i cant believe what you tell me.. your lies have come undone.. now im living on the run, looking out for number onee.. one day, you'll see me, but only when you're dreaming, onee day you'll say i was the one..
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xxinterrupted

:: 2004 17 May :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: tired

12 days of hell left.

i had a great weekend. i spent it mostly with jim. i stayed over rochelles friday night, and jims saturday. we went to pike days. i ate a lot. jim and i talked. i miss him being over here all the time.. but i know the situation, and it will change soon.

i had my physical today for my permit.. hmmmmm, jim really doesn't want me to get it. i don't really want to get it either; but with things that are going to be coming up soon.. i'm going to need it. [jim, you know what i'm talking about.. 4 months baby.]

i called my mom today around 1:30, told her i didn't feel good. i started crying on the phone. i don't even know the real reason for starting to cry. i'm under a lot of stress and everything, keeping such a big secret to myself. it's harder than you'd think.

i have to go to the magestrate [sp?] tomorrow at 2:30, my mom is picking me up at 2:15. stupid people, if i want to miss school for being sick; let me. don't interfere. god.

i'm trying to stay awake until 11 so i can call jim back.. but i don't know if i'm going to make it. blah.

i love you jim. year and a half baby, and stronger than ever.. we won't let this one thing bring us apart.

make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 16 May :: 11.27am

I HATE COMPUTERS!!!

gah... messenger wont work.. the caps keep periodically turning on....... stupid thing.

i woke up at 11:00, but we're supposed to be at church. so now im all confused. i think brandis sick, and thats why we stayed home.. i dont know. hmmmm.

to kill a mockingbird, should die a painful, miserable death, and then be burned.

i've got a TON of homework to do.. i guess i should do that.

3 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 16 May :: 1.02am

well this weekend was pretty good. pretty darn good.

friday i went and saw van helsing with jon.. and that was fun. and then saturday morning i had work project, then brandi and i went tanning, then we got ready for her senior high banquet at her church. we got to get all dressed up in fancy dresses and fuss over our hair and make up and such. so we get to the church no knowing where we're going.. and then we pile in the church van and pull into BURGER KING! we were all freaking out cuz we were all dressed up and expecting something wonderfull.. but you know that huge room that the play thing used to be in? well we walked in there and they had it all decorated. the windows were all covered, lights were hung up and dangling down from the ceiling along with that sheer white stuff. and there was purple sheer stuff and just cool decorations randomly placed everywhere. plus they had some lady playing the violin in the corner. it was sooooo pretty. and we had the whole room to ourselves, it didnt seem like we were at burger king, it was so cool! so then we went and changed at first baptist right there on the corner... why.. im not sure. just a place to change i guess. and then we went to ajs. that was cool. self explanatory.. everyone knows what you do at ajs. *recap- go carts, mini golf, the whole sha-bang*

after that whole thing, we got back to the church around 10:30, then me, brandi, and richele went to petes bonfire... got home around midnight... and now here i am. updating my journal... because i thats just the cool thing to do now a days.




seniors are gone.. thats sad.




i cried the other day.. why, im not sure. but it had been awhile.... damn feelings. and damn me. and damn my feelings. yep.. that about sums it up.


well, at least im gonna be 16 soon. less then a month. i'll be legal to have sex, not that i will. but still. te he he he.



gah.. i dont know what im supposed to do. a part of me is like, woot woot, this is great, and another part is like... noooooooooo.. bad idea. so i dont know. GAH.. I HATE NOT KNOWING.......... maybe its not even what i think it is. or maybe it is.. i dont know. i wish i was a mind reader. and that i had xray vision. that'd be cool too.

off to bed.
church tomorrow.
LOTS of homework.
3 more weeks.. thank god.

