everyone we know is growing old

:: 2006 7 August :: 9.34pm

that boy pisses me off to no end.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 6 August :: 8.24am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: hellogoodbye's new album

last night was really great... it was really awesome...

it was my last day of work (nuff said)

but then, the best part was Kirk picked me up from work and we got to hang out at his house for a while... it was so nice to see him again... and the best part was when i got in the car and my heart began to race and the butterflies got stirred up and it was so great. i missed my baby... it was so wonderful to hold him and kiss him and touch him... and rubbing his back... and hearing all about his trip and telling him all about mine... and feeling loved for reals...

and finding out he gets jealous of other people. that was the best.

and his gift that matches my backpack.. that was so sweet. and thoughtful. he's such a sweet and thoughtful guy... and now there are no more trips to tear him away from me...

and there is a road trip!!!!!!! i want to go to the beach. god i'm so excited to move!!!! only 14 days!! that's two weeks! one week until my super awesome party!

... but you know... the more i think about it... the more i realize i'm going to miss people... and that's sad...

what's really sad is when people stop talking to me because i have a boyfriend. dumbasses.

'my love for you is true...'

love,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 5 August :: 11.47am

whats up?

:: 2006 5 August :: 10.36am
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Angels and Airwaves - Do It For Me Now

take me away from this torturous land
is this the end of something? i'm moving on to a new part of my life and now i'm feeling differently about everything around me. Love isn't alive, trust is easy to repair, people are willing to listen and understand, and happiness is some huge mysterious thing which i don't know how to attain. and it feels kind of good to feel like this... to feel like feeling is futile but doing it anyway. i still want love to be a faerie tale ending, but the more i experience and see the more it seems a lie. it's just something we tell the children so they don't kill themselves in the beginning.

but that isn't to say love doesn't exist, it's just here, with me, love has turned up missing and i don't know where to start looking for him. it's lonely and i feel like i'm a mess of hidden things which i've tried so hard to tear down and rebuild into something beautiful and worthwhile...

i know i can be beautiful and worthwhile... but i'm really selfish and self-centered so it's hard sometimes... i adore it when people are in love with me and hold me above everyone else in some aspect... whether it be looks, personality, fun or intellegence... but that isn't always the case and then i get jealous.

because i get jealous easily.

'i'm sorry i have to say it, but you look like you're sad...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 3 August :: 3.17pm

so, it looks like i'm staying in lander hall. room 655. with cassie horner.

which is totally fucking exciting!!! i was hoping it would come today. i hope she's nice. and not scary and not into the supernatural stuff. or into drugs.

i'm on a quiet floor and this is my room for the rest of the year.

things are getting exciting. my life is finally going to start.

god could this get any more exciting?!?

<3 amelia

:: 2006 3 August :: 9.39am

17...
last night i stayed up super late talking to someone really awesome. and it was really nice to talk like that, even if parts of it were awkward and a little painful. it was totally worth it.

today is one of my final days of work, which is really great. i'm really happy that i'm finally going to get to not have to go and worry about men being pigs and customers being idiots and doing a good job. i just have to sit at home and relax...

yesterday i also did some ddr, which was really fun and i'm glad i did. i was feeling pretty fat and lazy.

now i just feel... beh... bored, i want to bake...

'dear jamie... i've got a letter i would like to send...'

love,
amelia

p.s. you can't dream forever. you can't pretend forever. someday your dreams will die and you'll have to become someone you can be proud of, instead of a shell.

:: 2006 2 August :: 8.17pm

18...

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 2 August :: 8.04am

today will be a good day...
because i'll make it a good day.
because being sad isn't me.
neither is being angry.
so i'm going to be happy...
even if i have to kick it alone.

and oh my god i want school to start right now.
i'm so excited and i totally want to hang out with aaron and gina.
it's going to be so fun!!! god i want to be there now...

and i'll learn tons of cool ass stuff.

'can't you feel that sunshine..?'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 1 August :: 10.27pm

life = almost starting.
future lilfe = fucking exciting.
right now = fucking lame.

where are you?
mah feelings are hurt. but that's okay
i'm a big girl.
i'll get over it.

oh yeah... got my offical uw id. so ugly in the picture... so fugly it hurts. i look like a man. and i'm stuck with it for four years... at least... ugh... but that's okay. i can just say i was TRYING to look ugly.

'you're all i want, you're all i need...'

love,
lonely in spokane

[edit]
yeah, now they are really hurt...
but i'm a big girl... i guess...
whatever.

