krazykelc1
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2004 8 August :: 10.50pm
haha background made by Manda =)
1 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 8 August :: 12.08pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Staind-Warm safe place
la la la
yeah well I don't think anyone bothers to read this lol cause its just a bunch of boring crap and no one really cares so I don't know what to write anymore..........yeah.......
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 6 August :: 11.47pm
New sn...
kels7216 --add it
So lay down...
the threat is real
seeing red again..
seeing red again..
chevelle
4 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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xonixieox
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2004 5 August :: 11.21am
ok well i went to genes wake.. and it was so hard.. i couldnt sleep since it happened..
the second i went into the wake i decided that i couldnt go up to the casket.. it was too hard.. then when i saw amanda being so strong and not crying i just broke down.. i dont know why i just did! so i cryed for the 2 and a half hours i was there basically... when i saw big gene and chris crying it broke my heart.
3 things made me really break down...
#1 was when genes best friend Ryan nelt down and prayed and then kissed Genes forehead! that made me lose it the most...
#2 was when Big Gene stood over little Gene and was rubbing his head and kissing him and crying! that was so heartbreaking to watch.. but i know gene is in a better place..
#3 was when Ryan and Adam.. Genes two best friends in the world nelt down next to Gene and prayed for like a half hour..
those 3 things were the worst for me to watch...
Amanda carried around Gens Duck from when he was little and that was really sad... but when Big Gene gave me a hug and wouldnt let go... i started bawling..
I even gave Lisa a hug (Gene and amanda's stepmom) and she hugged me and was like "im so happy your here.. Gene was so lucky to have Friends like you" i fucking started Bawling there too! the whole 2 1/2 hours were just non stop crying for me becca and lizzy! it was so bad!
i finnaly had enough courage to go up to the casket ot show my repects but i couldnt do it alone so Nikki Z came up with me.. i was so glad she was there because i coulnd do it on my own.. im so thankful for her.. and her brother died so she knows how it feels and she will help amanda throught this..
well im starting to cry writing this so im gunna go .. but.. i just want to say that that was the hardest thing i have ever had to go through in my life!
I really wanted to go to the Funeral but i couldnt get a ride.. everyone sed it was hard so i guess im kinda glad i dint go... maybe
gene is always in my heart
3 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 4 August :: 4.34pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: Yellowcard-Only One
I've made up my mind...
Now I just need to talk to him..
and I don't know what I'm going to say..
but that's good cuz I'm just gonna speak on impulse.. no planning ahead no thinknign no nothing.. from now on I need to deal with things as they come.. and no making assumptions or anything anymore.. NO ANALYZING no nothing.. I really need to stop.
and thank you to those of you who noticed before I did
krazykelc 1: you kno what i noticed
krazykelc 1: people dont hurt other people
krazykelc 1: people hurt themselves
krazykelc 1: if u dont expect too much from someone you cant get hurt.. its people who expect too much who get let down n thats how they get hurt
krazykelc 1: and u really cant be hurt emotionally unless u let urself.. cuz its not psychical pain its mental and u control your own mind..
its true, people only hurt themselves by expecting too much from others... if only people thought that way... then they would never get hurt
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 4 August :: 12.54am
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: Taking Back Sunday-New American Classic
you'll never be what I need
:-[ I dont know
I love him but I'm scared to give in to something thats just gonna crash down in weeks and leave me alone & hurt..
some say it's easy to believe someone when they are telling you exactly what you wanna hear.. well that only works the first time around. when you hear the same thing everytime.. it gets hard to believe its true.. and in 5 days it will be one year....
one year of trying too hard and holding onto something that was never there...
he was never there when I needed him... he only came when he wanted and left when things got bad
but he always came back to me.. and that's what made me hold on for so long. and everytime he returned it seemed he was more and more convinced he loved me.. now its been a year and I don't know what to do.. some say if you love with him then its worth any time you are able to be with him even if it does hurt.. and some say dont bother even for that short period of happyness..
I'm one of the people who believes you should take every chance at happyness you get.. because you only live ones and it's the times you were happy that you will always remember...
..and whether I go with him or not I'm gonna be hurting either way.. but for some reason I still can't do it. I told myself I would wait this time until I actually believed him.. but I don't know what to believe anymore because words just don't get through to me.. and I dunno what will.
2 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 3 August :: 10.03pm
:: Mood: contemplating..
:: Music: Yellowcard-Only One
I Love You <3
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
just go on and say it
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xonixieox
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2004 2 August :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: depressed
i cant believe it happened! its not fair.. he was so young.. im sitting here bawling my eyes out and poor amanda.. did anyone stop to think about her or her family... Gene was so young.. way to youung... i cant ewven write but this is what i want gene to here!
Gene,
you were like a brother to me... i used to tell you i wished you were my brother... becasue you treated me better than my own brother did. we even acted like a big family at your house with amanda and your mom! we would fight.. we would laugh.. and sometimes we would cry .. but we always loved eachother.. and there are SO many poeple who love oyu and miss you! i nkow you loved coming to your moms and i loved when you were there... especially when you got your liscence... that was awesome.. i remember emmes spoccer game when you drove me and becca around when you werent supposed to! i remember so many time we had so much fun.. even when you and amanda would hit eachother and then you would hit me.. and even those times will always be in my memory of how much i love you and miss you! so if you can hear or read this or whatever just know that i love you... and i just hope you are in a better place now! i love you so much Gene.. i really do!
Love, NikkiE
you
4 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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krazykelc1
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2004 30 July :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: bummed
:: Music: Led Zeppelin-Black Dog
Home from Maine...
it was fun. I hate vacation but I love Wells and I've been there almost every year I've been alive.. and it was good to get away from here for a few days and spend time with my family..
just go on and say it
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xonixieox
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2004 28 July :: 10.43pm
i dont know what ot do!! today i found out that gene had a heart attack and 2 strokes! its soo bad! im so scared for him! i have been crying since i found out and im not even fucking kidding! this is not cool at all.. gene is like a fucking brither to me! whenever i went to amandasa house me and gene and her would joke around and ghe would drive us places and just treat us like we were BOTH his sisters.. .not just amanda! i love gene so much and this cant be happening.. i wish that someone would just wake me up as if this was all a bad dream! now amandas just sitting with him in the hospital and theres nothing she or anyone else can do except hope for the best so please if anybody is reading this just pray that gene will get better becasue he is such a good kid and 17 is too young! its just to young! GENE I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! please get better... PLEASE! jusr please!
~NikkiE
6 you need me like a bad habbit |
just go on and say it
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