you may be seated.
Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away

As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there

liers and cheaters please take the stand.
see all those people on the ground
wasting time
i try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know

and now it seems that i have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all

On My Own

bitter emptiness, whats worse, the feeling of nothingless or the feeling of everything. when you are lied to it is horrible, but when the person doesnt tell you that he did is even worse. can you imagine being lied to and then the other guy you like telling you. you want to cry. or even die. its not plessent. and then all day long you are mad and all day long yyou dont smile. you have n evil look on your face. but when that certain someone says hi yo ujust want to kill him and when he is sitting with his girlfriend you just want to kill him. +its a horrible thought. bvut then you see the oterh guy, the nice guy, the guy who actually cares. and you have little butterflies in your stomach and all you want to do is be with him, yet he has a girlfriend. so thats out of the questien. and when you see your friends you think to yourself "what is wronge with me. all of my frends have at least 3 guys after them and i have none im just ugly and i hate myself" and thats the thoguht that is carried around with you, and thats the thought that will bring your self asteam down. and thats the thought that will make you unhappy. and to add to that thought your friend tells you plenty of guys like you and you find out none of them do. its a horrible feeling and that is exaclty what makes me cry. and thats the reason that makes me feel that this valentines day is going to be the worse valentines day in your life.

catch a falling star
well its been a long time. sure has. i havnt written in this dumb old journal for 1 month and 8 days. but iv been busy. yes i have. to start off with this little busy beaver formally known as sabrina, she has fallen totally and completely head over heals for micah, again. what shame it brings me to say such words. i also have a crush on Morgan, Sam's friend. i havnt seen kat for about 4 weeks now, soon it will be 5. only in school i have. and i await for my night and shinning armer to come and ask me out. the feeling of emptiness is horrible. i am left with nothing. nothing at all. i feel used, i mean on micahs birthday i myself went to his house to give him a shirt i had bought just before incidentally he wasn't home so i gave it to his sister. i also wrote him a birthday card. when he came back to school he didn't say anything to me. no thank you, thanks for coming over, would you go out with me. nothing just o hi. and its funny cause he says i should talk to him more in school. why cant he stop these foolish games and stay with a girl. i mean he asked Barbara out, desspite the fact he said he didn't want a girlfriend. i think he is a bullshitter and i hate it. i sometimes want to shrivel up and die. on the spot. i mean my life is almost perfect except for the fact i dont have him. i mean no other guy completes me. and if he only understood, boy if he only understood.i mean i have expressed my feelings before yo him but where has that gotten me so far? exactly no where. so know i am left with no other option but to give up and stop "waiting and hoping for the best" IM sick of it. iv waited 6 months and still nothing has happened just as a wise person once told me "if he really liked you he would have asked you out by know" but obviously when he says he does like me he doesn't mean it. he's a bullshitter and i cant stand it! when life throws me a course of action i shall use it. but until then i will just throw my cards down and let the world see my feelings. i suppose that's the best way.

when will the truth reviel itself?
when will the ruth reveil itself?! who knows..i always tell katheirne im over HIm but who knows if i am, i mean paulina always says shes over billy but i know thats not true..lol..i mean kat knows me better then i know myself...and when im lieng she can tell its obviouse...i mean tonight we were at kezas and we were talking about who we liked and i said im kinda over him cause i like someone else...and she was like no your not and i told her i thgouhgt about it and i know i am and what she said was right...you dont even know what you thought about and you dont know what you want...i dont its true..i just want to know the truth...i mean kat undertsands when i say i like that special person but i dont know what to do about my feelings cause hes umm...older then me by 4 1/2 years lol..i mena i was thinking and from what she tells me about him he is the perfect guy! litteraly! except the age part..but if he is the perfect guy then he will think this.....i like her, she likes me, shes cool and im comfertable around her...she doesnt act like shes 12 she acts older, and i think that maybe we could " go out" but keep it quite and when we are older we can share it to the public...thats what i would hope for..no prey for! but im not so sure that will happen...only time will tell i suppose....
im out cause im hungry..-sabby
p.s you will understand this more then anyone kat

