*-|If there ever comes a day, When we can't be together, Keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.|-*
*-|If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.|-*
*-|We will be friends until forever, just you wait and see.|-*
- Winnie the Pooh
Goals are very important to have in one's life. Goals centralize the mind on reaching a destination that is wanted. All hopes and dreams are driven by the desire to accomplish them, so one could argue that life is an ambition -- a dream -- a hope -- some sort of strange goal -- and that life only goes on because of the wanting to go somewhere -- and anywhere. This could also mean that birth symbolizes the creation of a dream and that death symbolizes the completion and accomplishment of life. If life is a dream, then all we aspire in will come true if we believe enough.



 

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silversoldier

:: 2004 28 May :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: stable
:: Music: "Season Song"

negative space
So... at the drama awards last night... well, first off, I was inducted into the International Thespian Society (yay!)
Alisa broke up with Ben last night, which really brought the evening down for her. Yeah... she was not the easiest to deal with today either.
To the point of this, though, my dad gave some great closing words yesterday about nothing.
First, he explained the difficulties of teaching negative space to his art students so long ago. One cannot draw what is there without the recognition of what is not. Likewise, we cannot appreciate the great moments in life without the recognition of all the low points in between. We will live life looking back over the time to the last high point, and we realize that it is the time in between these high points that we truly go about living.

Well, this is a somewhat more complex theory of what I came up with earlier this year. Of course, I was relating it to afterlife... I'm still not sure what to expect as a heaven or a hell. For if heaven is to be the point of all high forever, then either eternity is but a moment, or we come to exist in nothing more but stagnancy, that there is no glory or pain. The good becomes normal, and we drift away into nothingness (consequently, the whole point of Buddhism). So, maybe we are supposed to become part of the stars, or part of the space between. And we will achieve full nirvana in the coming of whatever the end is for us. For an afterlife of pure joy, or of pure pain, becomes an afterlife of increasing less feeling, less existence, and eventually the negative space.

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cradleofilth

:: 2004 28 May :: 11.39pm
:: Music: ummmm...i dunno

late night taco bell run ^__^
my g-ma got home from work and decided to take us to get tacos O.o it was odd..because its almost midnight..lol...i have a wierd family....my moms coming home soon! yay!, she said she was getting my sister a car....pretty scary eh?

well anywhos im out now...im sleepy and i have a big day tommorow,

bai bai,

Joe

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cradleofilth

:: 2004 28 May :: 3.04pm
:: Music: "with you"- jessica simpson

for once..i miss school >.>
well..its 3:05....and im officially bored outta my mind...now that im out of school..i want to be back -.-, isnt it wierd? my sister keeps hogging the phone...so i cant call anyone...it sucks...im bout to go and yell at her to get off...cause i wanna call nicole.

alexas over at kalyanees, and im here stuck home, because no ones home to take me anywhere, it sucks -.-
tommorow im going to a carwash for smmb, it will probably be the highlight of my week, because i'll actually be doing something... im gonna be doing pretty much nothing allll this summer....besides stuff that has to do with the school..not that im complaining at all, i like guard, i dont mind doing stuff with guard all summer, but i wanna do something else...like hang out with friends, or go to the movies or somethin...i might go swimming today or somethin..i dunno

*sigh* well i guess im gonna stop updating for now...i might go play a video game or something...but i've beat all my gamecumbe games -.-....but i might as well beat them again i guess...

i'll cya all laters,

<3,

da Joe-ness

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 28 May :: 8.41am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "Right Now" -KoRn

HOLY SHIT.
Who knew talking about past events and my stupidity, could make me smile? It even made me laugh..a lot..

