My Bitching Grounds

:: 2002 11 December :: 10.07am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: "Semi-charmed Life" Third Eye Blind

How did this happen?
Are you all having fun mocking my lame ass life. I'm tired as hell working in a fast food restaurant motivated by absolutely nothing. And still I think it's hilarious.

My life is so fragmented. People see so many different things to me. I go to school, absolutely no reference to who I am, they have no clue. They have no idea about any mistakes I've made in the past or and clue about my intelligence.
At work they don't know either. Well some do. Or maybe they don't. Why the hell would someone like me be wasting my time working in a fast food restaurant. Well intially I needed money. Now the check is nice but it's just fun to work there. Sometimes it's not but most of the time it is. It gives my mind something to chew on while being one of the variables in the equation at the same time.

And I do have to sit here and admit that I have girl troubles. I doubt I ever will be able to overcome some of those. But it's not a big deal.

Through all of this "others not knowing who I am. " I discover who I am. I gues you could say I'm slowly finding myself. But at teh same time I keep exceling where I always have, that is the common denominator. So guess I don't need to drink this weekend because I knwo who I am, and I'm not that person.

1 Kiss Ass | Kiss My Ass

:: 2002 10 December :: 10.23am

I'm Back
Okay, I'm going to take my Chem class on a credit/no credit basis. That will help with a little of the work. Now I go 10am-3pm with a break for lunch at noon now. Monday and Wednesday I get done @ 6pm, 3pm on Fridays. Not so big a sacrifice, only one hour.

Well I'mv egot to go see how much I can get back for my $90 Psychology book. Get my uniform cleaned and eat some lunch.

:: 2002 10 December :: 10.16am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: "Motherfucker" Kid Rock

Ahhhh
Well I just got done changing my schedule. This means I don't have a big two and a half hour gap in the middle of my day for next semester and I don't have a bearish three hour polisci class either. I'm taking the exact same classes, just at different times. I just thought of something. Be right back.

:: 2002 3 December :: 4.10pm
:: Mood: Early
:: Music: "Blue on Black" Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Faith-based intiatives
The current administration wishes to broaden the scope of welfare services provided by the federal government by fatih-based organizations. These faith-based organizations are not just the stereotypical Christian Ministries, but also Jewish and Muslim welfare services as well. As with many other issues, the two conflicting arguements come from two different sides of the isle. In general Republicans support the idea. They believe that welfare services are best given by places that rehabitlitate as well as hand out goods. The idea is to remove government bureaucracy from the process so more money actually reaches the people. This is one way conservatives hope to achieve a "smaller government."

Almost all liberals dislike the expansion into faith-based services. They quote the sacred "separation of church and state." They claim that by giving funds to faith-based organizations that the government is endorsing a religious standard. Also, by giving money they have no way to account for how it is spent and what it is spent on.

A thrid position on this issue arises from the rules that government places on the institutions that it gives money to. A small part of the conservative ideology believes that this could be potential harmful to fatih-based organizations. By subject the organizations to government regulation, it interferes with their messsage, and could prohibit the teaching of the ideals that are supposed to be rehabilitory.

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2002 2 December :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: Okay
:: Music: "American Pie" Don McLean

Wouldn't it be wierd?
Why? So you can sit me here,
Next to Britney Spears,
Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs,
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst,
And listen to them argue over who she gave a kiss to first.

Sure, that's the way it goes. We all know that.

Michelle's out in the celerium. Not my sister, the one from school. Role playing, great. Bob Larson's book "Spiritual Warfare," says that kind of stuff is devil worship. Not quite ready to believe that. I do think it can have several negative effects on the people who partake in it. Another form of escapism, but one for geeks I guess.

Who knows what the poem below is about? I don't so tell me. I know what it isn't about and I'll clue you in if you want to guess.

Valves froze on Saturday and they did again today. Tighe was so amazed that I could get mine working that he made me blow through his horn to get his unfroze as well. Like I tell everybody, I'm a warm person. That's why all the honies cuddle up to me when they get cold.

I've got a concert tomorrow and I've got to find a place to buy a black cumberbun.

Friday night made me realize how much I absolutely hat electric guitars. Their so loose and uncontrolled. Perhaps I just haven't played on one long enough that I can no longer get good tone out of them.

I'm really looking forward to all the free time I'll have next semester. Or as I could say, all the free time waiting to be taken up by softball.

My history professor canceled class this morning. I bet he didn't have our papers done.

To quote: "I wish I had a good girl to miss me."

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I could do with my life. I guess I could do a lot of things. I even thought of maybe getting a CDL this summer so I can haul. I just want to do something unique. And since I don't really have much tying me down except school, I could do pretty much whatever I wanted. But I'm not a man of extreme action.

Always waiting for Him to speak to me. I wish I would. Maybe CPR tonight will have some answers for me.

The Lanthorn came out with there literary edition last week. I just read it today while I was waiting for my 10 o'clock to start. There was a good horror in there about a nuclear attack on campus. It kind of reminded me of Left Behind.

Played pool with Ken/Thunder/South, today (he goes by all those names). He beat me 3-2. Well, actually I beat myself because I was ahead in the first two games but I sunk the eight ball before I cleared the table.

I hope the roads coming home aren't too bad tonight.

I think my background and picture are getting dull. Should I change them? Let me know.

Any more random thoughts?

