Useless Ramblings

How do you accuse one of your frineds of outuing you to the entire class, with your own coming out letter? When graduated high school I came out to a few of my closest friends. While I was at the reuinion, I asked someone how they found out. She told me that she had gotten the letter I had written forwarded to her, with most of the senior class. Grr. I mean, I am out and everything, but still.

My record for the week: two dead computers and two stereos.

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:: 2006 17 August :: 10.32 pm

Take a look for Jason.

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:: 2006 16 August :: 10.46 pm

(Denver, Colorado) Just a day after Republican gubernatorial candidate Bob Beauprez announced his running mate would be Mesa County commissioner Janet Rowland the ticket is in "deep damage control" after Democrats released a transcript of a March TV interview in which Rowland compared same-sex marriage to bestiality.

Appearing March 17 on the PBS program ''Colorado State of Mind,'' Rowland said homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle. ''For some people, the alternative lifestyle is bestiality," she went on to say. "Do we allow a man to marry a sheep?''

She claimed in the interview not to be homophobic. ''I have friends who are gay, I've worked with people who are gay, I have utmost respect for them,'' she said.

But, she added, on the subject of marriage gays and lesbians should not be permitted to wed.

''Some people have group sex," said said on the program. "Should we allow two men and three women to marry? Should we allow polygamy, with one man and five wives?''

Democrats say the interview shows the GOP ticket is too extreme for the state. The Democratic party choice for governor, Bill Ritter, demanded Beauprez drop Rowland.

''This shows just how far to the right and out-of-touch the Beauprez-Rowland ticket really is,'' Ritter campaign manager Greg Kolomitz told the Associated Press.

Kolomitz called Rowland's remarks ''insensitive, close-minded, derogatory and crude'' and demanded an apology.

Over at the Beauprez camp, campaign manager John Marshall said Rowland had informed the GOP candidate about the interview before she was selected as his running mate.

"We all say things we don't mean sometimes,'' Marshall said. ''That's what happened.''

It is not the first time the issue of bestiality has been brought up by Colorado Republicans. Last year at a press conference promoting a proposed amendment to ban same-sex marriage state Rep. Jim Welker (R-Loveland) also raised the comparison, calling the marriage issue "a line in the sand".

"A year and a half ago a lady in India married her dog," Welker said, referring to the marriage of a 9-year-old girl who married a stray dog in 2003 as part of a ritual to ward off an evil spell.

Republican political analyst Katy Atkinson of Denver said it's difficult to measure what impact Rowland's comments will have on the race. She said it depends partly on whether key swing voters view Rowland's views as extreme.

"Coloradans tend to not like or vote for anybody who is an extremist," she said. "If that comment is used to portray her and Bob Beauprez as extremist, that's a problem."

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:: 2006 16 August :: 1.36 pm