2003 i like the sounds of that..
last night....woah! it was fun! first kat and i went to toms party, and tom asked me out (kinda as a joke) and so from now on we call each other boyrfriend and girlfriend, and when kat said to tom, maybe when you and sabrina break up we can go out, and he goes we will never break up and looked at me and i was like ahahahah it was soo funny! but i have to remeber its a joke, unfortunatly, casue hes soo cute and nice, from what i know and heard..it sucks that hes SO much older then me, hes 17 im 12...kinda sucks! but hes like 4 1/2 years older...maybe one day?! ahha the famous words! there funny! and then after toms party we cam hoime at 1:30 and watched fight club with jeff till 3:45 and then we talked untill like 4:45 and then we went outside and walked jeff to the foront of the neiborhood and his brother came storming up screaming at him and tok him home wiht his mom, and then kjat and i went back to her hosue and talked until 6 and then wet to bed, and then in the morning lawrence came in and woke us up..at 1:25 lol we would ahve slept longer to! haha good times, and then tomorrow kt might come over and friday we will chill then on tuesday its back to schoo...kinda sucky thoguht..i mean i didnt even do mah science fair project! haha o well like i care! teehee...man im a funny one! but hey im tired! lol im out lata x0x0- mulet man (as jaimie (mah sister) would say!)

what a day
man today and yesterday where just chill days for me... since oday and yesterday i was sick all id di was stay home the whole night..fun fun...but i feel refreshed and i cant wait till tomorrow night! im going to mah women kats house! o yea! fun fun! and im sleeping over! and hopefully we will sneekout i mena only if that dipshit doesnt fall asleep at 10! haha loser! i love her though!im out -sabby

wow, i never knew i would see those colors withough being high..
everything is spinning in circles, i cant think straight, i dont even know what im typing. im sick. yes sick. but sick in wo ways, the first way is im sick by i cant breath and im sneezing and coughing alot.the other way im sick is im sick of my friends. yes all of my firends..even my best friends. i wish i could sleep forever and not have to deal with there lieng and yelling and being annoying and acting like they have no idea what is going on and like they didnt do anything, also im sick of my friends making a big deal of nothing. its redicioulas. what is it with people now a days? is everything to them a big joke? i think so. and i hate how people play with my mind. im not even going to get mad because im sick and right now i could care less about myself...nothing matters anymore, nothing fazes me anymore. i could break my leg and lose my pants, and i still wont get mad or anything. ill just act like nothing happened. and your probably thinking..man shes f***ed up, but really im just sick. lol thats what you get.. trust me...not fun ...not fun at all...! but im going to go watch life as a house later
<3-sabby

i love you and goodbye..
i love you and goodbye! i wish i could sy those five words to HIM and all of my friends! just get the fck out of florida and get away from all of my so called friends...BULLSHIT and lies i ahte them! all of my friends, every single one of them gives me bullshit! drama, lies, and doesnt shut the fuck up about "you ditched me " shit! i dont know if any of them know this but i could give a shit! i hope they do! because when some of my friends come up to me all i hear is o this gurl said this and this gurl said that! why cant they shut the fuck up! like when eden and paulina where in a fight! i just told them both! " shut the fuck up and forget about this whole thing! you two are to good of friends to fight!" and to my surprise there friends! i mean they where saying such mean things to each other! hw can someone say what they did t each other , and then be friends the next day!? its mind bottling!!! but when i have a problem with one of my friends it wont be oversomething stuiped! its will be over something that has been bugging me for a while! im out--sabby

a babys first christmas
yes you guessed it, its my first christmas, fun fun fun...i am having alote of fun, am spending time with my second family.and this mornng we opened presents..and i got alote of cute stuff! it sucks cause i dont celebrate christmas so i cant invite kayla over, but next year, on hannuka i will deffienetly invite her!alrighty im out x0x0 merry christmas...seasons greeting! (hahaha kat! mcdoindalds!)

a wise man once said...
a wise man once said "life is like a box of chocolate, you'll never know what your going to get". its true. no one does. whe your born you dont know what your religion will be, or what you will look like or what is ahead in life for you. i mean yes, im jewish, and i love celebrating the holidays, but just because i want to put christamas lights in my room my dad totally freaked out! i mean hes a plain old asshole! old fashioned! but whatever im not mad!, man toay i saw the hot chick wif paulina! it was awsome! i loved it! im deffinetly going to buy it! when it comes out of course! ling ling! hahahahahahh and you can keep your weed in there too,....where do you keep your weed? o thats a good place ill have to get one of those! haha i love it!im out

IM not suposed to love you, IM not suposed to care, IM not suposed to live my life wishin you were there, IM not suposed to wonder where you are or what you do, sorry i just couldnt help myself....I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!---kayla