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2004 13 June :: 10.43pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Your So Last Summer by: Taking Bak SUnday <33
mayb i shuld hate you for this...
--hmm...seems a lil pathetic that none of you can take the time to fill out that stupid lil survey like 2 or 3 entires ago. i mean a person i didnt even kno filled it. that rilly says alot about my "friends"...yeah luv u too guys..w/e.
-janelle-
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2004 13 June :: 2.50pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Sumone to Hold Me 2nite by:dreamstreet <33
i jus dont understand, cant help the way i feel, its crazy but its true...
wow. im must be psychic. like i said awhile ago in an entry..it was jus a matter of time until i fucked everything up.
well i think it happened. its pretty much over. or at least thats how it seems.
-god, sumtimes i wish no one culd read these. cuz then they are gunna be all like "oh janelle is such a drama queen omg shes so annoying blah blah blah". ------->
dont like it? then DONT READ IT! cuz im gunna say what i want and im not scared to say how i feel. i'd rather regret what i said than what i didnt say. so yeah....
but anyways,...i can add this to the list of guys where i ruined everything. hmm---mayb thats why it worked so well with dan, cuz i didnt rilly have much time to talk to him or think about him before he asked me out. it was just kinda surprising...same with scott m. hmmm-mayb i shuld jus take that approach from now on...
so yeah....thats it. ooh yeah and this---->
"Boys are stupid and very very fickle"
<33-janelle
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2004 13 June :: 2.44pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: This Time by: dreamstreet <33
i never meant to say its over...
well last nite me and camila went to sleep at like 3:30 and then...gustavo called. camila was about ready to kill him!! so i talked to him for like an hour. we ended up going to sleep at almost 5.
woke up at 1. lol. ate breakfast, 20 minutes later, ate lunch. lol. now im bored.
i changed the background again. i like it. its cute. quack! quack!
oooh! 2nite at 6, the AS TOLD BY GINGER MOVIE-"No Turning Back" is on. WATCH IT!!!
<33-janelle
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2004 13 June :: 1.37am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Cheers on Nick@Nite
where everybodie knows your name...
wow. tonite = complete craziness. lol.
went over camilas house did nothing. then went to ask her parents to take us sumwhere when we got hooked on watching sum "Year of the Walrus" special on the discovery channel that her dad was watching. it was funny.
then at like 9 we went to pik up julian from his friend davids house. we got there and they werent home. however, we did see these rilly cute guys!! hehe. then we went to the beach. we walked on the sand and went to the water. i had never seen the beach at nite. it was sooo pretty.
then we got a phone call from davids dad and they said they were at Pioneer Park...whatever the fuck that is. so we go there at like 10. it was sooooo friggin awesome. big ass PLAYGROUND hahha. it was like a castle. i felt like a princess. anywho after playing (i mean hanging) lol there we left. then went to blockbuster at like 11.
got a movie. went bak to camilas house and watched it. it was "Win A Date With Tad Hamilton". it was sooooo cute . i cried...alot! lol. but u kno, im a loser like that.
OMG! then rite after the movied, camila went into the kitchen and ran out screaming cockroach! cockroach! cockroach!. there was this big ass cockroach on the counter and it was alive. we ran screaming and jumped onto the couch. no one wanted to touch it so her mom went and got a can of bug spray. she was too scared to get ril close so she friggin sprayed like everywhere!! it was soo funni. then the cockroach started running on the floor and eventually julian killed it with a shoe. it was rilly funni. i couldnt stop laughing. but if u didnt find it funni, then i guess u had to be there. but it was scary cuz i have COCK-A-PHOBIA. lol!
well now im here...doing nothing and listening to camila read her diary to me. lol. well imma gunna end this now...later all!!
<33-janelle
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2004 10 June :: 10.53pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: fan in the background
w00sh w00sh w00sh!..
FILL in the BLANKS.
I ____ Janelle.
Janelle is ______.
If I were alone in a room with Janelle, I would _______.
Janelle needs ______.
