tails
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2005 4 January :: 9.03pm
OMG, ever since school got out today i've been wanting to head back for tommrow. i mean i have to find out the end of that musical/movie. i mean what the fuck do they vote to pass the constitution? or do they decline. does adams ever get laid. does ben stop trying so hard to get him some. will america fight for freedom and independence? i have to fucking know so many un-answered questions *dreams of 6th hour*
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sputnik
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2005 4 January :: 1.13pm
Well, yes I couldn't take one hour of my time over vacation to keep up with the happening news in this here site. What ya gonna do about it?
I really am disliking this whole school thing and I'm really glad this is my last year. I think I missed everyone butam disillusioned by my regret of having to return here to see you all. I really am enjoying only one class so far and band really stinks like rotten garbage that no one will go near because there must be a dead animal of some sort in there cause it just is really really stinky.
I regret to inform you that there may be aslight change to my entries because I am bored with the old original way of thinking. I just think it really sucks. I will now randomly tpye words of anger or frustration with no intention of them being true.
WORDS OF ANGER OR FRUSTRATION WITH NO INTENTION OF THEM BEING TRUE.
there. I feel better.
Ya I'm crazy!
6 found the love |
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tails
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2005 4 January :: 12.13pm
:: Mood: giggly
:: Music: Stuff That Dosent Hurt My Ears
COUGH
omfg you guys i cant beilive im in the lie berry i mean its like a dream i cant beilive its really happening omg is that sam coming up behind me i think it is o wait dilly boy is next to me and that searh girl is on the comp next to me and then that one jessica girl is being her self on another comp and it makes me feel really seprerated from her i cant beilive it at all. wait this is a completly useless entry so ill change the subject to how much i love all these people. *hugs* i really do love all you guys so much hugs for all the above mentioned around me and all those i ever see. so anyway im typing with all the
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tails
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2005 4 January :: 8.49am
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: The Postal Service - Such Great Heights
Well, Im in Busen again...it seems like this is the only class that no body is really paying any attention in anything anyone is saying so i feel free to comment in my journal. but my neck hurts i think i slept on it wrong lol thats random i know. well anyway this class is rather boring and i really feel like throwing up i want some postal service lol. whats going on? anything happening with anyone after school anytime this week? im totally looking to make plans but not tonight and not wed. well hook me up with a line if you wanna hang or something and well just tell me how to beat the bordem of busen...
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Tails
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2005 3 January :: 9.14am
*falls to floor and shakes like the chinese chick from Full Metal Jacket* shooot me, shoooot me, shooooooooot meeeeeee!!!
6 found the love |
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tails
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2005 3 January :: 8.50am
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go
School
Hey, everybody. I'm in school like im sure all of you are and im dieing inside like all of you are as well. i hat this place so much and it makes me sick. or maybe im hungry *thinks* i dont know, either way my stomach is making a feeling that isnt normal. sooooo somethings wrong lol. well im in busen's listening to people talk about people and pretending to care. well i gotta go now afroe busen bites my head off cause he hates me soooo much.
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tails
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2005 2 January :: 3.34pm
:: Music: Shit Lets Go With Johnny Cash
well its sunday and i just realized we have to go to that fucking place tommorow i hate that place. anyway im not doing my chemistry thing till like 8 at night cause im fucking lazy. *high five for all the lazy people* anyway so other than that yeah i bought this comp game called NeverWinter Nights. It's pretty cool and i like it its kinda like an advance runescape that i pay for lol. but the sucko thing is nobody plays it online anymore cause its like a year old. so its fun alone but i cant kick anyones ass in a large group lol. other than that i wanted to talk about how i hate my job, so i hate my job. done, thats out of the way. whoever took brads money...give it back now you fucker. and the party was fun wish mishee coulda been there *shakes fist* stupid DEEEEETROIT.ok well im going now ive gotta go to that place i hate. no not school, no not home, no not the dentist, yes work. ~hugs for all
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tails
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2005 1 January :: 11.36pm
:: Mood: drunk
:: Music: My Own Voice
Follow Up For Idiots
The Guards are the hosts of the party the shells are cans of beer and the cars and boats being prepared for the next... well just tell me what it makes you think of
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tails
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2005 1 January :: 10.57pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Anything That Makes You Slit Your Wrists
Drunk
Tell Me Every Thought You Have On This. If You Think Its Shit Then Tear Me Apart I Need To Know If Its Good Or Bad. So Here Goes.