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 28 May :: 6.18am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: "Made To Measure" - My Ruin

Lyrics: Made To Measure. By My Ruin.
I was born like this with hips like this
Lips like this and wrists like this
Legs like this and arms like this
A fist like this to hit you with, now

You’re like school on Sunday
You ain’t got no class
Keep runnin’ your mouth off but
You can kiss my ass

Not made to measure baby
One size does not fit all
I will not be the one
You make to take the fall
~Repeat

I got the curves to fear I got the words to feel
And when I scream I've heard them say
I’ve got the voice to heal
I got the curves to fear
I got the words to feel
You don't have to be sorry
you don't have to be saved
You just need to be proud of the body that god gave

Not made to measure baby
One size does not fit all
I will not be the one
You make to take the fall
~Repeat

Listen to me say..Yeah!
I'm so fat I'm fucked up
I'm so skinny I'm sick
I'm so tired of the magazines
Talkin that bullshit
I'm not fat, they're fucked up
I'm not skinny, they're sick
I'm just so tired of the critics who keep talking that bullshit

I was born like this, with eyes like this
teeth like this, and thighs like this
a face like this, a waist like this
When I die..I'll die like this...now
You're like school on Sunday
You ain't got no class
Keep running your mouth but
I just might kick your ass!

Not made to measure baby
One size does not fit all
I will not be the one
You make to take the fall
~Repeat

Let me hear you say...Yeah!
You're so fat, you're fucked up
You're so skinny, you're sick
You're so tired of the magazines
Talking that bullshit
You're not fat, they're fucked up
You're not skinny, they're sick
You're just tired of the critics who keep talking that bullshit

Now what?-Now what?-Now what?-What you gonna say the next time you see us?
Now what?-Now what?-Now what?-What you gonna say the next time you see me?


LOVE THIS SONG.

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LoupGarou

:: 2004 27 May :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: shpunky!
:: Music: The Final - Dir en Grey (get it? Finals are over... the "Final". Woah!)

IT'S FINALLY OVER!
That's right, the day has come. It's all over. No more classes, no more tests, no more schoolwork, period. Oh happy day! Rejoice rejoice I tell you! The rest that is left is partay-ing down foolio and graduation practices of course. We graduate the day the third Harry Potter comes out. I wonder if they'll have Peeves the Poltergeist in this one. They need Peeves!

Anyway, to celebrate the end of school work for me at least (I feel bad for my sister) we are having a big fat ol' dinner. Yush! Ribs I say! And caesar salad! And afterward we are having this lemon tart stuff and - this is a shpecial part - Mom got some Nutella. For those of you who don't know what Nutella is, it's this chocolate hazelnut German spread thing. My friend Ashleigh always gets it from Germany and we always have a spoonful to eat when we go over to her house. It has a lot of sugar in so it helps keep us up. In fact, her parents are over in Europe right now (her dad has to work there a lot apparently) and they're sure to bring back a crapload. SPEAKING OF NICE GERMAN THINGS, I WANT A BED DECCA! It's a comforter, but it's the best comforter in the world! It is so comfortable! Anyway, speaking of Ashleigh, tomorrow (little does she know) we are going to set her up with a friend, Chris. They go to school together and he really likes her and it's so cute!

I know that a lot of my friends at SFC haven't heard me sing, really, because I get shy every once in a while when it comes to that. It's weird because I'll get up in front of people and have no problem reading stuff or saying something in front of them, but when it comes to singing , I get nervous. And in my grade, Jessie Salazar is consider the almighty best singer. She's really nice and usually acknowledges me as a good singer too (for example when Mrs. Borges, my drama teacher will ask for someone to sing she will go to Jessie, but Jessie will always point to me and suggest me as well. ^_^) but sometimes I feel like she gets all the recognition (which isn't surprising, being that she's popular and people have heard her sing more). What my point is, graduation is coming up, and I kind of want to song for it. In sixth grade I sang in front of the whole school and it went pretty well, not to mention it was fun. Of course, I know Jessie will get a song, which doesn't bother me in the least. What bothers me is that I want to ask her if I can sing with her, and I'm afraid I'll be ruining her fun. Another problem is that Rose and Erin Young also want to sing. Of course we can't raid on her one song, so if we all want to sing certain parts of a song we're going to have to ask for more that one, and those songs we will have to pick. The thing is I'm not sure what songs to pick. Believe it or not (marilyn) I'm thinking I can ask for There You'll Be, but I understand if you don't want to do that for fear of ruining it. If someone sang one of my favorite songs badly I'd be annoyed too. But if you let me ask for it I will try to sing it as well as I can. And before I suggest it I will make sure I can sing it well before even asking to sing it. If I can't sing it well compared to other songs I won't even suggest it at all.

