Tails
|
::
2005 18 August :: 8.13pm
Today always sucks when your yesterday never ended. Staying up all night until the sun reared its ugly head to welcome me into a new day of sufferance and delusion. I'm growing tired of my stagnant state. I'm afraid im becoming acustom to the feeling of pain in my stomach. I hate coming home, Yet im afraid to leave it. I'm still waiting for your word Derrik. and im off when i hear it.
IN OTHER NEWS. i packed up everything i own. except my computer ...it sits on the floor conneceted to nothing but the wall and my fingers. the desk is gone. the tv gone the everything gone. the clicking of the keys is so loud against the walls without posters....no sound....barely any light....and it feels good... im supposed to feel sickened by the fact that im done packing up everything i own and realizing that im really leaving. (MAYBE REALLY LEAVING) but god damn it feels good...and my dad is acting really nervous around me. I think hes starting to catch my drift....and thats a good thing. Im going straight to your christan hell for this but...i want nothing more than to hurt my father when i move. i want my leaving him to shatter his useless and terribly bruised heart...maybe if he used it a little more it wouldnt break so fucking easily...my ranting is done for the day and night my kids. i hate work. i hate dad. i hate the sunrise that never came today *smiles* rainy days are like shooting herion right into my brain...without the whole really bad addiction and withdrawl and fucked up mental function thing...love and hugs
~Tails
2 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 16 August :: 8.31pm
so under stacys reasuraing eyes...im packing up everything i own....so far its making me feel good cause i know it will hurt my fathers heart...and it makes me a little sad cause i keep rembering all the thigns that surround each item i pack away...but once im done...ill know if im truly old enough to leave or if i have to stay a while longer....im ready to find out. so here we go *turns around and looks at the blank walls* wow its loud in here now. ill post again once im done....new emotion.
1 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 15 August :: 1.15am
I'll try my hardest not to die alone. thats the only thing i think i really can promise anyone anymore. i cant even trust my own....wait now.....i .....i cant trust anyone but 3 friends. and i cant trust any members of my family. at all not one damn family member at all.i feel sick to my stomach all the time. ive been throwing up for the past 5 days. and i dont feel like i have a cold i just get sick to my stomach constantly. and i cant sleep. ever. i worked a ten hour day today...and i didnt care. i had no where to go. i didnt want to go home so i stayed an extra 3 hours and helped to close tonight...i just cant call this place home.its not home when you feel nervous just being home. thats my problem. i just feel nervous being here. isnt that stupid as fuck? as soon as i come home i feel nervous. i think its cause of my fucking father....and my brother. my brother worships that peice of shit called my dad. he fucking defends him everytime i am mean right back. and my brother called me liberal. and i am i suppose but he couldnt even tell me the deffiniton of what he called me....hes a fuck tart. they both are. god damnit i just need to pick the right day to leave. im stahling.....and i dont know why. i mean i can just go...just fucking go....and im waiting. waiting around for something...i dont know what. fucking help me.
7 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2005 14 August :: 9.51pm
It's starting to get cooler out. That's nice.
I lost touch for a while. That was nice too. Fall is approaching; that makes me relieved.
This moth flying around my screen on the other hand is making me annoyed.
1 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
sputnik
|
::
2005 13 August :: 2.18pm
:: Mood: frustrated
The kids I am babysitting are being so naughty. They can't stop fighting. I need 4:30 to roll around a lot faster than it is. They are grounded to their rooms now and I do not feel bad in the least. Grahhhhhhh......
Parents gone all weekend. Yess!!!!
I'm gone all weekend too though but it still means freedom.
Grawk.. fighting again gotta go.
I wanna punch them. I already swore. Opps.
Where is the love?
|
|
sputnik
|
::
2005 12 August :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: lonely
I am so bored. I haven't visited Woohu in forever. I guess I just don't have anything to say. It sounds like people are having fun- and a lot of people are leaving. I haven't seen my friends in forever and I'm starting to go crazy. I'm starting to become a mess and I think I'm having fun at the moment- but I'm fucking up in the long run. Well, I've got to get it together for school soon so I hope this doesn't last. Or that it does in another form.
I'm severly pissed off I missed a Flogging Molly concert yesterday. And even more that I've got other problems that constantly need to be addressed. What is so hard about not going out with other people on seemingly looking double dates when your girlfriend isn't there? Especially since she has never met the people you want to hang out with in the first place.
Is it weird that Jas is one of David's best friends and I have never met him once?
And Jas's girlfriend calls David up and asks him if he "wants to go see tittys with her for her Birthday"?
I'm blowing thinga out of porportion probably but I'm a girl and it feels good. I just don't like being too trusting when all men are dirtbags.
3 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
m&ms487
|
::
2005 11 August :: 7.24pm
:: Music: Come around again - Jet
Today I wasted seven and a half hours of my life. Yes, at meijer (where else). I trained for credit cards today and did that all day long. It entails walking up to people and saying, "Hi, would you be interested in saving ten percent on your purchases today by applying for a meijer credit card?"
I got 1 yes out of about 150 people.
Do you know how depressing that is?
