rayray
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2011 11 December :: 10.16pm
I need to vent, while my child is screaming it out by herself.
At my house, its not considered "cry it out".. It's screaming it out, or being murdered. She has a set of lungs, and doesn't let up. Like at all. Ever. She doesn't know how to self soothe. She screams bloody murder, and would go on for HOURS and probably days if I let her. She is stubborn. I'm scared she's going to choke on all the saliva/snot she makes from all the screaming, or when she gets to the point where she throws up. Luckily, she always seems to throw up on the floor and not in her bed or all over herself.
From January to November, once she was asleep at night, she wouldn't wake up til about 8ish.. Once in awhile it would be a little early, and then it started getting later.. And I had her going to sleep in her own bed, on her own. Since the time change/her first birthday, she was waking up between 6 and 7.. Once I got her to sleep til 8 or later, she has been waking up a million times during the night. When she is in her crib, awake, she screams bloody murder like she is being attacked. She could be dead asleep, and the second she touches the mattress in her bed, she is screaming so bad, her body stiffens right out.
I can't seem to win. And now Mike is on 3rd shift, so I have to get her to sleep before he goes to work, otherwise it'll be 10 times harder to get her to go to sleep..
So far, she has been screaming for 12 minutes, and Tyson keeps whining and barking like he needs to go protect her.
I feel like a bad mom for complaining about my child, but I miss sleep. Good sleep, where I don't wake up a million times, or in pain from having to make room for everyone else and sleeping all funky.
22 minutes later, she is still screaming, but not nearly like she was.. And a half an hour ago, she was passed out in my bed and had been sleeping since 9..
6 Rock |
Do you rock
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spud
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2011 27 November :: 4.16pm
so, friday didn't go very well. i still enjoyed myself, to a certain extent, but it definitely did not go like i had hoped. i just have too much faith in people being open-minded. i really need to learn to keep my trap shut, because not everyone is as accepting of differences as i am. or as tolerant of stupid shit.
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thursday was fine. there was food. the lions lost. my family sat around. the highlight of my evening was playing liar's dice with the alspaugh guys.
last night was fairly epic, if uneventful.
and i got my scooter fix for the weekend. so that's good.
Do you rock
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sugarjackj
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2011 21 November :: 11.53pm
Do you ever miss something so much it hurts?
Such good times I'll never forget.
And at the same time horrible life changing events.
Internal conflict of emotions.
Ewwww.
1 Rock |
Do you rock
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sugarjackj
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2011 17 November :: 7.03pm
She walks in beauty
Do you rock
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allyson
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2011 14 November :: 10.03pm
I forgot to write yesterday. Jared was home and we stayed up and played gears 3, and then I was exhausted and fell asleep.
We didn't do much yesterday. I went to Meijer with Autumn. First time in a while that I've been to the store (2nd time to meijer since august). I need to go to fields fabrics to get some material for a tag blanket and a matching baby blanket for a gift. I don't remember what else we did.. Oh, we had culver's for lunch and Autumn went with Jared to go and get it. That's about it. Callie's been sleeping like crap lately. waking and crying often. It's tiring. I hope she gets over it soon. I think I'm going to have to start waking up at 8 am all the time. Because callie wakes up at 8 am on the dot every morning. No matter what. Oh well. I guess I'll have to make myself be a morning person.
Do you rock
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allyson
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2011 14 November :: 9.39pm
Baby why you wanna cry?
You really oughta know that I
Just have to walk away sometimes
We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changing my mind
Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
I wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you I'd lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine
Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman, come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
Like crazy, girl
Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like
Crazy girl, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly woman come here let me hold you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, girl?
Like crazy
Crazy girl
Like crazy
Crazy girl
Do you rock
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allyson
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2011 12 November :: 11.12pm
I decided yesterday that I was going to start writing in here everyday. Just to keep a journal and record of even the most boring things I do.
Today started out with callie waking up at around 730.norther jared out I was ready to get out of bed so we put her in bed with us and she confined to talk to her self quietly while I laid next her her with eyes closed for 15 more minutes. I finally got up and brought her downstairs. Gave her some milk and changed her while we waited for sister to wake up.autumn of course wanted mama cereal and the baby had an egg and some sweet potato puffs. Daddy wakes up at around 930. He goes to the store and takes callie with him. They pick up pictures at walmart and go to meijer. while they are gone autumn and I do some glitter crafts and play out side.it was so nice out today.sunny and warm...especially in the sun. We had lunch and then just putted around while jared put up the new and kitchen light. By that time it was almost dinner time. So I heated the oven and baked some chicken and potatoes and autumn and I made some chocolate chip cookies too. Speaking of...I'm hungry.... I'm going to go eat...
