everyone we know is growing old

:: 2006 13 February :: 7.29am

Shit! Sorry I forgot to post it babe, or even say it, but happy fifteen months! Wow, it's a new "track" record!!!! You know I love you. This much!!! l-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------l

Have a good day hun, call me when you get done!

"I want you to want me"
11

:: 2006 13 February :: 5.54am

i feel like i'm getting sick. i'm so dizzy.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 12 February :: 8.55pm
:: Music: placebo

drag

You're always ahead of the game
I drag behind
You never get caught in the rain
When I'm drenched to the bone every time
You're the first one to swim across the Seine
I lag behind
You're always ahead of the game
While I drag behind

I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind

You're always ahead of the pack
I drag behind
You posses every trait that I lack
By coincidence or by design
You're the monkey I've got on my back
That tells me to shine
You're always ahead of the pack
While I drag behind

You're always ahead of the rest
When I'm always on time
You got As on your algebra tests
I failed and they kept me behind
I just gotta get off my chest
That I think you're divine
You're always ahead of the rest
While I drag behind

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 12 February :: 6.48pm

totally bought the coolest belt ever. i love it. totally. oh my god. i love it.

and i bought jimmy a shirt that he'll probably hate and that's the point. i love it.

and i am so sick of moochers.

it's too cold.

i love jeremiah!

'i got a story... it's almost finished...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 12 February :: 7.23am
:: Music: Frou Frou - Breathe In

gentle rapists
god i love this song. what is it about these songs? about getting high... i just love them. and it sounds so cool. man. music is the best.

we're totally doing a cover for this song, too. yeah. we rock! and i'm so excited to make that shirt. it's going to be so cool. i love it already.

today i work from eleven to four. i need to read crime and punishment. i don't want to at all because it's so boring... but it's okay. i like some of the words. vusmen tried to read some of it, but he couldn't do it very well. he got stuck on tranquility. and novel was hard too... heh.

hm... i'm bored.

'and i'm high enough from all the waiting, to ride a wave on your inhaling, cause i love you no? can't help but love you, no...'

love,
amelia

p.s. i'm going to the mall today. people can join me if they want. and by mall i mean northtown because me and amber are getting jimmy a shirt for his birthday instead of some expensive jacket.

4 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 9 February :: 7.23pm

okay! so i get paid tomorrow... i got my allowance... and i bought a shirt with it! i'm going to write a fun suprise on it and hope that i won't get in trouble at school! yay!

so valentine's day is coming up... my sweetie won't be here. and i don't want to break anyone's heart... fuck.

so, yeah...

i get paid!!! sweet!!! totally going out to sushi.com. i really think it's going to be an every weekend thing for me. honestly, i can't get enough of that place...

i think the chick at macy's was drunk... i hate her... i mean i dislike her...

'don't going changing to try and please me...'

love,
amelia

4 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 9 February :: 5.56am

there's only one thing that's imparative that i say right now...

I got straight A's!!! When my sister told me I got all flutterly and noodle-ie and all oh my goshie like a beauty queen! And then I came home and forgot... But this morning I remembered and I looked at it and it says I got straight A's!! And my GPA is 4.0 and my cumlative is 3.841!! I was so excited!!!

yay!

'say yes say yes say yes say yes....'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 8 February :: 10.35pm

Tae Kwon Do was awesome today. Sorry we didn't get to talk much hun, I was hoping you would call earlier, but you musta been out or somethin. That's okay, I'll make sure to get a hold of you today(thursday). I'll call until I get you, haha. My body is getting toned too! It's all around cool. The sensei even invited me to an invite-only sparring tournament on next friday, and after seeing me only two days! Ah, I like being good at something. Anywho, everybody should keep in communication with me, I love hearing from everyone.

