bathtub gin

:: 2005 3 May :: 11.09pm

Perspective.

Angel_Bob

:: 2005 3 May :: 11.23am

Stayed home sick again. I'm trying to get better for prom and the play.

If anyone sees or talks to Jess, tell her I love her and give her a giant a hug for me. I'll be there on Wednesday. And I know it probably won't make her feel any better, but we're all praying for her and her family.

I love you all.

:: 2005 2 May :: 12.00pm

Stayed home sick from school.

Didn't want to but I want to be healthy for prom this Saturday.

And for the play next week.

Feel like crap.

Going to go get water and soup and read.

Hope your day is awesome.

I have to call mom and tell her that I'm not going to be at play practice. We're on stage all this week. Rock.

I love you all.

3 three drinks behind | martini?

toki	:: 2005 2 May :: 9.39am :: Mood: content I lied. This weekend was awesome. I said Saturday would be the worst, I lied. It was awesome. I love when things work out like that. :-) martini?

sandatthebeach

:: 2005 2 May :: 12.24am
:: Mood: annoyed

Who reads this? Anyone? If you do leave me a message saying you do because I'm curious.

I'm sick of people. I'm sick of life. Ready for a mini-rant???? Here goes:

I'm so fucking bitter it's great. I can't help but be bitter sometimes though. Why? Because I spent my entire life NOT whining and asking for every fucking thing in this world because life just doesn't work out that way. And here I am...fully aware of reality and accepting it while every other fucking person starts crying and whining and shit everytime they want/don't get something. jafio;duvbio;anrklsd;jfioas;hfidsjfkl;sjfksafjf;a
I'm sick of life. I'm sick of just everything in the goddamn world. Life is so dull and I don't want to associate with people anymore. I do....but I don't. I feel like screaming....that's what I want to do. Why are people so ignorant? Why am I such a hypocrite?

God I'm so sick of the world and everything that's in it.

:: 2005 29 April :: 8.57am
:: Mood: Poopy

This weekend isn't going to be fun. Tonight might be. I'll find someone to hnag out with. Plus, Sin City is at Rivertree now. So I might go there today.It�s at 6:30, so maybe I can get food after the meeting and run to the movie? It�d be fun, I think.

Saturday is going to suck more then anything, though. Here are my plans.

7- Wake up
8- Work meeting
10 or 11- Tech Saturday
4- Leave crew
4- Be at work (Gotta learn to be two places at once, I guess)
8- Leave work

After 8, I don�t know. I kind of would rather work 5:54-11. Maybe I�ll find out who�s closing and try to switch with them. That would make life considerably easier. And who wouldn�t want to work a four hour shift compared to a five hour? We shall see.

I also just realized that tomorrow is our last tech Saturday. That makes me sad, on top of being stressed. Jill hates me because I reminded her of that. Poop. :-( I love you, Jill! <3

Sunday will be good. It�ll be a break from the insanity. I�ll just hang out with the boy some. I�ll tell my parents I�m opening, that way I avoid church, get to sleep in, and avoid church.

Jill�s glaring at me. And that makes me sad. Don�t make me sad, Jill. I�ll write you a poem.

Oh Jill, Oh Jill
How sad your glare is
It looks like you�re constipated,
But I know that you�re mad
Don�t be so sad,
Because I love you so
And seeing you sad
Makes me feel bad
You have ducks on your shirt
So don�t be sad
Just smile
And grab a lad!

Okay�I really should do my story. Much love. Especially to Jill. :-)

:: 2005 29 April :: 9.05am

I hATE pATRICE
Patrice made me realize that i was writing my last bio
Patrice told me that this saturday is out last tech saturday
Patrice also showed me the two huge movies showplace got this weekend, and rivertree isnt going to be that busy but i get to die at showplace all night
Patrice is a poo head!

:: 2005 28 April :: 10.01pm

Happy birthday, Jackie. I was going to call you but it's late and I'm lame.

:: 2005 28 April :: 10.56am
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: NONE! GASP! I need music!

O
-|-
/\

That there is patrice.

O-}-<

that there is patrice sleeping and being lazy and not doing her paper.

Look at those arms, though. Patrice is a beast.

:-(

that there is Patrice sad because she couldn't watch LoTR with Melanie and Jackie today.

>.<

that there is Patrice angry at Mr. Curry for assigning that paper. And her Dad for being ultra-annoying-like. And her mom who is too lazy to go get Patrice's dirty clothes from her room.

:-(

Here is Patrice sad again because Ryan has to go to stupid tech campus. Stupid tech campus.

:-(

here is Patrice dreading this weekend and wanting it to go away.

:-P

here is Patrice disgusted and not wanting to go to crew.