4 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 14 May :: 10.45am
:: Mood: poopie

not really doing anything.. just waiting for becky to get done with a worksheet that i need to copy.

talked to jim last night. i'm gonna try to go over his house tonight. i don't have to watch the girls this weekend, they go to their dads house.. woohu. it's pike days this weekend. oh yea. rochelle and i are going out to eat with her dad on saturday. then on sunday i'm going to pike days with rochelle and jim probably. but i'm not sure yet.

blah, it's going to be a long day.

make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 11 May :: 1.52pm

tomorrow is my moms birthday, AND my best friends birthday. crazy.... *shakes head.

the sad thing is i cant afford to get my mom anything.... which makes me feel awful. i just told her that when i go to alaska i'll get her something then. still though..... grrrr.. i hate being poor, and not having a job, and having nothing in the bank.....

oh yeah, and YAY!!!! so my friends and i have talked about this, and even though prom might suck next year... AT LEAST we can still party with our reps!!!! that makes us feel SO much better. i mean.... comon... thats who i'd want running my class! ha ha.. our class is gonna suck next year.....


this saturday.... im going to a banquet with brandi at her church.. well actually we're going to eat somewheres, but they wont tell us where. the element of suprise, te he. and then i guess we're gonna change and then go to ajs. so that SHALL be fun. Friday i think im doing something with jon. and sunday theres church, which i missed last sunday. My mom wasnt to happy with me... so i guess i should probably go this time.


this band wants to meet me.. non-chalant... or something like that. because their bass player quit. so i think me and Alyssa are goin over there sometime soon. that should be cool too. they're already well known.. so that would be "neat".... te he.. what a fun word neat.

BUT... my first and foremost project will mine and beckys band thing. because we want it all acoustic, so we figure if we work our tails off and learn... we can have some sort of mellow band. and seems how becky is my best friend, we'd never ditch eachother. *tear, i love you man!*

"The only gossip I'm interested in is
things from the Weekly World News -
'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'.
That kind of thing."

"Fear... Fear... Utter fear. Clowns!
Clowns scare me."

"I pretty much try to stay in a constant
state of confusion just because of the
expression it leaves on my face."

"Trips to the dentist-- I like to postpone that kind of thing"

"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them."

"This is a rumor-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation"

"America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive. My daughter is four, my boy is one. I'd like them to see America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out."

“I have a funny relationship with my body...Ah, it sounds so stupid, but for me there shouldn't be any half way."

"Oh yeah. I play Barbies all the time... "

-John Christopher Depp III

make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 11 May :: 11.11am
:: Mood: hahaha

oh people these days. i guess i need to be "supported" now..? lmao, oh man. to funny.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

yadiffy04

:: 2004 10 May :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: none

Hey!

whats up, anyways I felt like taking a survey, here it is.