Love, Jeremiah

16

:: 2006 8 February :: 6.05am
:: Mood: calm

for yesterday...
Today did you...
1. Talk to someone: Of course
2. Buy something: No
3. Get sick: From over indulgence...
4. Sing: Yes
5. Talk to an ex: Nope
6. Miss someone: I always miss someone
_______________________

last person who....
7. Slept in your bed: Myself
8. Saw you cry: Brooke? or Jeremiah
9. Made you cry: Myself
10. Went to the movies with?: Jeremiah
11. You went to the mall with: Brooke
12. Said "I Love You" and meant it: Jeremiah
_______________________

have you ever...
13. Ever been in a fight with your pet: We get along
14. Been to California: Yes
15. Been to Mexico: no
16. Been to Canada: no
17. Been to Europe: no
_______________________

random....
18. Do you have a crush on someone: yes
19. What are you reading now: Under the Banner of Heaven
20. Best feeling in the world: Not being alone. Happiness
21. Future kids names: Ajax, Prier... (cloud, phirux)
22. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Yes
23. What's under your bed: garbage and eryn.
24. Favorite sports to watch: None...
25. Location: My bed
26. Piercing/Tattoos: Just wait until I'm 18. I'm probably going to get stars on my shoulders, or the kanji for bug somewhere.
27. What are you most scared of right now: Having to make decisions.
28. Where do you want to get married?: Cannon Hill Park.
29. Do you have a job?: Yup
30. Do you like being around people?: I hate haughtie bitches.
31. Did you ever like someone you never had a chance with?: Does it work the other way around? and yes.
32. Have you ever cried?: Oh, no, pssh, I never cry.
33. Are you lonely right now?: Not really.
34. Song that's stuck in your head right now: When Johnny Comes Marching Home
35. Played strip poker: no
36. Gotten beaten up: haha, who would try to touch this?
37. Been on radio/TV: Yes
38. Been in a mosh-pit: Nope
39. Ever liked someone, but you think they never noticed you?: Uhm... No, because they did notice me. All guys notice me, are you kidding? :P

sorry for no real update. my life is pretty monochrome. brooke and i are going on an adventure today!

'my life's changing...'

love,
amelia

:: 2006 7 February :: 5.52pm
:: Mood: stressed

i hate.

the fact that i just spilled milk on myself.

science homework.

that i'm not driving right now.

that ori won't take my driving even though he isn't doing anything, and can't do anything.

my hurt back.

that I'm not listening to POWERMAD.

Mike Lyons.

the dewey decimal system.

not being little anymore.

the fact that me and Chris to the tina didn't Tae-Bo with Billy Blanks today.

:: 2006 7 February :: 5.14pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: stereophonics

my throat hurts like i've been crying/screaming all day.

:: 2006 6 February :: 10.15pm

Well, made it home safely. Miss my babykins already though. I only hafta wait a little bit though, yay! Yeah, so I went walking around a little bit, and found a Tae Kwon Do school! It's fuckin awesome. The teacher is a 7th dan, one of only twelve in the U.S., and the only one in washington. He's also won two gold medals in the olympics. Sweet. So yeah, I got to train with them too, it was fuckin awesome too! I love martial arts :) <3 Gah, I'm so sore, but it's TOTALLY worth it!

Night babe
Jeremiah

18

:: 2006 5 February :: 8.32pm

Gah, my most formidable opponent is this fucking thing called time.....grr. I hope as much as fucking hell that there is a happy future in front of me. There will be, I'll make sure of it. I love you with all my beingness, you are the most happy thing I've ever found.

I LOVE you babe, keep in touch, lets keep working hard. Our prize is on the horizon!

"Son of a ditch!"

