Because of you..

Because of you..

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 25 July :: 4.24pm

so i'm feeling slightly good. no work today... bought all but one of my books online for discounted prices. seventeen days until we move in.

stef's wedding on the 5th. got the rehersal dinner off by trading hours. still dont get out until 7:30 on the bacholorette party day because menards is dumb.

only one thing really bugging me because of a person who bugs me more than anyone on the planet i think.

now if only i could lose this weight.

oh well, one thing at a time right. g'day

stef i got your signs done and i think they look pretty good so let me know what you think, i'm gonna try to email them to you

4 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 24 July :: 11.58pm

okay so i went to "bed" at 6:30 because i had nothing better to do and i had to get up at 6 today and i was tired and then it's so hot in my room because i'm still used to sleeping in the cold basement and i just felt crappy and then i wake up at 11 something and i feel horrible... really really sick and so i go downstairs in the basement to sleep where it's cold and i can't sleep because i still feel like crap so i go into the bathrroom and then start puking my brains out. UGHGHGHG i HATE THROWING UP. it is the worst feeling ever. ughghghghgh. and i was just throwing up like 2 weeks ago too. ugh i just hate it and then i want to call my boyfriend and talk to him and his phone is dead woohoo.....

well whatever. that's my story and i still feel like shit.

2 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 23 July :: 9.13pm

la la la. i work at menards and have no life and wooooo hoooooooo

blah blah blha and my feet hurt.

18 days till i move. woohoo.

do you love me?

jennapie

:: 2006 21 July :: 5.26pm

I hate having bad days.

1 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 19 July :: 11.05pm

OH MY GOD I FUCKING HATE MENARDS.

I AM NEVER WORKING 2 WEEKS WITHOUT A DAY OFF EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! EVER~!@@!%!#$%^!#$^#$^$%&@$

I FUCKING HATE IT.

1 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 17 July :: 11.15pm

in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes. in your eyes.
i wanna cry. but only if i'm with you.

do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 16 July :: 10.56pm

Wouldnt it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldnt have to wait so long
And wouldnt it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldnt it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together weve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldnt it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldnt be a single thing we couldnt do
We could be married
And then wed be happy

Wouldnt it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldnt it be nice

3 love me | do you love me?

jennapie

:: 2006 16 July :: 3.48pm

It will always amaze me how people and things move on so fast, and never look back, like they didn't truely care to begin with.

2 love me | do you love me?

bigwilly

:: 2006 16 July :: 1.24am

Update

4 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 15 July :: 10.12pm

sooooo dude.

yeah.

do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 13 July :: 9.00pm

Tomorrow I'm going to see the apartment we'll be moving into. Today I picked out all the colors and I love them. I wasn't sure on all the colors I had but I had a lady in wallcoverings help me so now I'm sure.

I'm listening to this scarily pansyish song that reminds me so much of being little. I remember it. It reminds me of when Stef and I shared that room with little heart wall paper and had that little black tape player. She had to tape symbols on the buttons because I didn't know which one was play and stop and pause and all that. I was so little and I still remember this song. I'm not telling what it is. I dont want anyone to steal it. haaaaaaa.

I really feel like I am done with high school and all that but you can never erase the memories. So I guess that means you can never let things from high school stop affecting you.

It's not that I dont appreciate everything you've done for me. Everything you've given me. it's not that, because I do appreciate it and I see more and more that I'm lucky to have that maybe other people don't. but there's something definetely missing. something that even though it's great, doesn't make it add up to more, because the something that's missing is a huge something. so that's why i dont just ugh nevermind

you know, i just downloaded msn live or whatever, and i dont think i like it. not so far anyway. it's too hard to read stuff.

we're down to the last weeks before the apartment. i'm stressed out, working all the time, and his hours keep getting cut.

wonderful.

fuck this shit.

do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 12 July :: 11.27pm

i just wrote something but then deemed it too mean to say. but what i was going to say, was something about how I am pissed. I feel like you really should'nt be a jerk to me. It's not fair and I am doing so much for us on my own right now that I really don't think it's nice. I feel like I've done so much and not been appreciated enough for it.

whatever.