100 Things By Johnny Hazzard
1. I am very lucky.
2. For the most part, I deserve the luck.
3. The nine to five life is not for me. I have therefore been avoiding it my entire life. As a result, I have been called one of the Ladies Who Lunch.
4. "Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life." - Dorothy Parker
5. It would be presumptuous for people to believe I live the life of a rock star even if, on occasion, it is an accurate assumption.
6. If I turned out to be far nicer than you ever imagined I would be, I wouldn't be surprised.
7. All of my relationships have contributed something valuable to making me the person I am today. I have no regrets.
8. When a relationship has run its course I have no problem with bringing it to an end.
9. Conversely, I will do everything I can to preserve a relationship that has promise.
10. My mother and I are very close. She knows more than you would believe.
11. Not surprisingly, my "coming out" story is a far cry from stereotypical. You can read it here.
12. I like to sew. It doesn't seem at all out of the ordinary to me, but people find it shocking nonetheless. One day I would like to have my own clothing line.
13. "Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges." - Bob Paris
14. Provincetown is my favorite place on Earth. For now I am making the best of Palm Springs.
15. Before I took on the burden of property I was somewhat of a nomad and followed the sun.
16. I hate LA. Never before have I encountered a place with so much to offer and yet the people still somehow manage to fuck it up by being brutally awful to one another.
17. You would be more likely to discover me having lunch at the Four Seasons than grabbing a quick bite at a food cart. And a drive thru is an emergency-only affair. I take care of myself. I have to. I'm Italian and my genes are working against me.
18. My tastes are expensive, but I am also a girl with an eye for a bargain.
19. The sheets don't HAVE to be 300 thread count, but if I can make it happen I will.
20. "Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain, and bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain." - Dorothy Parker
21. I loathe the righteous and hope to be there when their illusions collapse and they discover they're wrong.
22. Men smell best without help.
23. You cannot be brilliant without being a little insane; however, insanity is most often experienced by itself.
24. Even at the current level of technology, travel is a dreadful experience that I wouldn't wish on a dog. Sadly, there is much of the world I have yet to see and I am aching with curiosity.
25. My hillbilly name is Joe Bob Winthrop, but everyone calls me "Geech."
26. Everyone is prejudiced - get over it! It's the basis for the prejudice that matters. I am prejudiced against full frontal ignorance. So put me in jail.
27. There is something fundamentally wrong with people that don't use swear words. Come on, loosen up already!
28. Cosmetic surgery is about as common in LA as suicide in Scandinavia. I can't say if there are a bunch of botched suicides running around Stockholm, but there sure as shit are walking monuments to poor nips, tucks and lifts in every boutique, cafe and gin joint around here. Being in the industry I am it goes without saying that I wouldn't have done so well if all my genes weren't in the right order.....thanks Mom & Dad! It would also be completely wrong of me to say no to going under the knife, porn or no porn. I try to avoid playing the hypocrite. Far too trendy for me. Let's just leave it at "maybe" if all of my hard work and clean living aren't enough.
29. When nobody seems to know where I am, try looking for me on the fifth floor of Harvey Nick's London.
30. "The next time someone asks you, 'Hey, howdya get to be a homosexual anyway?' tell them, 'Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then interview, then the swimsuit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of them." - Karen Williams
31. Coco Chanel once told me that I reminder her of a young Helmut Lang. Well, it looked like her anyway.
32. People that get tattoos for the sake of it make me very angry; almost as angry as when people accuse me of the same.
33. The tattoo on my right shoulder, my trade mark of sorts, came about through a long, meaningful process as anything of that importance should. The whole story can be found here.
34. Airports make me horny.
35. Bus stations do nothing for me whatsoever.
36. I can go from a five course dinner party directly to a sex club without missing a beat. I don't, but I could if the mood struck me.
37. "Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace." - Oscar Wilde
38. The smell of Zippo lighter fluid is a big turn-on for me.
39. There is nothing anyone could say to me to alter that fact that I think Chi Chi LaRue is fucking fierce. And I know without a doubt she will never read this.
40. I can't type worth a damn. Yes, I hunt and peck.
41. The phrase, "I was wrong" is grossly underused. Acknowledging wrongdoing is one of the many things that separates adults from infants.
42. The idea that life is fragile is a load of crap. If there's energy and water something will grow. The same goes for our planet. We may destroy millions of years of development in a relative millisecond, but the planet will go on and we will be nothing more than a distant, unpleasant memory.
43. Good ideas never go out of style. The phrase "baptism by fire" comes to mind.
44. "If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to." - Dorothy Parker
45. I have always been very responsible with money. I take care of it and it takes care of me. In my teens I read From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsburg about a girl that ran away from home and took up residence in The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. The girl would collect coins from a fountain to buy food. Her little brother was there as well and when she found a quarter among the pennies and nickels, her brother commented that a rich person must have thrown it in. The girl immediately disagreed and said that only a poor person would throw a quarter in a fountain for a wish because they needed the wish more. It's true! People that have money typically hold on to it with the grip of death, while people of meager means are more apt to share. In the movie Beautiful Thing, when the main character's mother learns that her abused neighbor boy is in love she offers him a 10 pound note to buy a romantic present. When the boy refuses to take her money she says, "Oh come on, I had a good night for tips last night" and drops the tenner for him to retrieve. Generosity and wealth seem to be inappropriately disproportionate.
46. I hate people that insist on outlawing, censoring and prohibiting whatever they don't happen to agree with. They will tell you it's for the children, for the church or for the betterment of society, but really it's for THEM. Those people expect the whole fucking planet to bow down and operate within the boundaries of their sheltered and ignorant idea of what is acceptable. Here's a thought: Instead of marching on Washington to make sure your kid doesn't see a boob until he's thirty, why don't you focus your energy on the home front? Maybe then your fucked up kids won't fulfill their destiny to be burdens to society as part of the next generation of serial killers and child molesters.

