chuckitatthewall
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2006 27 November :: 7.30pm
i need a hug. i wish i could write in my paper journal but i'm tired and need to do my math homework so i'm down here writing on the computer.. yeah..so i dunno why i'm so sad. its just everything. grades and shit. mom and dad drinking is really bothering me so much. and i just dont know what to do with myself. i can't talk to anyone cause i feel like i'm bothering them and being selfish by talking about myself. so sometimes i slip and let a little out to a friend but then i'm like "dude..what the hell? let them get a word in. stop feeling so damn sorry for your fucking self. you're not the most important person in the world so listen for once." i guess i'd rather listen to other people for hours on end than talk about myself cause i know its boring. i do. who the fuck would want to listen about shitty my family is. they probably dont even think its that bad. i know that i think that way about some peoples 'problems". but you know..its all a matter of perspective and i always forget that. i'm too busy thinking that my problems are the goddamn worst when in reality i could be in a lot worse of a condition. fuck it. thats all i can think of to say.
holidays suck. i'm dreading christmas so bad. they're just a reminder of how fucked up everything is. how lonely i am. how much i miss monica. i miss her everyday. every damn day. every fucking day of my life i think about how much i wish she could be a fixture in my life. but she isnt. mom and dad are not allowing it. i only get to see her when mary is going over there. if it werent for mary..i'd never see her. it breaks my heart. i love her so much. i wish i could be in her life but i can't. fuck it.
Tell Me a tale
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ElektraGamblin
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2006 15 November :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: listless
:: Music: JC Chasez - Dear Goodbye
My Poor Baby Naoe...*kicks Kagetura*
Mirage of blaze, Kat-Tun, and Saiyuki Reload own my soul....seriously.
Sanzo from Saiyuki Reload is my new replacement for snape (nothing could ever seriously replace snape..but still, sanzo...omg, he's like a Teh Blip version of snape, and waaaaaay cuter too.) How many -MONKS- have you met with a foul mouth, a complete "piss off" mental syndrome, lazy, conceited, and incredibly good at insulting people.
"Release information, story information, character biographies? We've
got that. Downloads and other assorted media? You
betcha. Your very own Banishing Gun, like the one sported
by everyone's favorite chain-smoking priest, Genjyo Sanzo?
We wish." Who else has websites like that? >. >
"Said to be a great and noble priest who travels the lands with
his three loyal followers, banishing demons and being the
epitome of piety. Well, it just goes to show you that the legend
is based a little more on fiction than fact. Genjyo Sanzo is a
hard-smoking, hard-drinking, no-nonsense kind of guy who
has no qualms about pulling his Banishing Gun on his friends
or enemies to maintain order amongst the group, and
throughout the land in which he travels. He's self-centered,
conceited, and not above treating his comrades like his
personal servants, as he relaxes quietly with a cup of tea and
the morning paper. Sometimes it just pays to be the leader."
<33333333333333333333333333333333333333
I love him.
yeah >. >
Look at that face, XD
my anime obsession is beginning to scare even me......but hey, who cares! ^^ *cough*
And Naoe...last night, omg...I am so glad I am capable of containing my laughter, because rolling on the floor unable to breath at 1:30 a.m. would have been baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. I love Mirage of Blaze..........completely Naoe is so completely unbalanced.."We could put you into the body of a woman, then you wouldn't mind sleeping with me!" (paraphrasing here) I thought I was going to die.........yes, I love you deeply Kagetura, even though you treat me like a dog and refuse to touch me...why I don't I just rape you instead! *falls out of her chair* (This will only make sense to people who have watched the series...I realize this...but omg...complete Naoe love....) *hisses at Kagetura* you are sooooooooooooo completely cruel and unworthy of Naoe's love....I mean sure, he tried to rape you...but it's your own goddamn fault...so I don't want -any- complaining..*coughs* >. > *pets poor Naoe* So abused and rejected..*cuddles* Who needs Kagetura anyways? >. > I mean, come on...look at that adorableness Meanie Kagetura...... LOOK at that face!! n.n...it's screaming "I'll die if you don't love me!" Poor Naoe...*pets* *sniffle*
Yeah....on to another subject........I take back every feminine thought I had about Kame.......Jin..is seriously.....a girl...Have you HEARD him scream? Seriously...omg He does actually manage to scream his head off like a man sometimes...(not that a man screams his head off so.....XD Jin...you are such a girl...XD
Randomely...the look on Kame's face when Jin messes up on the guitar....priceless..XD <3 Kame
So yeah, enough of my fangirl ranting >. >
<3
JD
1 Tale |
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ElektraGamblin
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2006 14 November :: 10.31pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: JC Chasez - Dear Goodbye
When the thought of peanut butter disgusts me.........You -know- I'm seriously sick
Wow...............It has been over a YEAR since I updated....
