bathtub gin

:: 2004 9 October :: 5.30pm

Lamb smurfing rocks.

The band, not the meat.

:: 2004 9 October :: 2.06pm

Smurf, my life is boring.
I'm very hungry. I have a hunger headache. Yesterday all I ate were pomegranate seeds and two chocolate covered potato chips. And today all I ate was a piece of pizza.

Ben called and woke me up at noon-thirty and was all upset that I was asleep.

I'm hungry.

Yesterday was interesting. We had the Homecoming assembly during sixth hour so both fifth and sixth hours were cut in half. None of the teachers wanted us to get ahead of any of their last two hour classes so we didn't do much.

I can't think of anything really awesome that occured.

After school, it rained a lot.

Katie, Janina, Amanda and I went running all over the place looking for Ben because since Amanda broke her ankle, Ben's been giving her a ride home.

So speed walking through the rain, soaking wet, rushing through the senior parking lot, I looked for Ben's car.

I ended up taking off my sandals because they were filling up with water and I could walk faster without them.

Katie and Janina hopped on their bus and went home. Amanda went inside so her cast didn't fall apart. Jon and I chased after Amanda and her friend. I used Wessely-sensei's phone and called Ben and asked him if he could pick up Amanda, please and thank you.

He came, we were soaked.

I played Fable and almost fell asleep. Then I took a nap for what I planned to be 15 minutes and ended up being an hour.

My brother didn't want to stand out in the rain and watch the Homecoming game so I called Ben to see if he wanted to come. He'd never been to a football game at Rockford before.

Plus my sister and I needed a ride there.

Blah blah blah. An hour or so later, we're at the game and Ben wants to go home and watch the debate.

So Ben and I go over to his house, watch the debate for a bit, get bored, watch Red vs. Blue, Nick calls because he was looking for me and says he might come over, Ben and I play Turtles in time on SNES then Ben takes me home.

Nick, who has been following us apparently, pulls right behind us when we get to my house and we all hang out before Ben heads home. Nick and I talk for a while then Nick heads over to Ben's.

I go inside and go to bed.

Ben wakes me up at noon-thirty, tries to get me to see if Jackie's home this weekend, I'm too lazy and I go eat.

So here I am. I'm going to go find something to eat and get dressed.

I love you all.

4 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 7 October :: 10.48pm

I spent all of my very first paycheck in my entire life and my babysitting money and some of my "emptied the dishwasher without being asked" money today.

On something that probably won't be used and is just fueling capitalism.

I feel empty and drained now.

:: 2004 7 October :: 6.17pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: I Won't Share You by The Smiths

A Very Smiths Entry
I just listened to the last song The Smiths ever released. It makes me sad. I wish I was alive when they were together.

ZOMG!!!!11one! I got Meat is Murder off of Limewire. It's so awesome. At the beginning there's the sound of some saw blade and a cow mooing. Majorly awesome vegetarian song.

I love you all.

Heifer whines could be human cries
Closer comes the screaming knife
This beautiful creature must die
This beautiful creature must die
A death for no reason
And death for no reason is MURDER

And the flesh you so fancifully fry
Is not succulent, tasty or kind
It's death for no reason
And death for no reason is MURDER

And the calf that you carve with a smile
Is MURDER
And the turkey you festively slice
Is MURDER
Do you know how animals die ?

P.S. Another majorly awesome The Smiths moment, I just got one of their songs entitled Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others. I love The Smiths.

:: 2004 7 October :: 5.14pm

My brother and I are watching Aladdin.

I cut up my pomegranate once I got home from school. There are so many seeds. It's delicious. I don't even have to cut up my second one for school tomorrow.

"But you're so old."

I'm tired.

Who's going to the Homecoming game tomorrow? I'm thinking of going to tailgate too.

Today was a weird day. We had an in-class essay in AP Lit and I almost fell asleep writing it. It was also "back in time day" and I was cute.

Tomorrow will be an easy day since it's Friday and we have that Homecoming assembly about an hour before school gets out.

I love you all.