I want to ____________ Janelle.
Janelle reminds me of _______.
Without Janelle, _______.
Janelle can be __________.
__________ is how I describe meeting Janelle.
Worst thing about Janelle is _________.
Best thing about Janelle is _________.
I am ________ with Janelle.
Janelle can ________ my ________ .
When I think about Janelle, I _________.
I ______ date Janelle.
--ha that was a fun and pointless survey thingy,
FILL IT OUT.....or else!!
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2004 10 June :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: white stripes
yay
w00t w00t! new eyeliner. :D
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2004 10 June :: 2.40pm
:: Mood: undecided
:: Music: A favor house atlantic by: Coheed and Cambria
*insert guitar solo here*
hmm...changed journal format once again. not sure if i like it.
comment on it por favor?
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2004 10 June :: 2.16pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: Pieces of Me by: ashlee simpson
with you i fall so fast, i can hardly catch my breath, i hope it lasts...
yeah. i dont remember what i was gunna update about. o well.
dad tells me this morning that mom said she refuses to make dinner if someone doesnt clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. she said SOMEONE and its automatically pinned on me. jus cuz i have to do them every saturday doesnt mean i shuld have to do them every time. why the hell cant u or brandon do them? he always tells me to do them. why doesnt everyone clean up tehre own mess? my whole family is a bunch of pigs and im expected to clean up after them? i dont think so.
and like i told my dad, i dont care we wont eat tonite then. im not doing the dishes. if worse comes to worse...ill go eat at camilas or alinas LoL.
00000 yeah! i got my report card yesterday...i got straight A's!! w00t w00t!! yay im soo happy. but i dont rilly like my cumlulative GPA. its only 3.83. that suxks. ill jus have to try harder next year to raise it. im still worried if i can handle 3 AP classes and 2 honors classes next year along with algebra II and psychology(sp?) . hmmm...im gunna have like no life next year. jus study study study. ahhhh.
shit moms home. i better go. peace.
<33-janelle
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2004 9 June :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Float On by: Modest Mouse
alrite, already we'll all float on now dont u worry..
today was okay. i woke up late. watched 7th heaven then went to alinas house. steph was there again. we didnt do anything spectacular. then leah came over.
then i went with camilas mom to pik her up from where she was babysitting. then she took us to the mall. we met up there with allison, brittany, kristin, sonia, and peter. it was pretty gay. camila got pissed at pretty much everyone and me and her ended up leaving them. we bought sandals and then her dad piked us up. it was rilly gay.----but ooooo ya...i saw Ori and Daniel at pac sun!!!! hehe.
now im bored and tired but i dont want to go to sleep. its too early. no ones talking to me rite now so yeah thats y im updating.
but yeah the summer shuldnt be too bad. gunna hang out with summ cool ppls sumtime (john, dan, johnny..) so yeah and im going to wisconsin in july. cant wait for that!!! yay!
well im out. later skater!!!
<3-janelle
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2004 8 June :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: productive
:: Music: full fouse
you got it dude!
today was fun. we went over alinas at like 2 and steph was there too. we ordered pizza and had a lil "party" cuz of...well u kno wat. and thenwe jus hung out. i got married to alina. haahahahaha.
then we went swimming at camilas house and the boys came and were being sucha a pain in the ass. then i had to go home. came bak and went swiming...AGAIN! then it got too coold...brrr... so we ran across the street into alinas pool which is heated. then we swam there for a while and saw danny and pepe.--aww hes soo adorable. even tho hes sucha an evil lil 4 year old! lol.
yeah. then we got out and everyone went home except me. im here now at alinas house watchin full house.
dunno what im doing tomorrow. probly nothing. camila is gunna be gone till 4 cuz she has to babysit.
well im still sitting in my wet bikini and im freezing cold! so imma go change. buh-bye!
