brokenmentality
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2005 27 May :: 12.16am
i forgot to tell of tuesday...
so i walk out to my car in the morning.. .and when i get in there's a rose on my seat. because tuesday was 6 months.... i had no idea when he got out there to do it.. but it was so sweet.
i have my senate meeting.. go up to my locker, and suprise.. there's a rose in my locker... im like awwwww.
3rd hour i walked in and there was one on my computer.
keegan picked me up for lunch, and there was a rose in his car... he then brought me to the park (where he asked me to be his girlfriend on the first snowfall of the season.... how perfect is that!..) where we sat and ate our BBQ snackers because we've become obsessed with them.
after 5th hour i found another rose in my locker, and then when he picked me up he had another one in his car. that made six... and it was by far one of the sweetest things i've ever experienced... awww.
we dont really make a big deal out of months and such.. but this was just so sweet, and half a year.... and even though so far it isnt my longest relationship... its my best relationship because i can FEEL the depth to it. all he has to do is squeeze my hand or merely look over at me while he's driving.. and im just overcome with this incredible emotion. but its more than that.... because at times i forget that keegans my boyfriend... he's more of a best friend. he knows my secrets, i can girl talk with him... and he LISTENS, only occasionally making fun of me, i can wear anything or look anyway... and most importantly... he just genuinly cares. thats what friends do... im just lucky to have a boyfriend that fulfills both roles.
today i went into kent city with his mom because he wasnt home yet, and we just gabbed the whole way there.... i had to pick up a skirt from alyssa, it was so cool. im just so comfortable around his family... i FEEL like im part of the family! that means so much to me ,that alot of times im just included no questions asked. just simple things, like they're all going out to dinner and she asks... well isnt erika comming? it just makes me smile is all... and i cana be giddy, im a teenager, thats my job.
UGH.. erika GO to bed.
"fine"
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brokenmentality
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2005 26 May :: 11.59pm
graduation tonight...
its hard to knowingly let people go. to see them for the last time as they go on their way... but i could be happier for them.
my best friend graduated tonight, and i couldn't possibly be sad for me and the reasons that I'LL miss him... but instead proud of the person he's become and IS going to become.
i cant seem to find the energy to get off the computer and go to sleep.. instead i'll sit here mindless for a few more minutes.
shelby graduated from pre-school today.... she thought it was pretty cool that her and keegan graduated on the same day. that little girl idolizes keegan i swear.... all the time its "keegan this" "keegan that" "the worm dance" laughs.... she gets a kick out of all the different dance stuff he does... then again so do i... giggles*
my mom and i got into it again about car insurance tonight... bahhh.. whatever.. i havent paid it for 11 months.. why start now, and why bug me about it?
well... i guess know is the time where i yawn profusely.. misuse a couple of words, and jump in bed.
i went to gorters for a little bit tonight.... *smiles. he's a good guy.
night kids.
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brokenmentality
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2005 22 May :: 1.43pm
ok erika.. lets try and not be overdramatic..
gahh i cant help it. i hate living here.
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brokenmentality
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2005 21 May :: 2.31am
yet again.. another long friday.
tonight wasnt bad at all though, metron was.. but metron always is. after that i went to lazerskate for our naplean dynamite late nighter... that was great. keegans dance crew came up and break danced, and vince and bobby came up and they rapped.. it was sooo fun.. had to have been the funnest night of work that i've ever experienced.
i just got home from keegans house, vince and bobby are over there... it makes me so happy that the 4 of us can hang out together, and its totally fine. that i can feel like just one of the friends or one of the guys is awesome... cuz i love those guys. when i see em' i just get all like awwwww then my stomach turns all over because im just so excited to see them..... im a nerd, i know this.
i have a lot to update.. but ehh.. whatcha gonna do right? im tired and we have a red flannel thing at the golf course early in the morning... bring on the.... errmmm... golfers? suuure.. that works. tomorrows gonna be jam packed... but im to tired and lazy to talk about it..
night loves.
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brokenmentality
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2005 19 May :: 2.03pm
chemistry can burn in hell.
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brokenmentality
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2005 17 May :: 11.05pm
stratford was good.
me and keegan were with scott wilde all day, and he's very fun.. i had never really talked to him before... but yay for me making a new friend.
the bus ride was nice, because we got to sleep and all that jazz, the play was good.. i kept half falling asleep through the first half.. but scott was too, so i didnt feel alone. in intermission i bought a ginormous snickers... that did it... i remember the second half, and it was wonderful.
the seniors...... hmmm, lets not go there. im sad. but very proud. a good combination i presume... i dont know.. today wasnt as bad as i expected.. its not like im not gonna see em again.. they're not dead, and if the only thing keeping us in contect was being in high school, then i guess we know now how shallow our high school friendships are dont we.
me and keegan were at gorters today... im very tired of hearing about the mercury and what a dumb ass he is. i dont care what anybody says... he's one of my best friends and i KNOW he's a good guy. the rumors can stop anytime now... its very annoying for those of us who KNOW what happend. i dont think i need to go on... its nobodys business... im just tired of hearing people talk so bad about him. there's nothing anybody can do about it now, and most of our parents grew up playing with it and they're fine.... we could have gone to school the next day. this whole thing is just a big over-reaction. i love him, and all of his real friends love him. thats all that matters.
im going down to watch keegan and his crew break dance tomorrow.. im excited to meet them all. sounds like a lively bunch... woohu.
bahh.. im tired.. i should try going to all 6 hours tomorrow.