I have consistancy issues...I realise this >. >
First of all I just have to say that Kame is not my new god..........Cause there's no way God could ever be that cool...*cough* This Video owns my soul Seriously........It's not my fault........*points to Keri* It's all hers! *watches in amusement as Keri points to Britti* Ok...well, maybe it's all Britti's fault, or it could be the fault of whoever introduced Britti to Kat-Tun......or etc....eh, who knows.
My new Background was not chosen out of an Akame obsession per say, but more out of the simple fact that that picture is way too incredibly gorgeous not to share with the rest of the world....*pets Kame's hair, and face....and generally everything else*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyways...........Praise the new layout...it is almighty-and pray homage to the JE God.
Now that that's over and done with...I feel majorly sicky, so I will tell you all about my ever nearing horrible future of either a worthless broken puddle of tears, or a psychotic homicidal over the top severely incredible bitch.........
yeah...............dun ask, I'll tell you anyways, but tomorrow, because I'd like to make it up the stairs in one piece.
<3
JD
3 Tales |
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justadreamer
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2006 7 November :: 7.33pm
A Rant in Response to Subway Rants. <3.
Read more..
And on that note: Eat more Subway! Just don't be a jerk!
<3.
5 Tales |
Tell Me a tale
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justadreamer
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2006 22 October :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: unsure
you don't want baggage
without lifetime guarantees
you don't want to watch me die
I just came to say goodbye, love
goodbye, love
goodbye
I work at Subway.
I get out of school at 12:05 pm.
Finally out of debate class, but keeping the t-shirt.
Yearbook is going well - so are English and SWAT - my only classes.
le.. whoo.
Must clean tomorrow.
After work.
5 Tales |
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chuckitatthewall
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2006 17 September :: 8.45pm
I went to a birthday party for Rachel yesterday. It was in Santa Cruz. We spent the night. Simone was there. I hate Simone. She makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward and its so hard to be nice to her. I feel like she intentionally does stuff that she knows will piss me off. An example was when she rigged the twister game. If it was anyone else I wouldnt have cared but she was purposely out to get me. Fuck it. She pretends to like me, and me her but there is something between us that we both know exists and it makes being around each other very difficult. Arg. I really wish I could get along with her but some people are just not meant to be friends no matter how hard they try.
Another thing that kinda sucked was hilary. I like her by herself and with certain people but in large groups she sucks. She takes charge and commands attention like no other. She was wearing her bakini at the beach and her body just isnt meant for one but she kept drawing attention to herself saying stuff like "rub sunscreen on my back" blah blah blah. Its gross. Shes trying so hard to look appealing to dudes and half the stuff she does makes her seem repulsive. I wish I could tell her but I could never be that cruel. Shes so conceited too. It drives me crazy. She just always says "I looked so hot. I have good teeth. The dress looked amazing on me". I feel like saying "no, hilary, it didnt. you're chubby and its gross when you try to wear dresses liek that cause they just make it worse." or 'your hair is a fugly mess. nothing you do tames it." damn dude..I'm so mean. But i just gotta get it out of my system.
