The Second Star to the Right

:: 2005 16 February :: 7.39pm
:: Music: Green Day. YAY FOR ANGRY MUSIC

Sarah the fucking bitch
Dude I hate it when people act so fucking inmature and rude and fucked up and treat you like fucking shit because they are stupid and clearly bored. Sarah who has always been stupid and rude and bitchy stooped to her lowest level yet. Hard to believe isnt it? She had this person named "Tyrome" who was really her friend, Chris, pretend he knew me and he started trying to talk to me. I fucking knew it wasnt "Tyrome" because he took forever to say his name and put "its....ummmmmmmm *enter* tyrome". WHAT A STUPID ASS! Then I was getting mad and he called me a bitch and told me that I was stupid and he said "Fuck you. Youre so fucked up". His profiled fucking said "Sarah blah blah blah..." SARAH FUCKING ANDRADE! STUPID FUCKING ASS! If any stalker person reads this they should go and fucking attack her.

Ok other issues. My parents are fucking fighting so much. Not just little fights either. Last night my dad kept yelling at my mom like she was 2 and saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP ANNE!" and he said "GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I told some people at school but I was laughing and they didnt realize that it was serious and vicious. Also, my mom hits my dad. YES THAT IS RIGHT. MY MOTHER hits my dad. I have to fucking go. bye

3 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 9 February :: 8.58pm

You know I really hate complainers. There is this one person in particular who is always complaining and thinks that world is so mean to him. Well you know what? That fucking stupid! The world is mean to everyone and sometimes it may seem a little meaner to you but it will make up for it later so just fucking shut up! There is no reason to complain about petty things and how horrible mothers and fathers and brothers can be and how no girl or guy will ever like you and blah blah blah. When you actually have something worth complaning about then maybe talk about until then people who complain about stupid things should shut up. I know I do complain about stupid things but I do not constantly sit there and whine about every horrible thing that is happening every fucking day of my life like this person does. People need to vent their frustrations when they have a bad day or something but how the hell can you have a bad day everyday especially when the things that caused the bad day are stupid things like "my brother picked on me again" or "i couldnt get the shirt i wanted" or "i dont get to go the blah blah blah place tomorrow because my mom is making me clean" or something so stupid! GET OVER IT! PEOPLE WHO COMPLAIN OVER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT WITH NO GOOD EXCUSE OF WHY THEY ARE IN A BAD MOOD SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES. NO ONE IS GOING TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU WHEN YOURE ACTING LIKE THAT YOU STUPID ASS. STOP SAYING "POOR ME" AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR ISSUES! OH YES! YOURE NOT THE FUCKING SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE YOU STUPID ASS. JUST THE VERY FACT THAT YOU THINK THAT SHOWS HOW STUPID YOU ARE.

I bet you can't figure out who thats directed at.

So I was in the car with my dad on the way back from school the other day and he pointed something out to me. The music of today is very simple- lyrics and the instrument playing too- compared with the music of the old days. The lyrics are the more obvious of the 2 because anyone can see the music just says what its trying to very bluntly. You dont have to think about the words to get the message. If its trying to say "I wanna fuck you" they just say " I WANNA FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU DA HOTTEST BITCH IN DA WORLD YO!" Disgusting...
Then the instruments stuff. I realized that its so true. So much of the backround music isnt music..its noise with a beat. Its so crappy. I'm really starting to appreciate the good music of the old days. If you like rap, I don't like you. Rap is the simplest music out there and a lot of the people who listen to it are dumbasses because thats all they can understand.

ook so I'm done. That was a thoughtful entry. I feel weird for putting effort into online entries. I'll go write a better one on paper.

:: 2005 6 February :: 8.22pm

Dudes I feel like shit right now. My mom is making me go to school tomorrow anyway though. My head hurts horribly, I have seemingly never ending strings of coughs and I still have homework. This sucks.