:-)

here is Patrice slightly happy because Ed is on.

:-(

here is Patrice sad because Ryan can't come over to watch it like he was supposed to.

O.O

here is Patrice flipping out because she missed the first three minutes.

0.0

that there is Patrice realizing she has switched from "that there" to "here is" halfway through.

:'(

Here is Patrice sad that she can't watch Ed anymore because she's going out to lunch with her family.

O
-|-0
/\ -{-<

here is Patrice ripping her parents' heads off because she is very angry.

O
-|-
/\

here is Patrice saying poop.

sweetyas

:: 2005 27 April :: 9.44pm
:: Mood: pessimistic

AP
Yasamin is stressed out about AP tests.
Yasamin's grandmother should come on monday.
Yasamin has an AP test on Monday.
Yasamin should go to crew on monday.
Yasamin needs to get 4's on all of her AP tests.
Yasamin will not get 4's unless she studies.
Yasamin can't study, mental illness or something.
Yasamin is crushed and will go cry in her room now.
Maybe study biology instead of cry.

:: 2005 25 April :: 9.13am
:: Mood: Tired

There was something I wanted to write about, but I forgot. I call it Melanie Syndrome. Don�t ask. I�ve been writing in my private-real-paper journal every night for a while now. It�s weird. It�s not all insane-depressing stuff too. And that makes me happy.

:: 2005 25 April :: 8.58am

work was poopy. I had to stay an hour late because 2 busses of girls showed up to see the 615 a lot like love and there was 1 guy at concessions so they threw me back there with him and i had to get popcorn for an hour. blah. Then i did nothing. I ate ice cream, it was good. (lol details, no. hahaha) yeah...library is a snooze fest. My short story is 7 pages now. im getting close to where curry wants us to be! yay! :) I just have to come up with an ending, which is impossible. But I actually like my story! its a miracle i know! we'll see though, im sure ill change my mind tomorrow. Im hungry. we have band tonight...oh darn no crew...psh!

:: 2005 21 April :: 9.29am
:: Mood: gloomy

I feel bad. I don�t know what to do. I shouldn�t be doing this. People shouldn�t have to deal with me. I�m not a good person. I know I�m a bad person and a bad friend.

Good news? I still love my shoes. And they�ve stopped hurting the way new shoes usually do. So much woopage on that. I�m wearing all blue today. It�s almost as if I meant to match. Haha. Imagine that.

So, I�m sick of band. I�m sick of getting ready for super state. I�m sick of playing the same measure 60 times over. And I still have two weeks left of this shit. Big time �Shit�.

I�m gonna fall asleep in gov.

toki	:: 2005 21 April :: 8.59am I'll get ze popcorn martini?

:: 2005 21 April :: 8.59am

My Happiness is a Golden Poem

sandatthebeach

:: 2005 20 April :: 8.26pm

SHUT UP PATRICE
I am sandy. I hate Jackie and jill. I hate everyone who's not patrice. I love patrice. We're getting married.

sweetyas

:: 2005 19 April :: 10.30pm
:: Music: washing machine

whatever
i'm just exhausted. I just lost a debate adn i have a shit load of homework as a SENIOR, a freaking SENIOR.

crew was fun. Red is slow. Campy is fast. Red is master. Campy misses crew. Interesting. I'm getting frusterated more and more now. It sucks.

Need a life. (whatever i like being a loser, no i dont i wouldnt be complaining if i did)

sandatthebeach

:: 2005 19 April :: 12.26am
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Moulin Rouge

Pencil Lead
I'm here. It's been awhile. But I'm here. I don't even think anyone reads this anymore. But I'm here nonetheless.

I think I'm emotionless. Why is it that I don't feel sad or angry or happy or content? I don't feel anything. I don't like it. I want to be either happy or sad. I'm not even content. I'm just...here....I hate being in lingo but yet I'm here.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I'm just kinda exisiting. And the thing is...I've been feeling this way for over a month now. It's not like I suddenly woke up one morning and decided that I'm gonna be emotionless. I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I'm looking for...I'm just kinda....here.

Is there something wrong with me? ::Sigh:: I don't want to sound pessimisstic because the only thing I ever say in this journal is about how pissed I am at life and shit. I just....I don't know! I'm frustrated because I'm discontent with life. I've lost all motivation to care....I feel no emotion...or am I the exact opposite? Am I too emotional that I can't even decipher what emotion it is that I'm feeling? They should have a drink that relieves stress...like something I can grab at Caribou. You know, rather than a cup of coffee to get my source of caffeine...I could grab a cup of coffee with some kind of stress reliever so I can feel refreshed.

I feel kinda dirty....but it's only been about an hour and half since I took my shower.

I don't know....I'm just rambling now.

I'd better get back to work.