Do you rock
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spud
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2011 11 November :: 9.17pm
Three man and...
Ice.
Luge.
5 Rock |
Do you rock
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allyson
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2011 10 November :: 11.55pm
My whole life there has only been one thing Ive known I have always wanted. To feel beautiful. And still to this day I have yet to feel that way.
Do you rock
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allyson
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2011 27 October :: 12.07am
Wow it's been long. I have a few posts about Callie Mae... but I just wrote them.. like with a paper and pencil! OMG! haha Anyways. She's a whole year old. I've missed... a lot lately. I've been so sick. No one understands how I feel. But I thought of it today. Imagine have the flu, yes the diarrhea upset stomach achey tired flu... for 9 weeks straight. That's how I felt and still feel. It's very hard for me to do anything without having to run to the bathroom. Recently I've had an upset stomach that comes and goes and has made me lose my appetite. So much that.. I'm down to 89 lbs. I'm 5'4 and 89 lbs.. I look.. horrible. I feel horrible. I feel like a horrible parent. I can't do things with my kids. I missed autumn's first day of school, I haven't been able to go for walks all summer or go to the park, Autumn's halloween party is tomorrow, as well as dr appointment and "family" pictures that I won't be attending are friday, I did however make it through autumn's birthday and Callie's without too many episodes. I didn't feel good.. but I made it through. Callie has started walking from the couch to the table and to the wall willingly... but won't walk any further even though she can. (she walked 22+ steps the other night). She still have beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes... she loves her sister and her daddy.. and even me too!
Ugh, I can't believe I missed so much. I just have to take each day.. one step at a time. I can't believe I've been sick so long.. with no answers. Hopefully soon.
Prayers are needed.
1 Rock |
Do you rock
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spud
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2011 18 September :: 12.19pm
i drank ALL the rum.
why did i do that?
this explains so much.
Do you rock
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spud
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2011 17 September :: 3.06pm
this is relevant to my interests.
Do you rock
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andrea
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2011 17 September :: 3.25am
Sprawled in the cushioned whirl of pillows and sheets, I wonder if I'll ever get far enough away from this city, and it's poisonous orange glow, to see the starry sky again.
But the constant contrast of silhouettes against the ever illuminated night is more than charming...
1 Rock |
Do you rock
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spud
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2011 11 September :: 9.12pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Scott Butler (i need to get a hold of him....)
Fuckin' Fall!
it's getting to be that time of year. we're not quite there yet, but getting steadily closer. it's cooling off. the kiddies are back in school. hell, the trees were starting to turn colors when i went up north last weekend.
it's coming, people. and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop it.
every year, when it gets to be about this time, i get... weird. well... even weirder than normal. but i like it, okay? this is probably my favorite time of year, and a large part of that is because it makes me feel this way. i'm not entirely convinced i'm alone in this, either. i mean, i seem to recall posting this spring about how i'd seen all these people breaking up because the weather was turning nice, and it was time to go out and play the field for the summer. and now that things are winding down, everyone's looking to snatch up somebody (or has already... they've had all bleeding summer) to hunker down with and spend the winter months together. i could be imagining all of this, and probably am, but it seems like an interesting theory, just in the nature of humans.
as fixated as i am on this possible phenomenon (if it is in fact more than in my head), i'm not sure that it applies to me. i'm in a constant state of oscillation between looking for someone to hunker down with, and looking for nothing but my own satisfaction (which would invariably be complicated by involving another person). this inability to settle on one option or the other primarily causes me to want to beat my head against a brick wall. which, in all actuality, would probably be about as productive as the running in circles i usually wind up doing.
but fall makes it different. it's more intense. the smells. the sounds. the way the air feels. it all means that it's time for introspection and reflection. soaking up nature, and all of the bounties of harvest time. quiet time alone to think about shit. lots of shit. to think about. i get nostalgic. i have ridiculous romanticized fantasies for the future. but they're all hypotheticals. because i like the subtle ache of watching everyone else be happy together. i was never a part of their happiness. even if i pretended awhile. but theirs isn't what makes me happy. i'm happy alone in my head. it's where i spent the first 7 years of my life. and all the bullshit of this world that i've encountered since has succeeded in doing nothing but confuse and depress me. why can't i go back and just think on things, and feel the ache, and have people leave me alone.
but the rest of the world won't let me do that. i guess that's why they say i get weird this time of year. because, to them, it is weird. sucks to be them. i like it this way. it's the way my brain was designed to be. if that's not good enough for you, then go suck a bag of dicks. because that's as good as it's ever going to be.
6 Rock |
Do you rock
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