eyex
I'm in a funky position.

I usually have enough confidence and gall to ask someone out or tell them that I have fallen for them. This time, however, I'm struggling due to the fact that he contemplates every word used even more than I do. I can't say, "I have a crush on you" or "I like you" because both sound temporary and childish and not worth anyones time. Things have been suggested, such as "intrigued," though unless I intend to take a class or read a book on him, that's a silly one. Also suggested was, "I am mentally, emotionally, and sexually stimulated by you," but good god, that sounds desperate and somewhat obsessive, which brings me to "infatuated" which really just sounds like I should be in a hospital or have a restraining order against me. soo...i've gotten no where on that. I even thought about telling him that I've looked all this up and still can't decide and so just holding his hand is the best I can do...but I was thinking a cute way, like a crossword, but if I did something cute, it would be hard to say no, and it's important that he decides based on what he needs because I am perfectly fine without someone and can wait.

The other problem is response because reaction is one thing, response is another. I am afraid he will respond to my needs, not his, as stated. I am fine being friends, but it's something I need to know. It drives me crazy. (btw, I've just read some past entries and this happens a lot. I get easily frustrated by the fact that I don't know and the person who does won't tell me.)

I'm not completely convinced he doesn't have the same idea in his head about me though. Little things, like his eyes lingering for a moment longer than required (possibly in my head) or reading the book and watching the movies i lent him in place of reading the book of which he was already in the middle and spending three nights at my house in two weeks, not to mention the fact that Jess and Yasi are doing their best to convince me of this as well.

It bothers me because I can't escape the idea of marriage. This isn't something that happens often, and when it does, it does not include a particular person. I don't like that and it possibly deters me more from saying anything. Not that we wouldn't get on well-we already do crosswords and cook and play in the snow together...shut up. That's stupid. This is not ok.

ANYWAY school is nearly set. I've made some arrangements with the assistance of my barely-willing teachers to replace some classes and force my way into others. The remainder will get figured out, i suppose. Then, hopefully, I graduate! YAY! No more Columbia!!!

But then, I need a job. DOOOOOOOOM! So wish me luck on that.....

I think im broken