Dear Die-ary, I think Im dead..............................."I should have known from the word slut branded on your forehead" ........................................"Mors Principium Est" (Death is the Beginning)

 

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a-demons-angel

:: 2005 6 May :: 11.31pm
:: Mood: Sick and happeh
:: Music: Short Dick Man and Erik's picking of songs

Erik's nervous because I made him pick his favorite song.
Emily, this boy is 5'11''?!?!
I'm making him stop drinking his milk, he's not allowed to grow-up.
But goodness, this boy has grown a lot in... the 3 months I haven't seen him.

Me : I want to poke you
Erik: So poke a pillow and throw it up in the air.
Erik: Then poke it again, throw it in a corner and poke it some more.

xD Because that's basically his reaction.

I am awake you foo'!

<3

4 more shards | break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 10 April :: 7.08am
:: Mood: Sleepy
:: Music: "Move" by Dreamgirls

The clock keeps winding down.
I feel like I'm wrapped around a string, that I would do anything. This is an annoying feeling. But anyways. So there is this one dance, that is extremely difficult in the show I'm in and with my amount of dancing skills there was no way I would have been able to do it. It was just too fast, maybe if we had met more then once a week I could get it. But no, amazingly enough! I got out of the dance. Since it is so hard, it's nearly impossible for everyone to sing and dance at the same time. So I am one of the 5 singers, who stands off to the side and just sings. I like that part, it suits me. But I basically have the other dance down, only cause it's a shit load easier, and slower. So I have to get ready for work, and yah.

-Chasmin-

2 more shards | break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 9 April :: 9.01am
:: Mood: waking up..
:: Music: Good stuff

Damn you French club!
You know what a good feeling is? When you can sing that damn blue lady song from the 5th Element movie. Yup, makes you feel all good inside. So last night I went to the Ambivalence concert over at PBCC, for the Cancer fundraiser thing. They were awesome, and I could actually hear Andrew singing. Though I question some of the words he said, but I guess you aren't supposed to know what he's saying? There was this band before them, good instrumentals..but it was like GAAAAAAA...DEATH GAAHHH! I was just like...huh? They didn't have faces. Their hair just was all ::waves hand around face:: there. But yah, the improvement in the guys playing/performing skills...is like mad woah. You can't even compare when they first started to now, that's how big the change is. So life has been great of course. I'm happy my grades were fairly good. 4 A's, 1 B, and 2 C's (which were 79.1's..you have to have a 79.5 to get a B..) So I was happy with that. GPA 3.2 HPA 3.6, so yah life is good. It's hard to imagine that I'm going to be a senior and graduating soon, just sortof a scary thought. Lately, I have been such a klutz and just blonde. Tripping over things, saying phrases that don't make sense. Heh, but none the less it makes me laugh, and that my friends is all that matters. Well, I must get dressed for the rehersals at the Kravis center. Arrivederci!

-Chasmin-

4 more shards | break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 3 April :: 7.16am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: The nicest kids in town-Hairyspray

So taunt me, and hurt me, decieve me, desert me..this is a damn good song.
I am such a clumsy person. On Friday after Seans thing at Ellie's we decided to go to Veterans. Well, it was the Delray Affair so finding a parking spot was a bitch. So I parked at home and I carpooled with Ryan. We finally find a spot, and I was trying to be all cool and go through the bushes. (mainly cause I didn't see any other way out) So I'm like yah, I'm tough. Well it turned out from where I was going to walk out of, there was a drop. Sorta high, in my opinion. But of course I could not see it because of the bushes. So one moment, I'm stepping off the next moment *WHAM* I'm on the ground. I must admit it was amusing. I hurt my knee, but it was funny. Then not even 10 mins later. I'm talking to someone, and not paying attention to where I am going and *WHAP* I walk into a tree branch. I must say, that was the clumsiest I have ever been. But I smiled none the less. So yah, that is the story of my clumsy night.

-Chasmin-

break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 1 April :: 11.31am
:: Music: All music

All I ask of you.
I have had the best night, since...forever. Thank you.

4 more shards | break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 30 March :: 11.03am
:: Mood: enthralled
:: Music: Songs that float through my head

Inspiron
I had such a wonderful night, and I thought I should tell everyone!

break my being


Squishylover

:: 2005 28 March :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Cole Porter songs

Defying yo momma!
Well, lets see. What have I been up to? Well, if you wanted to know, or even if you didn't, I went on my first date awhile back. It went, sorta bad. But I was proud of myself for doing it. It was this kid Dan from West Boca high. Things were going fine at the Renn fest, but from there on..it went...downhill. To much fondling and what not, I had to end it the next day. I dunno what's going on at the moment, things are so confusing. I'm making a move, but I'm scared. I wish he would open up more, maybe in time. I'm going to leave this person un-named, but if he reads this he will know it's him. Or maybe if he made a move. But then there is that age old question remain friends, or more then friends. I lean more towards the more then friends of course...for personal reasons. But yah, we shall see in time what will become of everything. Hopefully something good, and productive. I got into a show at the Kravis, so that will be a fun thing. I think practices start this Saturday, I have to check my calender. But if anyone reads this and wants to see it, it is on May 3..it's a Tuesday, but I shall get more info on it. *drifts off into thoughts* Well, I suppose I will find something to occupy my mind. Ciao!

