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2004 19 November :: 10.38am
screaming, im confined to your kiss.
im hooked on the taste of your touch.
kiss me again, not holding back.
listen to me love you.
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2004 19 November :: 10.30am
i should be doing some sort of homework right now. why have i lost all intentions of caring? grades are important to me.... well, at least they used to be.
now i sit at home, listen to music, and fight with my mom.
and work.
and the play.
and then i try to squeeze god into all that.
its pretty pathetic when my number one priority has fallen to the bottom of my list.
i dont know anymore. im ready for this divorce to be over, then i can piece together the shattered mess my life's turned into.
i dont understand how you know me well enough to attack my flaws and throw it back into my face any chance you get. do you like seeing me hurt? do you care at all... do you want me to fall apart completely. i dont feel like i know you anymore.. and its sad, because i couldnt go on with out you. whats going on... what is this. gaaawwwwd.
in second hour i was just randomly writing... a got a few good things out of it.
just waisted all hour doing nothing. i've been reading all my past entrys... a way to track progress right? i havent made any.
greeaaat. eric claptons "you look wonderfull tonight" is on the radio.. and i have this sudden urge to cry.
ok.. so i'll just randomly post the lyrics cuz im a loser and have nothing to do.... they're so pretty. i want this.
It’s late in the evening
She’s wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight
We go a party
And everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady
That’s walking around with me
And then she asks me
Do you feel alright
And I say yes, I feel wonderful tonight
I feel wonderful
Because I see the love light in your eyes
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize
How much I love you
It’s time to go home now
And I’ve got an aching head
So I give her the car keys
She helps me to bed
And then I tell her
As I turn out the light
I say my darling, you were wonderful tonight
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight
*sighs. stop it erika.
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yadiffy04
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2004 19 November :: 12.23am
:: Mood: wow..umm...Im not really in a mood right now
:: Music: Break Free- Queen
Hey all,
well, I dont really know whats going on with Sami I mean, Its been two and a halve weeks, and she doesnt feel confortable holding hands, I kinda think somethings going on. Right now, I feel like Im loosing hold of everything I worked for, or liked, or even loved, and it sux, i mean, jeez....I wish stuff would go right once and a while....Sami is acting different, and I want someone i can snuggle up next to, cause most people dont realize Im like that, but I like just sitting there or lying with my gf, thats what i liked about Grace, she didnt mind it. But, I mean, if its been this longm, and we still havnt held hands, how long will it be till shes willing to cuddle up with me? I guess all good things are worth waiting for. jeez,...I found out that Morgan and AJ were talking crap behind my back, and I called Morgan out on it, and he was all,.."Oh shit..." Its was kinda like the type of oh shit you say when someone finds out something they wernt supposed to. Thank you Nicole for telling me. Jeez, Its like david and Morgan are switching personalitys on me, cause last night we had rehursal at Waylins house, and David was there, and we were actually having FUN, its a big thing. He was actually willing to talk to me, and teach me parts, it was cool, so now were cool together. but now, Morgan is acting kinda like David used to act with me. I dunno, but hes changing....
Aubrey....
WOW....youve been great to me, your always there to talk to me about anything. Im glad people are FINALLY getting the idea that I dont like you like you, but I love you as a sister. Jeez, thank you so much for everything that youve done, Ive been able to tell you about things with Sami, andwith everyone. I just want you to know that youll always be my sister. Ill always be there for you whenever your having problems with Kyle, or anyone else. Im sorry I havent called you as much as Id like to, but my parents are so strict that they wont even really let me. Over the weekend, Im gonna call, and were just gonna talk about nothing for 2 hours, ok? Man, Im so happy I have suh good friends like you, I dont know what Id do if something happened.
Home life,..Jeez lets just say it could be a hell of a lot better. Matt is being a jerk, Lucas bugs, me and my mom are always fighting, and my dad is never home. He says that Im the rebel, and that Im the worst, but they dont even know Matt anymore. i just wish i could have the good old days back, where noone cared what you looked like, as long as you were a good person, I had so many more friends back then than I do now...