Madonna doesn't expect the world to protect her kids. Not long after Lourdis came into the picture, Oprah asked Madonna if she was going to "teach her daughter about men." Without missing a beat Madonna replied, "I won't have to because I will have already taught her self respect." You go girl!
47. There are no bad human emotions, just poorly channeled ones.
48. Purity, like genocide, is an extreme. Hybrids are always better.
49. The taboo associated with the anus in our culture baffles me. Any man that hasn't taken one in the ass is a lesser man in my opinion. All mental barricades aside, providing penetration is far less intense than experiencing the penetration yourself. Be a man - get buggered! It doesn't have to be a cock - let your wife or girlfriend take the reigns. You're a fool to ignore such an intense erogenous zone.
50. You can never say you're a good top if you haven't taken one up the bum!
51. You can never say you're a good btm if you never played hide the salami!
52. My web master had sex with former porn model, Ben Damon, on the sofa featured in the photos used for this blog. It was in the lobby of one of the top celebrity photo agencies at the time. He made me include that fact here even though it has precious little to do with me.
53. I was the last of my close friends to lose my virginity. Of course, my friends were all whores...
54. "No one has the responsibility to be out to anyone but himself or herself. I made my choice a million years ago." - Lea DeLaria
55. I am not a politically minded individual. Yes, I have my beliefs and a pretty strict moral code; however, it seems to me that "causes" and "movements" in this country are a complete joke. One thing I really believe in is unionizing gay porn. I have a very sweet gig with Channel 1 and that is VERY rare indeed. Of course, such a union would also make it more difficult for complete ass-wipe flakes with half-hard cocks at the best of times to get work. Better pay for better work is what I say!
56. Once I saw a sign at a gas station advertising a lottery for a jaw-dropping 38 million, a homeless man sat beneath the post. Distribution of wealth in the U.S. is a grave tale at best. And as the most resource-gobbling, goods-wasting, war-waging country around you would think universal healthcare would be a given...
57. OK, so I do think about our world sometimes. While I'm at it, if I had the power I would ban the sale and production of Foie Gras; I would ensure the humane treatment of farm animals and GMO's would be presented truthfully to the public.
58. As you may have guessed, I am practically a vegetarian.
59. There a few choice slogans that can sum up how I operate in my day to day dealings with business relationships, friendships and the simple interaction one has with the parking attendant. YOU GET IN WHAT YOU PUT OUT. THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY. HONESTY IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY. And lastly...WHAT ARE MY MOTIVES?...wait...one more....HUMILITY!
60. The phrase "Big Things Come In Little Packages" is not just a lame clich�. I believe that every great complexity can be overcome by an even greater simplicity. Powerful things are often overlooked or forgotten because they don't have a spokesperson or an infomercial. One such thing is the gift of perspective. If you can maintain good perspective in your life you will find obstacles suddenly appear much smaller.
61. "They gave me a medal for killing a man, and a discharge for loving one." - Sergeant Leonard Matlovich
62. People seem to delight in asking me "what turns me on" like there's some sort of formula any boob can follow to get me hot. Physiologically speaking I don't have designated "hot spots." Historically I've found that some guys will drive me wild doing this or that because they happen to be very talented. It's all about the technique. Some guys are so bored by blow jobs they find themselves looking for an emery board to pass the time. I have had too many mouths like wet rags. I mean come on - these sheets are 600 count! Don't drool on like a St. Bernard. Why not provide some suggestions to your partner instead? Tell them how you like it and they will do it - trust. What gets me going? You tell me. What is your secret sexual talent? For all I know I could end up panting like a caged beast when you show me just how good it feels to have my elbows nibbled...
63. I sleep in the nude. Sometimes I am joined by my devoted teddy bear, Agosto. He wears pajamas.
64. If I were to study another language it would be Italian as my family is from Calabria, the "toe" of Italy.
65. Customer service is a misnomer, a myth based on facts long past. Of course, sometimes I do prefer avoiding human contact completely.
66. I prefer to be by myself....often!
67. Because of this I will take several days to myself - no phone, no visit, no way. It's selfish, but necessary and the people in my life have to accept that.