The Title Is
Warm Strings
I think that I'm drunk
My body feels warm
This must’ve been
What they tried to warn
These people aren’t here to be friendly
They are here to accompany me
On my way to
Inebriated dreamland
Empty shuttles of good feelings
They laced the floor
And I am begging to remember more
But the guards keep handing me bullets
The words slip out tired
Just like they did before
Begging for attentive ears
Your repetitive slurs are lost
The clattering
And the feeling
It’s great to stumble about
You hit the ground
You disappear without a sound
Everyone sees you
But there all abound
To hit it hard
The tears they flow faster
Then the dent in the plaster
That you made with your heart
Even though the words played their part
Now it’s cold once again
And you’ve lost all friends
Your bullets lay tattered
On the floor
Shell by shell you clean them
And reminisce on the pain
You hear in your head
All the stupid things that you said
Then you walk about
Feeling normal
Regretting the deed
You fall fast asleep
Until once more
Arises the need
To walk away
From all of this world
And the boats and the cars are all ready
To take you away, string by string
An incoherent puppet you've become
But it feels alright to be free
6 found the love |
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tails
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2005 1 January :: 9.57pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Title And Registration
New Year
I guess this is the new year....feels the same. nothings really going to change i mean i made a new years resolution, but like everyone else in the fucking world i wont follow thru with it. I have been working all weekend and thinking of when ill start doing my chemistry project....not now. i think ill cram it into the 4 hours i have after work before i fall asleep from lack of sleep. so i guess until then ill see you all on monday. wait, sams party was fun *cries a little* i really miss hanging out with you sam....
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m&ms487
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2005 1 January :: 8.07pm
Sometimes you can't always have what you want.
Sometimes people are going to hate you, and you don't understand quite why.
Sometimes people do things you don't agree with.
Sometimes you can't help what you do.
It's all because we are so much more complex than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes you just have to live with it and get over it. Sometimes you have to stand up and say something. Either way, we are all gone to die in the end. I know this sounds morbid; but who is going to care in another 100 years anyway?
1 found the love |
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m&ms487
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2004 26 December :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: "Vesuvius" by Frank Ticheli
Everything
It just doesn't seeem all that much like Christmas anymore. I think you need children to make Christmas magical. Other than that, people can just bring you down by being asses.
I've been working a lot lately. I have about 23 hours this week. That's a good $100 in my pocket. I really want to get transferred to another department, or find another job. I like my job to a certain point, and I know how to do it, I think it's just because I'm lazy, or I actually like to be home at night and get my homework done.
I got lots of good Christmas presents; a few books, good smelling things (lotion, candles, perfume..), make up, a tuner/metronome for my flute, food...all that kind of stuff.
We had my Aunt, cousins, and grandparents over yesterday. My cousin was hitting on rueben, it was so cute. He didn't it until I told him, too. He's quite oblivious to things like that I guess. I wasn't mad or anything, I thought it was quite hilarious. She's 12.
Jessie came and spent the night wednesday after my performance with Mrs. Spinella at Dollarville and my Dentist Appointment. All went well.
Solo ensemble is comming up soon. I really hate it. I hate solo ensemble, I really really do. But it's something I have to do for myself. One of those things that you need to do now in order to benefit from in the future. I just have a hard time taking criticism.
I have to work tomorrow and Rueben is comming over tonight again after he gets out of work. I swear I don't know what I would do without that boy. He keeps me sane.
School in a week. Don't want to go back, but I'll have to. It's just the way things are. I've been having dreams about institutionalizations lately. Just the general catagory, with specific examples. All very scary. I think I'm scared of being lost in the crowd...but I still feel safe in it.
Ah well, time will still pass no matter what any of us do.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2004 18 December :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: contemplative
What I learned today
Today was one of the worst days that I have had at work. It sucked driving home in the snow, I my stomach hurts and my legs are tired.
Today was one of the best days of my life, and this is why:
A few days ago I brought my santa hat into the band room so that I could wear it to pep band last night. I've had it for a few years and there are some memories with it (probably some that I would like to forget, but none the less are still there). Yesterday when I got to school, it wasn't there. It wasn't anywhere. I was upset, how could someone steal a santa hat? They're so easy to get, you can get them practically anywhere. I mean, probably even the gas station.
Today when I got to work, all the cashiers had on antler head bands or santa hats, or some such thing. I quietly thought to myself, "I don't have a santa hat to wear, because SOMEONE STOLE MINE!"