Well, hapenings,.....umm....well, we had after school on tuesday, and Aubrey showed up. AJ had the whistle, and Mr Boyer started yelling at me for doing the wrong wistle cmmands, but I showed him that I didnt have one, and he was all, oh, whops, Im sorry, ..AJ! come here! It was funny then we had GATE on wed, and Aubrey was supposed to come over, but she couldnt, and we got all of our magic tricks, so, Ive mastered them all. the instructor thinks I should pursue magic, and make it my profeccion, I dunno, I want to major in music, and become a musician. So then today, we had after school rehursal, andit was ok, but the colorgaurd sux, they cant even stay ing a block formation for 50 counts, its realy quite sad actually... we got acceptd into Disneyland, but we shouldnt have, cause we suck. Castle park is on Sat along with the community parade. i only get to stay at Castle Park till like 4 o clock, because were going on vacation till thanksgiving. So, that bytes, Ill propbally just do DDR. cause Sam wont want to really want to be all touchy feely with me.
More on today... So, before school, it was ok, I got there, and was really exiced to see Sai again, then we walked tofirst, and we had a sub again, so, sence Im a TA in that class, i just chilled out for the time. Second, was the usual boring Science, but we got to actually talk when we were finished, break, Sami was gonna give me a not, but didnt, so I jacked her backpack, and then, third, we ran the mile. Fourth, we had a Bill of Rights test, and it was easy as pie, yet there were only three A+'s, and I was one of them. Adv...nothing new, Sean Kerr sux at the drumset, I could play better than him, we really need Morgan back. Fifth, um.. nothing new, same old same old. Sixth, band, umm they suck! Jeez!! Well, thats all I have to right, Im really missing Sam, so Im gonna right her a note. Later
Stevo
I <333 Sam
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
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2004 18 November :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: ditzy
i had a great time today.
<3 i'm very happy.. for once.
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2004 18 November :: 12.25pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: blink 182 - always
i got into another fight with my mom last night.. well i guess the question should be more like "when don't i get into a fight with her?" she's such a bitch sometimes. nothing's ever good enough. i'm so tired of it.
whatever, i don't even want to think about it anymore, i'll just get into a bad mood.
so anyways, since jim works midnight, i get to spend the days talking to him and such. he's coming to get me today around 2:00. i got my aunt loraine to watch my sisters for me for a few hours. i'm so happy! :-P the whooooooole day with my 2 babies. :) speaking of which, gabrielle just woke up- i have to go.
<3
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2004 18 November :: 6.08am
you kissed me with such emotion that i could feel the intermost depths of two minds connecting on far more then a personal level.
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2004 17 November :: 1.33pm
perfection. is what im experiencing.
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2004 17 November :: 1.32pm
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anyway from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
<3 you.
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2004 16 November :: 9.28pm
:: Mood: relieved
:: Music: green day - boulevard of broken dreams
so yesterday i went to my babe's house. my sisters went to, 'cause my mom doesn't trust me anymore.. haha. anyways, we watched some movies, and just hung out.. my mom like flipped out when she found out jim came to pick us up; i thought i wouldn't be allowed to go over there again, but she didn't say anything today. anyways, we all got home around 9:00. i had a good time, it definitly lifted my spirts to be allowed to go over there.
earlier yesterday [at 9:45 am] i had an apointment with WIC. i got some checks for formula for gabrielle. they weighed her.. she weighs 13 pounds and 7 1/2 ounces! holy crap! she is 23 inches long.. she grew an inch since she was born. i can't believe how big she is getting.
jim and i's 2 year anniversary is on the 29th. <3
oh, i don't go back to school until december 6th.. and i weigh 145. [i lost 3 pounds in 2 days?? i got weighed at my doctors apt. on the 15th and i got weighed again yesterday] hmmm.. i don't look any thiner.. i actually look like a whale. haha.
yeah.. i'm feeling a lot better than i was yesterday. i was so worried about my mom not letting me see jim again. i have a lot of mood swings anymore. haha, can you say bipolar?
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2004 15 November :: 10.43pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: gwen stepthani - what are you waiting for
i'm not okay.. i promise.
quizes..
Read more..
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2004 15 November :: 9.39pm
:: Mood: upset
You turn off the tv
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
til you get off my case
No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home
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yadiffy04
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2004 15 November :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: MAGICAL TREAVOR!!!!!