YO
ABOUT U
Your full name::Stephen Tracy Meinke
Age::13
Height::5'4
Natural hair colour::red/brown
Eye colour::brown
Number of siblings::2
Glasses/contacts?::no
Piercings::no
Tattoos::no
Braces?::yes
FAVOURITE
Colour::red/black
Band::Linkin Park, AC/DC
Song::too many
Stuffed animal::snake
Video game::Halo
TV show::Bevis and Butthead
Movie::LOTR
Book::Bible
Food::Mexican
Game on a cell phone::bowling
CD cover::AC/DC
Flower::rose
Scent::cashmere mist
Animal::snake and the squrrel
Comic book::dragonball Z
Cereal::Life
Website::woohu, bzoink,addicting games
Cartoon::DBGT
DO YOU
Play an instrument?::yes
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?::no
Like to sing?::yes
Have a job?::yes
Have a cell phone?::no
Like to play sports?::yes
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?::yes/girlfriend
Have a crush on someone?::yes
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?::no
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?::no
Have any special talents/skills?::yes
Excercise daily?::yes
Like school?::yes
CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?::no
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?::define tip toes
Speak any other languages?::double talk, piglatin
Go a day without food?::yes
Stay up for more than 24 hours?::yes
Read music, not just tabs?::yes
Roll your tongue?::yes
Eat a whole pizza?::yes
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?::yes
Cried to get out of trouble?::yes
Gotten lost in your city?::no
Seen a shooting star?::yes
Been to any other countries besides the united states?::no
Had a serious surgery?::yes
Stolen something important to someone else?::no
Solved a rubiks cube?::yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas?::yes, it was pajama day at school
Cried over a girl?::yes
Cried over a boy?::yes, my bro.
Kissed a random stranger?::no
Hugged a random stranger?::no
Been in a fist fight?::yes
Been arrested?::no
Done drugs?::no
Had alcohol?::no
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?::no, does soda count though???
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?::yes
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?::yes
Swore at your parents?::no
Been to warped tour?::????
Kicked a guy where it hurts?::no....that is dishonor
Been in love?::dunno, I could be right now, but I just dont know.
Been close to love?::dunno
Been to a casino?::no
Ran over an animal and killed it?::no
Broken a bone?::does a fracture count??
Gotten stitches?::no, but Iv had staples
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?::yes
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?::no, I should try that
Made homemade muffins?::yes
Bitten someone?::yes
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?::yes
More than 5 times?::yes
Been to niagra falls?::no
Burped in someones face?::yes
Gotten the chicken pox?::yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth::this morning
Went to the bathroom::after school
Saw a movie in theaters::like 3 weeks ago
Read a book::Im reading one now
Had a snow day::never
Had a party::on my birthday
Had a slumber party::on my birthday
Made fun of someone::today
Tripped in front of someone::dunno
Went to the grocery store::weeks
Got sick::weeks
Cursed::a day or two
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables::fruit
Black/white::black
Lights on/lights off::off
TV/movie::movie
Car/truck::car
Body spray/lotion::spray
Cash/check::cash
Pillows/blankets::pillows
Headache/stomach ache::head
Paint/charcoal::paint
Chinese food/mexican food::chinese
Summer/winter::winter
Snow/rain::rain
Fog/misty::fog
Rock/rap::rock
Meat/vegetarian::meat
Boy/girl::girl
Chocolate/vanilla::chocolate
Sprinkles/icing::icing
Cake/pie::cake
French toast/french fries::fries
Strawberries/blueberries::strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool::ocean
Hugs/kisses::kisses
Cookies/muffins::cookies
p33n/bewbz::????
Wallet/pocket::wallet
Window/door::door
Emo/goth::goth
Pink/purple::pink
Cat/dog::dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve::short
Pants/shorts::pants
Winter break/spring break::spring
Spring/autumn::autumn
Clouds/clear sky::clouds
Moon/mars::moon
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?::a LOT
What are their names?::uuummmm......Aubrey, Tami, Morgan, Wade, Mikey...
Do you have a best friend?::yes
Have you ever liked one of your friends?::yes
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?::guy
Have you ever lost a friend?::yes
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?::yes
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?::dunno
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?::yes
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?::dunno
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?::dunno
Do you miss any of your old friends?::yes
What friend have you known the longest?::Morgan
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?::yes
If so, what is it?::not gonna tell
How often do you spend time with your friends?::6 hrs./day
Do any of your friends drive?::yes
Has a friend of yours ever died?::yes
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?::TPing
What do you think your friends think of you?::dunno, ask them
LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?::dunno
If you have, with who?::dunno
Are you single?::no
Are you in a relationship?::yes
If so, for how long?::3 days
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?::no
What is your idea of the best date?::just to be with the "one"
What was your first kiss like?::havnt had it yet, Ive been waiting very patiently for the right time
How old were you when you got your first kiss?::dunno
Do you think love is a load of shit?::no
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex?::dunno
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?::yes
Have you ever been dumped?::yes
Have you ever dumped someone?::no
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?::huged
WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers::feet
Hat::head
Hard::soft
Free::heaven/God
Space::everywere
Taste::good
Good charlotte::uuuuhhhh.....
Red::blood
Deep::pool
Heart::love
Cord::wire
Cheese::yummy
Rain::sing
Work::NNNNNnnnnnOoooooo!!!!
Pedal::flower
Head::hat
Bed::sleep
Fluff::soft
Hardcore::rock on
Race::win
Knife::cut
Jump::fall
I....
am::ME!
want::to be done
need::water
crave::food
love::parents
hate::noone
did::school
feel::lonly
miss::my g/f
am annoyed by::Chris C
would rather::be alone
am tired of::this
will always::remember my friends
SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?::rock
What time is it now?::3:23
What day is it?::Mon
Whens the last time you called someone?::yesterday
How much money do you have right now?::5 bucks
Are you hungry?::yes
Whatcha doin?::this
Do you like parades?::yes
Do you like the moon?::yes
What are you going to do when youre done with this?::go to baseball
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?::yes
If you could have any magical power what would it be?::to fly
Have you ever had a picnic?::yes
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?::yes
What about sock em boppers?::cool
Are you wearing any socks right now?::no
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?::yea
pretty?::no
sarcastic?::yes
lazy?::yes
hyper?::sometimes
friendly?::yes
evil?::dunno
smart?::yes
strong?::yes
talented?::yes
dorky?::yes
ASSOCIATE THESE WORDS WITH SOMEONE YOU KNOW (or dont know)
high::Matt
skip::Tami
dance::Aubrey
lonely::Cameron
pen::Evan
flower::Melonie
window::Lucas
psycho::ME!!!!!!
brain freeze::Morgan
orange::Cody
sassy::Neblia
jelly::dunno
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide::no
love::yes
drunk drivers::no
airplanes::yes
war::no
canada::yes
united states::yes
rock music::yes
gay marriage::no!!
school::yes
surveys::yes
parents::yes
cars::yes
killing::no
britney spears::yes
coffee::yes
pants::yes
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?::yes
Play strip poker?::dunno
Run away?::no
Curse at a teacher?::no
Not take a shower for a week?::no
Ask someone out?::yes
Lie to someone to make them think better of you?::no
Visit a foreign country for more than a month?::yes
Go scuba diving?::yes
Write a book?::no
Become a rockstar?::no
Have casual sex?::no
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?::suave
Whens the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex?::a hug....a long time ago
What kind of computer do you have?::Dell
What grade are you in?::7
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?::no
Or just make out?::sure
How many posters do you have in your room?::2
How many cds do you have?::a LOT
What time is it now?::3:28

