse - The View

as life gets longer, awful feels softer...
I just hate, HATE feeling like this. This all goes away when I enter a pleasant state of slumber, but until then, I just feel like I've covered in this slime that infects everything I touch. Or, if you'd like, we can go back to the old "maggots in the brain" analogy.

I hate that everything in my journal has been equated to where I'm located at any given point of my imaginary continuum of mental health. "Oh, I did good today, didn't I?" ... Yeah, slightly self-depricating tonight, if you couldn't tell.

Moving on... I went out to lunch w/ Ruth yesterday. What a wonderful time, I hadn't actually SEEN her in quite some time. We have such a strong bond with some subjects (Meru, Europe, high school) that I regard with such fondness, it's so great to just sit down and reminesce, as well as look towards the future. She also printed me off a nice 8"x10" of my favorite picture from my trip, which I have proudly displayed on my desk. So, good times after all.

It just seems like when I lose it nowadays, like tonight, I never actually lose my grip or my head. I stray from the path, but I never lose sight of home base. Besides, I can't win 'em all... roll with the punches and all that shite.

[Edit 11:02pm] Oh, and Millennium comes out in like an hour. Very nice. That and Boomtown and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Too bad I'm broke... too convenient that I have excellent credit.

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:: 2004 17 July :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: System of a Down - Science

"Hey, he lied to us through song! I HATE when people do that!"
So, in case you haven't seen me in the past week or so, I've been doing crazy things with my facial hair. I'm currently (almost) as smooth as a baby's behind, but here are some before and after pics for your enjoyment:

Take a peek...

:: 2004 16 July :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Foreigner - Waiting for a Girl Like You

Here (at CfA), I see examples from some of the people I encounter, examples of the type of socially anxious behavior that I'm trying to avoid/overcome. It serves as a sort of "this is what NOT to do" and it also helps to remind me that I've started on a progressive course that I can't turn back from. It's only a (short) matter of time until I leave this all behind me for good.

I've got my scheduled prepared for the fall semester (my last). I will be taking Basic Spanish II (Espanol represent!), British Lit II (better be more fulfilling/less incomprehensible than pt. 1), and my last psych. elective (Industrial/Organization Behavior). I have also enrolled 4 credits for my Honors Thesis, which will consist of helping Chris with her Masters' Thesis, as well 3 credits for some research experience with another professor that I had this past spring semester.

I'm shaving when I get home. This beard thing isn't really working out for me. Way too damn itchy and my skin is way too sensitive.

:: 2004 15 July :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: puzzled
:: Music: No Doubt - Sunday Morning

Just found out my cousin Jamie landed a teaching job at our old high school (Godwin). She'll be teaching English 10 & 11, as well as coaching a sport (either swimming or basketball). Supposedly they are starting her out a pretty decent salary as well. That's kind of mind-blowing to me... she goes to the University of Michigan and the University of Montana, just to end up back at her old high school. But you can't ask for a better English faculty to work with... I'll have to call Ruth (my old English teacher and chaperone to Europe) about this one.

:: 2004 14 July :: 11.46pm
:: Mood: confident
:: Music: The White Stripes - The Same Boy You've Always Known

The weird thing is... you make me be a man that I've never been before. Opening up potential that I never knew existed. I should stop with all these words, because words can hurt, even if it's in a good way... but it's hard to hide I feel. And to tell you the truth, I don't really want to. I want to shout it from the rooftops...

I LOVE THIS WOMAN!

I want you all to know something about me: I now use dressing on my salad. Currently ranch. Talk about unleashing hidden potential and breaking down walls.

:: 2004 14 July :: 1.23pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Queen - Another One Bites The Dust

This article intrigues me for multiple reasons. I think it's the fantasical, common-sense lacking, utterally romantic, and exhibitionist qualities to it... these are the types of insanely interesting things that I wished happened to me all the time.

Luckless Casanova trapped stark naked

jedibumblebee

:: 2004 14 July :: 10.03am

It's the end of the line. Time to shut down the computer.

I move tomorrow morning.

:: 2004 14 July :: 1.20am
:: Music: 311 - Beyond The Gray Sky

Opening credits: Thomas Newman - Dead Already
Waking up: U2 - Beautiful Day
Average day: Eels - Susan's House
First date: No Doubt - New
Falling in love: Aerosmith - Falling In Love (Is So Hard On Knees)
Love scene: Incubus - Here In My Room
Fight scene: Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up
Breaking up: Badly Drawn Boy - A Minor Incident
Getting back together: Patsy Cline - Back In Baby's Arms
Secret love: Melissa Etheridge - Meet Me In The Back
Life's okay: Dashboard Confessional - Bend And Not Break
Mental breakdown: Queen - I'm Going Slighty Mad
Driving: Eve 6 - Open Road Song
Learning a lesson: Cake - I Will Survive
Deep thought: Tori Amos - Silent All These Years
Flashback: Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road
Partying: OutKast - Hey Ya!
Happy dance: Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Home
Regreting: Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
Long night alone: NIN - Something I Can Never Have
Death scene: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Death Is Not The End
Closing credits: Dust Brothers f/ Tyler Durden - This Is Your Life

Your Life: The Soundtrack brought to you by BZOINK!

