Emology

Emology

:: 2005 23 July :: 7.03 am

God I'm so tired... See you all when I get back.

:: 2005 19 July :: 8.46 pm

Yeah. I can relate to Allan today. I bought an extra large pizza today and paid for it all by myself, and had to share it with two other people. I wasn't happy. Anyway, it was a pretty boring day. I had work. Barely got to see Amelia, but was pretty happy to see her at all. She is starting to have quite the confidence in herself, and thinks about me while doing confident acts. That means the world to me. I'm very proud. Amelia's mom invited me to go with them to Porcupine Bay sometime with them in their RV. It sounds like it would be fun, and I have been wanting like this to happen for a long time. Night.

"Be happy about it...be very happy."

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:: 2005 18 July :: 10.05 pm

I forgot to ask, Amelia, may I borrow that CD I listened to at work the other day to put it onto my computer? I love you and had a lot of fun with today! Many more of those days to come... I'm glad you feel safe and able around me. I feel the same way, except when I'm talking like a martial art dork... But if you could, I need you to start criticizing my stances and stuff. It would really help me to have somebody from third person. Thanks. I love you.
Brooke, I'll write your letter sometime. Promise. Miss you lots too.

"Tim Man!, Here I come!"

:: 2005 17 July :: 6.11 pm

My weekend was pretty boring. Friday and Saturday I spent most of the day alone except for when I went and saw Allan's apartment and Jason's (my boss's) house. Because I didn't vacuum the house the proper way, my mom is making me do it tomorrow. God, she always just wants more, huh? I also recieved Brooke's letter! It was pretty awesome. I'll write back sometime this week. So, I spent a majority of my time watching TV and playing videogames. Amelia got back from Montana. She and her family really didn't have that much fun at the wedding though... Hanging out with her today was great though. I missed her. Yeah.... So I'm home now because I had to come home for dinner.....There is no dinner here.....weird, huh? I am hungry though.

"My hands are at you're throat, and I think I hate you!"

P.S. God my mom is a super bitch! Instead of "thank you for taking care of the house," I get, "Why did you do such a half-ass job on everything?" Ughhh... I'm never good enough for her. That's ok, in the future, she won't be good enough for her grandchildren. Yeah. Bitch.

:: 2005 13 July :: 7.49 pm

DO.

:: 2005 12 July :: 9.20 pm

Wow! Eight months. That is a long time. I hope we can be together forever.

Sorry Allan for last night, I left my computer at their house last night.

Sorry Zuzu about the CD's.

Sorry Amelia for not being Ok at the end of the day. I really did have a great time today. It was lots of fun. I love you and hope we have many more days to celebrate together. I love you with all my heart.

My mom, being the great person she is, took away a whole entire day for me to hang out next week just because of a misunderstanding and fifteen minutes. Ahh.... isn't that wonderful. Although, by now you would think I would be used to failing her and her punishing me. I wish she didn't see me as such a fucking failure. Fuck. Sometimes you just want to cry, you know?

"Look at David Bowie's pants!"

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:: 2005 10 July :: 7.18 pm

I wish it wasn't summer. Then I could talk to people instead of writing all of my stupid problems down in this journal...cause nobody really reads them or even cares. Why do I write all my problems down? Do I want sympathy? No... I give up bitching...

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:: 2005 10 July :: 12.18 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: I'm not Okay

Well this fucking blows. My mom is being a total bitch. The way the schedule worked out, I figured on the days Amelia is working M T W, I would be able to hang out with her three days. And then on the weeks when she works TH F, I would get four day. Well, apparently my mom said three days when she is working that week, and four when she is not. SHE WORKS EVERY WEEK, so I now only get three days a week, plus this week she already "took" two of my days away because they are going to Seattle Friday and Saturday, and she thinks I will hang with Amelia then too. The only problem is Amelia won't be here, so those days go to waste. My mom doesn't care, and says she really doesn't know if I won't hang out with her on those days or not, so there goes two day. This leaves me with one day to choose out of the week and it is now Sunday. She also says that when I go into work, I have to go in at eight o' clock until six to be considered a full day. I usually go in at ten till six, but apparently that isn't a full day either. So, to remedy that, she wants me to either go in at least a full day a week or two "half days". This is all so much bullshit. So my week looks like I either get to sit on my ass or go to work six of the seven days. To sum it all up, she can just go fuck herself.