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 31 July :: 1.41am

i want to cook a pizza at 3am. so i will
then i will go for a drive at 5am.

sooopacoo.

DONT TELL MAH MOMMY!! haha i love amelia and her stuffed giraffe will be lonely in a month but i shall take care of him.

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 30 July :: 9.18pm

today i realized that i am only afraid of college when i see seattle. when i'm in seattle. it's so scary... and i don't even know why...

it's completely stupid - my feeling like this - but i can't help it... it's so new, huge and completely unknown. at least that's how everyone makes it out to be...

but i know everything will be fine and i'll have a great time... i'm just afraid i'll be wrong...

'this is how a heart breaks...'

love,
amelia

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 30 July :: 10.34am

so i'm leaving today for seattle. i should be back on the 2nd or something...

have fun!

:: 2006 29 July :: 12.01pm
:: Music: songs to wear pants to

i love songs to wear pants to... i haven't listened to them forever.

i want to hang out with kirk today... i hope he can/wakes up before four today.

i'm leaving tomorrow for a few days. i hope it's fun. my mom booked the hotel for the wrong days and i just caught it so we're stuck in a little one bed room and that's going to suck... but then we have a three bed room.

last night was really fun!! i sat on the porch with my mom and dad and my dad's friend hogstad and we talked from tenish until one-thirty in the morning. it was pretty fun. hoggie is a pretty cool guy. he's all freaking about about his daughter growing up and it's great. i was really nice. and they told stories of when they were growing up.

so... yeah. yesterday was a pretty good day.

'these aren't cupcakes....'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 28 July :: 12.09pm

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
godessalthena
godess
kitty

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my hair (when it's sexy)
my personality
my intelligence

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
i revert into my old self sometimes
my irrational thoughts
my laziness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
norwegian
german
french

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
being alone
dying alone
kirk leaving me

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
air
sunlight
smiles

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
shorts
panties!
shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE ARTISTS:
rob thomas
armor for sleep
jimmy eat world

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
kill
days i recall being wonderful
make friends with time

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
college life
washing my own clothes
shopping on my own

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
honesty
affection
happiness

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (In no particular order):
i rock at singing
i love my job
i know some chukese

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
strong
contagious smile
nice teeth

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
good smile
pretty eyes
tiny frame

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
hide my emotions
tell jokes
lift heavy objects

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
video games
baking
kirk

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
teacher
gynocologist
uh... bioengineer

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
the ocean
an oak forest
disneyland

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
have kids
never get divorced
become famous

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 July :: 8.11am

someone deleted my myspace... that's so weird. and mean.

well... i got my hair cut and it looks good.
i'm still sick...
and my day is going to be boring... but whatever.
<3

"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are
permitted to remain children all our lives."

:: 2006 27 July :: 9.33am

i have my own cell phone now. i put a sticker of a piggie and a sticker of a dragonie thingie with a bow tie on it. it's an ugly phone, but who cares? it works and that's all i need.

so... yeah, pretty much all ready technology wise for college... got my printer, laptop, mp3 player, cell phone, portable harddrive, jumpdrive... and that's pretty much it.... i feel so spoiled...

anyway, yea, so i got my hair cut yesterday and it looks REALLY bad. so bad i almost threw up and almost started crying... and when we got to kirk's house i called a GOOD hair place and made an appointment for today before i go to work so no one has to see this fugly hair. ew. i had bad hair cuts.

soooo.... i'm never ever going to greatclips again because there is nothing great about their clips... or anything else.

now all i have to do is be a 'good' friend. and that is something i dont want to have to do because... well... it makes me feel like a huge bitch.

but i can't wait until 2:45!!!! omg!!!
but i don't want to ever ever ever go to work ever again.... only.... eight(!?!?!) days left...

that's more than last time i checked.... sigh...

go go go.

'i don't want to miss one smile... i don't want to miss one kiss...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 27 July :: 12.09am

summer is fun again. heh. amazing how little effort it took.

umm. i really with christina weren't mad at me. it really pisses me off because i feel like im not her bff anymore, and i guess she kinda feels that from me too... im not a great bff.

i hope katie comes and hangs out with us tomorrow, that would be fun cause i miss her. haha.

it was good seeing anthony and raelynn again. i haven't seen them for a while.. mitchel and beth too. (im better friends with beth now, yay!) OOOh and mandy and tori too. i <3 them.

i miss people, i should hang out more instead of lying on my couch watching basic cable.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 25 July :: 7.58pm

I finally ordered my new camera. I'm totally excited.

its so hot here... and i ripped my favourite pair of pants. :(

and I get to see blondie. mother fucking debbie harry!!