68. Stupidity should be painful - or at least expensive.
69. "Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves." - Dorothy Parker
70. Music is my friend. I do not have cable TV. When I get up, when I get home, when I get in the car - the music goes on. I play it all the time and I play it LOUD. I also love to dance. Dancing is a way to get it all out and experience an elevated state of existence. Music can bring me back to a place in my childhood, last summer, last Winter Party, it can rescue me from a horrible mood and stimulate me better than any substance I know. Music transcends language. It is so powerful it can be frightening. A simple chord progression can send chills through my body repeatedly - a physical response from auditory stimulation! Unfucking real!
71. I love a grill. There's something about the fire and the skill, it all feels so Clan of the Cave Bear. I like to take cauliflower and steam the shit of it then if you throw it into a food processor with just a touch of butter; it comes out resembling mashed potatoes. Snap Peas make a great side dish in 45 sec. Blanch a handful of snap peas in some water for 30 secs. then submerge them into a cold water bath w/ some ice cubes to stop the cooking. They are crisp and flavorful. Be a bit more creative and slice them lengthwise into slivers and put that over the imposter mashed potatoes and you have the makings for a great dish. It's all about the sides for me. My favorite way to go out and eat is sampling a bunch of Tappas or bar hopping and having an appetizer at each pub. Variety is the spice of my life!
72. As a fairy I would be called Tangle Rainbowfrost. I would be a fortune bringer that lives at the bottom of tangled gardens and in hedgerows. I would have multi-colored wings like a butterfly and only be seen at the first snow of winter. But I am not a fairy, dammit!
73. Everything is a learning experience and there is a learning curve to everything.
74. Enlightenment occurs when you finally believe the things you knew all those years.
75. In my opinion, the first mistake parents make is ignoring the fact that kids are really just pets until they're old enough to do chores and should be treated as such. Of course, parents of unruly children often have annoying, untrained pets as well.
76. I don' t think I know what love is. And they say if you don't think you do - you don't. I know what love is speaking of my mother or best friend, but I haven't felt the other love yet. I am not actively pursuing a career in love; although I am certainly open to it. There is no lacking of love, affection or close people in my life - quite the opposite, in fact. There are times I feel that the population of my inner circle is a little high and could do with some trimming. Of course, that is another story for another time.
77. Those big white lines that go from one side of the street to the other are for those of us who are walking. Yes! People walk and sometimes we would like to cross the street. What is it with WeHo? I have been around as a driver and a pedestrian in many metropolitan environments and never witnessed such absolute disregard for pedestrians. On the road I am very well-mannered whether it be on foot or behind the wheel.
78. "In a letter to "Dear Abby" a reader complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood. Her suggestion - 'You could move.'" - Abigail Van Buren
79. Waiting in line is worse than running out of liquor at a family reunion.
80. My bar etiquette is exceptional. Once that is achieved, everything else falls into place.
81. It isn't necessary to rush, but for god's sake be efficient!
82. For years I worked as a server in some of the better restaurants in Boston. As a result I know wine like most people know the NBC Thursday night line-up. Wine doesn't have to be expensive - just avoid the ones with water features in the names like stream, pond or lake.
83. In the category of beer, I like a Guinness to start. Just 1 though....or I will feel like I have a cavity and an upset stomach. Ales are my all time favorite, Newcastle, Bass, Red Hook...they all rock! Modelo? Is that a beer? I thought it was Mexican Sparkling water.
84. I love my job. Not only is the pay good, but the powers that be at Channel 1 have known each other and have loved and respected each other for a very long time. This translates into a close-knit family feel with each of our projects and even the day-to-day. I love that. It's always nice to see the same people over and over again, you build a relationship. You have ongoing jokes from shoot to shoot. I have been with them for 3 yrs now and never have felt cheated, taken advantage of, compromised or unheard. Trust me, that is a HUGE deal in this industry. As a business they have put themselves on the top and over the "Gay Porn World". I have traveled all over the country and Europe on this job. Club Channel 1 arranges appearances for me and others all over the place. I have been to some of the best parties on completely free rides by just agreeing to dance on a box. My job has perks.