There is this guy that goes to church at our school every single day . He's bald and wears the same suit every time, and every time we see him there (we are forced to go to morning mass once a week) he always says in a lazy drawl "For an increase in Mass attendance..." blah blah blah for an intention. Little does he realize that the reason there aren't many people at morning masses every day is because a lot of people DON'T GO TO MASS EVERY SINGLE DAY LIKE HE DOES! He seems like a terribly boring person.
Well I saw him in his car this morning, head glistening so brightly you would probably be blinded by it if you stared too long - sonmething similar to the sun - and on the back of his holy car was a holy bumper sticker that said "GOD will bless America one America returns to GOD."
To say the least this pissed me off. It was an incredibly liberal statement. It may have had other meanings, but I was thinking it had something to do with the war. So, what? Because we're defending innocent Iraqi people and destroying the heartless murderers we will not be blessed by God? Does God hate us because we are in war? Gee golly I wonder what God thought of the Crusaders who went to take hold of the Holy Land.
And if it is simply about people not being holy enough, face it, things aren't like the old days. This is America, Bud, not everyone is going to be Catholic or as holy as you are. There are people out in this country who are Buddhist and Muslim and Wiccan and have different beliefs than you do.
Frankly if his bumper sticker is trying to make people think and say "Gee golly Gosh I should go to church more often so God will bless the country that I love and we will not all die a terrible horrible death" I don't think it is. I think it is just getting people, like me, pissed off.
I complained about it to my mom and she said "He's a religious fanatic and he's crazy. Religious fanatics are also those Muslims that think Ala wants them to chop people's heads off." It was funny. I suppose this goes with another entry I made a long time ago about religious zealots. Yush, religious zealots bug me indeed.

After finals today it was really fun. Everyone was happy and relieved that they were all over with. We were walking around the classroom and people were writing on the backs of other people's polo shirts. At the end of the year I usually take Mr. Pencilcase (my pencil case) and wrap him in all the cloth bookcovers I can get. This time I had thirteen. That's a lot. And the best part was, when I was taking my Literature final, my pen ran out of ink! -_- So I took all 13 bookcovers off of Mr. Pencilcase and got my pen out. I had them in a pile at the bottom of my desk and after we were done with all the tests Erin and Lucas came over and started putting all of them on my head. I was dubbed the "Du rag queen". Yush indeed. Of course it gave me a really bad headache so I had to take them off.

Yush. I am happy we are done with. Tomorrow we get our graduation gowns and our yearbooks.

I'm listening to There You'll Be at the moment and it's making me sad because it's almost over. I WAS HAPPY! STOP IT!

Fin!

-Edward (Jess)

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chuckitatthewall

:: 2004 27 May :: 9.59pm

HELLO THERE! I have a lot of stuff I wanna write so I'll just get straight into it and shorten it probably a lot.

Yesterday sucked. Stephanie is mad at me yet again. I wrote about how I told Bobby a bunch of stuff that Stephanie does on the internet. He let it spill out of his flapping mouth that can't keep one thing quiet. Anyway she is mad at me for like the thousandth time this school year. I dont care though..at all. She, Lynn, and Sarah weren't talking to me. She actually was first mad on Tuesday. My mom took Sarah and me to Lunardi's after school the one day I really don't wanna talk to her. The only words we said to eachother the whole car ride and into the store was "bye" when she left.