Toki	:: 2004 7 October :: 12.51am Shit. Crap. Fuck. I don't do good with staying up late. I need to sleep. I'll finish my paper in the morning. Screw it all. martini?

10 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 6 October :: 11.18pm
:: Mood: calm

Today was my last day working until January or later.

Nick stopped by maybe an hour after I got home (which would be 6ish) and left as I left for work (8ish). That was nice. I hadn't seen him (or the no longer red baron) since Saturday and I missed him a lot.

I was looking up how to cut a pomegranate (my dad bought me two, I had been craving them since 7th grade, that's five or so years ago) and I found out how.

The thing is, I actually want to sleep tonight and I still have to take a shower. Cutting a pomegranate is time-consuming so the pomegranate is a no go until I have time.

So maybe tomorrow. Which upsets me greatly.

Or maybe I'll bring a bowl to school. Hmm...

I apologize that I haven't been myself (happy and smiling) lately. I'm sorry if I snap/snapped at you. I'm trudging through some stuff and I'm worrying about ~~people things~~ stuff.

Pray for Nick. If you want details, ask me ~~tomorrow when everyone is there so I don't have to repeat myself a bajillion times~~.

I love you all.

goose

:: 2004 6 October :: 10.06pm

if you could group all the people in the world into 2 groups which 2 groups would you put them into? excluding political groups and relijious groups and the obvious male and female...

9 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 5 October :: 6.13pm

Oh my gosh...

There were these anti-domestic abuse commercials that they were going to run on some Canadian stations but were deemed too graphic.

They're the most horrifying things I've ever seen. I'm almost upset that they aren't running because I think they would actually work.

They're bad but they're good.

I love you all.

P.S. "...not bombs. Export your compassion and your generosity."

:: 2004 5 October :: 6.13am

Happy birthday, Andy.

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 5 October :: 12.39am

Speechless
I don't know what to say. Do I have to talk?

:: 2004 4 October :: 9.48pm

Ben got his proofs today and stopped by with them.

He looks cute.

We just hung out talking and looking at America (the book).

I forgive him for almost backing over me with his car now.

I love you all.

4 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 4 October :: 5.15pm

Ben almost backed me over with his car today. And I thought we were going to Mexico together. I thought we had something special. I let him borrow two of our SNES games.

I can't comment on anyone's friends only entries so sorry.

I'm going to the Homecoming football game on Friday and you should too.

Katie and Janina are going to the Homecoming dance and I would too but I don't want to spend my hard-earned money on it.

Mr. Watson, my Shakespeare teacher last year and my AP Lit teacher this year, likes The Smiths.

I love you all.

Toki	:: 2004 3 October :: 11.21pm :: Mood: okay I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile, who weeps when I weep, for my shadow in the pool can do better than that. martini?

:: 2004 3 October :: 5.41pm

The benefits of wearing a hoodie and doing laundry:

sock storage.

It's spirit week this week.

Tomorrow is PJ day/college sweatshirt day I'm pretty sure. That's my favorite day. I don't really have to get dressed.

♥

:: 2004 3 October :: 12.58pm

It's so sunny outside.

My rainbow maker is twirling at a mile a minute. You can hear the gears spinning.

It's a beautiful day.

sweetyas

:: 2004 3 October :: 7.51am
:: Mood: nervous

My grandma just went to the hospital!!!

:: 2004 3 October :: 12.26am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Yellow Submarine

So we went to see The Forgotten.

And I agree with Kelly. They ran out of something at the end and I think it was enthusiasm.

I was tired. Then I got inside and warmed up. Now I'm awake.

And I have nothing to do.

I love you all.

[edit] Boredom produces new layout! Story at 1:10 AM! Comment lyrics from I'm Happy by Socialburn. Lyrics on the status bar are the same until I change them when I'm not lazy. Background picture from ED, ask me if you care. Icon of a picture I took today of the flowers Nick brought me. Slightly modified. Words on the icon are from my head. Title also from my head.

[edit edit] I can't comment on some people's friends only entries so don't kill me.

