kate
|
::
2003 13 August :: 2.21am
Realize that I can never win
sometimes I feel like I have failed
inside where do i begin
my mind is laughing at me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we supposed to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Sometimes I can never tell
If I've got something after me
That's why I just beg and plead
For this curse to leave me
Tell me why am I to blame
Aren't we supposed to be the same
That's why I will never tame
This thing that's burning in me
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Betrayed,
I feel so, enslaved
I really tried
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I did my time
I am the one who chose my path
I am the one who couldnt last
I feel the life pulled from me
I feel the anger changing me
Oh god the anger's changing me
Oh god the anger's changing me
3 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 12 August :: 10.20pm
just got home from the movies with Brent. It was fun. I haven't seen him in a long time.
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 12 August :: 2.28pm
I don't think I believe in wearing shirts anymore. Unless it's necessary... like in public.
8 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 11 August :: 7.39pm
:: Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - I Could Die For You
I html-ized my journal a bit. Like it?
3 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 11 August :: 1.58pm
It downpoured for a little while at work today. If you eat corn, you'd better appreciate me.
Praise me! PRAISE ME!
4 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 10 August :: 8.06pm
:: Music: Smashing Pumpkins
My turn to ramble
I saw a commercial for these peanut butter sticks today. It's like Go-gurt except, it's peanut butter. You walk around and squeeze it and eat it like go-gurt. but... it's peanut butter! I love peanut butter, but I still think it's an incredibly odd snack to carry around and just eat.
I was really sleepy today. I thought I was over getting sleepy during the day, but I guess not.
I've decided I'm most comfortable, when my dad's not home, and I can walk around with no shirt on. um... yep....
Bitters: Zim, you have pigeon head, go to the office.
(everyone else threw a quote in there, so I had to)
My new theoryish is that love is not only a feeling, but a decision. I haven't been able to explain too well yet what exactly I mean, so I've kind of given up. Yes, there you are. Interpret it as you may.
My mom is the worst condiment spreader ever. Becky's second.
Only Neilee's online. People should get online.. I'm lonely and stuff.
Guess that's it. Now I know how James feels. I kind of suck at rambling too.
2 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 9 August :: 10.21pm
I'm talking to James..and it's not lame... s....IT RHYMES!!!!
kinda... err.... nevermind.
5 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 9 August :: 3.33pm
hm. it's saturday. what difference does it make.
2 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 7 August :: 4.30pm
according to my fellow corn detasselers, my porn star name is Jewell 16.
5 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 6 August :: 4.14pm
:: Music: Frontline Assembly - Replicant
I got so fucking burnt today. It looks bad. I can't wear a shirt, it hurts a lot. My back is all red... and painful. I think it looks more painful than it is though. Heh.. falling asleep is gonna be fun tonight...
5 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 5 August :: 4.55pm
So work was boring. I hate some people on my crew. Mainly the stoners. Blake is okay, but the others are... errggg. They keep saying "Pink taco, der har har, it's my favorite food, har har." I want to slaughter Ned. The weed must've reeaally done something to his brain. sigh.. nuf about that.
So .. I love Invader Zim.
4 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 4 August :: 8.31pm
:: Music: Gary Jules - Mad World
always wishful thinking
This song makes me feel sad. It's so soft and lonely. Makes me feel weird.
I had trouble staying awake at work today. I was tired because I couldn't sleep last night and it was also so boring today that there was nothing worth staying awake for. James.. you have to switch crews. Or else I do. I can't stand the borrredom of being with those stoners for 7 hours.
mm... *closes eyes* I think I'll go to bed soon. *opens them* I feel sleepy.
I'm rambling. Nonimportant gibberish... oh look at that, Brent messeged me, that's cool.. no one's online... wow, already 8:43.
I'm sorry, I'll stop wasting your time now.
1 you must really like me |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 3 August :: 6.16pm
:: Music: Bush - Mouth
Camping with Neilee, her mom, (Sue,) and her aunts was all right. Not tonsss of fun, but good I guess. Guess what Mitch? Our camp site had these signs that said "KOA Kamping." As in... camping with a K... woohooo..... Anyway, we met this guy named Daen, (said like Dan,) and he had the most awesome personaility ever. He had very short attention span and talked.. and talked... and was really funny. He was there with his friend Aaron's family.