extremely long survey brought to you by BZOINK!



l8r,
Stevo

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 10 May :: 10.26pm
:: Mood: stressed

i wish jim would answer his phone, and i wish the people that i talk to; or otherwise known as friends; would all stop lying. i don't even know who's telling the truth or who's lying their asses off anymore.. they both go hand in hand.

make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 10 May :: 4.09pm
:: Mood: irritated

i miss jim, i got to see him wednesday.. but that wasn't enough. i want to see him all the time! ..but oh well, i'm living. lol

didn't really do anything this weekend.. well nothing that i actually planned. i was supposed to do some things, but i either didn't do them, or i had to work.. saturday my mom, sisters and i were supposed to go shopping. buuuuuuuuuut;; my mom only put chelsea (waitress) on for saturday night.. and she majorly needed help. so i worked. from 4 til 11. i had probably about 10 tables all at once, which was hard as hell. but i managed.. and made some cash while i was at it.

sunday was mothers day. i bought my mom a mug that says "mom, i love you" and it's cutesy and stuff. i got sam and anna roses at wal*mart saturday night, so they gave her roses.. dustin got her beautiful flowers. george was supposed to put her deck together, and put the new dishwasher we yesterday in.. but he ended up getting drunk off his ass and acting like an idiot, which was funny.. and not doing it. so i guess my mom didn't have to good of a mothers day, considering that was the only 2 things she really wanted done.. but hey, can't win'em all. i just felt bad for her because even though she was mad, she was more dissapointed. and i know what it feels like to be dissapointed. it just sucks.

school sucked today, have algebra homework, and a huge history test tomorrow that i need to pass. it counts for 1/5 our 4th 9 weeks grade.. eek. that sucks.

a lot of things are happening in school, especially with amy and becky.. which i think is funny.. and so does everyone else. buuuut; here's what happened in case anyone that reads this doesn't know: becky basicly called amys hair a rats nest (or something to the sort) JOKINGLY, and amy took it all seriously and flipped out. randi and i laughed, because drama is funny. and now for about a week.. amy and becky have been fighting. i guess amy said that becky called her like 6 times, buuuut i don't believe that. becky only called her once. so today, amy told someone that she pushed becky into the lockers and called her a bitch and to stay outta her way or something.. but thats not true at all, and i asked amy about it and she denied it and then went on and told me that becky told kristen that i was talking about her.. which made me laugh even more; because i asked kristen and becky about it- and they didn't know what i was talking about. so please tell me this.. who's lying here?

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 10 May :: 11.58am

i conned my mom into watching pirates last night. yep.

so i swear.... there was a tornado yesterday. lol. it sounded like a train and got all windy and stuff... scary stuff...... te he.

