:: 2005 11 October :: 12.33 pm

"Sounds like you guys were throwing fucking water balloons back and forth, Jesus"

Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 October :: 9.45 pm

Your Birthdate: February 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene. The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher. You are very responsible and capable. This is an attractive and an attracting influence. You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it. You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research. You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes. This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup. You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 October :: 8.46 pm

my life has become an alternation of cigerettes, sad music, and walmart.
wtf is going on. i feel like puking again. yuckness.
where is my roomate?

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 10 October :: 2.22 am

There are so many asinine things that became unasinine. Im going to try and list them, so many came to me when I was driving, im sure they will all be gone. Ill try to remember the important ones okay.
I hate nazi'ing the ketchup, and then your swearing at me for it.
I hate you swearing at me in general.
I hate being on top.
I hate that you get up right away as if it were a game and as soon as you win its done, i always wanted you to just lie there and stay with me a little. it never felt meaningful.
I hate that you get pissy about sleeping on the inside of the bed.
I hate that you always face away from me when your about to go to sleep.
I hate that you push me away when i want to lay with you.
I hate that you were always up right away playing video games when I slept.
I hate how you bitch about burger king and arbys
i hate that you paid 60 dollars for a watch that ive never seen you wear.
I hate that you lied to me.
i hate worse that I lied to you.
I hate college and you not being around when i needed you most. not that you knew i needed you because I lied and hid what i felt.
I hate that you didnt know anyway.
I hate athletic shorts. so much.
I love that you got new shorts and wore them when I was around though.
I love the way you used to email me or call me just to say you love me.
I hate that its been about 6 months since youve done it.
i love/hate that your jealous.
i hate it that you dont really like matt that much and that he likes you just as much.
I wish you would call me sweetheart.
I wish you would open doors for me.
I wish that randomly you would offer to pay for something, even though you don't have the money, you know i would refuse anyway.
i hate that you arent going to usher at brittany and andys wedding.
I hate that you keep pushing me and making me feel guilty for the way i feel, as if I didnt contemplate for days ways to make it work, as if you arent the most important thing in my life and the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.
I hate myself mostly for needing the time and for hurting you and for everything else that I cant explain and shouldnt have to.
I love you anyway but right now. well you know. i need the space and the time and the indepenence.

5 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 9 October :: 7.14 am

this is the earliest Ive been up in awhile. bah.
I am so wiped out. I couldnt sleep at all last night. I got up a bunch of times. Now I have a headache. I had my phone next to me all night because my friend was having some girlfriend issues and thought that he might need a way out. Being that he is carless and lives with her. Anyway he wanted me to keep my phone close in case he needed me and that kept me awake too. As if I don't have my own issues right now. shit. I really need some pop though. I am so thirsty. my eyes are burning. I took out my contacts a couple of days ago and now my eyes are wierd. shit, shit, shit. I just don't know what to do with myself.

3 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 10.35 pm

its time for sleep.

Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 10.28 pm

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 9.28 pm

today was quite the day. I made it through. day one. in a long line of days filled with self resentment and regret.
that remains to be life.
and life sucks.
i hung out with ray.
why? because I honestly couldnt be by myself and I had to hang out with someone who is an unbiased party. he was there.
it was okay. we went to the mall. I couldnt stand to be here either. the mall pretty much sucks.
i bought two new pairs of pants, cuz they were buy one get one for $1.
then I bought a pair of shoes that Id been wanting. they were $8.
He keeps my mind off of you.
talking and laughing and listening.
I hate myself and will for awhile.
oh and I got a green canvas belt for 3.99.
good deals. I missed you though. its not the same. I didnt go into eb games. for like the first time ever. im sorry you miss me but that would be expected right?
my parents are going ot buy me a computer.
i hate that. you know it. im going to pay them back. they are good to me.
theyll miss you too.
im still sorry okay.
you know that.
I know how i usually end this part, but i cant say it because its another staple in the book of pain that is still wide open.

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 1.09 pm

yeah i probably dont care, that would explain, the screaming and the crying and my pounding head from crying, the calling into work because I cant go 10 minutes without realizing what ive done and breaking down, the jones soda bottle i broke when I threw it at my door. not to mention the gash I go from forgetting it was there and stepping on it. everything we had, nothing to me, just time well wasted.
but yeah i dont care at all.
as if you dont know how much i love you.
and if you loved me as much as you claim you would just give me the space i need

4 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 12.19 pm

i dont know what to do anymore.
you make it sound as if I didnt care, as if this isnt hard for me at all. almost as if I did it on purpose. hurting you I mean.
as if I felt like there was any other choice at this point. its the hardest thing ive ever done, dont you understand that. dont you understand what im going through. what if that was it pj. what if im wrong and just through away the best thing that will ever happen to my life. your life isnt ruined. its renewed. you will be nothing but better without me. i treated you like shit and you know it. i was demanding and snobby and bossy and a whole slew of other things. good thing i will be without a computer for awhile because everytime you talk all i do is start to cry again.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 3.52 am

fuck again.
i hate being the person i am.
I want to shoot myself in the face.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 2.59 am

FUCK YOU.
Yeah maybe I fucked up and you know what SHIT HAPPENS.
Do you know the shit you put me through. NO you don't because I bottle it all up in fucking side and let it fester, and then you have the nerve to tell me loved you, as in the past tense as in a 10 minute break up conversation takes away 1 year and 5 good months.
YOu tell me that I can't comprehend what I did to you.
As if a pack of cigerettes and a couple of drinks could compare to the lying and the hurt that you did not admit to me but that I had to find out myself and be completely destroyed. I hate this and I hate myself. Its almost as if your trying to make me hate you too.
whatever burn your bridges and Ill burn mine
THATS RIGHT WOOHU READERS, YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE END OF PJ AND LIZ GOOD FUCKING NIGHT

4 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 8 October :: 2.32 am

fuck
there isnt much beyond that is there?

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:: 2005 7 October :: 8.57 am

I would like to say that you haven't really gotten anywhere with the plan making. tonights plans were all me. Please make an effort.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 5 October :: 10.17 am

wowzer, its been an interersting coupla days. okay mostly last night which is one of the best nights ive had in a long time, thanks a mil matt whetzel annie and kaylee. i like when we have good times. I like gay people.
good times.
I like Mickey.
Thats a super great time. I cannot wait until two tuesdays for now. funness. .
I would so go into more detail about the whole night but well. Im ubes of tired and am going to go sleep a little and then to hang out at the school and all sorts of stuff. yeah. so that. laters.

5 stars caught | Catch a Star