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xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2006 12 August :: 10.03am

i want my sister back.

4 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 9 August :: 9.07pm

TO ANYONE WHO HAS A CHILD, PLANS ON HAVING A CHILD OR IS GOING TO HAVE ONE SOON:

I can babysit.

4 broke me | I think im broken


Angel_Bob

:: 2006 28 July :: 10.41pm

My FREE bumper sticker came in the mail today:


Yay for more liberal bumper stickers on my car!

And in related news:
Read more..

8 broke me | I think im broken


masterbation-kills-kittens

:: 2006 28 July :: 5.16pm

If you could be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

Which is worse: Hell or nothing?

A minute of perfection was worth the effort. A moment was the most you could ever expect from perfection.

When did the future switch from being a promise to a threat?

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

There are worst things you can do to the people you love than kill them.

No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close

Reality means you live until you die...the real truth is nobody wants reality

What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognized yet.

Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it is the only way they can really get anything finished

Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against.

Maybe we dont go to hell for the things we do, maybe we go to hell for the things we dont do

What you don't understand you can make mean anything.

Just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional fits of jealous rage.

The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. stone crumbles. wood rots. people, well, they die. but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on.”

If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?”

People have to really suffer before they can risk doing what they love.”

It's because we're so trapped in our culture, in the being of being human on this planet with the brains we have, and the same two arms and legs everybody has. We're so trapped that any way we could imagine to escape would be just another part of the trap. Anything we want, we're trained to want.”

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.”

People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

I think im broken


Angel_Bob

:: 2006 26 July :: 7.28pm
:: Music: Murder She Wrote

Little Miss Sunshine release schedule:


Read more..


So it looks like I'm waiting until the 18th. Unless people want to make it a road trip and go to Ann Arbor. I love Ann Arbor and I love people so that would be awesome but it still wouldn't happen until after the 11th.


I love you all.

1 broke me | I think im broken


Angel_Bob

:: 2006 26 July :: 9.05am

I quit the second jorb at Meijer last night.

Therefore, Kyle, I must announce my resignation from the People Holding At One Time More than One Job Club (PHAOTMOJ Club). I hope to rejoin with a new, better second job very soon.

I love you all.

6 broke me | I think im broken


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 25 July :: 12.58am

im sorry i threw a fit tonight.


i didnt want to.


i wish that people would understand that when im upset, i should be left alone, because otherwise, i get more upset.


::sitting by self::


"what's the matter?"


"i'm fine." leave me alone


"no, you arent." i wont be if you dont leave me alone.


"dont worry about it."


"well, im going to." then im going to start crying soon.


"please dont."


"i do. im your friend." funny, now you are? you were so excited to see me and then didnt talk to me all night and now that im upset, you're my friend?


wow. that's great. i have great friends. ones who always stick up for me when im in trouble...they're really great at pulling me out of the mud.


and yes, i know how accessible this is and yes, im doing it on purpose.


this is why i hate doing anything with "couples". not because im lonely but becuase you pay attention to no one but yourselves. you might as well go nowhere with anyone else and drown in each other.


so that's really it. im sick of work. im sick of everyone here. i cant stand home, watching my mum deteriorate. im ready to leave.


so goodnight. i'll do something that i actually want to do in the morning. like the fact that tonight, i wanted to go to Ra with coworkers...like i do every sunday. but i didnt because i was asked to do something else, something with people i was told really wanted to see me.


what a fucking lie.

1 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 18 July :: 11.34pm

Bleh.

I worked for five hours today, over 6 yesterday and Sunday.

I don't even know what day it is anymore.

Tomorrow I work at school for five hours (sitting down! excitement!), Thursday I work both school and Meijer (all day school 9-5 and 6:30 to 11 at Meijer) then I work all day at school then at Meijer (9-4:30 at school and 8 or 8 and a half to midnight).

I'm almost to the weekend. As I mentioned before, Nick and I are going to Cleveland on Saturday. His work has some celebratory "we rock at making money" thing. We'll be leaving at 10 in the morning on Saturday and returning at some random time on Sunday. Yay, weekend with the boyfriend.

This was pretty pointless and you didn't really learn anything.

Oh, I'm EXAUSTED and SORE ALL OVER.

I love you all.


P.S. I almost forgot. Working last night at Meijer, the electricity went out at about a quarter to 10. It was neat because everything went really dark except my little cashier screen and then the generator power came on and it was really quiet. Driving home was awesome! It was constant thunder and lightning with a teeny bit of rain but the roads were soaked. My windshield wipers had this neat strobe effect.

P.P.S. I'm excited about tomorrow. Episode two of the new season of Project Runway and no Meijer work. Booyaka.

P.P.P.S I forgot. Geoducks look like giant penises.