"i ate cheese cake yesterday"
"whatever"
"mean people, aha, mean people annoy me"
*dorky laugh* "nice people."
*laughs
"Well thats cool"
"write down this.. blahhhahahiel, good luck"
"heh he heh.. good luck"
"are you gonna write that i said this"
"soo bored"
"no ones gonna care about that, their gonna be like, oh gah"
"so stupid"
*laughs
"oh yes baby, wooh hu"
"hmm hmm ha.. a real kick in the knickers"


ok, enough quoting becky... it was starting to creep her out... this is what happens when your life ceases to exist.

make conversation

yadiffy04

:: 2004 9 May :: 11.40am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Hells Bells- AC/DC

HEy, whats up everyone.

last night I was hanging out with this girl I like, Christa, and she was like, "I have a secret about you." and I was all "tell me! tell me!", then she said, " I really like you." and I was like, "Whoa........really.....cool......I have a secret too." THen she was like " PPPPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE tell me." and I said, "no!". Then I told her friend that I liked her, and she went and told her. Then I asked her "the question", and she was all, "Yes!!!!!!!" It was pretty cool. So, now I have left the three musketeers (Me, Wade, and Morg.)

SSSOoooo.....n/m else has gone on in the last couple of days, We went to bible club, and Willie was all, "Be a fruity christian." and everyone started laughing....It was so funny.

On Friday, I went to the LELL storm game, and me and Squire were the only two people in the parade for our team, and then Cameron came and jumped the fence and started to walk with us. The announcer was like, " here come the Junior Storm.....and some other guy." ( the other guy was Cameron)

On Sat we were supposed to play the REDSOX to see who would come in first, but they forefit, because noone from their team showed up to play us, so we [my team] got really mad.

And now, today is Sunday, and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!

Ill type l8r,

Stevo

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 8 May :: 4.34pm

woot woot... so me and becky are losers.

we went to that movie place in town thats going out of buisness.... and we were probably there for about an hour looking through all their posters for johnny posters... but was there any???? NOOOO.... crazy. out of AT LEAST 300 posters, not one was johnny. *tears.

but... we both got chocolat.. and that makes us happy. and if any of you think thats candy... *whispers...* you're stupid

we just completed the rest of our algebra homework that has been periodically due throughout last week.... at least its done.

we made the best smoothies... EVER.

kiwi, rasberries, strawberry yogurt, a bananna, whip cream, lemonade, and ice.

yum. kiwi.. what a fun ingrediant. its like, yeah.. i had kiwi. im better then you. kiwi. its just fun.. and erm.. sophisticated... or something. its something an anerexic, well rounded person would eat. we're not either... ah well. te he. kiwi. he he.

we're going to see mean girls tonight. yep.. sure are.






i think im out of things to say....

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 7 May :: 10.25pm
:: Mood: lonely

i went over jims house on wednesday.. stayed their for a couple hours, then went to amys and stayed.

didn't go to school today. i woke up and couldn't get out of bed, it felt like something in me was being ripped or something. i don't know; hard to explain, but it hurt.

..another lonely weekend for me.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 7 May :: 2.14pm

*tear.

friends is all over, but.... they named their baby after me. yes, thats right. after me... because they said to themselves..... "erika childs, that girl is so cool..." yeah, i got nothin.

elections today..... *crossing fingers.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 6 May :: 1.56pm

no, it cant be over. *cries
tonight is the last episode EVER of friends. i think i just might bawl. im so sad. its been my favorite show since i can remember. and its ENDING.

*breaks down.






i talked to my friend tyler yesterday... that was awesome. havent talked to him in months.

will someone PLEASE help me with algebra. i think im gonna cry im so far behind. and while you're at that, help becky too. because we're screwed, and sad, and failing. *tears.


9 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 4 May :: 2.13pm

im at 575...... thats so cool. *smiles

te he.. no one knows what im talking about.

go stacy, go driving...... yayyyy.

should i be a cheerleader next year? i just dont know... hmmmmmmmmm.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

XXinterrupted

:: 2004 4 May :: 11.06am
:: Mood: stressed

i can't stand it anymore, i'm getting the shitty end of the deal. relationships are supposed to be 2 people trying to make it work.. right? because i'm the only one in this relationship anymore. i cry every night because of it.