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 25 July :: 6.54am

so i leave for early fall start in... 27 days. i register for autumn classes in 5 days...

i get my hair cut on august 6th or 8th or something.

i got a printer yesterday. i'm still sick today, but less contagious. and if i'm not mistaken, the japanese students come day... but i don't know the details.

sigh.

yeah, so i'm nervous and excited about college. and i feel lame for saying that all the time. but it's okay because it's how i feel and this is where i write what i feel. right now i feel like eating strawberries.

and i feel like it's the second night i slept on the couch in my living room because my bed room was way too hot. i had to use a blanket down here! exciting stuff. but i'm still sick, which is bad, but i can't get better because there are no good places to sleep and get a good rest at. so i'm tired.

but i have a fun day planned and hopefully i won't get shot down by my parents. i mean, i feel better than i have.... which is a plus.

we'll see what i'm like around three.

'don't believe the lies they have told to you...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 24 July :: 9.53pm
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World - Kill

so go on love...
the stars can't hold up the sky forever
the soft frames weren't built for the pressure
but there they stay
frozen in cold orbs of clear and forgotten...

dreams lost within lives
spinning, circling the drain
the tears mixing with broken and shattered glass
cutting the already bleeding...

memories fading and fraying along the edges
attempting to escape from their prison
being eaten alive by maggots and blowflies
the rotting corpse of happiness dragging itself to...

a blossoming garden of dark purple
crimson, scarlet, mauve butterflies
secrets floating off their wings along with the dust
which brings them up into the air
into the heavens of light and among the stars who are free

to feel, to dream, to remember and to be happy
all within the comforts of their bonds and their slavery
of little girls and boys
too weak to make their dreams come true.

~~the end.~~

[edit]
the sun rose on the green green ground
and the little girl opened her window looking for the sound
and saw the snow drifting all around
and out she came with a great big scream
of glee and excitement of her biggest dream
of the snow falling all around through every sunbeam
out in the grass
with her heart of glass
the sun was refracted
and rainbows illuminated the whole wide world.
the end
(fo realz)

4 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 24 July :: 9.31am

SLN 13369 (philosophy)
SLN 13401 (physiology, psychology)
SLN 13420 (astronomy, communication)
SLN 13396 (roman/greek myth, psychology)

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 24 July :: 3.48am

so it's almost four am and i'm still awake and dying.

but i got to talk to my kirkery and that makes everything awesome.
but it's still so hot. i'm dying. gaah...

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 23 July :: 5.05pm

sick and hot.

it's all hot and sick around here.

and i'm super bored.

:: 2006 23 July :: 1.13pm

my oreos melted...

and i keep smelling and tasting cigarettes...

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 23 July :: 8.55am

i feel icky

:: 2006 21 July :: 11.22pm
:: Mood: anxious

the more i think about college the more nervous i get. the more nervous i get the more scared i get. the more scared i get the sicker i get. it's a vicious thing.

so i'm moving august 20th. my party is august 13th.

and... i'm tired. and... things are weird.

signningnngngning off.

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 20 July :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: pissed off

today was super fucking fantastic.
it was probably the greatest day of my life next to the day i broke up with jeremiah and the day skyler killed himself.
i'm in such a wonderful mood.
and i love bug bites all over my back.
and dead batteries.

ahh.. and old fucking ugly cars that pollute like monsters and cause people to be totally idiotic. they are the best thing since the holocaust. and nuclear bombs.

'your violence is beautiful and your center sweet...'

sincerely,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 17 July :: 9.04pm

that makes me smile.

anyway... yeah, i'm a pansy when it comes to my parents.
and that makes me feel bad.
today just felt... wrong and bad.

and i'm sorry. i know they control me. and i know that's stupid of me. but it's just... i don't want to fight with them... and i have been sick. and i still look sick.

and i feel so horrible about it. i'm really sorry, i know you're disappointed in me. i'm really sorry you have to... what? suffer?... through my submissiveness to my parents and my passive agressive way of dealing with them.... it's just easier this way until i leave.

tomorrow will be fun. and i will make it be fun. and i won't be sick tomorrow and no one will ruin my plans. or at least the time i want to spend with kirk.

because that's what i want to do.

'i'm sorry baby, but this is who i am...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 17 July :: 12.28am

that was so much fun.

i love envy on the coast and agent sparks.

that concert was so much fun.

my ears and throat dont work. i lost my voice haha.

too bad 30 seconds to mars would only sign their merchandise... that was fucking dumb..