85. If not the sole cause, greed and jealousy are at least the prime catalysts for most of the problems on the planet.
86. "If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism." - Oscar Wilde
87. I went to my prom, the second time I was in 12th grade. I was kicked out 2 mos in my senior year for very bad things. Upon returning the next year I decided that I should go. Not for any reason other than I wanted to wear a tux, not any ol tux, but one with tails - and a bright red cummerbund. I took an old friend. We had fun, we didn't drink or talk with anybody, we just hung out and were in bed by midnight. Separately.
88. I have broken two bones in my body on separate occasions. The details are here.
89. When people get to know me they are often set back by how much I differ from the persona thrust upon me by their imaginations. I'm just me, I have no agenda and that's the way I think it should be with everyone. We all get caught up in these roles and I believe it tends to hold us back on many levels.
90. On the subject of roles, I really love gender-bending because it forces people to look at something or someone differently. It's like live action hyperbole. I once read a feature on Nick Name in Blue Magazine and one of the things he said struck a chord with me:
"I have no respect for the gays that have come before me that kissed straight society's arse by hiding. They reinforced the idea that we are shameful. Kids are still mentally abused by society because there are not enough visible gay adult heroes or idols or role models. Straights need us in their face to be educated and gain respect. Young gays need us to look up to until they form their own identity. It's fucking ridiculous we ever have to "struggle" with being gay. Gay is sexy as fuck and fun as hell. Maybe we should be thrilled it's still taboo... It makes it that much more exciting."
As if I needed more than a photo to make me want to fuck him.
91. For all of those waiting with baited breath: My favorite costar to date is Tyler Riggz. I mean, up to this point in time. Dating him would require more fucking research.
92. As someone that is extremely sensitive to his environment, I have put a great deal of thought into lifestyle ideals. If I had my way about it I would live in Manhattan from May 15 to Thanksgiving and in San Francisco for the remainder of the year. Those are the only two places I have found that appeal to every facet of my being. In NYC you can go from Thurs night to Tues AM w/o a "where is there to go now" moment. I heart that.
93. "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." - Oscar Wilde
94. Inebriation is a misunderstood beast. Most people abuse or at least misuse substances and the rest avoid them altogether. Let's face it; the world would be a better place if some people would get lit every now and again while others turned it down a notch. Altering the mind is a good thing as long as you don't lose your grip on the leash. When I start to negotiate huge launches and my party chatter turns to concepts and formats I know it's time to switch to San Pellegrino. I know my boundaries and respect my limitations.
95. Speaking of limitations, I am very happy to report that the only thing about me I would change given the opportunity is my height. Well, physically anyway. That may or may not contribute to the next item.
96. When I first see a guy it is his height that I focus on. If the height is good, I move immediately to the face and chest. Not in that order, it's a simultaneous and cumulative scan.
97. On that topic I am constantly amazed at the things that turn me on about the guys I get together with. Stephen Hawking couldn't find a common thread! I guess that means I'm complex...
98. Everyone agrees that people in general are stupid as fuck; however, before you cast the stupid stone, make sure to acknowledge that you are just as stupid if not more sometimes. We all do stupid things every now and again so own your stupidity and make your judgment more meaningful!
99. "Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common" - Dorothy Parker
100. Most people have a specific event that changed their life forever. Mine came the day I saw an old acquaintance in a Cleveland chat room asking me to move to Nantucket for a "summer job." Nantucket and the acquaintance turned out to be duds; however, I moved to P-Town 10 days later, meeting people that would turn out to be my best friends and closest confidants. P-Town became the home of what I call my "formative years." My best years, worst lessons and longest laughs were had there. Those years shaped the man I am today.