Hanging around those people just makes me so grateful for my other friends. I feel uncomfortable around them. If you dont do things just as they do then they're not that nice. God dude..I know i'm a little odd but not that much. I'm so scared that they're just gonna fucking make fun of me so bad when I'm not around. I truly just can't stand Simone mostly. The influence she has on everyone is just amazing. They just drop at her fucking feet like shes the fucking buddha reincarnate or somethin.g I dont get it. Shes rude, bitchy, selfish, whiny, and if things dont go the way she wants them to then the world ends. My goodness. I wish I had energy so I could punch the shit out of my bag right now. I'm gonna do that soon though. Its time. Its been almost 2 months since I've done it.
I'm so emo right now. I'm gonna go cry and listen to some depressing music for a while.
1 Tale |
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chuckitatthewall
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6 13 August :: 10.47pm
uhh so basically, vacation is shit. louise went but jessica wasnt able to. it would have been a lot of fun with her and we missed her greatly. but she missed out on a really huge fight which was probably nice. fuck it. i was doing so well. not thinking about my problems and whatever ad now it just fucking sucks and i'm back to it again. i'm gonna call my counselor tomorrow and make an appointment. i dont care if i have to pay for it myself.
this summer sucked ass. i had to work the whole the time but i guess its worth it cause i'll be able to go to england. i just got one fucking week off and it was a shit week off. filled with anger. i have a problem though which is that i tend to dwell on the negative things in life. it probably wasnt all that bad but i just thought it was cause i dont look for the highlights. i need to work on that. fuck it. everyone i talk to tells me that in my family its going to get worse for me before it gets better. i'm not so excited about that. what does that mean. how can it get worse?? i'm gonna punch the shit out of my bag tomorrow cause its too late tonight. fuck it if my knuckles look like shit after that. sometimes in a sick way it feels good to hurt my knuckles. its like proof that things suck. like if my knuckles hurt, i have the right to be sad cause theres pain there and its real and concrete. i'm sick.
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JustADreamer
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2006 8 August :: 6.33pm
:: Mood: optimistic
:: Music: Watching 7th Heaven xP
Omigosh, Senior Year.
My birthday is September the 1st.
I'm getting a laptop.
Here is an amazing announcement. Currently, I'm in love with / in like with / crushing on .. No one!
And I'm loving it. It's just way too much trouble, especially since I'm starting my senior year next week, August 16th, and I don't want to be hung up on anyone. Thank goodness for that little announcement last week. Otherwise, I'd still be wasting my time liking people.
Admittedly, the events as of late have been.. very.. upsetting, but I feel like I'm completely over everything. And it's a great feeling. No idea how long it will last, but it's lasted a little while now.
I'm okay now. I'm not 'emo' anymore. xP
Happy Senior Year.
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chuckitatthewall
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2006 22 July :: 2.09pm
mary is moving out today and i'm really sad. i'm gonna be so bored and loney all the time. well not all the time. i'll just miss it during the school year when i know shes in her room working on stuff and i'm in mine working on stuff and i get bored and i can't go into her room and bother her. and at night if something is bothering me i won't be able to just go in her room and talk to her about it. or get hugs when i need them. i dont get along with my parents. at night, i can't talk to them cause they're always drinking. i wish i could spend time with them but it just doesnt happen. mary was my way of getting around them. i love her a lot and now shes gone. i have no idea how much i'll see her and that really scares me. what if its like monica who came home, moved her stuff out, and hasnt been back since. well shes been back but it was awkward and strange. shes no longer a real part of this family. this fucked up family. what if mary starts to feel that way too. then i'll never see her. i get my lisence in november..thats so long from now. actually, it really isnt but it seems like an eternity to me because i have no way of getting out this house without the assistance of someone else. i could ride my bike to her house and i'll probably end up doing that a lot. but san jose is so vast. i can't get to monica that easily cause she lives like 15 minutes away driving and even longer if i ride a bike. arg.
this whole nick thing sucks as well. nothing is gonna happen and i'm not taking it well. i just need to accept it. thats my biggest problem..i keep thinking that there is a chance when there isnt. i guess its cause this might be my only opportunity during high school. co ed school would have been a lot more convenient in that respect. but i like my school. god darn it. mary's new roommate has a brother my age..maybe that could work..i'm not expecting antyhing though cause i'll be disappointed if i do. fuck it. i'm feeling really depressed again and i'm not sure why. god damn it.