"I'm trying to work out a schedule with you. (in my mind, BULLSHIT!)"

:: 2005 9 July :: 10.19 pm

Today was a pretty interesting day. I woke up fairly early and went over to Amelia's house and we looked up on the internet examples for our tattoos in the future which was a lot of furn. Then we took pictures with her crappy little camera. That was still fun too. We also beat Kareoke Revolution 3, which we got 2 days ago. Yeah, we're just that good...

I also got to take a short nap on her lap and eat a little ice cream. Boy, I can't wait until we can sleep in the same bed together for just one night. It would be so comfortable and warm...

I saw War of the Worlds. It was a really intense movie and I liked it a lot. There were a bunch of scenes where tons of humans were getting exterminated. I couldn't help feeling bad because I feel if I was ever in a situation like that, I would have to find enough power to save them all without dying myself. I can't wait till I have my powers back...

I also burned myself a hundred and seventy song CD with a bunch of songs I like. That made me happy because I was afraid after converting my entire music file into MP3, I wouldn't be able to burn it onto a CD with all the songs I wanted. But, it worked, so, yay!

Started to write up some ideas for a movie that Amelia and I want to make called "One Winged Angel". I think I'll get her to help me come up with more ideas...
I also want to make a movie about Mother Earth/Terra, where she starts to destroy the Earth's inhabitants for not taking care of her and destroying her. There will be a lot of large disaster's in it. Wow, there's a lot to do in the future. At least I have somebody to take it all head on with...

"High kicks, and uh, back flips, and uh..."

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:: 2005 8 July :: 6.36 pm

Woke up at 9. Ate breakfast. Dusted house. Did mom's work. Folded clothes. Left for Amelia's. Read journal entrys.Went to mall. Bought pants. Bought boxOrs. Ate lunch. Went home("home"). Went to Roseours. Ate fish.

Hanging out today was great. I notice more and more everyday how much we mean to eachother. I feel less and less worried all the time because of it. I feel like there will be a loved one to come home to.

I'm tired

"Wow! You almost made me drop my pants!"

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:: 2005 6 July :: 8.41 am

Wow, I dreamt about Amelia again last night. It is the seventh dream of her since Friday. I think my mind is making up for the time I don't see her by being with her in my dreams. I don't mind that...

I miss Brooke. I want her to write me a letter, but I'm not so sure she has my address, and I can never get to her on MSN. It really sucks because I think like we only have one more day to hang out before I leave and that just isn't enough. The other way I see it is if we don't fight that day, we'll be friends for a very long time! Yeah, I know I'm dumb...

I went over to Amelia's for my lunch break and Lauren was there. I don't think she likes me very much... The conservation seemed to stop everytime I showed up... I don't really know why she doesn't like me, but I think it might have something to do with helping Amelia with her self image, which of course comes off to her like I am just some guy trying to change my girlfriend into what I want. I wish peopl took the time to get to know me. I know Brooke eventually did and now we are great friends!

I'll stop rambing now. Nobody needs to hear my problems. I was just bored...

"That's what I go to school for!"

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:: 2005 5 July :: 9.29 pm

Hera, Athena, or Aphrodite? I choose Amelia.

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:: 2005 5 July :: 12.24 pm

Wow. Work sure is boring when you are all by yourself. Besides me, there are only two receptionists and one doctor, and I am left to work alone downstairs. Jesus it is boring. Anyway, the only other thing really bothering me is her parents. They have been acting strange lately and I'm not quite sure why. I feel like they don't even like me anymore and don't want me dating their daughter any longer. They think that all we ever do is make out and our relationship is for lust not love. I think that we can be lustful because we love eachother so much, not the other way around. I just hope her parents don't persuade her into breaking up with me or something like that...

"How do you like our skeleton crew?"

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:: 2005 1 July :: 5.47 pm

What happened? I hope you didn't get in a lot of trouble. It seemed like to me she already knew. I'm so sorry. Maybe we should have called before eating, but oh well. Call me if you can. Te amo.

" My angel"

:: 2005 28 June :: 1.26 pm

What the fuck do I do? WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? God this world has it's morals fricked up. Well, my mom just admitted that she really feels like I am a failure as a child. I have failed and don't know what to do except cry. So I ran away from the conversation and cried outside on my back porch. I only have one shred of will to live. She even threatened to take that away from me. She threatened me to not see her for the rest of the summer. If she cuts that thread, I will give up.

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