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:: 2006 15 August :: 10.59 pm
:: Music: The Raconteurs: Steady, As She Goes

Your name is Bubba Ray Winchester but everyone calls you Cooter.

http://www.ticqle.com/wired/play/redneckname.asp

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:: 2006 13 August :: 3.11 am

Jason, "I know, Paul Hamm is going to fuck me in the ass."

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:: 2006 12 August :: 12.20 pm

So, yesterday was day 1 of the five-year class reunion. I walk in a half hour late (I thought I was on time) and there were only two people there. Unfortunately, one of them was a person that I did not want to see (Chris Arneson). Oh well. There was alcohol, which helped a lot. People did show up later (me, Katie, Brian & Melody, Craig, Coni, Kari & husband, Chris A., Matt M, Josh, Sheena, Amanda, Jess & Harmony, Jill, Tyler & Christy). Coni is a very amusing drunk. At one point, she mentioned that our kids would be cute. And there was a dozen references to us walking down the aisle together (for the graduation ceremony that is). Half of us ended up going to a kegger at Aaron Holm�s place; saw Noah, Pat, Cory, Dan, Shannon, and Matt Shook there. I ended up getting drunk for the first time since my new years experience in Grand Rapids. Did my first keg stand getting myself even more drunk. Had a girl show me her tits trying to cut her way in line for the keg, I told her that the cute guys beside me had a much better chance. She didn�t catch on. Forgot how much I liked hanging out with Aaron and Pat. I also forgot how affectionate Aaron becomes when drunk. Made for a great night and I think it is the first time I�ve had my ass grabbed by a straight guy, or maybe any guy? Hmm.

And Jason does not answer when you drunk dial him. Bitch.

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:: 2006 11 August :: 4.29 pm

(Orlando, Florida) Support for a fair-housing ordinance that prohibits discrimination against gays and lesbians has cost Orange County Mayor Rich Crotty the support of his biggest re-election backer.

The county Commission voted unanimously last month to expand the existing law to include gays. (story)

Last week Tom Hutchison, the chief executive officer of CNL Hotels & Resorts Inc., informed Crotty that he would have nothing more to do with the mayor's re-election campaign. He had been a key fundraiser and had served on the campaign steering committee.

In an email to Crotty, Hutchinson attributed his decision to Crotty's "favoring the absolutely ridiculous vote on legal protection for equal housing for gays."

"I am not interested in supporting candidates with seemingly zero Christian biblical principals on the issues regarding the alternative gay lifestyle," the email said.

After the email to the mayor became public CNL quickly disassociated itself from Hutchinson's statements, saying he was speaking as a citizen and his views did not reflect those of the company.

The statement noted that the company's own policies bar discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Hutchinson also issued a public statement to the Orlando Sentinal which the paper noted appeared at odds with the email he sent to the mayor

"I do not believe in discrimination of any kind, for any reason - period," it said. "I am thankful that this is a community that embraces the individual views of all its citizens."

Mayor Crotty said that he was sorry to lose Hutchinson from the campaign and that his views were the only negative comments he has received since the ordinance was passed.

Similar housing ordinances already are in effect in Monroe, Miami-Dade, Palm Beach and Leon counties.

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:: 2006 8 August :: 3.16 pm

It�s called triage.
You kept calling it murder when I did it.
__________________________________________
You�re the cum shot your mother should have swallowed
__________________________________________
TIMES WHEN THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE
"What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer
"Any fucking idiot could understand that!" Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!" Pablo Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras
"You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" Michelangelo
"I don't suppose it's gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers... my ass!" Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head!" John F. Kennedy
"Who the fuck is going to know?� Bill Clinton

_________________________________________
Top Ten Reasons Why Soccer Is Better Than Sex!
Number Ten,.......Balls are always checked for firmness!
Number Nine,......Periods only last 45 minutes!
Number Eight,.....Parents cheer when you score!
Number Seven,....Soccer is a legal profession!
Number Six,.........Protective equipment can be washed and reused!
Number Five,........Size doesn�t matter!
Number Four,........If you get too rough you get a red card!
Number Three,......You can score using your head or feet!
Number Two,.........Lasts a full 90 minutes!
And the NUMBER ONE, reason Why Soccer Is Better Than Sex!
You can juggle your balls in front of your mother!

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:: 2006 6 August :: 9.14 pm

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
Reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely, The Penis

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have
Raised, The administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:

You do not work eight hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
You do not take initiative.
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.

And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and
Exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

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:: 2006 31 July :: 8.00 pm

Myself, Jason, Michelle, and Andy in a chat, entirely weird outcome.

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:: 2006 29 July :: 11.33 am

ape turf

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:: 2006 28 July :: 1.04 am
:: Music: Eve 6: Inside Out

Case ID# 06-3855
Claim # 068934781

Is owning a black vehicle the equivalent of a black cat? I swear this truck is the devil. I mean how many times can I be rear-ended? How many times can I get broken into? How many wildlife creatures will try to commit suicide by damaging body panels?