Neilee and I also walked along railroad tracks and played under the expressway, yeah! We went to Lake Michigan and jumped in in our clothes. It was nice. So we also took quotes during our trip. Here they are: (you should read them.)
*sticks pole up Sue's ass* "Didn't think you were gonna get lucky tonight, huh Sue?" -Aunt Cindy
"You got sand on my sand shoes." -Neilee
"I feel like a cookie." -Kate
"I don't." - Neilee
"No, I feel like eating a cookie." -Kate
"Oh I thought you meant you felt like all soft and floppy like a cookie." -Neilee
"Yeah... kinda soggy." -Kate
"The cookies are just floppy and just kinda flopped." -Neilee
"Her big thing? That sounds scary." - Aunt Cindy
"I'm dying of hunger!" -Neilee
"Shut up, I'm cooking." - Aunt Cindy
"I can't believe you made a yummy sound towards my conditioner." - Neilee
"Geez, those litter critters." - Kate
"I like gum, not body parts." -Kate
*Neilee squeals* "That's the sound a dog makes when you step on their tail and stuff." -Kate
"We get to be violated?" -Aunt Cindy
*kid walks with net* "Bug catcher!" -Aunt Cindy *All of the aunts and Neilee's mom laugh like they're a gang of bullies.*
"Being happy is nice." -Neilee
"Our friend! At KFC!" -Neilee
"Lice infested hats." -Neilee
"It's just harmless stalking." -Neilee
"Our meats getting attacked by flies. How yummy!" -Neilee
"Pet peeves." *shakes fist* -Kate
"Your slimey eeriness infected my index finger." -Daen
"I'm sorry, did I make your eye feel infested?" -Daen
"Is that star moving?" -Adam (some other guy we met)
"No, but that plane is." -Aaron's dad.
"Golden Cornmeal mush, mmm, my favorite!" -Neilee
"I'm paying for these three." -Sue (we're at a restaurant)
"Get the steak and eggs." -Waitress to Kate and Neilee
"I like her." -Neilee
"James's wood!" -Kate
"What are you thinking about?" -Neilee
"Speed and quality." -Aunt Kimmy
"I don't have a ribbon on my boob anymore." -Kate
*Kate hits her head on hanger rack*
*Kate moans in pain*
*Neilee laughs*
"Smells like pencils." -Kate
"I'm going as fast as I can!" -Aunt Cindy
"You're stopped!" -Neilee
There. The end. :)
3 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 31 July :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: melancholy
mother complaints
K8 says:
are you there Gary?
Gary says:
Kate... did you need somethin?
K8 says:
depends. are you busy?
Gary says:
well.. i was gonna head up to bed, but i have a few minutes if you'd like them
K8 says:
no.. go to bed
Gary says:
are you sure? i'll probably just go play a video game upstairs
K8 says:
yeah... there's nothing you could say that would make a difference anyway. Goodnight.
Gary says:
well well.. that statement is just an invitation for me to ask whats on your mind
K8 says:
just... get really unhappy... when I think about my how my life can't ever be the way I want to be. I can never actually live out my childhood...
K8 says:
she hates my friends... she critisizes everything I like... she hates my music...
Gary says:
your mother?
K8 says:
she thinks I'm weird.. I need God... I don't know anything.. I'm only 14, I don't know anything... I'm not mature... I've got the mind of an 8 year old...
K8 says:
yes...
Gary says:
do you know any little kids? like... 3-5 years old?
K8 says:
no
K8 says:
yes
K8 says:
kind of
Gary says:
do some of the things they do just baffle you? like leave you so confused you have no idea whats going on in their head?
K8 says:
i don't know...probably... I'm rarely around children.. they annoy me
Gary says:
well.. the feeling you have with children is similar to the feeling your mother has about you
Gary says:
she has no comprehension of the music you like, no ability to believe that you can like the stuff you do and still believe in God and Jesus as your savior
Gary says:
she cant relate to any of it.. and that scares her
Gary says:
that's why she critisizes it.. she doesn't understand it... she cant
K8 says:
well it's taking away my life...
Gary says:
she will try and restrict you.. and its going to get worse before it gets better
K8 says:
yeah... I turn 18, it gets better.
K8 says:
and my childhood is already gone
Gary says:
no.. it will get better slightly before then.
Gary says:
yes, your childhood is gone...