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2002 2 December :: 11.26am

And the tossel of her hair makes me think,
What would it be like?
To feel it to touch it,
To touch her and feel her,
Hold her close to me,
Our hearts as one,
Our minds as one,
Our beings as one.
And yet the dream is only a dream.
Reality begins with each new day.
The knowledge that waht you seek is so close,
Yet so very far away.
And no matter how far you walk on the beach,
That perfect sunset will forever escape you.
And with it, reality surrenders itself to dreams.

:: 2002 26 November :: 12.10pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "Picture" Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow

Weight
Weight, weight, weight. That's all anybody is talking about. "I might feel better about myself if I lost weight." "Everyone hates me because I'm too fat." "I need to lose weight to feel good about myself." "I may be anorexic."

Guess what? I don't buy into it. My insecurites about the opposite sex are not because I am ashamed of how I look. Honestly I could care less. Weight is not a big thing for me. When I become so overweight that I come to a point where it is a problem to my health, then it becomes a problem. I get regular exercise, granted I don't eat a blanced diet, but really what's the problem? The problem is that our society tells us that we should be ashamed if we are not normal. Well guess what, fat people are normal. Why do we let skinny people run our lives? I constantly joke about it in marching band. I consistently skip to my sets, everybody laughs. My response is "Haven't you ever seen a fat man skip before?" I am perfectly comfortable with who I am. In fact I think that losing weight would make me be a completely different person than I am right now. I think that I would have less confidence in myself. So when I feel the need to scale back, which I do, then I will. But my weight or your weight has nothing to do with how I see you or how I see myself.

2 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2002 25 November :: 11.06am
:: Mood: hhmmm
:: Music: "Whistle" The WalMart SMiley Face

Life
Well, I'm sitting here watching this amazingly beautiful girl play pool. Long curly hair, and just perfect. Knowing that it will never be attained. Kind of like Brenda was never attained. I thought she was exquisite too, but I just didn't have enough guts to tell her that. But somehow it's those girls that I am intimidated by. The girls who I don't think are my equal. However I have no problems with those who seem inferior to me. Intellectually at least. I mean it's a mean thing to say, but almost all of the girls that I have been close to be in a relationship with are or were intellectually inferior to me. Perhaps it's just that I don't feel intimidated by them. It's a bad statement on me at least.

So she leaves work just like she left work last Sunday. Didn't say good bye, didn't say anything. I don't know if it was because she thought that I didn't want to talk to her or what but... . Honestly I don't care anymore. I haven't been eating hardly at all, sleeping even less. I make it through today and I don't have to come back until Saturday. Which means I get to sleep. So now i have to go study for a psych exam that I am destined to fail.

3 Kiss Asses | Kiss My Ass

:: 2002 24 November :: 7.30pm
:: Mood: woot!

today was fun fun fun! after church alice, josh, dylan and i went ice skating in rosa parks. i love it there. it was like, the world was going around all around us, but where we were, time was stopped and it was just pure fun. it was great. sooo... i didn't go to jam time, i would have been late anyways. oh well. night night :)

:: 2002 24 November :: 1.01am
:: Mood: silly

i love it when i can relive band camp without crying. i've been talking to roger w. all night and it's been so fun talking about camp and people and sending pictures and laughing. i miss him. he was one of my favorite kids from camp this year. i went to bean's for a while tonight and i think after church tomorrow, i'm going ice skating with josh, gangles and maybe dylan. that should be loads of fun. woot woot :) i'm in a good mood thanks to roger w. gotta love that kid. hope everybody had fun tonight :)

:: 2002 23 November :: 1.43pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: i have a great FUZZY LOGIC song stuck in my head!!

stranded at the high school, waiting for a ride....
my life is so blah now. i need something to spice it up a little. something new and fresh. hmmm.. maybe a new friend. i'm thinking of one person that i'd really like to get to know, but it's hard. yet, it seems to be somewhat intreaguing as well as fun. life just seems to be the same old same old thing. boring! ugh... last night was pretty fun. yesterday i spent the day up at CMU's instrumental workshop. woot. i met the professer of flute and she said she would give me a few lessons before college. i also saw george davis from camp and dr. dove :) then when i got home roman, josh and gangles came over and we all went to the play. which by the way was very good. :) then dylan, josh, gangles and i went back to josh's and watched a movie. dylan fell asleep. i fell asleep. some party that was. oh well. mom picked me up and i went to bed. i officially have nothing to do today which feels so good!!!!! i got to SLEEP IN... which is very rare. heh. hmm..... oh well, i have some thoughts, but for now, i'll keep them to myself. have a fun day!

:: 2002 19 November :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: eh
:: Music: i have cannon in d stuck in my head

eh...i never feel like writing anymore. too much work..i'm a lazy ass.

:: 2002 18 November :: 9.36pm
:: Mood: gloomy

back to normal life today. i lived in the best fantisy world all weekend. i wish...this is the ultimate wish, i wish that i could move up to CMU and everyone from wolverine would be there and i would be in a band with all the people that were there this weekend. wow...what a life i would have. it would be THE BEST!! but it won't happen. only in my dreams.... if only.... if only....

:: 2002 17 November :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: wow

wow
wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow
wowowowowowowowowowowo
wowowowowowowowow
wow

this was seariously the BEST weekend of my life. it was so incredable i can't even describe it. i went to CMU's honers band. wow... i just can't explain it, or i would be here forever saying how incredable it was to be with the best high school musicians in the state. holy crap!! what a get away. all i thought about this weekend was music and i loved every second of it. wow.