3 Tales |
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JustADreamer
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2006 29 June :: 11.28pm
My last year of high school is fast approaching, and I'm torn between what to do.
I'm home from Dallas. In Dallas, I was energetic, happy-go-lucky, and overall joyful. As soon as I got back to this town, my energy went downhill and I felt more self-conscious. In Dallas, you don't have to worry about anyone knowing you, really. Here, everybody knows everyone and what they do.
Part of me, the not-nice part of me, says, "Screw it. It's my last year. Why should I care at all what anyone else thinks? I'll just do what I want." But the rational side says, "No, you can't do that. You've got to be nice and all of that nice stuff."
It'll probably be the latter. I'm nice by nature, apparently, but I like being outgoing sometimes. Smiling at strangers, waving out of car windows, dancing and singing along with Skye and my other friends.. All great and fun things. But I'm not that outgoing. I can't do all this alone. I'm not equipped with the quality of making friends easily and keeping them. I'm not popular. I cannot keep a conversation about makeup and another girl's boyfriend (or lack thereof) for hours on end. I refuse to go shopping for shoes and clothes in a large group.
So that eliminates most people I know my age. But hey, one more year. Then I'll be around more people, and maybe that'll make it easier to reach out and talk to some random person I don't even know.
This is all assuming I can make up my mind about where to go. Oy...
For some reason, here, in this town, it is so incredibly difficult to be.. obviously happy and outgoing. It's oppressive, in a way, but at the same time.. I don't know.
Yes. Just a little ramble on the difference in country and city.
2 Tales |
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JustADreamer
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2006 24 June :: 1.43am
Wow, Canada.
You're producing some great bands. Stars, Arcade Fire..
Also, lately, I've gotten into The Bangles, Frank Sinatra (more-so than before), Mario Lanza (more-so than before), other 50's singers.
I'm also investigating some other bands that seem to be of the types of music I like: The Pixies, Pavement, Ben Folds (I know they have great music), Death Cab, Interpol, Postal Service.
Anyone got anymore suggestions of music to check out, please, feel free to suggest away.
Tell Me a tale
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JustADreamer
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2006 15 June :: 12.54pm
We are moving tomorrow..
Unknown amount of time before I will have internet again..
However, due to the closeness of our new location to town, we may get DSL! And get rid of AOL! Whoo! Yes!
.. That is all.
Tell Me a tale
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JustADreamer
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2006 10 June :: 8.40pm
:: Music: "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" - Stars
...
Nothing but time and a face that you'll lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard, I'll send you the news
From the house down the road from real love
Live through this and you won't look back
There's one thing I have to say so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save
- Stars
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chuckitatthewall
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2006 8 June :: 6.48pm
my sister is a dumbass. she fucking talks about sex all the time and then gets upset when my parents arent okay with it. does she think they're gonna be pleased?? 'yeah maureen..go ahead! have sex in our house". no..shes so fucked up. seriously. then she says this: maybe the reason why you dont' like me talking about is cuz you think your better than me...and your competing little self hates that i am older.
and blocks me after that . fuck it. i dont care that shes older! i'm perfectly fucking content being the last one besides that they've all almost moved out so i'm alone a lot. but thats alright i guess. shes such a dumbass. she always wants people to be jealous of her and when they aren't it pisses her off. i'm not jealous of her and her hideous boyfriend. i dont need a fucking boyfriend right now anyway. god damn her. i'm done
1 Tale |
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JustADreamer
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2006 24 May :: 2.45pm
<3 Japanese Cherry Blossom body spray, lotion, etc. from Bath & Body.
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