Everyone loves magical treavor,
cause the tricks that he does are ever so cleaver,
look at him now dissappearing the cow,
where is the cow hidden right now?,
taking a bowe its magical treavor,
everybodys seen that the trick is cleaver,
look at him there with his leathery leathery whip,
its made of magic, and with a little flip,
yah yah, yah the cow is back,
yah yah, yah the cow is back,
back back, back from his magical journey
what did he see in the paralell dimention?,
he saw beens, lots of beens, lots of beens, lots of beens,
saw beens, lots of beens, lots of beens, lots of beens,
Everyone loves magical treavor,
cause the tricks that he does are ever so cleaver,
look at him now dissappearing the cow,
where is the cow hidden right now?,
taking a bowe its magical treavor,
everybodys seen that the trick is cleaver,
look at him there with his leathery leathery whip,
its made of magic, and with a little flip,
yah yah, yah the cow is back,
yah yah, yah the cow is back,
back back, back from his magical journey
what did he see in the paralell dimention?,
he saw beens, lots of beens, lots of beens, lots of beens,
saw beens, lots of beens, lots of beens, lots of beens,
AWESOME!!!!!!!! its my fav, thanks chrissy
Stevo
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2004 15 November :: 4.19pm
:: Mood: happy
soooo.. jim's here. :-D yes, i'm happy. yes, i'm excited. yes, my mom is letting me see him. no, i don't know why.
i'm going over his house for a few hours.. i'll update when i get back! be happy for me!
<3
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2004 15 November :: 7.38am
i've never connected with anyone the way i connected with you last night.....
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2004 14 November :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: lonely
*sigh*
lets xx hug (9:32:53 PM): i miss you
pouncer was here (9:33:52 PM): i miss you too baby
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2004 14 November :: 3.23pm
:: Mood: helpless
whatever, i feel so helpless. i hate being caught in the middle. i can't do anything without hurting one or the other. i wish things would just be how they used to be.
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2004 14 November :: 1.33pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: and the cradle will rock-Van Halen
Hey all, well, lastnight was cool, i chatted with Aubrey for like an hour, so heres our convo Read more..
So, that was awesome, I havnt seen her for a while, hey, Aub, call me if you can come over on Wed. other wise Ill have to call you, and you dont want me to do that.
So, other than that,
stolen from Firefly_bright (Aubrey)
reccomend to me
1 book
1movie
1 song, artist, or album
now, ask me any six questions, anything you want, and Ill answer then the best I can, then do this with your journal.
later,
Stevo
I <3 Sami
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
P.S. Aub, I spelled our later for you, lol.
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2004 13 November :: 9.37pm
this has been the best weekend.
seriously....
last night me and alyssa went to gorters house, then back to her house and just talked and ate pop corn and listened to the used cd multiple times....
today me and alyssa went to look at some apartments that she's getting and we met tom and blake there, went back to the other alyssas house, went to river town, and then back to gorters. those guys are so much fun.... i can now play pool.
well... kind of.
i hate stereotypes.. who cares what people appear to be like, or what you wanna think they are... just get to know people. gaaawwwwd. what sence is it to just critisize. i've made like a zillion new friends this weekend.. and it really kicks ass.
hope ya'lls weekend has been goin good too.
*hugs
erika
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2004 12 November :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: unchained-VanHalen
Hey all, well i just got back from Pizza Factory, We had rock rehursal, but Raul didnt show, so Tami, Morg, and I went down to Pizza Factory, and hug out, Tami left at 6:30, and then Morg and i went to the ice cream shop, and he dropped his Ice cream, and had to go back and get another. So then we went back to pizza factory, and played DDR, I was doing Damderian on heavy, and got props from Jessey, and Matt Fox( hes pro at ddr, like rythem and poliece on heavy, which is a nine step) So then I came home, and took a shower, and mohawked my hair, and it looks really good. Now Im chatting with Morg. so heres a survey.