Anyway. I came to write because this weekend some interesting stuff happened. I slept record amounts but while I was awake I managed to get on the internet and found this interesting thing. It was on Sarah's "MySpace" thingy and she basically was insulting me and trying to sound cool by saying that I'm jealous of the way she is. Thats a bunch of crap by the way. Maybe the only reason she keeps having to talk about that is because no matter what, she has to be vicious and nothing right now is irritating her enough to make a big deal about it. (did that makes sense? it did in my head)

So other than that. We went out to dinner last night because it was my sister's birthday (Mary). We had to go to this place called "Henry's Hi-life" they have ribs and barbequed stuff. We had to wait in the bar section because they do this really weird thing of getting you to your table. So we were sitting there for like 45 minutes and there were a few hot guys that came in but other than that it was horrible. I was having those disgusting cold sweats where you feel cold but youre roasting to death on the inside. My dad had to take me outside so I could cool off before going into the back to eat where I sat and roasted my butt off again.

On Friday when I got home and felt like poop my dad was the stinking nicest hes ever been. I love him. He came over and gave me a hug and told me to go to bed and that if I needed anything to yell or "kick a dog down the stairs. Whatever you need to do to get us." He meant that not to be mean to the dogs but just that he'd help me if I asked. Then after dinner he gave me another big bear hug and said "I really hate watching my girls be sick. Ok? So get better." Then he asked me something and I dont remember what but the answer was that he loves me and it was so stinking sweet. Then he said "Yes. I love all my daughters. Now get to bed ya bum!" Bum is an affectionate pet name at least in my dads mind.

Last thing. PATRIOTS WON THE SUPERBOWL! YAY! Grandpa must me proud.

I hope I dont have to go to school tomorrow but in case I do I best be getting to sleep now cause I'll be up half the night coughing my abs off. night night.

1 Tale | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 5 February :: 10.48pm
:: Music: "Andy, You're A Star" - The Killers

Meheh.
Most of my journal entries are Friends Only nowadays.

Goodness. My first Valentine's day (with a boyfriend) is coming up. Should I be nervous? I don't really wanna think about it.. But.. We're out of school that day. It's a Staff Development day.. meh..

I don't know why I'm listening to this song. Funny. I haven't listened to The Killers much lately. I'm getting back into Coldplay, and back into Alanis Morissette, and back into all of my old music. [Yay, italics.]

I'm really no good at Art. I'm trying, though. Paints are fun. I tried sketching earlier. I was worse then than I normally am. I guess the Art room inspires me and somehow makes me a better.. "artist".

I'm really not a visual artist. Photography I'm okay at. That's about it in the way of visual art. I'm more of a words person. Poet, that kind of thing. Mhm. Still at deviantArt. Actually, I just submitted a poem earlier. I couldn't figure out how I could make the ending better so I just left it how it was.

Last night I was just sitting here, reading my D/G-ness and watching TV.. and shredding paper.. Yes, shredding paper. I had over 10 little stacks of paper going. Found out they made good confetti. Bear (my outside dog) took the piece of paper I had some shredded paper in and decided it was a toy and was running around with a little white piece of paper in his mouth. Then he devoured it. Figured out afterwards that Mom did not like little, white pieces of paper all over her porch. -I- thought it looked like snow and was fine; it's only paper. She handed me a broom and made me sweep it off. What the heck? Who's going to be looking at our porch anyway? No one of any importance ever comes over, and the people that DO come over won't care! It's just paper!

Mom's been really moody lately, but then again, so have I. Maybe it's something in the water.

I think that's a long enough entry, eh? OH. I have a conversation excerpt for you. I was talking to my cousin/friend Tawney the other night..

Tawney: So, what color's your rum?
Me: .. What-what color's my MUM?
Tawney: No! What color's your RUM!
Me: My.. my room?
Tawney: Yes, your rum!
Me: .. God, you've got terrible accent.
Tawney: Shut up.

Later:

Pappy (her fiance) in the background: ... Texican.
Me: DID HE JUST CALL ME A MEXICAN?!
Tawney: No, he called you a Texican.. well.. pretty much.
Me: I am NOT a Mexican! I am French!

And even later:

Pappy: So you don't like Mainers?
Me: ... eh?
Pappy laughs.

.. He laughed at me. I didn't know what his problem was until I realized that I said "eh". Oh, come ON! Mexicans aren't the ONLY ones who say "eh"! Canadians do, too!

meh.. ;-; I'm gonna go now.

And here's the poem I was talking about for you.

Read more..