..but i doubt jim cares.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 3 May :: 1.46pm

another weekend... came and gone.

it was an alright weekend.

i went to my friend joanns house, we watched the wedding planner, which i think is a bitter cross between my best friends wedding and how to lose a guy in 10 days. it was an ok movie. sunday we had a dinner at church..... foods always an exciting thing.

hmm.. friday i went to the mall with my mom and shan and sara. saras my friend, shans my moms, but they're mom and daughter too, it was fun. i got some capris. yay.

saturday i went to my aunt pats house and did some work around there to earn money for my missions trip. it was grusome work. but i got through it.. even though it was raining. i even sawed down a pine tree... oooh yeah. i conquered that tree. yep.

im sick of gloomy days. they're not fun... they're...... erm.. gloomy.

the senate went to arnies for lunch today. that was fun. well not fun.. but food, and once again... food is always a good thing.



i've decided that i love becky. i cant believe we actually thought we were never gonna be friends again. she really completes me. lol. as does brandi. my other halves. wait.. wouldnt that make us thirds... i dont know. math isnt fun. fun fun fun fun fun.... how about i say fun a few more times. akl;jva;lskcjas;ldkjfal;skjf

im not in a bad mood, or a sad mood, but im not happy. i dont know why.

algebra is depressing me. someone help me...... *cries




Becky... next time you come over, you need to refrain from wiggling your vagina on my floor... and oh yeah. i will not be catching your serbia croatia... no, i will not. thats right every one.. becky has an std... serbia croatia...... its sad. it really is. we made noodles... ha ha. noodle. ha.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

Aaron

:: 2004 2 May :: 2.39am
:: Mood: Sad...No more journal in seven days
:: Music: Godsmack

This probably will be my last journaling session...forever, so savor it. please, I have so much to say I just don't know how to say it!

13 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

Aaron

:: 2004 2 May :: 2.22am
:: Mood: Warm, powerful
:: Music: FF7 Boss music

A penis with legs ^.^
She's still feeling guilty. I can understand. But she has no idea how much I owe her... I would never have found the strength to perservere had she not wounded me, and in the end, it's better this way. I have my strength, my heart, my passion. Next time I find a girl I can offer them all up to her. That's what I did wrong. I never offered anything, only took. no wonder she felt insecure...


HA! A PENIS WITH LEGS!!! sorry, Pat showed me this histarical picture. It looked like a penis with legs. Anyway. Not that I believe that I will find another girl. I really think I'm flying solo form here.

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

yadiffy04

:: 2004 30 April :: 10.55am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Hurricane 200/ Black Scorpian and the LA phill harmonic

Hey guys!!!!

Whats up?? Well, I just got off being grounded for like 3 weeks. As you can see Im a little pissed off, cause some little shit-head went a said that I was gay, and that I was acting like I was Aubreys boyfriend. The only problem is that Im not gay, and Aubrey and I had our little thing, and now its over. Im only defending her like any of her friends would.

But, now to fill you in on whats been going on in my life. My baseball team was undefeted in the second half, but we lost against Joshes team. So that kinda sucks. Tonight I went to the Storm game with Morgan, we saw Josh and Melonie. The Storm won like 6 to 1. Today at school, we [ the jaz band] got to play all day for an assembly, but I had to go to 2nd period for Algebra 1. During break, Josh asked Kelsey H. out, and she said yes. So its like Im the only one without a g/f. But, me Morgan and Wade are like the three single amigos, so thats cool. The good thing about being single is that you save money.

On Wed. I got my hair cut (I was growing it out for a while.) Aubrey was supposed to come over to my house tomorrow, but she got to go to a Skynard concert (lucky). On Thurs, I went to bible club, and it was like God planned that days lesson just for me. I think that its great what God can do. I need to talk to Aubrey so we can talk to "him". and maby "her" so hopefully things will work out.

I have a baseball game tomorrow, and were playing Nicks team, so we should win. Then Im gonna go to the play tomorrow night. Morgan taught me how to play Smoke on the Water ad in the Greange(??) On the tin whistle. At the Storm stadium, one of my neighbors picked a fight with this big kid, and was beating the crap out of him. It was pretty funny to see a 5 foot tall kid beating up a 5'7 kid. So, thats how my life has been so far.

l8r,
Yadiffy

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 30 April :: 8.58pm
:: Mood: sad

i don't think i ask to do many things. i'm not demanding. i watch my sisters every day. i've been watching them for weeks. i never go anywhere.

..but the weekend i do want to do something, no. i can't.

wtf.

make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 30 April :: 10.32am

random journaling.. no, more like stalking cedar peoples journals (which all of you guys do, admit it) just makes me giggle.