:: 2004 2 October :: 2.37pm
:: Mood: meh
:: Music: This Night Has Opened My Eyes by The Smiths

Crazy Japanese invention of the day
The "Boyfriend Arm Pillow".

Check it out, yo.

What are the Japanese on that makes them crap out these stupid ideas that actually work?

It's made by Kameo which looks like a bedding company. They make kotatsu thingies and pillows and sheets and stuff. Then again, they've got curtains and rugs too. So I don't know.

They're geniuses.

Cutest pillows ever

I love you all.

[edit] They must be geniuses because I cannot for the life of me see how to order their crap.

:: 2004 1 October :: 8.40pm

Just got home from babysitting.

Didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would.

And it wasn't so bad either.

+ $20

Another step closer to 18th birthday presents for everyone.

I love you all.

:: 2004 1 October :: 6.19am

It's the weekend! Almost!

Last night I had to work. We did deodorant and it smelled so bad....

But we finished what was supposed to take 12 hours in 3.

And I got to smell that Axe stuff. It smells delicious.

Tonight I'm babysitting the nice cute kids next door that love me from 5 to 9ish.

This whole actually doing something and getting money thing is freaking me out.

I'm trying not to lie as much. I feel really bad because yesterday I lied three times about the same thing to three different people.

I love you all.

Toki

:: 2004 30 September :: 12.47am
:: Mood: pissed off

It isn't too hard to do, in theory. Why is it so difficult then?

I'm dissappointed in myself, honestly. Truly dissappointed and pissed off at no one else but myself.

Why am I such an idiot?

Eeeeerrrg.

Forgive me for the lack of update-age followed by a few rather negative entries. It's like...a dam kind of. Everything all blocked up. And yeah. The damn dam is breaking. I'm dying. Expect some angst here. Wooopie. I'll be ok in person though. People don't like angsty people. You're always "mad at this person" or whatever. You know? Assumptions suck. That's my deep thought of the day.

I don't know.

Find me a way to clear my head for a few hours, and I'll be a happy person. Maybe.

-Me.

martini?

9 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 29 September :: 10.35pm

Okay lately I haven't put much relationship stuff on here because, really, I don't want you all to trudge through my mushy/crappy crap.

But here me out on this one. It's mushy, it's gooey, it's disgusting but I just have to shout it to the world.

Don't read it if you don't want to.

[silly]

I was on the phone with Ben and we were both watching TV and half talking about what we were watching and something else probably but I don't know.

The doorbell rang. It was 9:30ish.

It was Nick. I didn't think he'd get out until 10 tonight.

Still on the phone with Ben, I went to the door and said hello.

Nick told me to pick a hand, left or right.

Indecisive as always I told Ben to pick one.

Left.

Nick pulls out some huge chunk of chocolate I was drooling over the other week.

Then he pulls his right hand out from behind his back.

Flowers. Beautiful, fantastic, pink, deliciously scented flowers.

I just melted.

I told Ben I had to go and threw the phone inside.

No one has ever done anything so spontaneously kind and sweet to me. No one has ever given me flowers. Chocolate, sure. One flower, sure.

But showing up at my house, surprising me with lovely flowers and nummy chocolate...

No one has ever done anything like that for me before.

Nick is incredibly fantastic and way too nice to me ~~sometimes~~ all the time.

I think he's a keeper.

[/silly]

I love you all.

:: 2004 29 September :: 4.24pm

If you call me and I don't call you back, I'm sorry.

My siblings can't deliver messages. Well my brother can't. So if I'm not home, ask for my sister and ask her if she can tell me to call you back.

I work tomorrow at 8. I also have to do my Japanese presentation tomorrow. I'm thinking of going to French club too.

I'm thinking we should have a Star Wars marathon when Janina comes back so she can see Star Wars.

blah de blah.

I love you all.

P.S. Sorry I was out of it today.

:: 2004 28 September :: 11.49pm

I just got home from work.

I'm too tired to do my paper for Japanese class so I'll end up trying to finish it tomorrow morning, bursting into tears and handing it in late on Thursday.