Bye-bye!
-Ash

4 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 1 February :: 7.46pm

Dudes. I fucking hate my stupid fucking sister who is now being a nerd and sitting at the table working on an "I Love Lucy" puzzle. Maureen is such a fucking bitch and i hate her because she is so rude to me and never treats me with respect and she doesnt care about my feelings which she shows by treating me like shit with her insults and sneaky comments that nobody can hear because they are under her breath. THat was a bigass runon sentence but I really really dont give a flying fuck. OOO NICE. FLYING FUCK. ALLITERATION AND PURE MAGICAL STRESS RELIEVING PHRASE. I made up my mind to forgive her for eating my cereal (Raisin Bran) but then she comes home and fucking screws it up! NOT COOL! She is nice for about 2 seconds. She gave me the Wisconsin state quarter then it ended. She had to fucking use the computer where I was working on my homework. The homework which I need to finish tonight and am now putting off so I can describe the bitchiness and inconsiderateness of my stupid bitchy ass loner rude vicious and violent sister who is named Maureen which is a very ugly name! She has no fucking friends but I wonder how you can have friends when you treat them like shit and have the attitude that you think you are better than them. She alwasys says that. She is so fucking smart! She is so good at math. FUCK THAT! In highschool her gpa was a 2.9. Mine right now is 3.17. She is so fucking good at math because it has so many rules and she constantly compares me to her. I SUCK AT MATH AND I'LL NEVER BE GOOD AT WHICH IS WHY I'M NOT GONNA BE A FUCKING DOCTOR! SO JUST FUCKING BE NICE BECAUSE YOURE STUPID AT EVERYTHING ELSE! My current writing level is probably as good as hers and shes in fucking college. I've seen the shit she writes and had the urge to write all over it and change things to make it sound more natural but once I tried that and my mom said that it bruised her ego having a 12 year old writing good comments and on a juniors paper. See! EVEN THEN I WAS BETTER THAN HER! I'd like to see her I.Q. She always says how smart she is. Thats because she surrounds herself with dumbasses. Dumbasses that she comes home and makes fun of. ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT FOR HANGING AROUND THEM SO DONT FUCKING COMPLAIN AND MAKE FUN OF THEM! I'd like someone smarter than her to let her have it. Bruise her fucking ego and send her crying home and saying how fucking stupid she is! Saying sorry for being so mean to everyone and for thinking that she is a fucking genius! DUDE MAYBE I COULD HIRE SOMEONE TO YELL AT HER ABOUT IT.

gotta go eat dinner then back to finish my assignment that i couldnt before because she had to use this fucking computer for her stupid fucking online class!

:: 2005 28 January :: 8.30pm

I dunno what is wrong with me...I feel so sad right now and all the time. I got my report card. I'm disappointed because I could have done better. At the same time though, I could have done a lot worse so I guess I wont complain. This semester I will work harder and hopefully get a 3.2. That'd be really nice.

So just something nice before I go off into all the bad stuff. Today my sister, Michelle, called and told me that she mailed me a See's candy bar. I find it funny that she's mailing See's to San Jose where there are shops for them everywhere. I asked her why and she said it was because she wanted to cheer me up. Shes so annoying after a while but then when she goes away I appreciate her and want her to come back even though I know that I'll just get annoyed again. She has a good heart.

So the bad stuff. Maybe this is just me but I think sometimes feeling depressed and lonely and angry goes in a cycle. You might be sad for a couple weeks and just feel helpless but then all of a sudden something changes and you feel happy again. Right now I'm in the sad/lonely/angry time. I feel like my family hates me. They are just putting up with me because like it or not I'm here. Not for too much longer I hope. Tonight my mom and dad were in the kitchen talking about how bad I am. They were saying that I'm a bad kid and I don't have any respect for anybody..that I'm selfish and greedy. I do have respect for people..people who deserve it. People that have acted in respectable ways. People that treat me nice as well. I'd think that I am polite and nice to people when I meet them and only rude and mean when they have not treated me the same way. Hmm..maybe I'm not. Anyway, I decided to yell that I could hear them and they just said "You know, Marilyn, I really don't care" I'd rather have them tell me they hate me to my face. It'd be a lot easier and nicer. My other sister, Mary, treats me like shit. She has thinks she is better than everyone because she is the smartest and prettier than the rest of us. My dad completely favors her and loves her more. He denies it everytime but everyone knows the truth. She is the history major. She had the 3.95 in highschool. She kisses his ass and he soaks it up. Whenever he introduces his girls to anyone he says " These are my daughters" Depending on the order were standing or sitting he lists Michelle, Maureen, and I. Then when he gets to Mary it goes "...... and this is my history major over here, Mary" Mary does a cheesy grin revealing her yellow teeth that are her ugliest feature other than the monstrous backside she has (Oh but thats the Italian in her so its alright and dad is proud of that as well) Then she says "Hi. Its really nice to meet you" blah blah blah. The way she talks is so fake. You can hear the difference in her tone from when she talks to everyone shes used to. I'm annoyed by her. Its not jealousy. I'm not jealous of people who are completely fake and "perfect". I just fear I'll never make my dad proud. It will always be Mary. The only way to make him happy is to be a lawyer and I hate law. I've been around it my entire life. My mom and dad cant ever just leave the clients at work. They take them home every night and I know more about the inner workings of the case than the client themselves. (DAMNIT! THIS MUSIC IS DEPRESSING TOO.)