Today was pretty good. Despite having 2 finals and 2 hours of graduation practice everthing went better. Lynn can secretly talk to me and her and Sarah both lie to Stephanie saying they don't. I'm no longer pissed at Sarah. I think that I needed a day to cool off. I'm not even mad at Bobby. In fact I'm rather glad that he got her permanently mad at me because I'll permanently have a black spot in my heart towards her. The only form of "love" it has is a slight concern for what she will turn into if she keeps going the way she is. Other than that it is dark and full of anger. She treats people terrible. Cheating on her boyfriends. Lying about what I've said about others. The sooner I get away from her the better.

Today at graduation practice we found out where we sit for the morning award ceremony. I sit next to Kyle. YAY YAY YAY! Only thing is that he sits next to Christina so they were talking a lot. I hate her. Shes really mean and always has been. He told me to call her a hippo while we were in line waiting. I did and it was so great. I CANT DESCRIBE HOW IT FEELS TO CALL SOMEONE YOU HATE A MEAN NAME AND HAVE THEM THINK YOU DONT MEAN IT WHEN YOU REALLY DO! Well, if Kyle were reading this I would say thank you for that but hes not.

Finals were this week. So far I know I got a 79% on math and a 76% on science...2 C+. I cried when I got my math result back because I thought I really could have done a lot better. I think I was being too emotional and a bit of a cry baby. Our teacher, Miss Gengras, even made a comment before she gave them back about how the whole year I'd been struggling with negative numbers. When I got it back I missed 5 problems just because I put negative when it was positive or positive when it was negative. I feel so stupid just thinking about it. You'd think that it's just a matter of memorizing the rules but for some reason I just don't seem to be able to fuckin get it! It's so frustrating. I should have asked my tutor for help when I was going to him but I dunno how much you can really help for that kind of stuff.

I'm tired and I don't have homework so I can be lazy so I'm going to end this. Byester

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linkedfantasy

:: 2004 27 May :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: a feeling that cannot be described
:: Music: Mozart

I have an indescribable feeling within me. Sadness...happiness...depression all rolled into one. Sometimes I run from what seems to be the obvious, but in the end, it comes back to haunt me.
The last day of school was today. So many tears were shed and I as well shared some in the band room and when I got home. Discreetly of course.

The end of the year, and to think that i will never have to go to Trafalgar Middle School again for another school day. How the emptiness fills me. But to move on to a new beginning is a refreshing breeze to my face. I embrace the new challenges which have been bestowed before me with open arms. . . . and an open heart as well.


we all want to be famous. . . . .i want to be. . . . .me

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cradleofilth

:: 2004 27 May :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: teary
:: Music: "discovery channel"-bloodhound gang

schools out!
well...i cried today after school...it was just as i expected, it was saddening...i wasnt the only one crying though..it seems about everyone was crying...well the girls at least..garret was crying as well as me...i think thats all of the guys who were crying..i dont understand why people cant show there emotions.. i guess im just an emotional person..i dunno..

i think im going to miss nicole the most....me and her were so close...she wrote this letter to me and it almost made me cry right there, i was holding them back though, til school let out.. i didnt get to say goodbye to a lot of people >.< but luckily i think i have the #'s of all of them so i think i'll be ok *nodnod*

well im gonna end this entry now, i'll update again soon^^

bai bai for now,

Joe

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Jessika

:: 2004 27 May :: 12.45pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: printer

WEEE!!!! I am at school "working" on my semester portfolio. My computer died!!!! ;_;...NICKOOOOO!!! FIX IT!!! Come to my bday party as well!! DAMN YOU!!! (Gwen says Hi)

Belll about to ring....tata!