Always, Sandy

:: 2005 16 April :: 9.49am

Nick's grandfather passed away last night.

I'm in Chicago. I have the cell if any of you want to reach me.

I love you all.

toki	:: 2005 15 April :: 8.29am :: Mood: Sickly Poop. this is a weird week. I'm a mess and i have no idea why. Don't you hate when that happens? 2 three drinks behind \| martini?

Angel_Bob

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.59pm

Nick's grandfather has lung cancer, I probably mentioned that a few times. He had a lung removed a while ago. He was okay.

Then they found out that the cancer had spread to most of, if not all of his organs. They said he had about a year.

Last week, he went into the hospital with pneumonia.

Yesterday, they said that the pneumonia was cancerous and gave him a week and a half to two weeks.

Hospice came by yesterday.

So that's what's going on with that.

Nick's really close to his grandparents. He lived with them until he was about 8. And they've always lived right down the street.

If you're so obliged, please pray for his grandfather or call up Nick and talk to him or give Nick a hug or sacrifice a goat on his grandfather's behalf or whatever you do.

Thanks.

I love you all.

:: 2005 14 April :: 6.31pm
:: Music: Mr. Roboto

My daffodils surprised me. I've been waiting for them and I didn't even notice until yesterday that three had popped up. I didn't mess with these pictures at all.

The first couple I took through the kitchen window. Which is dirtier than I thought.

Read more..

I love you all.

:: 2005 14 April :: 8.59am

I hate being sick. Don�t tell Ryan that. I don�t think this is from him though. Poop.

I�m tired. I have a lot of make up work and I hate orchestra and I don�t want to go to the concert tonight or tomorrow. I want to quit fine arts. I hate it all. It�s the most thankless department in the school. Give 3 or 4 years of your life. What do you get back? Shit. Absolutely nothing. Because there�s someone that much better then you who deserves it more. You know what? Screw you. I�m sick of being a shadow. Only one more show, four more concerts and I�m done being the worst or second best. So I quit trying hrad. Where has it got me? Where has the hours of rehearsal and crew for ballad, razzle, and man got me? Nowhere. So screw hard work because nothing comes of it. I�ll be a four star thespian and all my friends will be up there getting everything. But I promise I won�t cry until after I leave.

I don't want sympathy. I blocked comments. Don't try.

sweetyas

:: 2005 13 April :: 10.12pm

A quiz!
You Are Cinderella!

Dignified and hard working. With a gentle and soft-spoken manner you have something many people don't. Patience. Even through the moments of heartbreak you're still able to hold onto all of your hopes and dreams. Bide your time; you're dream will come true.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

5 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 13 April :: 10.14pm

Can you do me a favor?
Please pray for Nick's grandfather.

:: 2005 13 April :: 8.54am

Being Silent is hard

Last night was so nice, not having anyhere to be or anything to do. Yeah it was nice, i scrapbooked, fixed my mp3 player, took a bath, and ate crappy food that was good woo! I dont know what to say right now so ill leave it at nothing...im bored. I cant come up with conflicts for creative writing so it sucks!

:: 2005 13 April :: 6.39am

Yesterday marked 10 months for Nick and I.

He stopped by play practice because he had to work at 5. We went back to my house, he left for work and I read some book of Hannah's and ate food.

He called around 5:15 and said he was going to work Wednesday instead so we could hang out.

He came over, we hung out and took a nap together.

I love you all.

:: 2005 12 April :: 6.34am

Guess how many.

:: 2005 11 April :: 9.21am
:: Mood: sad

Happy library week!!!
My throat hurts. I'm tired. I don't want to go to government or orchestra or band. Perfect day: Study hall, creative writing, photo, lunch, study hall, photo, study hall, creative writing.

I love writing and photo. I just get it the worst times of day. And study halls are always quite dandy.

My hand hurts. I hit a wall last night. Not the best anger management. I need help, dudes. Yesterday was the third time in the past weeks that I almost just walked out the door. I could do it too. I have places I could go. I'm almost 18. I have a job. But I didn't. Why? I'm not scared of getting in trouble. I don't know why I don't.

All my recent numbness has gone away, it seems. Haven't decided if it's good or bad. But I definitly am not numb anymore. I can feel. And it hurts, my friends.

My head is all swimmy right now. I really feel like I'm going to pass out.

This journal is insanely angsty. It always is. I like to think I'm not all angst...but look at me! Here I go again. Woo hoo.

Ok...my vision is getting all weird. I need to get a drink. If I pass out...I won't have orchestra! Oooh...so there is hope.

:-\

Eick. Even though the world is being poopy, I want you to know that I think I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I have alot of people who put up with alot of shit from me.

My head is in a woosh. So I'm off.