:: 2005 21 July :: 12.45 pm

*thumbs up*
way the fuck up.
now that this day is completely ruined and worthless.




cold metal scratches my skin.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.




growing up isnt all its cracked up to be is it?

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:: 2005 21 July :: 12.38 am

fuck it, i dont want to deal with this shit, looking at peoples post seeing you all act like fucking 5 year olds. dont even bother anymore. just dont bother. frankly im thinking at this point, a high school, degree, a job, a fast car, what the hell is any of that shit if all you have is half-assed "friends" who are willing to fuck you over to make themselves look better. good thing i have pj. yeah maybe he cares a little bit too much about some stupid ass game, but he wouldnt fuck up any friendships over it. for christ sake.

13 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 20 July :: 12.01 am

E	Exciting
L	Loud
I	Intelligent
Z	Zany
A	Accurate
B	Bold
E	Extreme
T	Tasty
H	Healthy
M	Modern
A	Appreciative
R	Revolutionary
I	Influential
E	Emotional
A	Astonishing
R	Respectable
T	Terrific
E	Energetic
C	Cheerful
K	Kinky
I	Influential

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 19 July :: 3.06 pm

i so dont want to go to work. work is teh suck.
i want to go to middleville to see pj. these next couple of weeks are going to drag on so bad. what with pj jobless and poor, me just poor and frivalous and college looming ahead. im so terrified. living on campus is going to be really cool though. i really cant wait, i dont know what my expectations are but im sure the result of all of it will be nothing like them. probably just more monotony, school, work. hopefully softball, tryouts are september 7, not really looking forward because im not anything spectacular, it sucks. i should get some people to go out during the day and hit with me and help me stay up on it. cant go in there with nothing and expect good results. *sigh* i guess that there is always intramural. probably not quite the same though. pj likes laid back and fun. I like high pressure and intense. working hard and giving it everything that i have. thats what i like, its what i need. funny how the thing in your life that keeps you grounded. i took it for granted for so long. bitching about it and not being happy with the situation. i would take that situation back so fast. any position is a position. all are playing. gah. i havent even tried out yet and im already counting on not making the cut. shit. cant be so pessimistic. okay im going to try to relax for 15 minutes so i can go to work. blah work. okay. loves.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 19 July :: 10.42 am

I find it a little odd how much people have changed.
how different we are from each other.
seeing where everyone is heading in their in lives.
or the people who have already started their journeys.
i was thinking today about someone in particular who i used to admire so much. she was beautiful and smart and unique, so much a person that I wanted to be like without being like, if that makes any sense.
i look back on her now and she is nothing like she used to be. beautiful still but now seemingly judgemental and bitchy and completely unlike her high school self. its really crazy huh. we were friends then, back is hs but she got out and took me off her friends list and everything, its almost like she was waiting until she and i didnt see each other on a daily basis to completely cut me from her life. nwo i know that she has a life outside of hs and her high school friends but its disapointing to know that someone can change so drastically in just a year. i hope i dont change to much. i dont want my personalitly or ideals to change. just to mature into a sensible adult. Im tending to believe that at this point whatever anyone does with their life who am I to judge. I may not agree with it and I may think that what you do will completely screw your life up, but its not my life to screw up and if it isnt hurting me any than why even mention it. either way, the point is that we are growing up and that kinda sucks. but at the same time ive been waiting 18 years to do it so lets all make the best of it and be the group of friends that miraculoustly stayed in touch.
damn.

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 18 July :: 1.56 am

so i finished the harry potter. I started crying with about 30 pages left so it took a little longer than expected. it was so horrible. i mean good in a booky sort of way but horrible on my emotions. and not very satisfying I want to read the next one now. egh. thats about it though. just wanted to let you all know that the stupid harry potter book made me cry. god.

pj keed equals kid. love you

9 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 17 July :: 11.18 pm

okay to those of you who have called or emailed and I have not responded
please dont be angry.
ive been mad busy these last couple of days.
jos you called like three times I know and ive been meaning to call you back, its just been really hectic,
work, school, doctors, family, and that stuff that is just unavoidable and all. grr.
so im sorry and i would totally love to lend you my harry potter book,
ive got less than 100 pages to go, so yay, its fantastic, but the catch is that it has to be finished in like a week because i told my grandma that she could have it, i dont have the other five but she has all of them so im just going to let her have it and I told her that it was all hers when im finished and well shes pretty excited about it herself.
either way. thats all yeah thats all ive got, gotta finish that book you know.
loves

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:: 2005 16 July :: 1.14 pm

well im at eden.
good fun and also i bought harry potter and the half blood prince.
yay reading is fun
so im going to do that then.
loves

4 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 July :: 10.00 am

hey today, im going to do some laundry, go to eDen. Bill you want to come?
im leaving aroiund 330 because i have to go to work. later then

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 16 July :: 12.05 am

so im on the ebay circuit.
manolo blahniks
dirty rotten bitch shoes they are.

all hey look at me im 300 dollars a pair used.
yeah fuck you new york and new jersey
im thrilled with my 38 dollar shoes from jc penney so eat my faux leather, kitten heeled ass.