:: 2006 5 February :: 6.17am
:: Mood: sleepy

i hate those dogs. i wanted to sleep in. now it's six and i'm awake, writing in my journal, hoping that i'll be able to fall alseep afterwards...

yeah, so amber ditched me near the end of my shift, so i had to stay longer. and then i forgot to clock in which meant i couldn't clock out. i blame my lack of clocking in on how busy we were when i came in. i didn't have time.

so i'm sick of being ditched. i'm sick of the stupid drama those people at work cause. it's like middle school only with older losers. i don't get it... i guess i have to live with it, it's the same everywhere.

yesterday we went to sushi.com and it was so fun! i love eating there. i love being with brooke and jeremiah. we saw dema. jeremiah thought it was horrible that he said 'where'd the boyfriend come from?' and then walked away. hehe. it was pretty funny.

i need some new earrings. i want to get paid last friday... but i have to wait another week. i seriously think i should get a bonus or something for having to sacrifice so much of my time to fill in for people who suck. if i was eighteen i wouldn't think i should get one, but since i'm not i do.

so sos sooso so so so ods o osod aiewglakng.anv piarstangklajwnreotyawerya;wekgna/sdknv;alks gaklfm g;aln gf

fuck them.

i hate my grandma and my fucking family on my dad's side. they are all selfish pricks.

'don't give away the end... one thing that stays mine...'

love,
underappreciated.

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 3 February :: 5.59am

Happy Late Birthday Lily!

I'm sorry I didn't realize! I won't make any excuses... I'm sorry. I love you!

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 2 February :: 9.19pm

All right! All I have to do is get on that bus tomorrow, I can't wait! I should arrive at 4:30 or so, so if you could meet me at the bus station hunny, that would be great! I'm staying at kellen's mom's house, yeah that's kinda weird, but okay. At least it's not my parents (blegh).

I met this spanish guy from cuba today, he was cool. We spoke spanish, it was awesome! He was even this old man cute type of character, and was passionate about a lot of things he was saying. I asked him to be my friend and speak spanish with me, and he said it would be his pleasure, so I said the pleasure was all mine. His name is Armundo. Anywho, I also missed my babykins a lot, but I get to see her tomorrow. I'm looking forward to everything being okay again, it melts my heart.

"come what may, I will love you till my dying day"

p.s. Babe, I have a hickey on my neck, and I know YOU musta gave it to me! I can't give them to myself!

:: 2006 2 February :: 10.03am

i don't want to grow up yet.

i just don't want this anymore. i want to be a kid again, when people didn't expect so much of me. being a responsible adult at seventeen is a very sad thing... i want to be a normal seventeen year old who only has to worry about school and her social life, not if everyone she works with is going to fucking ditch and mess up everything... i don't want to have to do everything right and perfect and feel bad when i mess up.

i love the song 'big machine' by the goo goo dolls...

yeah...

i don't want to ever grow up.

'i want to be everything you need...'

love,
peter pan syndrome

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 1 February :: 9.38pm

brooke's entry for me was great. excatly what i wanted to say.

my mom said i can take tomorrow off from school to do my homework that i couldn't do tonight because of the fuckers at work.. fucking assholes.

i forgot to clock out. god damn it. i fucking suck. it's because i was so fucking angry. grr.

people suck.

especially me when i'm angry/frustrated.

so yeah. i'll be at work tomorrow, but not school.

'fuck you.'

love,
amelia

namu

:: 2006 31 January :: 12.49pm
:: Mood: crying

p.s. My most cared for memory, was when you sang "I'll Be" to me, and let me hold on to you so tightly. I felt like I never wanted to let go, and that I'd always be able to be in your arms with you making things better for me. I'm crying now because I don't want that memory to fade away.....it just hurts so much to think I'm gonna lose you and everything between us.

I love you.............*tear drops*

namu

:: 2006 31 January :: 6.39am

This is so weird. My heart hurts, and I can't make it stop. Seems like the only things that help are thinking everything will be okay, and her showing her affection to me, in the way that she wants to love me, and not like she's obligated. You do love me right? Cause I love you. How important am I to you? I dunno, I feel like I'm not as important as I should be, just being your boyfriend or whatever. It's kinda like I'm there, and that's great and all, but it doesn't seem like you have a fear of losing me. Lemme tell you, I'm scared as hell to lose you. I have that problem with abandonment, I don't like being left by the ones I love. I have finally found my fear, and that's losing you. It's like the universe has just placed this loving relationship in my hands, and made me happy, and now it's gonna take who's become the most important person ever to me away.