-Chasmin-

17 more shards | break my being


squishylover

:: 2005 23 February :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Manamana doo doo doo doo doo mananamana doo doo doo doo!

Now, after I run over yo babies!
Well, it has been a long time since I've updated this thing. Don't really know why. I did notice a spelling error in the last entry I posted, which is quite annoying. I like the movie Kill Bill Vol. II. Lets see what can I talk about in here. I have my liscence, I enjoy driving around. Sometimes thats just a stress reliever right there. I went to solo & ensemble again, got a superior. Working some extra days so I can get a new outfit at renn fest. Cesar I believe was still trying to get with me, but I just can't see myself dating him. Plus right about now, the only way someone can get my attention is if they are special or something. I've been basically focused on my schoolwork and everything I need to get into college and for my future. This summer I'm going to University of the Arts for their musical theater summer program. That should be fun, I'll be there for all of July and a few days in August. I chose my schedual for next year. I shall be taking..
AP Lit
Marine Bio II HON
Drama IV
Dual Enrollment
Dual Enrollment
No class
Economics/Government HON

For once in my life, I won't be taking chorus. I think the Dual Enrollment shall be fun. I wonder what classes I will choose to take, and at what school. I hope FAU. Heh my mom just told me that while I'm in Philly this summer for the camp thing, there are a bunch of people who would rescue me that we know up there. No matter where I go, I know someone. I can't ever get away with anything! I have a World Lit paper due tomorrow that I need to fix up. Meh, and I'm tired. I think I want some tea, aya! I do. Life I suppose you can say, has just been going. I'm quite content with it, can't say I'm ecstatic, but I'm content. Saturday hopefully I'm going to go see Ambivalence at Ovation. (thats my friends band) I'm not big on concerts but they've gotten a shit load better, and I wanna hear this new singer of theirs. Well. I better be off, maybe I will start updating this thing more often now.

-Chasmin-

break my being


killjoy

:: 2005 22 January :: 9.10am

Perks of being a wallflower poem.
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star

And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that wsa the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem

And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed or even talked
And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

break my being


killjoy

:: 2005 22 January :: 8.57am

Together, but not...
I love you. I know im a screw up and I can never make you happy, but i love you. Thats why we broke up. because we cant make each other happy. and this is why we are still together, because we love each other. I am so lost right now, I dont understand it. Everything in my head is telling me that we will go no where except where we are right now, together, but not. In eachothers lives, but not. But everything in my heart is telling me that it doesnt matter. As long as I have the little peice of you that I have now, its ok. And i know we will never date openly again. And I can't describe the feelings of doubt and unwantedness that go through my head at that thought. But it doesnt matter. Because I love you.

1 more shard | break my being


killjoy

:: 2005 19 January :: 4.29pm

hmm..for the past two days i have been at home. my pain pills arnt doing shit, because im still in pain. And I asked someone for a milk shake or an ice cream sunday but..they never showed. Thanks alot kids. My kitty has been so nice to me today. All cuddling with me and stuff. At least my cat cuddles with me.
Felicia

break my being


killjoy

:: 2005 1 January :: 7.33pm

happy fucking new years you peices of shit.

3 more shards | break my being


killjoy

:: 2005 1 January :: 12.00am

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!

break my being


killjoy

:: 2004 31 December :: 11.59pm

now here is that moment where everyone counts as the ball drops
10...
9....
8....
7....
6....
5....
4....
3....
2....
1....

break my being


killjoy

:: 2004 30 December :: 9.22pm

Blessed suicide
Lying in the bathtub,
Cutting every vain.
Watching the bath fill with blood,
And drowning here in pain.


It's about an inch deep,
And I've got so much more to go.
Wondering if I should turn water on high
and watch it overflow.


I remember my father,
I saw him last when I was eleven.
I think it's my time to see him again
and be with him in heaven.


But when I get to the gates,
And look down and wish me well.
I will spend eternity
burning in the pits of hell.


I'm hardly here and
regret what I have done,
wish I thought twice
beofore I had the blade and begun.


I'm lying here in my watery
Blood, no one to hear my cries,
I look up and see Gods face
with my very eyes.


I hold his hand and talk
as I repeant and we begin to walk.
so now there is nothing else to hide
this is what you truly call a blessed suicide.

5 more shards | break my being

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