I don't feel good : (

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cradleofilth

:: 2004 27 May :: 8.29am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: i miss you-blink 182

last day of school..
well, today is the last day of school until im a freshman....im gonna miss everyone >.< im probably gonna cry today..but hey..i have good reason to...

i have to go to a car wash on saturday to help out meh new school, so yeah, hopefully i'll make new friends and stuff...and be in a more cheery mood *nodnod*

yesterday, i was in reading class, and we had the computers ^^ i logged onto aim and started talking to people...it was rather amusing..and the test was sooo easy...like all the finals were easy except for the math final....that sucked....i have the french and science final today....i heard that the science final is rather easy, so im not worried about it at all, and french is an easy class, so i'll probably get a 100% on it because thats what i've gotten on every test in there so far *nodnod*

alexas moving away soon...so i wont ever see her again because shes moving in with her mom >.<, all my bestest friends are being seperated from me..it sucks...i dont want her to go >.<


well...im off to school now, to take the tests, and say my final goodbyes to some friends..

Im out, <3

~~~Joe~~~

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 26 May :: 8.19pm

OH HELLO THERE!!

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 26 May :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: Bored

Last night
Last night was one of the best night's I've had in such a long time. Alright I'm gonna start from the beginning of it though, meaning right after school.

So, I got home from school, and about an hour later did homework with Steph outside my house. Then we went to Excerd and bought some stuff and headed over to the library. And guess what! Ara was there! :D Ara's really cool. So we said our "Ew it's Ara's" and Steph sat at a computer because I was nice enough to stand up behind both of them, which was a bad idea because I got in trouble from laughing too much.

Soon Ara had left and I was allowed back by Steph. So did go back by her and then she talked to Ren. He told asked her if she wanted to hang out and Steph answered with an okay. So then we left the library and went to my house to put the thing she bought away.

So then we went to Excerd and there was Ren! :D He got up quickly and then we all said hello and stuff. He told me he felt sorry for me because I told him were I lived and I was all: Yeah..thank you" because it does suck living in this street. He had a smoke-y-thingie, and asked if I wanted one and of course I gave him a look and said no. So yeah. We then went to the library after Steph telling him about how badly Kayla and Mary were treating her. He's going to crash Kayla's computer. He didn't do anything to Mary but IM her threating her, he is quite an amusing person.

Oh yes, and while at the library, when he was getting the stuff he needed for crashing Kayla's computer, I asked him what he was doing. And he said "Oh, playing a game". Stephanie answered that with a "Oh what an interesting game!" Soon we left the library and we went to the park. We had such interesting conversations while walking to the park. Ren talked about how he hit on bar tenders, and what he did when he was drunk. Yes, drunk. He has a fake I.D. and stuff. He's 13 too. But DAMN he looks 27..

Soo we finally reached the park in search of Kayla. I thought he was going to throw her in a lake or something because he was looking over at the river when he said "I need to pick up Kayla." But he was really pointing to a sign that reminded people to pick up their dog shit! :D He's awesome.

When we got there, we had asked people if they saw Kayla. They said they did. But I guess she left before we got there because we coldn't find her. Ren was sad. He was gonna hurt her. Oh well. We soon left and talked about random things. Ren was touching my hair some of the time. o_o Soon he told me I had very healthy hair for someone who had dyed it. And then sadly, we dropped him off. :(( SO SAD. But before we did that he prank called Eve and was talking like a women it was so funny. And then I went home and did my Kurt Cobain project. :D

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xThisTimeImperfectx

:: 2004 26 May :: 6.02pm
:: Mood: bored and mad.
:: Music: "Whatever I do."- AFI

Well..
I wish it was last night again. That was one of the best nights I've had in a while. It was just so much fun. I love Steph. I love Ren. They're so awesome. And Ren MUST be awesome if I just really met him and love him already. (Yes, I have met him twice before, but never got to really know him.)

Well I have nothing to update about. My mom is being a bitch and not wanting me to get the guitar I'm supposivly gonna get today. I personally, think he forgot again..really. I might be right, and if I'm not, you don't know how fucking happy I'm gonna be.

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linkedfantasy

:: 2004 26 May :: 10.32am
:: Mood: contemplative

Updating in reading class again.
Just finished my reading finals. 'A' of course. lol. not sure. We have wireless labs today. . . I sit next to Jordyn and kaitlyn and some spanish kid.

Band is today...again. Party and I'm bringing brownies for band.

-Robert

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