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insomniac
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2005 9 January :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: tired
My knuckles are bruised from last night, like woah. I hope it doesn't swell, it's gnarly enough already. :(
Hug me please.
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insomniac
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2005 9 January :: 11.32am
:: Mood: uncomfortable
Fuck
Oh gawsh. Everything flippin' sucks right now.
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revealedinsilenc3
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2005 7 January :: 7.31am
:: Mood: silly
:)
So yesterday I got into a fight with Will.. nothing new but we arent talking nemore. thanks to me :) muhahha. hes gay. neway. I also hung out with speedy again yesterday :) along with miguel an sum white dude... he weirded me out but yeah. so we drove around... smoked an then by like 9ish me n speedy got dropped off @ his house. an miguel n the white kid bounced. an i stayed at speedys til 1130 :) enough sed.
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2005 5 January :: 12.42pm
:: Mood: tired
Lil Kim
First let me say thanks to leah for leaving all those loving comments on my journal :) lol u sexy bitch! neway.. so yesterday i hung out with speedy :) .. went to his house. met his mommy. ahh i lve this kid so much. we get along good.. its like we knew eachother longer. :)lovenn itt.. woo hoo. neway so yeah at first we hungout alone but then we met up with his cousin miguel. i wanted to hangout longer but i was freezing n plus i had to walk home but i have gym with him 2day an hopefully im chillen wit him again after school.. if not then sumtime soon ;) sick!! neway i dun really got much to say cept my tummys rumbliing an this is for leah <3 69 <3 muhahah.
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2005 4 January :: 11.15am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Let me love you.
1.4.05 <3
Well me... Jackie and sum other people decided not to go to tech today :) so that ment 4 free periods in a row of absolutely nothing!! woot woot!Speedy came up 2 me today to say high... we gave eachother high fives lol an then he appologized for not calling cuz he was sick all vaca. aww. neway so we where talking (jackie n i) about speedy an stuff an the reason i like him is cuz hes kinda a bad boy but he is sweet n knows how to treat a girl :) so then later on when tech kids got back.. we saw speedy again!!! :) made me smile so big. lol then fricken Jackie ran up to him an started talken to him n i got so scared cuz i also saw him with a big smile like ive never seen on him b4. lol then Jackie cameback an was like aw kim!!! so I was like.. wut? wut did u say an shizzle. but all turned out good n made my day. :) turns out. Speedy really likes me n thinks im really cute :) .. so who knows what will happen :) tehehhe.. go me!!!! <3 best day i've had in a longgg time!!! woohooo...cant wait til 2mrw.. actually hopefully i see him again later 2dayy :) :) :) --- love my life as of today.
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2005 4 January :: 7.38am
:: Mood: full
:: Music: Helena. {MCR}
..they found me on the bathroom floor
Another knife in my hands
A stain that never comes off the sheets
... yeah so i've been feeling really lonely again . really kind of sux. and to make things a bit worse i act like nothings wrong. its kind of something i learned to do as time goes on. i havent cut but i really need to sometimes. n really want to. i thought that by ignoring the things around me and acting like nothings wrong.. things would get better but it just gets worse. theres no1 really to talk to about it either. kind of sux. so yeah i hold it in an just lay there listening to music. now im in school.. tired as hell and just have a lot on my mind. i have the feeling im guna snap on sumone but who knows ?!.!? i just feel so fricken empty inside an sumtimes even when nothings goin on .. i still feel .... depressed. im still on medication.. i duno if its working.. i feel the same cept a bit calmer. an obviously if dr.korrol asks my mom if she thinks im doing better then shes going to say yes bc she sees the "me" i put in front of her. an act. whatever though. im just really confused. i dunno wut deciscions to make n shizzle. i think im just gunna go into my "whatever mood" :) always goes well.
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revealedinsilenc3
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2005 3 January :: 11.09am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: I'm not okay. {MCR}
! b@ck !
.... so we're back in school. woo fucking hoo..nope!! blah. life is okay and shizzle. I havent cut myself in about 3 weeks.. although i've had more then many erges ( <<-prolly spelt wrong bc i cant spell of shiznat!! ) anyway.. Vacation was eright. better then being in this fricken school. I spent X-Mas eve with my family @ my house. though we broke the tradition of waiting til 12am to open presents.. me n my aunt ended up opening them @ 9. nice. then I ended up getting sick the next day for about the rest of the vacation but o wells. I got new Vans an Dcs by the way! Woot!! Yeah for Kim!!!I wanted to get drunk so bad duren vaca.. but obviously i didnt. :( bllahh!! Tiltingz back to school..!! Shes been gone since forever but atleast shes otayy. :) .. I'm gunna start working soon so i can save up money for when i go to florida in July <3muhaha!seriously cant fucking wait to get out of this town and seeing the same people!! .... neway although i got another email that kind of pissed me off ( i wont get into it ) im not gunna let it get to me :) .. it wasnt ment to hurt me or nething but its just so fucking annoying!!! well ...i have gym today .. this should b good... o yeah leah thanks for leaving a comment thingy lol .. 69!! woot!!! erighty.. i dunno wut else to write so yeah im out laterr.