*ahem* "my life is over" "this isnt happening" "im gonna kill myself" "oh my freaking gosh, no way"

and then you've got the wiggers.. whose language is far from my own. i dont know.. andy should shun these pathetic journals.. and make them no more.


in other news.

tonight i am the loser who has no prom date. but its all good. because nobody in cedar is worthy.. anybody thats an upperclassmen anyways. it takes a special guy to win me over to prom... or just a pat on the head and a "you're kinda cute" but hey.. ya know it.... its all good. im kidding. i went last week, thats good enough.

im going shopping tonight with shan and sara and my mom. that should be fun.


brandi and i are going tanning after school. cant wait.... its so relaxing... why have i never discovered this before?

5 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 29 April :: 1.47pm

ok, so aparantly im some awful person who only thinks about herself and casts away her friends who have "been there for her" through lots of things. and aparantly i can only credit some of the greatest achievements in my life to this one person, because without this one person i couldnt have done it. riiiiiiiight.




in other news..........

i finally made up my mind to go onto the executive board. im satisfied, and confident, sad that i will no longer be class president, but happy because im movin up. *thinks of that stupid theme song*

today almost was an ok day, except for that, and then there was that other thing, and yeah, that other thing pretty much sucked too.....

youth group tonight, i really wanna go, but i really wanna do my math.

end school end... end right now. *does a wiggly dance*



i started learning the guitar yesterday thanks to the teaching talents of dylan. :) im so excited, im finally learning, or trying to learn. or something of the sort.... nooo, im doing ok. i hope, lol. i can make noise on it though, and thats kick ass. *giggles.

becky lee.... you little whore. i love you. *tear. im here, and i would be more then willing to do the told ya so dance. just ask, i'll do it, i will. lol... im just kidding. i do love you though.

and brandi.... *you are sooo beautiful tooo oo oo meeeeeeee.* and by the way.. i am SOOOO gonna marry elton john first. you just watch me.






i think that sums it up.

7 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 28 April :: 3.57pm
:: Mood: depressed

i hate everything about you.
why do i love you?

make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 27 April :: 2.52pm

im going to chuck e cheeze tonight with brandi. how fun.

decision. made. tomorrow.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 26 April :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: evanescence - anybodys fool

i wish this never happened. it's going to ruin everything. it's already basicly ruined jim and i.. if i could have only one wish in my whole entire life, it'd be for it to just go away.. just go away. i want things the way they were before it happened!

jim's never around anymore, i don't have any friends because i don't talk to any. i need to tell someone; but i don't trust anyone anymore.. all my "friends" do is gossip. thats why i basicly stopped talking to everyone.. or if i do talk to them i don't tell them anything.

i hate this.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 26 April :: 1.55pm

prom was so much fun. this whole weekend was so much fun. i'd advise you to skip past this entry if you dont really care about my weekend, because thats all this is going to be about.

friday: alyssa and jen picked me up and we went shopping for fabric and the last of our prom outfits, sadly, i didnt get any satin gloves... too expensive for my liking. and we ended up going to alpine, eating Wendy's behind a med center...... te he, dont ask, and then going to woodland. then we went back to alyssas house, tried on everything all together, took showers, watched a movie, and went to bed. pretty basic.. so much fun.

saturday: we had to decorate the place where prom was because alyssas on prom committee, it was at the wave room above the celebration cinemas. it was really cool because the theme was hollywood, so it worked out perfectly. and GASP.. GUESS WHAT I GOT!!!!! *freaks out* this girl had probably about 100 movie posters that we could use to decorate with, donated from the movie place in cedar, and i was looking through them and i found the movie poster for... are you ready? *looks around* PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!!!!! eeeeeeek. so i took it, of course... lol. i got another once upon a time in mexico too. now i have two of those. so yes, that was exciting.. back to errrm.. prom. yes. prom. so when we were done decorating we went back to alyssas friends house to pick up her car, and then we went tanning, which, i had never been tanning before. sooo relaxing, i think i might be addicted, it was wonderful. then we went BACK to her house, got ready, her friend julie did my hair, then alyssa tweaked it, and then we went to christinas house for dinner, because we're all poor. but thats ok, because there was about 8 of us girls all eating steaks with towels shoved down the fronts of our dresses. lol. i met so many new girls, and made so many new friends. it was so fun. so we wanted to be fashionably late, but we ended up being 45 minutes late because the cinema was so far away. it was all good though. when we got there i thought i was gonna be all shy, but i wasnt, which made it even better. i met even more people there, and we just all danced all night, which yeah, i guess that makes sence seems how its a dance..... te he. i saw jake and his date there, and awwwww. they're so cute. *Jake, you found a cutie!* I'm happy for him, he deserves it. i even got to dance with somebody, we'll just keep it on the DL who it was, but it was nice. we didnt get back to alyssas house until about 1:30. and 10 girls came back to her house with us. that was fun too, except there was WAY to much food, and not enough self control.