:: 2004 13 July :: 2.33pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: 311 - Don't Stay Home

Just sent my parents the link to my Woohu journal. I'm tired of keeping them in the dark about what's up in my life... as much support as they've given me for god knows how long, it's the least I can do to show my appreciation.

Hi Mom.
Hi Dad.
Hi Georgia.
Hi Gary.

Love you guys.

:: 2004 13 July :: 12.50pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: RHCP - I Like Dirt

Just found this kind of interesting...

Just taking a peek at my credit card bill, and looks like I only charged a little under $200 while in Puerto Rico. Granted, I took trips to Best Buy/Circuit City before and after the trip, so my bill is actually closer to $300, but those don't really count. :-) Factor in that my parents paid for my plane ticket, I had free room and board, and Meru's family made some delicious meals for me throughout the week... I figure that whole trip only set me back like $300.

Some of the best money I've ever spent.

:: 2004 13 July :: 11.42am
:: Music: No Doubt - Excuse Me Mister

for some reason, this one was incredibly confusing to me...
an X if its true, an _ if its false. add one of your own at the end.

(_) I have never been drunk
(_) I never have smoked pot
(_) I never have kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) I never have kissed a member of the same sex *on the cheek I have*
(x) I never crashed a friend's car
(x) I have never been to Japan
(x) I never ridden in a taxi
(_) I never have had sex
(_) I never have been dumped
(_) I never shoplifted
(_) I never have been fired
(_) I have never cut myself on purpose
(_) I never have been in a fist fight
(x) I never snuck out of my parent's house
(x) I never have been arrested
(x) I never made out with a stranger
(_) I never stole anything from my job
(x) I never celebrated New Year's in Time Square
(x) I never went on a blind date
(_) I never lied to a friend
(_) I never had a crush on a teacher
(x) I never celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
(_) I never have been to Europe
(_) I never skipped school
(_) I never slept with a co-worker..hahahah!
(x) I never have thrown up in a bar
(x) I never have purposely set myself on fire
(x) I never have eaten sushi
(x) I never have been snowboarding
(_) I never have been happy with myself
(x) I never have met a movie star
(_) I never went to a prom
(x) I never bungee jumped
(_) I never have been to a pop concert
(_) I never have dated someone for over a year
(x) I never ate a mango
(x) I never killed anyone before ...or have i...
(x) I never went sailing
(_) I have never had a job
(_) I have never told someone how much they meant to me.
(x) I never have gone sky diving
(x) I never ran outside and danced in the street naked.
(_) I have never had a lesbian/gay close friend.
(_) I have never watched C-SPAN for over an hour.
(_) I have never been out of the country
(_) I have never made out in a carwash..
(x) I have never had cum come out of my nose during a blow job
(x) I have never gone night swimming with a hot person of the opposite sex
(_) I have never eaten peanut butter.
(_) I have never seen Citizen Kane all the way through.
(x) I have never broken a bone.
(_) I have never enjoyed eating veal
(x) I have never been whale watching
(_) I have never stayed up until 10 AM listening to music
(_) I have never seen real boobies
(_) I have never been happier in my life than I am right now
(_) I've never been involved with complete jackass

:: 2004 13 July :: 10.32am
:: Mood: ancy
:: Music: 311 - Beautiful Disaster

"Sometimes it's not what you did last night, but who you were with that makes all the difference."
Sweet, sweet wonderful internet. How have I missed thee? Let me count the ways.

My computer is STILL down, although I think we are getting closer to getting the borrowed motherboard to work. I am seriously comtemplating doing an "Office Space" to that tower when I finally break down and get a laptop at the end of the summer.

So, how am I? As well as can be expected, which sounds worse than it really it. But no matter how smooth it goes, saying "goodbye" to her is never easy. Initially, this time went off without a hitch, but like "Lost In Translation" or an Eddie Izzard stand-up, this ache ages and gets more potent with time. Not a lot to do for the time being except just waiting it out.

I wonder if it is healthy and wise to deny myself the things that I want under a continuing guise of... responsibiliity. I'm seeing an opening here, an opening for everything to fall into place (or blow up in my face, of course) but I feel the need to sit on it for a while longer. I'd like to say it's because I want to be sure, but that would be a lie; I'm quite certain.

Menards Aphorisms of the Week:
"Worry not about how you are percieved but how you perceive others."
"Whom we love best, to them we can say the least."
"Success in marriage is not so much a matter of finding the right person as it is being the right person."
"If I take care of my character, my reputation will take care of itself."
"There are many things that we would throw away, if we were not afraid that others might pick them up."

... I think that's my thing: I'm afraid of losing you, without even having a go at it first.

Why no, I don't have a problem with instant gratification, why do you ask? Patience, Jason, patience. Still, the question remains:

How do you ask a person to wait for love?

P.S. Found the song I was looking for.
Read more..

:: 2004 10 July :: 1.57pm
:: Mood: bittersweet

I'm in a really open, desire-to-share type mood since I've been home. I mean, I'll sit down and tell you everything I've done, seen, and felt. I want to write about it as well, but hell, I wouldn't even know where to start...

It doesn't help that we haven't had a functional computer in our house since I've been home. Hopefully, that will be rectified this evening/tomorrow morning when Joe returns from WI.

Things are just getting progressively simplier and clearer.