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brokenmentality
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2005 15 May :: 12.52pm
me and keegan rented series of unfortunate events..... that had to have been the absolute dumbest movie i've ever seen.
i have to work tonight... bahh, but tomorrows stratford, and tonight is desperate housewives.. and tonight keegan comes over, and in the morning we wake up and leave together.... *smiles.
the tulip parade was so much fun yesterday... me and the girls had a blast running around holland. AND we were on some live cable channel, we're not sure where it is.. but regardless.. we were. that was the longest parade... omgosh! we didnt think it was ever gonna end! we thought it was over, then we rounded a corner and all we could see for as FAR as we could see was just people lining the road... PHEW.. did our arms hurt! it was great though... my mom, shelby, keegan and yancy came up together to see us. awww.. family bonding time...!
things are getting better.. its almost summer.. schools almost out, i couldnt be happier for that. this has been the hardest year for me. i cant stay focused... next year will be better though. i know it will. esp cuz its our senior year and so many exciting things happen.. with one year left why would i waste my time messing up? its time to start thinking about college and all the stuff that comes with it. i havent even SIGNED up to take my ACTs yet... i think its just a matter of... life happens to fast. i just need to make sure im ready for it.
im pretty sure after 2 years of CC im gonna transfer out of state. i really dont like michigan.. the only person holding me back is my mom.. well and shelby to i guess.. i'd hope to think that if i was (still) in a serious relationship that we could make that decision together to move... but i dont really like planning the future in that sence.. so i'll stop there.
hmmm.. well i should probably jump in the shower before spending 4 hours in a hot kitchen where by the end of the night i'll be covered from head to toe in nursing home food..... yay, bring on the night.
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brokenmentality
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2005 14 May :: 1.45am
hmm... how frustrating.
please... somebody comment something positive and brighten my day.
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brokenmentality
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2005 12 May :: 12.30am
i just called my dad at 12:30....
i've called him a total of twice now..
whats wrong with me.
god erika, pull yourself together.
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brokenmentality
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2005 11 May :: 11.41pm
yes.. i am a bitch.
im glad to know that my sorry little journal that nobody reads is able to reach so many people NOT on my friends list and create drama in all of your pathetic lives.
its pretty sad when i have to delete an entry from my journal because you are relentless.. we all have opinions.. do we not?
and what the fuck... im stereotypical? you SERIOUSLY think that it upsets me that we dont have "pirate hookers" on our senate? lyndseys one of my best friends... so first of all lay off the pirate hookers.... and second of all. i am OBVIOUSLY not concerned with that seems how i fit into NO social group. stacy cain is one of my best friends... but WAIT is that allowed? i mean i though that all terrible rotten people like myself only talked to the popular people who wear abercrombie and hollister.. oh YEAH that would be YOU stereotyping meee... thats right. so in all reality we're all just a bunch of fucking hypocrites.
except even though i AM after all a heartless bitch.. i apparantly dont have feelings. so you attack me for expressing a view.. even when my entry was so indirect that nobody knew what each statement was refering to anyways. funny how that works.. how in the long run you just look like an ass.
what i said was i have my doubts, but next year will work out.. because we had our doubts about this years group too.. and THAT worked out. so leave me the hell alone about a group thats "different".. dont TALK to me about not wanting something thats different. im dating keegan... we've got to be one of the most unlikely pairs OUT there.. but we work. so dont TELL me im stereotypical.. you dont know me. none of you do. lay off. seriously. LAY off.
im glad i've fueled a couple of peoples need to bad mouth someone...
thanks for proving my point guys....
i cant help that im defensive... just please leave me alone.
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charlessumnerthatsickfuck
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2005 11 May :: 1.47am
i've been 19 for one hour and 47 minutes. woohu
my present? i get to go to class from 8am-1:30. meh, better to be pissed off than pissed on.
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brokenmentality
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2005 9 May :: 10.14am
this weekend was so good.
saturday night... i woke up at 5 and looked over at this perfect person sleeping next to me... never in my life have i felt so content and happy. i'd wake up and find myself away from him and quickly snuggle all back up to him, softly kissing his back.... he's such a beautiful person. and it was such an innocent night, because thats how we are. perfectly content with being together without BEING TOGETHER... and i love that.