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insomniac
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2005 1 January :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: singing "Drug Like" to myself
"And I think, that I'm starting to scare myself.."
Oh fuck, I'm so pissed right now. And like most times I'm really pissed off, it's just about stupid fucking shit that just keeps building up. Things a lot of people wouldn't care much about. Like for instance, it's almost at the end of winter break, and I haven't slept in my bed for the most part of the vacation. Because I'm at my grandparents' house while my Mum and Scott are up in Michigan. Which means many things I'm not bery fond of. Which shall be listed below.
1\\I don't get to sleep in my own bed.
2\\I have barely any privacy
3\\I have a bedtime during vacation
4\\I have no freedom
5\\Grandma's computer sucks ass
6\\I don't have any clean clothes or shampoo's here. Which means I've been having days without changing clothes or bathing or brushing my teeth.
7\\I have to tell them whatever I do and I have to eat when they want to, or then it's somehow my fault that they didn't get to eat at the 'right time'.
Just... Fuck. They make me feel so guilty when I don't like something, but I'm not going to have them run the show. They have to understand I'm not going to do whatever they say and that I am going to talk back like I'm their equal if they piss me off. Because that's how I am and there's nothing they can do about it.
Let's do a little Xmas recap, shall we?
Xmas morning was fine, got some cool stuff, then lunch time rolled around and I had to go to my father's parent's house for food with that side of the family. I really don't like any of them at all. I mean, but three cousins never really did anything to have me hate them, it's just that we never talk and so it's awkward. Anyway, I just sat there being extremely bored for a few hours. I guess they're trying to buy off my love because all they gave me was an assload of money. They don't really love me. I supposed my dad does, but he does things sometimes that make me think he's a complete dick.
I spent new years with Aaron, watching Rushmore twice. And then I went back over to his house this evening and watched Garden State. A few days ago I was at his house to watch Napoleon Dynamite. All great movies.
I tried Starbucks' Peppermint Mocha Latte a few days back. It was my first real coffee drink. And I liked it. I bought a bottle of the peppermint syrup there, so I can make it after the holiday deal is over with. There's this cute guy with neat sideburns there, he's pretty nice.
Only conversations I've had with Shane while he's been down here:
Me Shane
Hello there
Hi, I like your scarf
I like it too
-chuckle-
Hello
Hello
Speaking of which, I went downtown about a week ago and actually went shopping with my Xmas money. I ended up buying two adorable scarves, one vintage-y skirt and a tight blouse. That brown and pink CAKE shirt that I haven't bought would go great with the skirt.
Confound it, I miss DJ and Lauren and and the other fun people I hang out with.. Like Hope.
I want a hug. :(
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2004 23 December :: 11.00am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: . Jingle Bells .
They call me Liel Bear. :)
Well I just got back from Wilson Tech. We did absolutely.. !NOTHING!tehehe. we had food n we watched the elf ;) hmm n then jackie straightened my hair an then i did hers. then i had to see the councelor.. whome by the way has grown very attached to me lol... freakkky...she kinda weirds me out.--shes all huggy an caring about me n crap.. which is nice i guess.. but dude.. dun hug me lol.. neway.. she says i seem better.. that when she talks to me my chin doesnt have that thing that i do when im holding back my tears. an in the way i talk to her i seem better so word to ya motha!!! hmm tomorrows christmas eve.. the day my family celebrates it. we're having it at my house this yr. : / .. hopefully emanuel comes cuz .. well hes the only person im looking forward to actually seeing. an i havent seen him in a while. so yeah. but hopefully all goes well. :) on the other hand.. life is actually going eright lately. ive grown stronger. n people have sed theyve seen a difference in me which is good. :)--im actually for once proud of myself . i havent cut in lets see... 8days!!! wow.. thats like a record for me!! i dunno maybe last thursday was a wake up call. so yeah. im a diff kim now. i actually havent even cried lately. i do miss will but i dunno.. it seems different. it is different. i havent even got to the point where i can express how i feel about it nemore bc im not sure. i dunno how to treat him. wut to say to him . how to react to him. i still love him. i deff care about him. hes still on my mind n in my heart. but things are sooo different!!! erg! it aggervates me!! i hate chnage!!!!.. i dunno i think im just guna stop mentioning him . unless sumthing happens. --well its 7th period now n i was suppose to see mrs. petterson but shes not in her fricken office!!! ahhh where is she??? she's missing!!! :( --- lol but yeah i have 9th off yeahhh :) im still debating on wether to go home or just wait til the end bell rings. well everyone.. have a merry christmas an a happy new year!!!! always <3 --- Kimberly :)
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2004 23 December :: 7.40am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: . Let me love you .
My heart.