<3-janelle
PS- ooooh yeah. i got my pics that i took on the last week of school developed!! they look sooo cute!!!! most of the are pics from p.e. class. man i loved that class. it was soo much fun and had soo many kickass people in it!! <33
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2004 8 June :: 1.47pm
:: Mood: proud
:: Music: n0thing
la la la la...
slept over camilas. went to sleep at like 3. woke up at 12. ate n00dles (haha weird i kno) and we are gunna go over alinas now so we can celebrate her "becoming a woman" lol. <33
i dont kno if i can do anything tonite and dilan is leaving for turkey tomorrow so tonite is the last time i can do sumthin with her for a loooong time. hopefully i can go :)
oooo its thundering again. i <3 the rain. hehe
..::LaTeR dAyS::..
<33-janelle
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2004 8 June :: 1.33am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: disney channel
happy 75th anniversary Mickey!
well today was...interesting to say the least. woke up at like 11. ate lucky charms..hehe and then eventually got ready.
i went with camila to the new skool for her guidance counselor meeting. HOLY SHIT! the skool is soooo fuckin BIG. i dont like how it looks either. its soo large and too symettrical. and too tan. haha. well me and julian were sittin in the waiting area thingy and sum guys and their mom sat down at the same lil table as us. damnn..one was pretty hot. lol. but anywho. then we left and ate at mcdonalds. hahaha stupid ass bird fell face first thru and bush. what a dumass!!!
then me and camila made plans with sean (the hot one not the annoying one) to meet him at the mall. we got there and rite after sean called to say him and 4 friends were in the mall looking for us...dan (my ex-bf) called to say he was here too. it was my mistake. i invited both thinking that at least one of them wuld cancel. but no0o0o0o...both show up. damn i have bad luck.
so we met up with dan first and then we were "sorta" looking for sean and all them and i called them several times and they wuld tell us where they were and we wuld go there and they werent there. so eventualy we said "screw 'em" and jus hung out with dan. then we left.
camilas dad took us to jamba juice. haha his had no bananas!!! LoL anywho...guess u had to be there. now i here at camilas sleepin over. been online for a loong time now. nobodies on anymore. its like 2 in the a.m. so yeah. im gunna go. later lovelies.<3
..::LaTeR dAyS::..
<3-janelle
--Aicha, Aicha,my my my...she moves, she moves like a breeze, i cant seem to get her out of my dreams...--HAHA that guy is soo fucking funny!!!!
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2004 7 June :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: amazed !
:: Music: ed rush and optical with skibadee and shabba - live at one nation
man ... if this isn't paradise i don't know what is ... free vegetables and incredibly cheap coca-cola ? all i need now is my amazing boyfriend and a few of my best friends and i'd never leave ... but as it is , even cheap medicine is not enough to keep me away from them . too bad , too . haha <3
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2004 7 June :: 12.04pm
:: Mood: completely confused
:: Music: Everytime by: Britney Spears
notice me....take my hand...
hmm...i thought about that entry last nite. and i think i have come up with 3 major reasons and a few lil minor ones.
1). the fact that its summer and i havent done shit and its soo boring that i wanna cry and then that makes me mad.
2). possibly a nopdopropewop (camila u kno), but it dunno actually im gunna try and forget bout that for awhlile and see what happens.
3). and im in "denial" as camila wuld say cuz i dont wanna accept the fact that im leaving tons of great friends next year.
but whatever. i personally think im overreacting jus cuz camila mentioned my change in behavior yesterday. however, it was nice to get all that off my chest and i thank you all for helping me yesterday (camila, kristin, andrew, gustavo--even tho u rilly didnt help, and sonia.) i <3 u all but if u dont mind, i would kinda like to drop this. thanxs.