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brokenmentality
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2005 4 May :: 2.11pm
the symphony today was awesome. there was about 1,800 people that came out and it was just soo cool. it really is rewarding to see how happy just one simple concert makes them. for most of those people thats like the biggest outing of the year.
yeah.... it was great.
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brokenmentality
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2005 3 May :: 10.12pm
how dare that keegan charactor put me on hold...
today was so good.. right after school we went home and took a 2 hour nap. and when i woke up, keegan had dinner all ready for us.. well his mom made it *laughs.. heaven knows keegan didnt* but he had it all ready cuz his mom and emma left for emmas soccer game. UH when emma woke us up to let us know they were leavin.. she's like, you're candles drippin wax all over the tv.. and we looked over and the candle keegan lit on top of his tv had a steady line of wax the WHOLE way down it... we're like what the heck... laughs* that was short lived though.. cuz then we fell back asleep... i have way to many of keegans clothes! today i was wearin his shorts and a big shirt, and i probably have like 2 other pairs at home... my moms always like , does he have any clothes left! but its all good.... maaaaan i ramble to much.. but its ok, cuz nobodys required to read them.. so if they do and think MAN this girl rambles.. then they're the fools who wasted their time reading it. *smiles sweetly... woohu for fools and boring entries! seriously though... unless you wanna read about keegan, my stressful busy life, or worthless tidbits of fun information.... this is NOT the journal for you.
tomorrow we've got that grand rapids symphony... im excited. i love the symphony.. we're going with the senate to help disabled people get into the concert. every year they put on a concert for people in wheelchairs and mentally challenged people and they need volunteers to help wheel them in to the devos place since they'res so many of them. its an awesome experience... and it counts as community service hours.. so next year you all should sign up to go.. im sure you could go with the senate.. we encourage volunteering. next year i hope to provide a lot more volunteer opportunities through student senate. i headed up a commitee this year but we didnt do anything.. next year i'll have way more time to organize since i'll have an entire credit hour dedicated to student senate (ed ex with Mr. A) i guess thats what all the exec presidents do their senior year.. im excited. its gonna be a good year. watch out for us, cuz we're gonna hit you full force next year with so many new and awesome things. and if theres anything you want to see done, any type of event, let me know or one of your class reps know... cuz thats what we're spose'd to do, is be YOUR voice.. im so sick of people complaining about things that we plan when they dont even take the time to give input. let your voice be known.... hmmm, im not sure why i just went off on a student senate rant... but heyyy.. its late, im tired, and its alll good.
of course my cell phone would not get service anywhere... of course it wouldnt even get service in CEDAR SPRINGS... not like i'd ever NEED it in our home town or anything.. i was about to throw it out the window fer sure... gahh.
i got a lot of * you look cutes* today... the funny things is emma picked out those shirts when we went shopping together.. *laughs..* she saw the black one and was like aww that'd look so good, so i tried it on and it did. im gonna have to deal with the fact that keegans sister is more sylish than me! *laughs and cries...
im so excited for this summer.. we're gonna go to the beach alot. i didnt get to at all last summer cuz i worked EVERY day. if you go back and read last summers entries.. you'll see how depressed and tired i always was. i seriously broke down like every week because i felt like ya know it was the summer i turned 16 and i didnt get to do anything ever. sometimes i feel (felt) that i've been forced to grow up and mature to fast through things that i've gone through. but im a responsible girl with a strong head on my shoulders. i've got direction and passion to pursue a purpose thats been pre-destined for me by the power i want to strive to live my life by. what an awesome feeling. to know that someones always got your back, always got you covered in times of need, even if they're presence isnt physically visible. i've gotten better with accepting the fact that i cant do things alone... and thats one thing thats gonna make life so much more bearable.. and its gonna make me more able to fulfill a life that used to be so empty.
well kids, im tired.... *kisses*
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charlessumnerthatsickfuck
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2005 2 May :: 1.05pm
jessa's shower was gr8t. i won magnets for guessing her circumference, i was the closest next to marty. i was the only high school friend there...it was nice to reminisce about skipping class with jessa, while her mother sat there with a disapproving expression. Their place is nice, their couch looks like a good place to loiter.
i'm going up to alpena the 20th to "eat out" a chiness buffet. A bunch of my "churchy" friends have devised this brilliant plan. It should be a fun road trip. i'm going to stop and see a couple of guys from my floor here on the way.
i found out my floor assignment for next year(as a peer leader)...4th flippin' floor. arrr. the 4th floor is a QUIET floor. not so good for me. i can't watch the boys play frisbee from that side of the building :(. so i was t.o.ed for like a minute then i started to look @ the bright side, river front view, you can see the breslin center, the stadium, and some wooded areas. there is a Nice breeze up there. best i'll have legs and buns of steel from walking up to the 4th floor multiple times a day. it'll be good. i know a bunch of people up
there already. meh.
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