Moving on. That stupid Ronald Reagan book hasnt been helping at all but I'm addicted to it. It has all these pictures from when he was younger and then as he got older. Its really cool to watch how people change throughout their lives. I read the thing that his daughter, Patricia, started a couple of days before he died and finished the day after. It was so sad. He was surrounded by his family, 2 kids and his wife and in the comfort of his own house. I couldn't help but wonder how Aunt Marie felt when she died. She was completely alone in a strange and probably uncomfortable hospital. Her last moments spent in pain from the cancer as well as the pain of not having anyone to take her last breaths with. I wish I could've been there to hold her hand or something. Instead I was outside enjoying the sun and having a good time with my sisters.

I guess I'm done.

:: 2005 24 January :: 11.26am

I shouldn't be out of bed.

Fever, off and on since night before last I think. Coughing, sneezing. My back and neck and whatnot are killing me. My mom tried to hug me and I nearly started crying. She said I was having muscle spasms.. And before that I -was- crying. For some reason I just kept crying off and on for hours yesterday. I'm on my third roll of toilet paper (we ran out of kleenex) and I should be going back to bed soon. My mom says it's freezing in this house but I'm burning up. Don't know why I have to stay bundled up when I'm this hot. Blah.

Yesterday.. I think I had one can of sprite and a bottle of water.. Two or three Alka Seltzer things.. I took some Robitussen but it made me start shaking and my hands were all tingly so Mom said I'm not taking anymore of it. The only thing I had to eat yesterday was chicken noodle soup.. I had Cream of Potato earlier.. Mom said at least I'm keeping the soup down.

I don't want to drink anything or eat anything. I feel like I'm going to throw up whenever I do.

Hopefully I'm better by tonight. I don't want to go to the doctors, and I can't miss anymore school. I didn't want to miss today.

I'm sick of being sick.

And now I'm going back to bed.

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 19 January :: 8.36pm
:: Music: THE DOORS CAUSE THEY ARE SO GOOD AND WAY BETTER THAN THE SHITTY MUSIC OF TODAY!