And even after that one person applied I felt I had destroyed her life because just maybe she would end up going into debt with that meijer credit card. She would be five or six thousand dollars in debt because she has a compulsive personality and she would lose her house, her car, her kids, her husband, and maybe even her cute little dog. I really felt like a used car salesman, that's the best way I can describe it.
Anyway, I'm all done with band camp and working fourty hours a week at the courtesy desk at meijer. About all the time I have is used up working or being with Rueben or going to band, or getting ready for band.
I got the Rotary Life Leadership Scholarship, it's $1,000. That will help a little bit, probably enough for books for a couple of years. Oh well, the cost of everything is going up, I mean, gas at $2.59. I can remember my mom bitching because it was $1.11. I bet it'll be around $3.00 a gallon by Christmas, if not the start of school.
At least it's green outside and it smells like spring from all the rain. Rain makes me happy, well, melancholy at least, that's about the happiest I get. I mean, yeah, I can be bubbly and blonde sometimes, but I am rarely ever happy or in a good mood. Everything just runs a lot smoother when everyone thinks everything is going okay. Then they leave you alone. I've figured out that much.
School is starting soon. It's a year of lasts. I've already had my last band camp, which I am not sad about at all. Soon it will be the last first day of school, last play, last Christmas vacation, last sping break, last prom, and then finally graduation. I cannot wait until that day. It means that I am one step closer to being a principle flutist in a world class orchestra or symphony. Of course I would settle for the Boston Philharmonic ;).
-pleasure is only the relief from pain; as humans we are in a constant state of suffering unknown to those who do not know life-
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 11 August :: 2.18am
:: Music: Less Than Jake - Look What Happend.
I'm Gonna Miss Ya Gurl
I've made up my mind...Matt Whetzel Is Moving to detroit...gone.....forever...if this phases anyone please let me know. ill make sure ill say goodbye to everyone before i go. i wont be leaving for a least another week or so. do dont get antsy. i still have to figure out a way to explain this to dad....(thats the hard part). you may be asking yourself "why dear god whats wrong with that super hottie matt whetzel...is he sick in the head. has his perfect hair seeped into his brain and rotted a hole?" no kids. its hasnt. and thanks for noticing im hott. i didnt notice...at all. HA. i just need a huge shock to my system. and a brand new life in a brand new city is a great hell of change. starting all over again without any worrys from my father...no more shadow looming over me watching my every move. no more dark force making me do his bidding as i waste away the first year of my adult life. fuck if im not mentally stable enough for this. fuck if i get shot in the gut by some random gangster...i dont care. im ready to live MY life.
10 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 10 August :: 3.46am
GOD DAMMIT IM FUCKED UP SOMEONE HELP ME DECIDE>
stop wanting what you hate just cause its safe and comfy...start wanting the true freedom you know you want. it wont hurt to leave that bad. he wont die without you. and you hate him anyway. hell get his money back so he cant bitch about that. if he wont let you buy the car youll find another way there. take it you fucking idoit. take it. fucking stop thinking and fucking go...
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 9 August :: 9.50pm
to stay or go. id miss a few. id grow a new. to stay or to go. im thinking go...
1 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 7 August :: 9.09pm
...im falling asleep and my stomach is sick. but its all in my head. good line. relates to fucking ever day of my life. i lay awake at night with a head full of images and random thoughts and problems big or small....i dont know. i need more sleep. i need more soliace.
2 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 6 August :: 2.15am
Bull fucking bull shit
Cedar Springs- The case against a Cedar Springs student who brought mercury to school is dismissed.
In May, 18-year-old Ryan Gorter brought a small amount of liquid mercury to school to show his friend.
Police say he then dropped it in the carpet and rubbed it in with his foot.
Gorter was in Kent County Court today for his preliminary hearing, when instead a deal was made.
Gorter apologized to the court and agreed to pay for the clean-up at the school that wasn't covered by insurance. That is about $2,000.
Originally, Gorter was charged with malicious destruction of property and possession of a harmful substance. He potentially faced 10 years in prison.
Can you say fucking bullshit. apoligize to every student individually on your way to jail. that sounds a little better...i cant fucking beilive this and we thought he was actually going to suffer. why do the useless dicks always win.
13 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 5 August :: 8.56pm
bfs concert is tommrow. and its gonna rizock some hard core cizock. im so fucking amped about it am going to have so much fun with liz and josie and kelly and myself...o and that other kid (kidding i love you *hugs*) god its gonna be awsome. bought my ticket today. and its sitting there waiting to be used for hardcore rocking action.
1 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 4 August :: 4.52pm
LIZ ARTECKI!!! call my fucking cell phone now ive got great fucking news. 616-890-7655.
3 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|
Tails
|
::
2005 3 August :: 3.22am
11 hours and ... 48 mins till my hair make over. woot woot bitches. anyone else scared for me ...im peeing myself right now. check it ouwwt!. anyway maybe its time for a whole me make over. new hair new body new heart new voice. get my hair changed up, lose weight, change my veiws on the world. and speak sweeter. what do you think?
4 found the love |
Where is the love?
|
|