X the ones you have done:
( ) I have been drunk
(x) I have kissed a member of the opposite sex
( ) I have kissed a member of the same sex
( ) I crashed a friend's car
( ) I have been to Japan
( ) I rode in a taxi
( ) I have been in love
( ) I've had sex
( ) I've had sexual relations in public
( ) I've shoplifted
( ) I have been fired
(x) I have cut myself on purpose
( ) I have smoked pot
( ) I still smoke pot
( ) I've had a 3-some
(x) I've snuck out of my parent's house
( ) I have been tied up. (yes...in THAT way)
(x) I pissed on myself
( ) I have been arrested
( ) I've made out with a stranger
( ) I've stolen something from my job
( ) I've celebrated New Year's in Time Square
( ) I've gone on a blind date
(x) I've lied to a friend
( ) I've had a crush on a teacher
( ) I've celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
( ) I have been to Europe
(x) I've skipped school
( ) I have thrown up in a bar
(x) I have purposely set myself on fire
(x) I have eaten sushi
(x) I have been snowboarding
(x) I have been happy with myself
( ) I have met a movie star
( ) I had sex in a pool
(x) I went to a dance with someone of the same sex(as friends)
( ) I've bungee jumped
( ) I have been to a pop concert
( ) I have dated someone for over a year
( ) I sold naked pictures of myself
( ) I have been in a car accident
(x) I have slept in the nude
(x) I've eaten cheesecake
( ) I've had jury duty
(x) I've hated someone without knowing them
( ) I have given oral sex
( ) I have recieved oral sex
(x) I've shot a real gun
(x) I've ran around with my trousers around my ankles
( ) I've had sex with someone within a week of meeting them
( ) I've done ecstasy
(x) I've gotten my ass kicked
( ) I've been caught smoking
(x) I've worn boxers
( ) I've milked a cow
(x) I've got in a verbal fight with a teacher
( ) I've cheated on someone
( ) had sex with a best friend
( ) Lied one time in this survey
( ) Lied more then once in this survey.
(x) Lied to a friend you see everyday
( ) Kissed a person that has a g/f or b/f
( ) Used ice cubes as a foreplay accessory
(x) Wasted time filling this out instead of doing something productive
( ) Have nude pics of yourself on your computer
( ) Walked across 8 lanes of interstate highway
(x) Have been to camp
(x) Have read a book(s) more than one time
( ) Have eaten cat food
( ) Have been pulled over by a cop
( ) Own porn
(x) Am a Republican
(x) Likes classic movies
( ) Own a kitty
( ) Carried a lunchbox in high school
(x) Buy gumballs to watch them swirl in the machine
( ) Likes to be dominated
(x) Likes to dominate
(x) Likes to drive with the windows down and the music turned up
(x) Eats PB &J for breakfast because there's nothing else
so, theres that, now heres something for you.
What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked/loved you
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
I died:
What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:
Rape me:
Beat me up:
comment me and tell me the answers.
EDIT!: Heres another one! lol!
Opinions-
Am I nice?:
Am I Funny?:
Am I Weird?:
Am I Loveable?:
Am I Caring?:
Do I have a nice voice?:
Am I Cute?:
Am I Cool?:
Do I have a good heart?:
Am I a good person?:
...WOULD YOU...
Hug me?:
Miss me if I was gone?:
Help Me?:
Be there for me?:
Ever go out with me?:
Kiss me?:
Marry me if you could?:
Be with me?:
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME?
When's my birthday?:
What school do I go to?:
Who is my best friend?:
Who do I like?:
Favorite animal?:
Favorite sport?:
Favorite TV show?:
Favorite song/songs?:
Favorite music group?:
Favorite movie/s?:
Can I rave dance?:
Do I play any instrument?:
Do I have a soul?:
+IF YOU COULD+
Give me a new name-What would it be?:
Give me one thing-What would it be and why?:
Do one thing with me-What would it be?:
Be with me would you?:
_-JUST A FEW QUESTIONS-_
What do you love about me?:
What do you hate about me?:
What is my best quality?:
If you could change one thing about me-what would it be?:
What is your honest opinion of me?:
What is your worst?:
Rate my Look 1-10:
Rate me 1-10:
Change my hair color to?:
Well, party on pplz!
l8r
Stevo
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
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2004 11 November :: 10.52pm
:: Mood: sad
And now for my bad day.
I woke up around 8:00.. started my report for child 2, around 10:00 i quit; i'm half done with it. Jim stopped by to give me a paper for my mom, he only stayed for a moment.. he had to go home. Around noon Alisha came over from Christan Charities and gave me some diapers and formula.. after she left I finished getting ready to go to my doctors apointment and to Wal*Mart.
