TaoMan1121
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2004 25 May :: 11.46pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: Alice In Chains - Rooster
What's left to be said? I look back at everything and think "what the hell just happened there?"
I won't go so far as to say normalcy sucks, but it sure as hell is quite boring. I need something/someone to hold my interest for a little while.
Wake up. Work. Eat. Drink. Sleep. Rinse. Repeat.
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jedibumblebee
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2004 25 May :: 5.20am
Rome got old kind of fast.
Florence is interesting, and I really think you're wrong about it smelling bad, Jason. I like it, but not the discotecquas, they are too crazy even for me.
I went swimming in the Mediterranean at a nudist beach, and I WAS NUDE. Isn't that cool as hell? I figure you only live once, why not do it in Italy?
It's going to be strange and actually pretty difficult to come back to Kalamazoo. I've made a lot of new friends and gone thru some crazy situations.
Venice is next, and then Paris, and then I come home on the fourth. So maybe I'll see some of you then.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 21 May :: 10.23am
OK, this is just hilarious...
New insight into weapons of mass destruction.
"Kindness is loving people more than they deserve." - Anonymous
"Moderation in all things leads to success in most things." - Jason Rockwell
... I'm at the Center for Autism right now, so I should probably stop slacking.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 20 May :: 2.03am
:: Music: Talking Heads - Psycho Killer
when i have nothing to say/my lips are sealed/say something once/why say it again?
I don't think anybody who reads my journal had the awesome pleasure of experiencing Blonde Redhead opening for Red Hot Chili Peppers and Foo Fighters at Van Andel back in 2000, I believe it was, but I got a chuckle out of this. If you aren't in the know, this is the band that basically got booed offstage by 10,000+ people, and whose lead singer I described as "an Asian Courtney Love on crack." Good times...
Worst opening band ever.
Speaking of Van Andel: According to Pollstar, Sarah McLachlan is coming there on August 24. More info on that as it comes in.
There was some point during the conversation tonight where I just gave myself into what I was fighting against. I've tried so hard to make my verbal behavior smoother and... more in control is the best way I can state it. But perhaps those other people who are listening don't care about any of that, and it might be part of the reason that they associate with me.
I just don't have passionate conviction of many things lately. Things I believe in yes, but little that profoundly moves me. Yeah, there's the old standbys like love... and well, love, but I can only write about that so much before it gets old.
I'm just sick of sugar-coating everything that comes out of my mouth. And opening my mouth to say something to pacify the other person... to reply just for the sake of replying and because I feel the need to make it known I'm not ignoring the other person.
These damn journal enteries aren't helping me anymore. Seriously though, I promise you, I'm happy nowadays... just not here.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 19 May :: 5.36pm
:: Mood: severly annoyed
:: Music: Buckcherry - Get Back
Several page entry deleted because Joe's mouse is so goddamn awkward.
Everything that could go wrong in the past week has.
Fuck my luck.
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jedibumblebee
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2004 19 May :: 1.18pm
Sorry I have had no time to email anyone, I was partying up in Switzerland...the most beautiful place on earth.
Also, Rome rocks.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 15 May :: 4.52am
I saw a glimpse of myself there, tonight for a few moments... I saw it the past few days. It was scary. I dispelled it. It's gone. Bye.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 15 May :: 4.23am
:: Mood: excellent
:: Music: Foo Fighters - Everlong
I did good tonight. I did good tonight, right? This is either a sign, or a sign I drank too much.
Some days things fall into place. I want to live here forever.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 14 May :: 12.16pm
:: Mood: hyper
:: Music: Zwan - Settle Down
whatever i can do, i will, cause i'm good like that...
It's someone's birthday today (I think), but I can't remember who... so, Happy Birthday _____.
I need a good book to read, anybody got any ideas?
How's this for a fun summertime excursion? A camping trip. My grandma has a trailer up at this place in Ludington and I'm sure we could get a lot for a weekend or whatever and have a good time (far enough away from any of my relations, so as not to have them think any less of me hehe). It's overlooking a lake, and is within a short driving distance of Lake Michigan, and it's got a pool, AND a shuffleboard court! I'm not normally a camping fan, but I think this would be really fun. Maybe like mid-June before I leave for my other trip, or sometime in early to mid-July after I get back. Let me know what you think...