My family is so screwed up. Monday was my sister Maureen's birthday. She turned 20 but thats not the thing that is screwed up. My mother and my oldest sister, Monica, have been in this ongoing fight for about 5 years now and she is pregnant and my mother hates her. I don't know why exactly but because they are in a fight Monica has decided to cut the rest of off too. That means she stays for a 1/2 hour on chirstmas, doesnt show up on our birthdays, and mails the presents. How fucked up is that? I've decided that when people ask me how many sisters I have I will answer 3 instead of 4. I havent seen my sister yet this year and she lived 15 miles away. Last year I can count on 1 1/2 hands how many times I saw her. Pretty pathetic. Most of those hardly count because I saw her for about 20 minutes. I MISS MY SISTER SO MUCH AND SHE DOESNT EVEN CARE! I know she knows that what shes doing isnt right. How can she possibly be okay with herself for treating us like pieces of dog shit that she stepped on. She always tells me that I can call her and talk to her but why can't she call me? Why doesnt she take in interest in our lives? EVERYTHING IS CENTERED AROUND HER WHEN YOU TALK TO HER. YOU KNOW WHY? ITS BECAUSE WE TALK TO HER SO RARELY THAT WE HAVE TO SPEND THE ENTIRE TIME FINDING OUT IF SHES OK! It sucks. I will fucking beat anyone who does this to their families. Its the worst possible thing. It fucking hurts so much. I dont think she realizes that everyone in our family cries because of her. My mom cries, my other sister, i cry, even my dad cries. Its horrible. She has her whole family crying because shes such a bitch. If you try to tell her she gets this tone like shes talking down to you and its like DUDE FUCK OFF! STOP AND FUCKING LISTEN! FOR ONCE JUST FUCKING ACCEPT THAT YOURE BEING THE FUCKING BIGGEST BITCH EVER RIGHT NOW! REALIZE THAT YOURE FUCKING UP ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU THE FUCKING MOST! I'm sorry, this is really really bad what I'm going to say next but: I HOPE THAT BABY DIES! I HOPE IT DIES SO SHE COMES CRAWLING BACK TO US LIKE A DOG WHO GOT IN TROUBLE AND DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THEN SHE'D NEED US. SHE'D NEED US TO HELP HER AND SHE'D REALIZE HOW HORRIBLY SHE TREATED US AND THEN SHE'D SAY SORRY AND START BEING A SISTER AGAIN. We used to have so much fun together. She would take me places and I'd always go into her room to listen to the Beach Boys with her. On Sundays we watched the stupidest show, USA High, together and then sometimes we'd even play dress up (I was about 7 when this was going on). She read "A Christmas Carol" to me. She bought me a Beauty and the Beast cup for my birthday when I turned 3 and I still have it. THen she met James. Then she began to ignore us. I MISS HER SO MUCH! You have no idea how horrible it feels to lose a sister until it happens. I admit it, I used to say " I hate you" to her or tell her that I wish she'd die and stuff. I never EVER meant it! I never ever imagined it would actually fucking happen. BE NICE TO YOUR SIBLINGS! I could never do this to anyone. Its one of the worst feelings other than when someone dies. Right now I really miss Aunt Marie too and Mr. Vane. I wish my sister could see this. She can't. Even if she did I doubt it would change anything.

I NEED TO GO. Bye.

6 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 13 January :: 4.14pm

Here's a bit of advice, honey.

Don't mess with the sick girl; she bites.

And ooh, what a dramatic exit!

--

Is it time for more medicine yet?

4 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 13 January :: 12.12pm

Why was one of my 'friends only' entries public? --

Meh. I'm sick. Again. Just felt like updating to let anyone who reads this that I'm alive (not dead).

Eh. Might as well be public.
-Ash

ElektraGamblin

:: 2005 12 January :: 9.54am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: None

Wooo
Yup....ish me, updating my journal in the middle of study hall....

Me, do work?? are you kidding? =p

Besides...it's not like I have any work to do anyways...I didn't even come to school until the middle of 3rd period.... of course...that could have something to do with me not having class until 2nd...which happens to be math, which I happen to be dropping....and 3rd is Study Hall...and since I don't have any math anymore...it's not like there's anything to do XD

<3 the choice of of taking classes online ^^ no more math assignments every single day that are just about as understandable as greek that I don't do anyways....well...I do half of the assignments =p
Next quarter is going to be......interesting o.o And I have to take Alaska Studies!! how stupid is that ?? I mean hell.....I -LIVE!- in Alaska.....I already know everything I'd ever give a damn to know by now...of course...technically I'm not allowed to take the class until next year...but I couldn't find anything to fill 4th period so Ally let me in. <3 teh Ally ^^ Now I dun have to take it next year, so I can get it done with. I can't believe they made that a requirement to graduate. *rolls eyes* the ASD is so stupid...honestly, I don't know how any of them passed high school back in the day. Then again....normal public high schools aren't really all that good at turning out graduates who actually have bearable IQ's. XD

I'm taking -8!- classes next semester x.x fun fun....of course....did I mention that 1 is a theatre production, and another one is gargoyle making?? >. >

I know....I'm so lazy =p Mom calls them Basket Weaving Classes XDD

Anyways...I'll stop babbling...although, babbling is much funn fun =p

<3
XD

7 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 6 January :: 5.47pm

I don't care anymore if I let you down
I believe that I need to be free
I'm so used to my life with you around
I don't know anymore the real me
"Finding Myself" - Smile Empty Soul

So. I've figured out that it's not going to change. Not anytime soon anyway. I've 'put up with it' for over a week. I know I could wait longer but I don't feel there's any use in waiting. Not anymore.

