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denation
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2005 4 November :: 12.58am
:: Mood: content
finally, a real (meaningful) entry
everything is good actually. no complaints. well, there are a few here and there, but for the most part, im happy. im on nights, i have my license, and im gonna have a car. and for the first time in my life, i feel accepted. a part of something. i feel included, and its a good feeling.
10 found the love |
Where is the love?
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m&ms487
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2005 3 November :: 5.58pm
I've been accepted to CMU. They sent me a t-shirt today. It's a very bright white. I like its newness.
So much as been going on lately. I leave for school in the morning when it's dark out, and I get home when it's dark outside. It's almost as if there was never a day at all. But of course that would be false, because even if I don't see it, it's still there, right? I hope so.
All state band auditions are saturday. I'm not sure I'm as prepared as I should be. I've been practicing between three and five hours a day for a little over the past week. My tone is getting a lot better (recovering from the horridness of piccolo). I'm still nervous, though. I guess I've talked myself into believing that it doesn't matter if I get in or not, but it does. It's one of the only things that I'll be able to do. I can't go to CMU's workshop, I can't go to CMU's honors band, I can't go to EMU's honors band. This is about the last thing that I'll be able to do where I'll be challenged and not have to play horridly easy music with people who don't know how to play their fucking instrument.
But I rant.
My eighteenth birthday is a month from tomorrow. Work will be happy because then I can sell lottery and tobacco at the service desk. As much as I want to kill people who run that place, I still can't help but fantasize that someday I could get a degree in marketing or something and be a higher executive than all of them and fire them because they're stupid. I don't think that they realize that they expect too much out of people they only pay six dollars an hour to. I see so many people there that are intelligent and should be doing something, but no, they work for a measly six dollars an hour and will never do any better. The waste of potential disgusts me.
Whenever I am there I feel as though some goodness, some intelligent part of me is dying. Everytime someone yells at me because meijer screwed them over I feel like saying "You know what? They're screwing me over too. I get paid fucking six dollars and hour to stand here and take your shit for them, and guess what, they don't care, even if I do get a manager and they listen to you and assure you they'll 'look into it', nothing is going to happen. You standing here yelling at me is doing neither of us any good, and nothing is going to change because frankly all that corporate does care about are numbers, their profit, how many defective items they can pass off you to, how many times they can screw you over by not pricing things and you aren't a number, you're a real person, just like me, and therefore, they don't care. So fuck off."
End rant.
5 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 3 November :: 1.10am
I'm lovin' nights more and more and more and more.
Where is the love?
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m&ms487
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2005 25 October :: 10.19pm
No more marching band. It can't be true! O the happiness.
Use another fucking pan. I can't fucking wash it out, remember, I'm the one who doesn't know how to do anything. I'm the one who has to be told to do something all the time because obviously I'm too helpless to think for myself. That's it.
Wash out your fucking coffee cups then. I might want to use them to make hot cocoa. HA fucking ha.
They have disappeared and it is so.
2 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 23 October :: 9.24pm
I'm finally done. No more days.
1 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 20 October :: 11.56pm
I PASSED MY FREAKIN' DRIVIN' TEST!
2 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 19 October :: 3.21pm
I'm gonna need all the luck I can get.
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 18 October :: 4.30pm
And it is official. Dennis Monroe is on the night shift starting next week.
And be prepared for my Halloween costume...............
3 found the love |
Where is the love?
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Tails
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2005 18 October :: 1.12am
Dresden Dolls concert is tonight...i want to go but i dont know if anyone will be going WITH me...so i dont think im going to go and its prolly the only time they will come to grand rapids in my lifetime.
8 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 16 October :: 6.22pm
I'm sorry it had to be this way.
Where is the love?
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Tails
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2005 15 October :: 1.24am
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Steadier Footing
it was then
I miss alot of things about my highschool life...i most of all miss the summer before junior year...and the summer after junior year...when life wasnt so fucking hard and things were kinda fun...i miss the way i was and the way i used to think about life and its hardships and its mysterious things...i miss the darkness and a way too early cerfew being enough to stay alive....god damn i miss my heart. and i miss my old true friends...the ones i dont talk to anymore because im always so tired or in class or working and i make up these lame excses when i know even if i cant move my muscles i should still call them to hang cause thats why friends do...but im afraid of how they might have changed without me. Do they still want me around at all? am i welcome near their new lives? a half a semester has passed without me in it....im sure alot of thigns and people and faces have changed...stuff cant stay the same forever. im scared
4 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 14 October :: 10.39am
well, the friendship that I had been trying to build back up is probably crushed now. oh well.
at least I have the sexified ladies down at BK to get me through it all, eh? *cough*AnneAllisonJanaCherieJejuan*cough*
5 found the love |
Where is the love?
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Tails
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2005 12 October :: 9.09pm
:: Mood: Scared
:: Music: creepy sounds from the attic
best time of the year
Anyone know of any truly scary shit going down around our side of michigan this halloween season? dont say the haunt cause everyone knows that i just want to know if there is anything else thats supposed to be scary as shit? if you know of anything please tell me...also anyone having any kicking halloween partys?
7 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 12 October :: 3.36pm
finally, a solution to the problem
Where is the love?
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