17 broke me | I think im broken


mudpiegrl

:: 2006 16 July :: 12.14pm
:: Mood: guilty

Sorry, it's long. It's interesting...
My grandpa died, so the last four days, I was in Vancouver. We left on Wednesday to see the relatives we hadn’t seen for at least eight years, depending on the body. The beginning was strange...like reassociation.
If you didn’t know better, Nanny seemed like nothing had happened at all.
The memorial was on Thursday, and it was like being in the geriatric wing of a hospital. Three of his four kids spoke, one’s wife, and my brother in place of my dad. My brother actually cried, for what, I believe, was his first time since finding out the news. He acted fairly unaffected until then. Bernice (the youngest kid, our aunt) cornered Tyler, questioning him about our mum’s drinking and what we were doing about it. She said that no one had recognized when she arrived at Christmas. When she had left them then, Grandpa put his head down, shaking it, saying, “We’ve lost that one” and Nanny said that she’s a lost cause.
During the socializing part of the service, the cousins (Brooke, Cory, Rayden, Tyler, and me) planned to meet the next day for the BC Lions football game. We planned to pick up Cory and her boyfriend at their house to see it and then meet at Brooke’s for an hour or so, because it’s about ten minutes from the stadium. That night we went to a Greek restaurant, where I had the best lamb I've ever had.
But Rayden ended up picking us up at the hotel and took us to Cory’s house, where I saw the largest quantities of pot I've ever seen: filling a thirty gallon plastic bin. (It’s legal in BC; you’re allowed eight plants. It’s well-known enough that it’s called BC’s Best here.) They’d ordered a limo to pick us up there. Cory’s friend Twig and his girlfriend, Randy, showed up late, along with her boyfriend, Ryan. The limo was there at six and they weren’t ready yet. There began the wonderful limo ride.
The lady was strange immediately. The one rule was they couldn’t smoke, which they all do, as you could imagine. She said the sun roof had been bolted shut and the front window didn’t go up. The side container had rotten beer and mass amounts of fruit flies in it. These were all complaining points. We stopped at a liquor store (the age is 19) and everyone but Tyler and I got out to smoke and to buy. Then, because they had taken so long to get ready and get in the car, our hour was nearly up. It was a hundred dollars each way, and she tried to tell us that if we picked up Brooke and her boyfriend, Rory, that it would be another sixty dollars, rather than fifty. That didn’t go over so well. Once we had reached Vancouver, Rayden lit up…and she knew it. She threatened to kick us out. When we got to the pavilion, she said she wasn’t coming back. Ryan got $135 back (we originally paid $250) and we went in the game, dreading Cory, Ryan, Rayden, his girlfriend, Twig, and Randy joining us. In fact, Brooke, Rory, Tyler and I feared we’d be escorted out because they’d cause trouble. After the game, we went to a nearby bar. Rayden and his girlfriend left early, and Twig and Randy got in a fight where Randy ended up catching a cab herself. So Twig, Cory, Ryan and we goodfour were left. Brooke and Rory went home, because it was ten minutes away, but the other five of us had to try to catch a cab. The first one we found said eighty dollars to fit us in a normal size car. We attempted to get a van, which only took four. We ended up getting someone to do it for a hundred: seventy for the company, thirty dollars tip. We took them home from the hotel. Tyler and I walked in the hotel room at ten to three. My mum was up, making phone calls, getting her flight changed to the twenty-first. She hadn’t asked anyone, so the next morning when Nancy (my aunt by marriage) arrived at five-thirty to say goodbye to us, she was surprised to find out she had to take my mum back…to a family who was not prepared to have her for another week. She called Tyler and I as we arrived in Dallas, telling us she’d be home the next day.
The airport was yet another adventure that neither of us was prepared to face after two and a half hours of sleep. We arrived at the airport at seven-thirty and rushed through everything we could, thinking our flight was at eight o’clock. At security, I got chosen to be patted down. It got us through the line faster and she told us that the boarding was at eight o’clock. We got breakfast and jumped on the plane. We shared headphones and watched Ice Age 2 on the flight, which Tyler fell asleep at the very end. The both of us had really rough sleeps. We arrived in Dallas with two hours left, so we went to Friday’s and got wings and chips and dip. I passed out for a good hour on the Dallas-Chicago flight. Once at Chicago, we both checked one of our bags. But they weren’t at Claim 9, as they’d said they’d be. In fact, half of our flight’s bags didn’t make it there…or to Chicago at all. Nor did half the flight’s before us. Nor did some of Salt Lake City. So of course, the baggage claim was full of angry people, screaming at employees and bitching to each other. We’d arrived at six forty-five, twenty-five minutes early. We didn’t walk out of there until two hours later. Then we had to wait for the bus to take us to economy parking lot F. Then we had to buy toothbrushes and deodorant.
I came home with the responsibility my mum had agreed to previous to the trip. I had to take the neighbour’s two dogs out as well as ours. Now they’re at our house.
It was an interesting trip.
It makes me really sad that my grandpa died thinking knowing he had failed as a father with one of his five kids.

1 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 16 July :: 10.22am

Layout, FTW.

2 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 15 July :: 11.45am

Blah.

I really don't feel like sticking out at Meijer until school starts. I hate it. I'm tired and then I get home and I can't sleep. Then I'm just sore the next day.



I'm going with Nick to Cleveland this weekend. His work is having some thing down there and I'm going along. It'll be fun. If I can just survive this week.

4 broke me | I think im broken


Angel_Bob

:: 2006 14 July :: 3.22pm

I want a Brompton bicycle. They fold (!) and look really dorky.

I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 13 July :: 5.54pm

I don't know how people found out the awesome route I take home or who these people are but they need to go back to their other route. They drive too slowly.



Hannah and I are making a story about Superman and Jimmy Olson's secret man crush on each other. It rocks.

3 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 8 July :: 9.20am

Second job went okay last night. I was so stressed out once that I cried and had to sit down. The night went quickly, hopefully today and tomorrow and Monday will too.

I need a hug.

8 broke me | I think im broken


angel_bob

:: 2006 7 July :: 1.11pm

A proof (!) in pictures (!):


Read more..

3 broke me | I think im broken

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