When I went up to the podium (at work where they give us our assignments to do for the day) Dawn, the SC (service coordinator, person who tells me what to do) was talking about how some of the cashiers thought it was stupid to where the hats and antlers. I piped up, "Oh, I think they're cute, I would wear one, but i'm not a cashier". Well, Dawn told me I could wear one anyway, and I picked one out, a Santa Hat, not well made, but it would do.
I wore it for a while, and when I went back up to the podium Dawn told me that I could keep the hat. One of the cashiers had bought about 40 hats and antlers for everyone to wear, and was going to let them keep them.
I had a Santa Hat once again, but that's not necessarily what made me happy, or made me write this incredibly detailed (probably boring) entry. I realized this:
No matter what form it comes in, you will always be returned what is yours, from a smile you give to a stranger, money you give to a charity, or from a Santa Hat. Mine just happened to come the next day.
I now have a new Santa Hat, maybe not quite as good as my other, but it will do, and it came with a valueable lesson. I do find it quite ironic, though, that fate chose to show me this using a Santa Hat, a symbol of the most giving and cheerful time of the year.
2 found the love |
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sputnik
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2004 15 December :: 12.32pm
:: Mood: incredibely depressed
D-Bag David
Worst F-ing night of my life.
He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't imagine lossing him. Actually I can- and it is very hot suddenly and demons are dancing around my feet.
I hate men. Sorry if we get pissed off because we don't want you hanging out with other sluts we can't trust. Sorry we don't like watching you rubbing up on other girls while we are there. Sorry we even bother. Why would you even ask if you know I'd be pissed.
I started off the relationship being jealous- you should have known this would happen. Don't be so f-ing surprised and retarded. Say what you feel when you feel it and other people won't have to worry about what you mean by your retaded facial expressions and such. Don't even think about doing anything on the phone. Pansies are not wanted or tolerated in this shindig-
Not all guys are crappy and retarded. Just the ones I happen to like.
Shitty deal!
Growl. >:()
Which advise to follow? Wait it out- let him do the talking- or introduce the idea of splitting for a while.
I have no clue.
Wish me luck.
So Crappy.
3 found the love |
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Sputnik
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2004 13 December :: 1.04pm
:: Mood: grumpy
Sorry I am the way I am- seriously
I feel really crappy today. I felt really grouchy yesterday and then today I was okay... until people started talking to me. I don't know why I have these bad mood swings but people take it way to heart. You should be use to it by now. Especially since I've been like this forever.
I'm sick of the imature conversations that everyone still thinks are hilarious. Grow up. The lesbian thing is getting really old too. I mean, girls are better than guys- but throwing the jokes constantly and the unseriousness (is that a word?) that we try to convince others with- it's just retarded now. It bugs me. There.
I'm just really sick of everyone right now in their own little ways. It's not like it's a big deal- but that's just it. I'm sick of dealing.
I hate band (Mr. Robuck) want to quit- but will miss Hubert way to much. TV Pro is just boring right now- and people being late on their projects and not getting any penalties is pissing me off. English is full of irritating people that linger on jokes that were semi-funny like five minutes ago and the material is Greek to me it seems. Lunch is the monotinous conversations replayed over and over with the change up of rolls every once in a while and maybe a variety of people cramming together at one f-ing table. And then there is BMMT where Ellie can't hear a damn thing I say and I have to repeat EVERYTHING and so I get short and sarcastic with her- but she is so nice and I always feel bad- but hten the next day I do it again. And then Current issues is so boring because If I have enough time to write something like this that is so detailed in one class period then you know something is wrong. And then there is Physics where you have to hear Mr. J the coolest teacher fighting with Mitch or someone else about stupid things like popsicles and the like.
I'm just feed up with school. I just want to get everything over with. The repetitive pattern that plans my days are sometimes interupted with work, which is okay. And then there is David and I don't even want to start there. And friends. Kahhh... I am exhausted.
I hate siblings. Only children have no idea how lucky they are. No one spying- No one telling on you for things- no one interupting your shower time in the mornings- no one reading things they shouldn't- no one to lock things away from. My parents would never go through my things- so I'm not sure if they are making their own assumptions or is someone feeding them information they should never even have guessed?
You know what's weird is when Brianna calls home- I feel really bad when she doesn't want to talk to me and she just wants to say hey to Katie or Mom or Pa. I want to feel needed. I want to feel like people actually want to listen instead of just being polite. I want to not accept things anymore. I want to get my pet peves out into the open and have no one be offended by them. I want life to be simple.
I want to do what I want to do. I don't want to feel bad about what occupation I want to pursue. I want to be done with college stuff. I want to be done searching for the rest of my life for someone. I want to be done with everything.
There. I'm done.
5 found the love |
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