Hints to being on the good side of Ashley:
*Do NOT steal my bed
*Do NOT steal my blankets
*Do NOT invite yourself along
*Do NOT not call for a several days then call me and expect things to be peachy
*Do NOT call me up and expect me to drop everything just for you after you never drop anything for me
*Do NOT go through my stuff
*Do NOT sit close enough to be touching me at school
*Do NOT expect me to be a little miss ray of sunshine every single day
*Do NOT think you can just touch me whenever you want to - I am NOT yours
*Do NOT compliment me with something like "You're beautiful" to get something [I'd rather not hear fake compliments, thanks, especially not for self-gain]
*DO give me my space
*DO call me -occasionally-
*DO give me time alone with my friends
*DO understand that I'm emotional and sensitive
*DO stop when I say stop
*DO take things seriously sometimes

I'm sure there's a million other things that I just can't think of right now. Uh.. That's.. mostly.. aimed towards my 'boyfriend'.

One definition for 'relationship': A romantic or passionate attachment.

Romantic? If you call a hug and an "I love you" that doesn't even really feel like it's real at the end of every phone conversation (except the last two calls ^^) romantic, sure.

Passionate? .. Not hardly.

I'm just getting more and more unhappy, and I know I should end this but I really am a coward. I cannot do this face-to-face. I'm sure people would say that he 'deserves a face-to-face' breakup but.. Why do people want that? I wouldn't want to be 'dumped' face-to-face. Phone is much more convenient and much less painful.. to me at least.

Everyone has their own views on this and their own feelings. This is just mine.

Lately he's just been annoying me.. really.. badly.. And I just want him to leave me alone. I don't like it when he kisses me on the cheek. I don't like it when he hugs me. I don't think I'm ready for a real relationship. At least not with him.

--

I wrote all of the above earlier before the phone lines decided to die. Now I'm back on and I still feel the same way. I changed my mind on the waiting bit. I'm going to wait a few days because I -am- sick today.. and.. I guess.. that's it..

Advice, be it good or bad, would be greatly appreciated.
-Ash

2 Tales | Tell Me a tale

:: 2005 2 January :: 1.47pm
:: Music: The Doors

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I"m not really sure why I'm writing in here right now. I dont have much to say. I have to do this stupid ass english paper and its so fucked up and I've been working on it for 3 hours now and I've gotten 2 paragraphs done...2 short paragraphs. I

The weather is nice. Its been rainy for almost a week now but now I'm wet because I was just outside not doing work. I dont like being wet after I've gone in the rain. It feels gross and cold especially when its your feet. Wet socks are so annoying. My feet are cold.

I'm sad today. Tomorrow is the last day of vacation. DUDE MR. MCCAW SUCKS! I don't like him. Hes nice though because he gives me good grades on things I write. I read through one of them that he corrected and he didn't even mark some stuff wrong that I could clearly see was screwed up. I hate the shitty assignments he gives. I have to fucking write this piece of shit paper that supports that Romeo and Juliet did not have to die. FUCK IT! Who gives a shit about Romeo and Juliet? Do you really think that Shakespeare cares if we analyze his characters and break everything down and disect it and make theories and shit. I think he just wrote plays to get money so he could support himself. In 300 years are we going to fucking give a shit about some stupid ass dude who wrote a really good screenplay for a movie today!? PROBABLY NOT! I think its ridiculous how much we study this stuff.

I need to go and fucking finish this paper so tomorrow I can clean my room which my sister so nicely trashed when she came home. I am shoved into this tiny corner of MY room which includes my bed and dresser. She took over my nightstand, the area in front of my closet so i cant open it, the chest thing that i keep for my sister in my room, and the floor between our beds. Her laundry is everywhere and she smells like weird detergent and perfume. There are cups of water all over my room because she is perpetually dehydrated or something. Her makeup is everywhere too. She thinks she is so fucking beautiful. Yesterday, while everyone was taking down the Christmas trees, she was upstairs taking a shower, doing her hair, and putting on way too much makeup. That girl could put on all the makeup in the entire world and she wouldnt be any prettier. She has an attitude of "Oh, look at me! I am so beautiful with such a massive amount of makeup on that if you put me in 95 degree weather my face would begin to drip off." Its sickening. My fucking dog just farted!

I GOTTA GO!