Heyy. Erighty. Yesterday was cute. lol.. It was all pretty boring 'til we got to gym.its pretty sad how we always look forward to gym haha. neway we arent playing capture the flag nemore.. which fricken sux balls!!! so we had to decide between hockey n basket ball.. so we chose basket ball. Usually Jackie would play with Speedy an some other dudes while i just shot sum baskets on the other hoop.. cept today..speedy wasnt there @ first and Jackie decided not to play basketball because she doesn't like Alex.but then again... who does Jackie like? So I stayed and did my thing when out of no where... Speedy showed up!! Woot Woot!! lol. So he randomly started playen with around wit me and he was all flirty flirty.. cept I didn't know he was being flirty bc i just figured.. its the way he is. cuz in general.. he is a nice kid!!! until someone else finally hinted it out for me. blah! neway. then we ended up talking and stuff an i shot my baskets while he tried impressing me with his lil tricks but yeah that was in school.... then Today I got an email from Will <3. Wow really weird n choking. Cuz we werent talking but I guess he got all crazed bc i just went with the flow. he sed it would be better not to talk.. so i didnt talk to him!!!. but yeah it was cute. made my day. <3ahhh the memz! i think he still loves me. which is weird bc he has a crush on someone else.. well he did. so that was a turn off for me. an yeah more stuff happened. that really pissed me off. but wut can i do??but lil secrete... im still crushing on him.. but a part of me knows nothings gunna happen n i have to let go. hmm so yeah its early in the morning n i still havent gone to my locker.. (last day of fricken school n then vacation!! woott!!) so yeah im gunna go now an ill update later.. erightyy?? byeee
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2004 22 December :: 11.29am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: Home . Three days grace.
Eriighht.
..so take me an break me an make me strong like u..
Hey. Well I finally was able to maken my journal..Thanks to Rachel! Yeah man! Happy about that. Cept I'll only be accessing it while I'm in school. :( Neway. Last week was pretty wack. I cut in school. People made a big deal out of it and blah. It just pissed me off because it's not something they can just tell me to stop when if I could.. I would. An obviously its gunna take time so w/e. they need to calm there nerves. This week was the last time I saw Liz ( my councelor ) and me n Will ( my ex) are no longer even talking to eachother. Both sux.. they're the only 2 people who really know me n how I feel. I'm so use to will bein there for me. or even tellen me he loves me out of the blue. he use to b my best friend.. in my heart he still is but yeah-erthings so f!cked up now n days.. that i cant even look @ the way things use to be. And now that I dont see liz nemore makes thigns worse!! i mean i can call her whenever i want but its not the same. shes like the only councelor i actually had things in common with. she was thebest!! :( i miss her!! erggg!!! neway I'm tryena get by day after day. Wether it be by just not caring or by being a b!tch ;) woot woot!!But it seems like with all this pressure over taking my life. I get use to it.. an its kinda maken me a stronger person. Hmm.. I'm kind of in a rush right now.. periods almost over. So laterrr!
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insomniac
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2004 20 December :: 9.53pm
:: Mood: content
Winter break's been good so far, I really didn't do much today besides watch some of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and organize some of my old video games to sell to buy new video games. Had dinner with my grandparents.. Then went to my cousins' house for a few hours. I download ad-aware for them and got rid of over a thousand infected files. Now their computer is all snap-snap and whatnot.
"Common People" came on the radio today. I got up and danced to it.
It's a good song. ~-~
There's this video at kontraband.com called Nollie Gone Wrong- it's got gore. Real gore. Like bloody tissue sitting on the cement gore. Wowsers.
Last night I took a pill that got rid of my stuffy nose, but now my throat hurts a little and I'm coughing every once and awhile. Like just now. And again. Damn it.
Ambar wants to do a collab at the oekaki soon.. I don't know what in hell to draw though. I'm so out of ideas. She said she's visiting Key West in Feburary though, which I can't wait for.
"So... If we light ourselves on fire; we can go anywhere!" - Stormy Waters
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insomniac
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2004 19 December :: 10.05am
:: Music: Chain Smoking - Dykehouse
Series of Unfortunate Event was good, but I still feel like it was rushed, not enough dialouge.. But that could just be me.
The Life Aquatic is going to be so funny.. I mean, Bill Murray; do I have to say more?
I woke up from dreaming to hear the sound of Brownie gagging. She ended up vommiting a little in the hall, but I got her outside quickly. I was probably from that bone we gave her last night.. I think she ate it. Oo;
Last Thursday we had a gift exchange in gifted. Austen ended up getting my gift, which was a small, clear box with fifteen dollars worth of quarters taped to the sides and bottom, then stuffed with bubble wrap. Then I added a few layers of tissue paper and another bubble wrap coating, then put it in a shoe box and wrapped it again. He thought it was really neat. I got DJ's, which was a really nice CD holder. And some M+Ms. x3
"Now I'm chain smoking, 'cause my heart's broken.
Yeah it's true, I still need you."
That Nintendo DS actually seems like a good gift. -lehint-
Gonna take a shower soon.
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