I had tons of time to do it, the fault is my own.

I'm covered in dust and dirt. Every inch of me aches.

Blah.

Worked for four hours tonight. 40 bucks. Rock hard.

I love you all.

Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 28 September :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5

Mind if i cry out in pain in frustration? Well I'm going to. Its my journal. Not that my crying will do anything....especially in situations where things can't be changed...you feel like theres no where to move.

I shouldnt of watched the movie. Its so...amazing...but i shouldnt of watched it. I shouldnt watch it.

Have you ever thought about what would have happened if you had done something a little bit differently? Of course... i think just about every one does...but i mean...wondering what would have happened say if you... snuck out of your house when you were grounded or in the middle of the night to see someone or something. How much of a difference would that make? Would it make you realize anythign new? Just cause more problems? Probably yes to both. It just seems like my whole life right now has become memories...what with the movie, psychology we are talking about the mind and memories and what happens if part of your brain is damaged and how you could lose your short term and or long term memories. Then of course i'm just letting myself be overcome by them. I'm at a point right now where even good memories have gone bad. By that I mean...they all lead to something bad and crappy eventually. This movie is getting me to think too much.

Yeah so... I think i'm going to apply for a college far away. I hope that one day i look back on how im acting and just laugh...and not feel anything. I hope that all this...all these stupid feelings and crap will just become something for me to laugh at. One day all of this will mean nothing. Right?

"I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind."

I like that. I think I'm like her in some ways. I'd totally do that and act like that and say those types of things...

This probably won't be up long...so leave comments if you wish. They can be anonymous as well...I'd like to see what you all are thinking or hear some advice or just any thing. Thanks.'

~Jackie

:: 2004 28 September :: 5.51pm
:: Music: Je suis malade by Serge Lama

Hey now, the straw dog's out in the street
I'm "writing my Japanese paper". 10 billion points for procrastination, yo! I have about an hour and 45 minutes to write it, I'll be okay.

I work at 8 but Mom wants to go in early (7:30ish) so we can actually get some stuff done this time.

I'm getting paid an absurd amount of money. 10 bucks an hour. And I work five more times before they're all done for the year.

Rock hard, yo.

The Physics classes go to Cedar Point each year. This year we're going on May 19th. That's our (the senior's) last day of high school. ~~Cedar Point~~ Away from school is the place I want to spend my last day. Mr. Nelligan said we leave at 5 in the morning and we get back around midnight.

It's like eighth grade all over again.

Except this time I'm going to go on more than one roller coaster (it was my first roller coaster ride back then) and I won't get dehydrated and throw up the next day.

It rocks because Kelly's in my Physics Concepts class and Ben's in regular Physics so they'll both be going too.

Rock smurfing hard.

So anyway, I guess I'll go do this paper so I'm not up until the crack of dawn.

I love you all.

P.S. Benjamin Arthur is going to a Maya Angelou reading today. I wanted to go but I have to work so I can't. SOB CRY HARD YO!

:: 2004 28 September :: 6.05am

Random
I've got a babysitting job on Friday. 5-9.

I work tonight from 8 until whenever.

I work Thursday at sometime until some other time.

I'm going over to Shayna's after school to practice for our Japanese presentations tomorrow and Thursday.

I have a Japanese paper to write either 5th hour today or tonight between Shayna's and work. Or after and be up until the crack of dawn.

Nick works today, Wednesday and Friday. He dropped by yesterday. Hopefully we'll get to hang out on Saturday.

I still have to choose what I'm going to wear for our stupid fashion show. I'd rather not.

I have a math test tomorrow.

I have a page to write before school starts.

I have a few things to calculate before fourth hour.

I'm trying not to procrastinate but the more I try not to, the more I actually do.

I'm now going to go get ready for school and pick out clothes to wear for our Japanese thing.

I love you all.

:: 2004 27 September :: 7.08pm

I made Nick's journal transparent. Even on Mozilla.

I rock hard, yo.

:: 2004 27 September :: 6.20pm

I hate being right.