Gary says:
you're 14, your not a child anymore
K8 says:
tell her that. she talks to me like I can't do anything for myself.. like I neeed her. To live.
Gary says:
that's how she wants it...
Gary says:
that's how she will always want it.
Gary says:
it gives her a sense of being needed...
Gary says:
on top of her not understanding a thing about you... she also feels like you're slipping away, like you're going down this path of unholiness. Its not true, but she doesn't understand that. She also feels like you dont need her anymore, and, being her youngest child, you are the last one she has to hang on to
Gary says:
when you leave, she has no one else to mother or baby, no one who will need her "to live."
K8 says:
although I understand it all better... it doesn't help. I'm still stuck this way.. unhappy... and helpless
K8 says:
I hate that I can't do anything about it..
K8 says:
I went to Justin's today.. I wanted his parents so bad. I didn't want to leave his house
Gary says:
the only thing you could do is to try and talk to her.... but its not likly to work any time soon. like i said, it will get better, but its going to get worse first
Gary says:
and as for Justin's parents... every parent has their downside.. ask justin, if he doesn't know of one now, i'm sure he can come up with one later.
K8 says:
of course, but they're still so much better than mine.
Gary says:
try not to dream about other people's parents, because its not really much of a possibility
K8 says:
i know..
Gary says:
mmm i'm not sure.. yours seemed to have raised a very fine girl to me
K8 says:
I did most of the raising myself
K8 says:
I'm nothing like them.
Gary says:
i know.
Gary says:
they let you drift... and i think you're much better off than your sister.
K8 says:
agreed.
K8 says:
I guess you can go to bed now.
Gary says:
ha.. i have permission?
Gary says:
:)
K8 says:
heh... yes.. you were a good boy..
Gary says:
i think you should go to bed soon too... i think you've had a lot on your mind and a good nights sleep would do ya good.
Gary says:
well, i do try my best for you
K8 says:
I know you do.. and I thank you. A lot.
K8 says:
Goodnight Gary
Gary says:
g'nite Kate.
Sitting here in silent tears. I just want to be taken away from this place and held forever.
2 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 31 July :: 3.52pm
I got 2 compliments on my eyes at work today, which I'm somewhat used to. It's still nice to hear though. They said they were "Freakishly blue and nice." Yeah... but I was very surprised to get a compliment on my smile. I've never been complimented on my smile before...
I'm goin' to buy a new bathing suit today. Then I'm going to Neilee's, I think. Then tomorrow morning, CAMPING!!! YAY
well if you insist
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|
kate
|
::
2003 30 July :: 5.58pm
My mom and I are driving to guitar lessons. Some guy cuts us off or something, I wasn't really paying attention, but then my mom starts complaining about him doing so. Then she waves to him. I said, "Why did you wave to him when he made you mad? Why didn't you flip him off?"
She said, "Because I'm showing that I'm an adult."
"Mom, that's only gonna make sense to you."
"I don't care. As long as I'm satisfied with myself."
I felt compelled to share this pointless story.
p.s. I guess work's not so bad. Not including the sun burn part.
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 29 July :: 9.26pm
So I'm taking up James on his offer of burning the CDs. (He wouldn't let me give him any CDs though, pfft.) Anyway, I have to remember allll those songs, so tell me a bunch of songs you know I like.
Heh, thanks for the help. (I'll be expecting at least 2 songs from you.)
well if you insist
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|
kate
|
::
2003 29 July :: 6.46pm
:: Music: NONE still.
Oh man. Today is just getting more and more frustrating. Apparently someone was looking at porn on my computer, (my brother no doubt,) so I keep getting all these pop-ups of half-naked or completely naked woman in... unpleasant positions.
At least work was tolerable.
4 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
kate
|
::
2003 29 July :: 5.28pm
:: Music: NONE
I'm INFURIATED. I just want to break something! I had 400 songs in Kazaa... I get on the computer today and they're gone. NOTHING. Not one song is there. Like I never downloaded anything. Apparently my brother came over to get us more space on our computer and guess how he did that? OH MY GOD, I WANNA SMASH HIS FUCKING FACE.
guess I'm getting a little worked up over some music.. but GAAHHH.. you'd be too. Especially you Joe, with your 1,000 whatever songs.
My music.... *sniffles*.....gone... all gone....
4 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist
|
|
