today.. well me and joy got up and went to the art fair and there we saw alot of gay (but hott) guys.. lol like the entertainer guy lol that was funny omg he was hott!! haha than joy left and we went to the barn and dropped her off than me and my dad had a talk i hope i got to him.. bc i swear he been pissing me off and i couldnt stand it anymore. than i came home and lauren called and asked me to go to her house and take casper out bc she was in tampa so i did and i went there and omg it was so sad casper was SO cold he was shaking so after alot of seriousness and convinsing i got my dad to take him home w/ us until they came home. i think the only reason my dad said yes was bc i told him that if we didnt take him home id stay with him until they came back and i was about to.. even though he said he was going to anyway bc it was too cold for him to stay out and it wasnt right to just leave him there.. so than he said YES yay!! okk than after i drove my mom to walgreens and to a food place and me and my mom were talking... call me crazy but i think i saw or heard a sign from god.. okk hey ya came on the radio and it brought back memories.. good memories and than i thought about how those memories came into now than ANOTHER song came on i guess i kind of had a reality check... it had to do with some guy breaking up w/ his gf and saying like i dont want you back everything that happened is the past blah blah and my emotion just changed to being hopeless and i relized that i have to give up the fight and move on bc its a waste of time to just cry over a lie that never was and never will be. i didnt really cry it was actually a thoughtful time.. than AFTER that came the mya remix the wo song and then i cried... bc that was 'mariahs song' so my mom drove home and had a talk with me.. i spilled out alot to her alot of my feelings i never did that it felt wierd but i was kind of relieved. and she statred telling me that i had low self esteem and i dont credit myself enough... i think i give myself enough credit as i deserve which is none and i also believe that it is good that my esteem is low bc well.. i dont have anything to be proud of with myself i didnt stop mariah from killing herself and i should have seen her change in character and suspected something. but anyway i have this one feelingfloating around but idk where its coming from.. i feel betrayed and backstabbed a little i have an idea where it is from but im not saying anything until im sure of it. im going to bed i really want to go to bed early bc i am not realy feeling good.

3 Watched me as I | Fell