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TaoMan1121
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2004 12 May :: 9.56pm
:: Music: Rolling Stones - Street Fighting Man
Steve Martin - Shopgirl
Steve Martin (the actor) is a really good writer. At the very least, he writes about and in a way in which I really respond to. He's only has two fiction works out, the aforementioned and a novel entitled "The Pleasure of My Company"; I can't remember identifying more with a book and its protagionist since High Fidelity. Anyway, I just wanted to jot down a few quotes from the novella that really jumped out at me. I actually did the same for "The Pleasure of My Company" but it ended up being so long that I just posted it as private.
pg. 37 - "... it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart."
pg. 42 - "This information, this anecdotal training in the understanding of (love), gleaned from experience, books, advice, and mostly hurt feelings... fits in no previous compartment of his experience, and he has created a new memory bank just for housing it all. This memory bank is a jumble. It is not coherent. Occasionally his more rational mind will venture in and try to arrange it, like a boy cleaning his room. But just when everything is in its place, the metaphor holds and two days later the room is a mess."
pg. 117 - "Jeremy doesn't understand Lisa's aggressiveness but he doesn't need to. And neither does his recently elevated consciousness. There is no way the tranquil waters in which his brain floats so serenely can also calm two testicles of an unattached twenty-seven-year-old male.
pg. 121 - "She hits bottom. She dwells in the muck for several months, not depressed exactly, but involved in a mourning that at first she thinks is for Ray, but soon realizes is for the loss of her old self."
Today's Word of the Day:
Pro-pin-qui-ty - n. 1) nearness of blood; kinship 2) nearness in place or time; proximity.
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JediBumblebee
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2004 12 May :: 8.01am
Berlin smells like poop and everything is really depressing here.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 11 May :: 2.28am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Sigur Ros - Track 1
After watching the entire first season of "Penn & Teller's Bullshit" (for the premium cable-ignorant, it's a show hosted by P&T debunking such things as alien abductions and diet schemes and the like, think Investigative Reports/Dateline on crack... and if you don't know who P&T are, I don't want to associate with you in the first place...)
What the hell was I saying... oh yeah, conclusions... I've reaffirmed the fact that there is a difference between having a problem or shortcoming and being ignorant about it, and having one and denying its existence. I'm aware of what areas I'm strong in and in which areas I lack, so now I'm able to be secure in said areas and conversely, not become insecure when my proficiencies in those other areas come under question by others.
This kind of ties into a resurgance in my ego. My self-confidence level has always been a rollercoaster ride, peaking and valleying, but rarely finding a quiet norm. I think I'm finding that as of late, while attempting to err on the side of too much rather than too little, simply because, well... I deserve it. I didn't work this hard to be a "joiner," to be average, to follow the rest of the group and die without making my voice heard ("There's nothing worse than being ordinary" M.S. from A.B., so on and so forth).
There's just not a lot for me to be seriously worried about at this point in my life, and I think I'm starting to realize that.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 10 May :: 2.02am
Amusing quotes from a very insightful evening:
TaoMan1121 (1:41:55 AM): how am i doing?? ;-)
Fanelia12 (1:42:13 AM): sheesh, you should stroke ego all the time!
TaoMan1121 (12:49:31 AM): can you bring some food w/ you next time too?
MeTelHed84 (12:50:20 AM): ok
TaoMan1121 (1:11:18 AM): maybe a strawberry tart would be nice
MeTelHed84 (1:11:31 AM): is that a red headed slut?
MeTelHed84 (1:11:52 AM): GIGGITY!
MeTelHed84 (12:43:45 AM): well you are the only one who has a homosexua attraction to david duchovny
MeTelHed84 (12:43:53 AM): and gregory peck
TaoMan1121 (12:45:49 AM): greg peck... wtf
MeTelHed84 (12:46:56 AM): you knwo you love him
TaoMan1121 (12:38:43 AM): emily went to california and met among others, wayne brady, harrison ford, and larry king... wtf
MeTelHed84 (12:40:14 AM): bitch
TaoMan1121 (12:40:39 AM): i know right!
MeTelHed84 (12:41:10 AM): you are the msot deserving of first fox alumni to meet movie stars
Aww, thanks Andy.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 9 May :: 10.51pm
It's useless to try and explain what I just experienced... here are some words that come to mind anyway:
Friends. Finale. Ross and Rachel. Rain. Emotion. Epiphany. Lost Another. How many are left? What will I do now? I want my Rachel, but I am my Ross and that's enough. Empty Nest. X-Files. So much meaning. All about me. Way it should be. Tolerance. Everything at once. Foozeball table. So much meaning. Happy for every single moment of my not-so-stupid life. Thankful. So much history.
Thank you. I love so much.
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TaoMan1121
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2004 8 May :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Disturbed - Numb
Err... sorry about last night. Just had a little lonely spat there that lasted a couple days. It was like a cold, I guess. I suppose I'll catch one here and there every once and a while. Got smashed last night, I haven't been that drunk since my b-day (haven't puked since then either... and NO, it wasn't on my bed, thank you very much). Started as just a couple beers, and before we knew it, the Jager was broken out. Weather is good and so is work. I'm having a lot of trouble with this journal lately because I don't really have anything of importance to say, and writing about trivial stuff may not bore you, but it sure as hell does me. No huge revealations as of late... at least none that I can remember.
I would like to think of something new to say... but I suppose it's all out there now. Which of course means that I need to go out and cook up some more stuff.
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