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 15 July :: 10.24 pm

so here i am kinda cleaning my room, only the thing is that im not really cleaning im removing the clutter, if that makes any sense. im taking out old shoe boxes filled with my things, childhood things, letters and all that, i dont know what to do with it all. i feel like its clutter and that i should toss it but somehow i cant. like its just so much a part of me. maybe i would share these things with my children some day. but on that same token i dont want to be crazy sentimental i only want it if its really truly meaningful. case being i have an envelope with every letter from pj, ever. even this one that is really just 3 pages of him and I writing back and forth during algebra. that is something i want, something that I know i would regret throwing away, so the question rises up as to what should i keep. i have a ton of letters from when i was in middle school too. all folded funny, 2 Liz 4um Brie
Stuff like that
they have little hearts and Brie hearts Cody and Elizabeth Marie Shmitz that sorta thing.
cool but not necessary, will i want these later. and just tons and tons of stuff.
7 shoes boxe and two hat boxes full.
which brings me to the hat collection that i dont use and will never wear and has no reason. the hats are antique and like super old so i dont feel right tossing them but i dont want or need them

gah its hard.
pj Im waiting for you to get online so hurry up about it would ya.
love you my love. lol

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:: 2005 15 July :: 8.23 pm

so im going to clean my room, eventually, i need to pretty bad, maybe after that ill clean my car, no probably not, but I need to start boxing stuff up my mom says. pooh.
anyway do you ever feel like really aggressive like you could i dont know.
i feel really pissed off sometimes for no reason and I want to feel my fist smash into mandys head, or i want to twist off my cats head. it kreeps me out when i feel like that, but i was a little whilie ago so i ate some chocolate. hhmm. im going to clean hardcore like that kind of cleaning that you do when your about to move out! Whoo.
39 DAys !!!!!!

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 14 July :: 11.16 pm

so heres a real, no nonsense update.
today i had orientation. got some classes all that good stuff, i took the language placement test and i tested out of beginner spanish and that is really cool.
now that my grandparents decided to cosign a loan and I got all of that taken care of, the loan that i applied for months ago was approved and tada i have a loan all by my big grown up lonesome. i must be a grownup if Im in debt already right. so Im all excited and I call my grams to tell her and guess what tuition fees went up, up from the number that i was given in spring, what was supposed to be tuition so now Im $500 short or about. well there is a solution i supposed. there are two payments made one for each semester so no sweat, ive got $500 right now anyway. i should just send it to them because then i wont be tempted to spend it all and regret it later. Im not really sure how that works though, i will go talk to a financial aid person after school starts, if nothing else ive got the first semester under control. i can handle five hundred. it just sucks a little. and those grandparents are helping with books so whatever.

tonight i went to eDen and that was cool. when pj isnt absorbed in a game I like being there. with him and everyone cool. kelly kevin liz matt that crowd,
i also went to the northview league game, that was great. i miss that feeling, that dugout thing. I miss softball so much. i emailed gvsus coach when I got home, for tryout dates. what do I have to lose? some weight?
i need to work a little and be better than i am right now though. right fielders are a dime a dozen, especially the mediocre ones.
besides that tomorrow pj and I are going to have lunch and be in love and all that jazz. its kinda what we do. i hope he finds a job. *crosses fingers

I should sleep a little i guess. ive got these massive bags under my eyes cuz everything kinda tires me out. i hope that thyroid thing is gone. i cant take that again. dear god Im eighteen stop striking me down with ailments.
he and I should try to come to some sort of an agreement but i dont see that happening too soon, hes a punk. lol
well i guess that, that would be the daily grind.
pj i love you and i will see you in the morner.

2 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 14 July :: 9.26 pm

I just wanted the world to know that Liz Thorington is a big liar.
and Matt Whetzel, Practically perfect in every way, like Mary Poppins.


and i love pj.
love love love

1 stars caught | Catch a Star

:: 2005 13 July :: 8.20 pm

i officially have money to go to college. this is a major yay. and the shitty part of the week is over. now if i could just sleep a little. im so wiped out and tomorrow i have to get up early to go to orientation. my love friday morning i am sleeping in, until i wake up. duh. cant wait to see you tomorrow though. i love you. ahh so tired

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