sunday: we didnt go to church because we were too tired, but we did end up getting there about 10 minutes before everybody got out because we had to help with the fundraisng dinner for our missions trip. then my mom picked me up from the church, we went and looked at houses, and then she dropped me back off at alyssa and jennifers house. we wanted to play paint ball, but the burns couldnt so we ended up scrubbing it up and going out into there woods. go me, i climbed a tree... not very high, but it was over a swamp, and i COULD have seen a snake. te he. we found a bunch of weird stuff out there. lets go down the list shall we...

a rotatiller
deer carcus
timer camera, that took a picture of alyssa before we knew it was there, it was weird
a tent
an arrow.

let me mind you that all these were in the very middle of it. the camera was the wierdest thing. it was just on this pipe that was comming out of the ground, and alyssa walked in front of it and it clicked, and she's like oh my gosh its a camera! we ended up getting lost out there, and had to go to the nearest field, walk up to the road, and then down to her house. we were REALLY lost, because we had to walk a long ways to get back. yep, so then i went home.

very busy weekend. one night im in high heels, the next night we trecking around muddy woods. ah well.. it was the most fun i've had in a long time.

alyssa and gordy are so cute together.. i dont think he knows it yet. *giggles. awwww

alright, well... now that i've bored all of you (which i dont care by the way) i guess i'll go.

*im glad we got to talk, i never intended for us to hate eachother, but like i said, at times we need our space. and it was nice talking to you. i do care about you, i always will. dont forget that k. *

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

xxinterrupted

:: 2004 24 April :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: incubus - stellar

i'm just sitting here, turned on the radio and incubus is on. what luck i have.

..no i'm not lucky.

my life is going to shit.

friends, boyfriends, family. 3 important things;; or are they?

life has to many complications to it.. all we're supposed to do is live and die. so why do we have to get pregnant and make more mindless conforming people?

i'm sitting here in the dark with a bunch of candles lit. just like the last time jim was here.. i guess i really don't understand him anymore. i don't even know what's going on between us. i have to practicly black mail him to get him to stay over here. is it me? i think just being around me makes him sick anymore. ever since a few months ago. i know what the reason is. i know. but he keeps telling me that it's not the reason.. i don't know. all i know is that he can't keep doing the stuff he's doing.. i keep beating myself up over it; i blame myself because i think it's my fault. i probably is my fault anyways.

can you be so sad, and so happy at the same time? i guess you can;; because i am. i thought i was over that being sad shit.. but i guess when you make the biggest mistake in your whole life with someone who you thought loved you more than everything in the whole world.. being sad just comes easy. it comes easy..

i just remembered why i hate being in the dark..

my mom took me shopping today.. we went to gadzooks, hot topic, bon ton and dots. i got 2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of capris, and a bunch of shirts.. it made my mom happy that she was buying me things, cause she actually had money to spend.. she's under a lot of stress lately with the bar and everything. i've been working a lot more lately. i like it; gets my out of the house.. away from thinking about things. it's good for me i guess.

..i keep finding myself staring off into the candle on my desk.

friday i went shopping with my mom & george for things for the bar and everything. saturday i got up, went to the social hall in bentlyville for the making of the SADD video.. went to work right after that [@ 11] and then at 4:30 my mom and i went shopping. after that around 6:30- we went back to the bar so i could change and get freshened up. we left around 7:30 and my mom & george took me to hannah's birthday party. i got there at 8, stayed till 8:30, went home and now here i am.. without jim.

right now i have to go up and say bye to my aunt loraine.. she's leaving for the weekend; going to the amish country.. i haven't even talked to her in at least a week. i've been ignoring my friends, as well as my family. which is a lot more important to me then friends.. i have to start getting my priorities straight.

2 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

brokenmentality

:: 2004 23 April :: 1.54pm

ive decided to go on to the executive board.

im buying white satin gloves tonight, how fun is that.

i cant wait for prom tomorrow. *freaks out.

1 you constantly make it impossible to | make conversation

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