<3-janelle
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2004 6 June :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Memory by:sugarcult
this may never start, we could fall apart...
ok here it is. the continuation to my last entry. this is gunna be me...saying exactly how i feel. no wim ur gunna be gay and think im overreacting ot w/e then leave...i dont need to deal with ur shit.
ok well everyone knows me as the funny, happy-go-lucky janelle. im always smiling and laughing. i seem like a pretty happy person rite?...wrong. for as long as i can remeber there has always been a side of me taht absolutely no one knew about. i kept it all bottled up inside of me. not even my mom knows and i tell her EVERYTHING.
lately i have been extra bitchy, depressed, emotional and the like. enuff for my friends to notice and be concerned. it mite have sumthin to do with the fact that i am, in my parents eyes, "the perfect child" i get mostly straight A's, honor roll, NHS, etc. i excell at everything i do. (i dont mean to brag) but u hear of stories of smart ass harvard ppl and stuff that end up eitehr addicted to a drug or dying of an overdose. its becuz of the lack of attention we get. after awhile of succeeding, people tend to care less and ur work goes unnoticed. for example,i have been working on this drawing for quite sum time and i finished it last nite and showed it to my mom,who said, and i quote, "wow. thatsnice. what do u want me to do now? frame it and hang it on the fridge?" wtf? no i dont expect that but a lil praise wuld be nice. jeez i fucking ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. thats all it is to sum ppl. its like "oh janelle got another A, big deal" but "oh look! bob finally got a B! yay go bob." it pisses me off.
also, i've had a i dont give a fuck and an i ahte everything attitude for awhile now. everytime sumone suggests sumthin i hate it. or i dont care. its starting to piss my friends off too cuz im "ruining" their fun. i dunno y this is. i never used to be like this. ...of course, i never was like this until i changed. well changed from prep to punk (if thats wut u wanna call me). camila thinks it may have sumthin to do with this but i dunno. like before i used to listen to britney spears, nsync etc. now its thurday, taking back sunday, dashboard confessional etc. all rock/punk rock bands. i dunno if this has anything to do with it but w/e.
i've been like rilly depressed and emotional too. the slightest thing throws me off and makes me wanna burst into tears. if sumone says sumthin it makes me mad, even if i kno that they are joking. if im talking to sumone online and tehy eitehr stop talking or dont talk as much, i get pissed off. its rilly gay. i have no reason to be like this. i mean my life is pretty good to say the least. i mean i have lots of awesome friends, a nice family, and everything in the guy department seems to be going pretty good too. but thats where i fuck it all up. i think wayy too much about the bad things. or the things that could go wrong. like he could stop liking me. i could annoy him and he'd move on. or nothing will ever happen and im wasting my time. or hes jus saying those things to be nice and he doesnt rilly mean it. some of those things aer kinda absurd but i think bout them so much that i actually start to believe them. now its not jus like this in the guy area. it happens everywhere. i think everything is going to get ruined in the end. i can never take sumthin for what it rilly is. also, i've been ril cranky towards my friends and parents. i've actually yelled at my dad alot. and i NEVER talk bak to my parents.
the biggest problem with this is im afraid of what could happen next. im afraid that it could lead to worser (is that a word) things. im scared that i'll end up like a lot of other ppl i kno and end up drinking, smoking , or self mutilating (thats cutting for u less literate ppl) myself in order to cope with my emotional pain. im also afraid this could lead to long term depression and stuff. now sum of u may think im overreacting bout this cuz ive always had wacky mood swings, but they never lsted this long. i mean yeah, it could be nothing more that a phase, but then again...it could be more.
i dunno if i shuld take camilas idea and try going bak to being preppy-er and less punk and see if that will make me happier. but in teh long run...wuldnt that make me a...poser? rite? ahh. i dunno .
i jus had to write this to get this out in the open. im soooo incredibly sick of keeping all this inside of me. im sick of hating everything. im sick of not caring. im sick of pissing my friends off. im sick of not trusting anything anyone says to me. im sick of being pessimestic about the best situations. im sick of not being appreciated. im sick of feeling like no one likes me. im sick of crying over the littlest things. im sick of feeling like no one cares....
im so sick of feeling this way. sumbodie help me...please.
-janelle-
all i want is to truly be happy once again. im sick of putting on a show to please people. i just want to be normal again. is that too much to ask?
---i dunno if i got my point accross...the first entry was better i think but it got deleted when my computer froze. grrr.
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