It's not my body that's sore and needs loving hun......it's my heart.

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 30 January :: 12.50pm

today is brooke's birthday thing! that means good stuff!

brooke, meet me infront of ambercrombie and fitch at 1:30. yay.

l0ve,
amelia

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 January :: 7.22pm
:: Mood: disappointed

i hate how i can't be who i want to be

i hate how i don't want to be me

and i hate how i'm not important to them

:: 2006 28 January :: 3.35pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!

<3<3

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 January :: 11.02am

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BROOKELYNN!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!

(ps. cigarettes? lol)

namu

:: 2006 28 January :: 9.49am
:: Mood: loving

I love that woman, she's proven to me her ability to persist through thick and thin. We're going to work through this, diligently, and I'm not stopping till things are okay and well. I promise you that hun, that's my vow, to make you happy. I'd like to do that with you though, as opposed to not with you, so please allow me to do such. Things will be all right, I gaurentee it!

"The greatest thing you'll EVER learn, is just to love, and be loved in return" (remember that everybody)

1 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 January :: 9.35am
:: Mood: hopeful

well... we talked things out and things are better now... i feel like things are going to work out... and if they don't... well, then they don't but we're going to try...

he's visiting tomorrow... and next weekend! i'm excited that i get to see him again...

now all i want is to have my curiousity go away...

and i get to hang out with brookelynn today! and it's going to be so much fun!

'you know youve achieved perfection in design, not when you have nothing more to add, but when you have nothing more to take away...'

love,
amelia

3 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 January :: 6.40am
:: Mood: exhausted

OMG it's brookelynn's birthday!! Happy birthday my Brookelynn! I love you and it's so wonderful that you're 18!!!

and now for crap:

right now, i hate falling in love. i hate how i don't know what to do and when i think i'm doing the right thing it feels so utterly wrong. i hate how i've never done anything like this before and how i have no one to turn to because no one i want to ask has experienced this. i hate how i love him so much but i feel like there isn't that future there for me. i hate how all i want is to put all my faith into him and know that everything will work out... i hate how i half think that's not going to work. i hate being in love right now... who knew such a great feeling could cause so much unwanted pain?

i'm so fucking emotional right now. i think i got four hours last night. i finally fell asleep at oneish... woke up at three and couldn't sleep til four then i got up at six... i couldn't look at my ceiling without crying.

god! everything sucks.

'when i do good, i feel good; when i do bad, i feel bad, and that is my religion...'

love,
a wreck of a girl

2 told me | i want to hear the stories of your love for me

:: 2006 28 January :: 12.01am

I am not giving up. I appreciate you trying to do the good thing by furthering yourself away from me babe, to try and save yourself from hurting me. I'm telling you now that that action is admirable, but I do not need it. This only shows how much you love me, you wanna go to the lengths of furthering yourself away from me in order to not hurt either of us. I am telling you now that I love you, and what I'm going to do is get through this next week, come back for you for the superbowl party, and get this handled. If I back down and just let this be the way it is, I'll be a failure to myself forever and ever. If I truly wanna show greatness, I have to suck up WHATEVER is thrown at me, no matter how painful or hurtful it is, and handle it. I am willing to go to all lengths to do that for us, it's how much I care. Even if you are hating my guts, I will put up with it until this matter is solved and handled. Call me tomorrow morning, I'd like to hear your voice! I love you, and I love you more than you know, and I know you love me more than I know(haha, too many knows).

Still your boyfriend whether you acknowledge it or not cause it's how much I care and stand by you no matter what, Jeremiah

:: 2006 27 January :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: cold

?

this one?