Kelly went with my mom, Sam, Gab and I. We got to the doctors around 1:10.. my apointment was for 1:15. I'm doing good.. healing fine. He said I have a 'tilted uterius'. which isn't bad, it's just that my uterius is tilted up a little instead of laying flatter like most women.. I'm now on birth control..
After that, we went to Wal*Mart. Kelly and I got some really cute clothes and we got out hair cut.. we both look so cute if I do say so myself. huh kelly?! (:
..i have to pee
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2004 10 November :: 11.50pm
:: Mood: depressed
Ask me 6 questions.
Any 6 - no matter how personal, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly.
In turn, you have to post this message in your own journal // OR // you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
Ask away, even if you don't have a journal.. leave an anonymous note.
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2004 10 November :: 1.14am
:: Mood: crying
i hate when my mom comes in my room like she did a little bit ago and starts telling me that everythings my fault, and that she's in so much debt because i made the mistake of getting pregnant. my "asshole boyfriend" isn't helping with anything.. and that she lost everything [meaning george] because of me the baby and my "asshole boyfriend". and how my dad would be so dissapointed in me, and her because i got pregnant. i don't understand anymore, i just don't understand anything.. i cut my arm; and you know what? i don't even give a fuck anymore.. i don't fuckin' care who knows, or what the fuck anyone says. fuck them, fuck everything.
i'm leaving, i'm not going to ruin everyones life just because i made one mistake.
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2004 9 November :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: upset
what the hell is wrong with me anymore?
i'm sitting here checking my e-mail.. i just started crying after i read an article on breastfeeding babies. "it's so good for them" "it's a bonding experience" "babies grow up healthier" "babies are less likely to be obese when they grow older" okay.. what the hell? i feel so guilty for not breastfeeding, it's my fault if gabrielle isn't going to be healthy when she grows up.
anymore if gabrielle cries, i cry with her. i feel like i'm doing everything wrong. no ones here to help; i'm doing everything on my own, plus i have to take care of the house, school work, my sisters, myself.. and i don't even have a job.. so i have to get my mom to buy everything for me. it's all to much for me anymore, i'm getting so over whelmed, and i feel so guilty for having to ask my mom for everything.
the other night gabrielle was crying and crying because she had a stomache ache, i sat there and said to myself i wish she would shut the hell up. then i realized what i said and freakin cried for like an hour after i got her to bed.
what's wrong with me anymore? i wish someone understood.
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2004 9 November :: 8.01pm
none of my friends would go shopping with me. its a sad thing to go by yourself.. its like... "hey.. look at that..oh" very sad.
i got a cute new coat. woo.. thats what my life is valued on. cute coats and working.
im not sure why i said that...
i think im going crazy.. i keep hearing my cell phone ring, except that its not.
i should take a shower.
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2004 9 November :: 1.40pm
:: Mood: depressed
..i just feel like crying
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2004 8 November :: 10.46pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Lateralus, tool
I'd be honored if you'd fight along side me...today, now, forever.
YES! HA HA!!! YES, YES, YES!!! THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! She's so close to joining us now...so close to believeing. I can feel it... I can feel it in my blood, my bones, my very soul. This is just evidence that if you believe without any proof, proof will find you. God does keep his promises. But I musn't get cocky, the fight is far from over.
On a more solemn note, I must send my heart out to you, Tori. I have to say I'm proud. Proud of all you've conquered. Of all I know you can and will conquer. I'm deeply, deeply sorry for you uncle. May Lucipher be damned as soon as possible. Until then, I'll give him hell. And I would be honored, as would my father and king, if you would join me.
Forever live Jehova and his children.
Aaron.
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2004 8 November :: 3.04pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: the house of mouse on tv.
please vote!
i re-did my journal again.. VOTE!!! tell the truth, there's no way i know who voted!
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2004 6 November :: 10.04pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Law and Order SVU
so bored.
Yesterday Jim came over.. he stayed for a few hours.. we watched The Day After Tomorrow or something like that. He left around.. uhhh- 3:30 am or so. I don't really remember. Today was boring- I didn't do anything.. so here are some quizes. I'm very bored anymore. Nothing good to write about.
 
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