My Bitching Grounds

:: 2005 19 July :: 12.17pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: "I Just Wanna Make Love To You" Foreigner

Thank You All
Thank you all for your wonderful support.
See the great thing is that this can be the place where I just let all my frustrations out. Of course, it seems I can only attract married girls.

As for the other things said. Desparation. Sure, maybe a little, but not so much. It seems like that from what I've said and if this is the only knowledge you have of me right now (well, I guess it is for all of you here) I'm not. I'm just going through a tough time right now and it feels like I have no one. And that if I did have just that one person, that special bond that it would make it all better. But that is a lie to myself. It won't. I need friedns to help me deal with the pain, that I can talk to and hang out with. Last night was going to be good, with Keith and Dustin, take my mind off things. But Nikki was there and she brought up the situation again, I was stuck there.

I guess it's a mending of a broken heart that I'm looking for. Once I thought I was over Shari, but then I spent a day around her and I showed up on Jessa's doorstep that night. I guess that's what I'm looking for, just veiled in this idea of man.

And all these statements are just great. Some of the things I feel deep inside, but they won't be applicable in five minutes. I'll still need that person, but it will change back.

And as for dealing with one jerk too many, you haven't dealt with this jerk yet. Get back on the horse and give the male race a chance to redeem itself. Sitting out of the game doesn't make the game change. The only way you can get what you want is to get back in there, break some old rules and right new ones (yes I used the wrong form of right, does it work).

Anything else?

:: 2005 18 July :: 5.38pm

So I've layed prostrate enough now, it has to be worth mentioning.

Either there are no single ladies looking at my journal

-or-

They simply don't want me.

Now being the pathetic pessimist that I can be sometimes, I would choose the latter option if I don't get some encouragement soon. So

ENCOURAGE ME!!!!!

6 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 17 July :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: sad

sad
sad
sad

i hate this feeling...i wish it didn't exist

i miss my friends
i miss chad, dan, tyler m, ryan j, and all the pizza boys, and kyle and erica and keegan and becky and andrea all my cast family. i miss being on the stage. and h...and drama class and being a clown and loving every moment lived.

aodljlgjaldjg..........i hate that i'll never get to feel the feelings i had again....ever....a new chapter, but never going back one to read it again and feel it again. ugh........

don't boys know how to freakin call or type!? i guess not....geez

shopping tomorrow with mama....i miss her so much, and i see her every day. how am i going to move away from her????? tomorrow will be grand...and beans and jessie at night and reminising and giggles and fun....

farm....yay.......maybe i'll see everyone at the farm and be able to linger a little longer

CAMP:
mmhmm i want to linger mmhmm a little longer a little longer here with you
mhmm it's such a perfect night, mhmm it doesn't seem quite right that it's my last night here with you
aww shit...i can't remember the rest...where is katherine johns when you need her??? beans..help me out here....

*

6 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

Upchuck

:: 2005 14 July :: 10.05pm

When I say I"m going to someplace liek the Whitecaps game Friday night, and that I would like some female company, that means if you're single and female, I would like you too accompany me. You must be post-high school though.

So I'm going to a Whitecaps game Friday night. (hint hint).

:: 2005 14 July :: 12.13am
:: Music: "Red Rag Top" Tim McGaw

It's really strange how that song really gets at the heart of what is going on in my life right now. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not responsible for anything right now, thank God.

Anyway, I'm coaching the Northview league this year ond two of my players, who are both between their Freshman and Sophomore years showed up to the game last week talking about this thing called Xanga. Their explaining to me what it is, "like an online journal thing." Telling me, like I'm ancient and am completely naive. So I responded, "Kind of like Woohu, huh?" And their like "Yeah. But Woohu was like the first one." Now these girls are from Cedar Springs. I thought some of you old timers would appreciate something like that.

:: 2005 4 July :: 10.14pm

Kim and I are no longer together. IT's been a heart wrenching three weeks. I would tell it all, but it's very personal. Maybe someday the truth will come out, but it's just somehting i can't talk aobut right now.

On the bright side, I'm single again. I saw Lori in Sand Lake Friday night and gave her my number. I hope she calls me. I'm in somewhat desparate need of affection.

We had big weekend. The band made almost $1000. We took first place at Lake City Battle of the Bands against some very good competition. Smoody took second and Praise band took third. It was a good time. Sand Lake sucked so bad. The stupid idiots that were running the board didn't know how and really screwed up the sound. The band that took first, their singer was screaming into the mic and you couldn't even hear him. But we took second, which is reverse of last year. Then we played Saturday night in Luther and Sunday night before the fireworks. IT was a good time. I got to know Josh's family and Colleen (Josh's g/f) and I seem to have this natural chemistry, kind of like brother and sister.

I was disappointed though. Zack started playing "The Dance" by Garth Brooks and Ashley told all the couples to come up to dance. Well I wanted to know if there were any single ladies out there who wanted to dance. Nobody came up. I would have unplugged my bass and gone out and danced if it was a pretty girl.