UGHH jerk.

i am still working every day until next friday. i really dont want to. really really dont want to. i am pissed. and i kind of really really hate menards. ugh and i can't get into my bank account online right now for some reason and i hate not knowing exactly my balance every day whenever i want to.

so right basically i am pissed and tired and dreading the fact that i have to work 10-6:30 tomorrow. fuckers.

1 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 10 July :: 11.54am

okay so stef's bridal shower was yesterday. that went well i thought.

and then last night after that i left and met roman in k-zoo. ughghghghgh and now i probably wont see him until august 5th which i know i keep saying but i'm pretty sure i mean it this time.

we got stef and pauls wedding gift last night. which i was thinking Stef- can't you just go to the places you're registered and even though it's not a big suprise what you're getting for presents anyway, since you picked them out, you could just print your list off and see what people have already bought you before the wedding. ha. it's funny i think.

and then after we bought the gift we went to the movies which i dont think we have doen since.... last summer or something when we saw fun with dick and jane, or was that this winter? i dont remember but it's been a long ass time because we never want to spend our money on movies but i wanted to see click and it was pretty good and i cried.

and then there was this storm in kalamazoo when we got out of the movie, it wasn't raining but there was thunder and lightning . the lightning seriously looked so cool. whenever it striked it lit up the sky and was all purple . it looked like a poster or like professional photo of lightning. it was so pretty. so we just watched that for a while. and then went to arbys.

anyway, long story short i didnt' get home till 2:10 am and then had to get up at 8:30 to go to the fricken doctors. i looked at the scale for the first time in a long time today and i WANT TO CRY. but oh well, me and roman were talkigna bout how we're gonna lose weight anyway when we move in so whatever , i'm not that concerned. and i'm gonna try to use the gym or whatever at davenport too when i can.

anyway, the apartment lady called me this morning and told me i get to see OUR apartment 212!!! on friday. yay so i get to see the real one that will be our home in one month!!!! So friday i get to go down there and pick out the colors that they will paint it and get that all settled. i can't wait.

welll now i have to leave for work because i have to work from 12:30 to close which is 10 which sucks a lot. nine and half hours that i picked up even though now i dont want them but too bad for me and i guess more money.

ughghghgh~!!! stupid work i hate you. hopefully i get to work on service today because that is more fun.

g'day.

3 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 9 July :: 11.35am

oh my gawwwd.

i can't wait to move out. why are you talking to me about all this stuff i dont give a crap about. seriously. stop talking.

well i'm glad the money got your attention. what a fricken suprise.

cannnnnnnnnnnnnt wait.

i have one month and 2 days left but really it's more like about 25 days because i'm gonna be so busy w/ stef's wedding that i wont have time to think about the apartment within the last week. yayyyyyyy

2 love me | do you love me?

.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 7 July :: 11.54pm

oh wait, i have to write about one more thing because i am so serious about it.

when we move into the apartment, i'm putting this picture of me and roman on the fridge. It's a picture from when I was in the beginning of my Junior year, and him his senior year. and you can tell such a difference in our weight. we were so skinny.

i swear i'm getting back down to like 105. swear. as soon as i can buy my own food, when i buy the healthy stuff, that's all i'll have for the week and no exceptions. seriously in my moms house they never buy anything healthy EVER. like fruits and veggies dont even exist in this house. well, canned ones but that doesn't really count. i cna't wait until i can buy what i should eat and then be forced to eat it because i can't waste my money. hahaha. and then also i wont over eat because then i will be broke!!!!

i just seriously can't wait to get skinny again. and i know roman can't either. my baby wants his big ol guns and tight ass back. lol. i'm buying him weights for christmas too. shhh.

so yeah that's my plan and i SERIOUSLY am sticking to it! no freshman 15 for me. it's freshman negative 15 for me. yeah i'm so serious about this i even bought a scale for us today. haha. right now i will continue to pig out though...yeah.... i'm horrible oh well!

4 love me | do you love me?