Most of you know the previous installments, so I will only detail the latest in the Saga of Jimmy. At 11:08 PM CST, a pair of idiots happen upon a 1995 GMC Jimmy. This is not any ordinary Jimmy. This Jimmy belongs to none other than one Joseph P. Burgess. Well, our idiots believe this is enough reason to force entry into the vehicle. What our pair of idiots fail to realize is that Mr. Burgess parked Jimmy in front of his living room window. Not only that, but Mr. Burgess is sitting on his couch with the window open in plain view of said vehicle. Well, dumb and dumber go ahead and break the driver�s window. Upon hearing the glass break Mr. Burgess goes to the window in a state of undress and yells at the vandals scaring them away into the neighbor�s yard where they proceed to break into another vehicle.

Well, 911 was dialed. The operator was efficient and courteous, but not intelligent. 20 minutes later said operator calls Mr. Burgess back and tells him that police have searched outside and his vehicle is the only one broken into, and ask him to go outside and meet with the officer. Mr. Burgess is puzzled because said officer has not yet arrived. When Officer Chad Mroczenski arrives, he proceeds to prove that one must be of substandard intelligence to work for public safety. He asks which vehicle has been vandalized when in plain view of broken glass. After informing the officer that broken glass was the vandalization, he proceeds to open the door and look for further damage. When finding none, he slams the door sending what was left of the window into the interior of the vehicle. When asked for a case number Officer Mroczenski gets out his business card and proceeds to explain how it works and that there is a phone number on it. When pressed for the case number Officer Mroczenski becomes impatient and continues to explain how to use a business card and then writes the case number on the back.

Now that Officer Mroczenski is gone, Mr. Burgess puts in a call to Progressive. The entire time required to go through filing a claim is 7 minutes and 37 seconds. That is including going through the auto prompt menus and entering policy numbers. Why does it take less than 8 minutes to file a claim with an insurance company, but takes 20 minutes for police to respond?

What a fucking night. And I ripped my finger open on glass :-(

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:: 2006 23 July :: 10.23 pm

cockicidal maniac

By removing the head, or destroying the brain.

Watching a man get beat to the tune of Queen.

They say she started the world�s first interracial hardcore loop. Suck it. DP. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big old gash. Holy flaps. Loves giant root. Pipe or clam�It�s all good. Big old muff. Ropy old twat. Both holes filled with pearly white spooge.

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:: 2006 21 July :: 1.15 am

"You know, orchids are named from the Greek word orkhis...it means
testicles. It's cuz the shape of the flower resembles them."

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:: 2006 14 July :: 8.24 pm

Note to self: never use laptop when naked.

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:: 2006 14 July :: 4.15 pm
:: Music: Korn: See You On The Other Side

To change, and to leg numbness.

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:: 2006 9 July :: 9.36 pm

You shot dad in the ass. Are you happy now?

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:: 2006 7 July :: 11.08 pm

Kyle XY is a decent tv show. Now if they could only give it a better name.

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:: 2006 7 July :: 4.10 pm

It�s not about who you love; it�s about how you love. Genitalia is just God�s way of accessorizing.

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:: 2006 1 July :: 10.35 pm

Been awhile since I�ve made a semi serious entry. Went to the mud bogs today. Yes, it really is as hickish as it sounds. But, it was fun, especially the tough truck competition.

Finally decided to take advantage of the free ticket I had for Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Well, it wasn�t free, only the first $7 so I had to pay fifty cents. I must say it was fully worth it. It was one of those movies where you walk in not expecting a lot, but walk out not only pleasantly surprised, but impressed. Only saw two obvious flaws in the movie. One in a driving scene, which I kind of expected just because of the plot line. The second really bothered me. They�re working on a car. When they finish the mechanicals, they�re buffing on it and put on a new set of wheels. Later in the movie, they�re racing it with the original wheels on it, not the new ones. I was amused that there was a credit for �exceedingly handsome guy,� except I don�t remember anyone exceedingly handsome.

I�m surprised by the number of actors that aren�t shaving their chests (not that I�m complaining). Almost all movies that I can think of men had smooth chests. Now it seems much more common to see some hair. I like the distinction that the guys aren�t little boys and have in fact went though puberty. Although in the actor in Tokyo Drift is supposed to be in high school and looks to be in his mid 20�s. Oh well, enough ranting and raving for the night.

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:: 2006 30 June :: 1.51 pm

Eat me dammit! That�s an order!

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