:: 2005 27 June :: 11.18pm

mmmmmmmm..........the beach tomorrow

camp
counslers
named
tom

band camp

shaved legs and naturally dried hair

longing to be there again

need to talk to beansy

sigh

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 8 June :: 11.51pm

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

This could get interesting.

Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 8 June :: 11.47am

yay! i had orentation yesterday! it was fun, but really hot out. everyone was kind of quiet and shy, but i know it'll all change. we were all just nervous. anyways, here's the classes i'm taking in the fall!

EDU 107- INTRO TO TEACHING- 3.00
HEV 100- HUMAN GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT: LIFE- 3.00
BIO 101T- GENERAL BIOLOGY- 3.00
MTH 130- PRE-CALCULUS MATH- 4.00
MUS 114- LISTENING EXPERIENCE- 3.00

16.00 TOTAL CREDIT HOURS

sounds fun huh?!

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 29 May :: 12.06pm

So many things have happened. *sigh*.....

just 2 seconds ago i wanted to talk about everything....now it's all a blur. maybe because i'm sick

well....hmm...prom was wonderful. i couldn't have had a better time. i felt more beautiful than i ever have before. like a princess. tyler called himself my prince. it really was a fairy tale night and i was cinderella....so happy.

on the other hand, if prom sucked, i wouldn't be in the perdiciment i am in now. it's so hard to have such an night and promise only friendship. it was so natural, the week before, that magical night. and now i'm here....wanting to rewind and go back to get that kiss i never got, and dance the last dance i never got. i wish so bad i could just tell him how i feel. but no, i must be a lady, and wait.

as for everything that has been going on with people from the band bashing me, i reallly don't care now what anyone thinks. the thing is, music will always be a love of my life. but not my first, and not my only. i'm going to CMU next year to study spanish and be a teacher....it's going to be great and i'm going to be happy. i'm making my life what i want it to be. if that upsets some people, then sorry, and too bad. there...and i've said my peace.

graduation was thursday. it's so surreal to me how it is all overwith already. now it's open houses to go to and planning my own. in 3 short months, i'll be 18 and off to central. my advice to everyone is to live everyday to the fullest. high school goes by sooooooo fast. don't ever wish it away. enjoy every teacher, every friend, every dance, football game, laugh and tear. because someday, it'll all be a memory. make it a good memory. i'll miss all of you. please keep in touch.

my open house is on Saturday, June 18, 2005
from 6 pm - sometime the next morning.
come for a barn dance, bon fire and lots of food and memories.
see you there!

much love........

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 21 May :: 6.13pm
:: Music: "Untamed Man" Rose Colored Glasses

Life
Well. We have all had those days. It seems I'm having that week. Or maybe that month.

A lot of what you say is true. Things that you do in your adult life take over your identity. Your pregnant, your going to be a mom, I'm a college student. Mine's goign to pass, so I can live with it, yours isn't. I think we're all finding out that life is both more than we anticipated and less.

I haven't been working for almost two months now, and I think it's starting to wear on me. I've been so busy, but everything is so frustrating right now. I feel like I have accomplished absolutely nothing in the past few weeks. I feel, now, being out of school for the summer and without a job like I'm powerless. I cannot seem to get anyone to cooperate with me at all. The things that I thought would make me feel like I'd accomplished something are not giving me the satisfaction that I thought they would.

It doesn't help that Kim is being overworked, tied down to her family because she's back at home. Right now, it's been one full week since we've spent any time together. And when we did last week it was with other people and only for about two hours. There was a point in here somewhere when we spent nine straight nights together last year.

I spent today up in LeRoy at our drummers uncle's place recording our demo. I'm listening to it right now. Soon I'll have a web address for you all where you can order that CD, but that all depends on Ashley. I swear, I had all winter to do this crap and now, during softball season, when I'm super busy, we've got push to get this done because they couldn't think ahead enough to get this taken care of. Oh well.

P.s. Jessa, I haven't seen you pregnant. So to me, your still the girl I remember in high school. I don't think you could be anything else to me ......

Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 26 April :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: happy

so things for prom are working out just like everyone said they would :) i'm going with tyler bauer and i couldn't be happier. we're on our way to having all our plans made and that makes me really happy. anyways....i just wanted to thank anyone who helped me when i was down...you know who you are and i love you all! :) can't wait to see you at PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

6 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2005 21 April :: 7.40pm

Something for everyone to consider:

The high school is considering running a "freshman academy" next year. This would entail freshman wearing a certain shirt to every assebly and on designated days, or being sent home.
I just got done reading an article where a school is giving breathalyzers before allowing kids into dances and football games.

Is it just me or is this going a little too far?

Today my history prof was railing against the Patriot Act. He was saying that no one has had the courage to stand up to the President for fear of becoming a victim of it. Well, he made a god point about the things that can be done to you under the Patriot Act. It is a bit disconcerting. Silda would say that I am stupid for trusting the government. The are not opposing the Patriot Act out of fear, but out of political gain. If the damned bill wasn't supported by a crap load of Americans, the Democrats would be agianst it. Hell, most Republicans would be too. It's not about fear of reprisal, it's about fear of the voters.

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass